Fear

Trauma

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I recently attended a women’s retreat, and when one of the speakers asked how many of us had experienced sexual trauma during our lives, almost every person there raised their hand. I was shocked. I had my hand up too, and realized that I have gone through my life not talking to anyone about what occurred to me as a 16-year-old. Though I hadn’t shared this information, it affected me deeply and changed the course of my life.

I wonder why so many of us don’t talk about traumatic experiences. My experience caused years of fear, worry, doubt, and lack of self-esteem. I escaped my feelings by throwing myself into busy-ness, trying to somehow prove that I was a good person though I am not sure I believed it myself. When I finally got into a great relationship, things started to turn around as I experienced true love and respect for the first time. I am sure this came because I had finally learned to love and respect myself.

How are you? Would you raise your hand if you were asked if you experienced trauma? If you would and you haven’t dealt with it, deal with it now. Start by writing yourself a letter listing all the good things about you. Are you kind? Are you happy? Are you reliable? Are you funny? Are you compassionate? Keep writing until you have a good long list. Thank yourself for all that is good and even great about you. Write your favorite examples of things you do that make you and others smile. Keep writing until you have a good, long letter describing the beautiful, wonderful person you are.

Keeping a journal is another way you can keep in touch with the special person you are. Make note of the kindness you extend to others. Keep track of the special things you do. Plan ahead for the wonderful things you are accomplishing. Notice your beautiful smile as you catch your reflection in a mirror.

Also, be sure to remove yourself from situations that can lead you in a negative direction.  If this proves hard for you, you may want to seek professional counselling. You are worth it.

When I was younger, I felt stuck in the life I thought I had to live. Now I’ve learned to live my best life, making healthy choices, and helping others along the way. You can do this too. Enjoy the process!

 

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

My email is [email protected]

Let me know if you’d like to receive my newsletters which have lots of good things!

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You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.

 

Love Everybody

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Right now, in our country and our world, there is much uncertainty, anger, hate, and fear, and that’s no way to live. The good news is there are steps we all can take to improve this situation.

When dealing with grief, people generally are focusing on themselves which is understandable. So, dealing with the strife that seems endemic at present can be overwhelming. Finding a way to focus on others who could use help and doing something positive can make a difference.  You can start small. When your neighbor isn’t feeling well, take their dog for a walk, or when you make cookies, make extra to share with a friend. Every step you take helps you to move forward through your grieving.

On an even bigger scale, do things to reach more people. I know when you read some of these suggestions that you may resist doing them. I can hear people say, “I can’t do that!” But you can. The key is to focus on all the love and all the good in the world. Here are some keys to follow:

  • Forgiveness. Some transgressions are so huge that the thought of forgiveness is hard to swallow. However, what good comes from holding a grudge against someone for what they have done? When you sincerely forgive someone, you can let go of what has happened.
  • Gratitude. Focus on all that’s good in your life. Every day, write down at least five things you are grateful for. The more things you write, the better you’ll feel, guaranteed!
  • Kindness.  Make being kind a practice in all that you do from the words you speak, to the hugs you give, and to the generosity you share. Think about how good you feel when someone is kind to you, then strive to share that feeling.
  • Happiness. Start by smiling. People are experiencing so much tension that there aren’t a lot of smiles out there right now. Smile at someone till they smile back at you. Babies and toddlers love to reflect your smile, so it is easy to start there, but try it with grownups too.
  • Love.  I know you love the people you are closest to, and that’s great.  The key is to love everybody else too. Imagine if there was no hate in the world. There would be no war, no violence, no crime. Wouldn’t that be amazing? Together, we can make that happen.

Start today. Your love can change the world.

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

My email is [email protected]

Let me know if you’d like to receive my newsletters which have lots of good things!

You can listen to my podcast here.

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance Gatherings which meet weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.

 

Fear

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So many of us experience different levels of fear throughout our grieving. Initially, the fear of being alone or just missing our loved one is almost universal. As time goes on, many more fears can arise like fear of being able to pay the bills or fear of losing contact with our friends. Right now, in United states, many of us are having great fear of the changes our country is experiencing. So, what can we do about all this fear?

I heard a definition of fear that makes sense to me: “False Evidence Appearing Real.” In the case of the fear of being alone, what can you do about that? We may find ourselves cocooning by staying by ourselves, not answering the phone, the door, or the mail. When this happens, your friends may tire of trying to contact you, and they may stop trying. The solution to this is to start responding to their efforts. And if they have stopped, then it is time for you to respond to them. Invite them to go on a walk with you, or to have coffee, or just stop by for a visit. They are most likely with be happy to hear from you.

If you are concerned about your bills, please don’t ignore them. I didn’t realize that my mother had stopped paying her bills because her brain tumor had affected her capacity to realize she had bills to pay. This turned into a big mess. Fortunately, I did discover what was happening and was able to work things out. While your loved ones are able, check to see that they are taking care of their finances or if they need some help. And for you, be sure that someone you would like to help you knows where all your records are so they can help you. I was so glad that my Aunt let me know where all of her records were when she chose me to be her durable power of attorney for when the time came that was needed. Who would you like to do that for you? Be sure that person knows.

There are many things that can cause you to fear. The political situation in our country right now is a big concern. What you can do right now is pay attention to what is happening. If we ignore the changes that are happening, this could be dangerous. Instead of worrying or thinking there is nothing we can do, instead choose to be kind. Choose to be positive. Choose to not get sucked into the fear that is rising. Focus on your vision of the country and the world you would like to see. Then move forward in living your best life and helping where you can.

Making our living situation the best it can be is up to us. Release any fear you are feeling and focus on what is best for us all.

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

My email is [email protected]

Let me know if you’d like to receive my newsletters which have lots of good things!

You can listen to my podcast here.

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance Gatherings which meet weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.

The World’s In Need of Love Today

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I woke up with a song running through my head, but I couldn’t place it. I finally remembered that it was on a Stevie Wonder album that Ron had given to me years ago. I had trouble finding it because I remembered the name of it incorrectly. The actual title is Love’s in Need of Love Today, and I was singing it to myself as The World’s in Need of Love Today. I’m sure that happened because that’s how I’ve been feeling.

In our country and around the world, much upheaval is occurring and people are experiencing fear, anger, hate, greed, and grief. Those are words I generally don’t say, and to shift my mood into positivity, I looked at Stevie Wonder’s lyrics of the song:

 

Love’s in need of love today
Don’t delay
Send yours in right away
Hate’s goin’ ’round
Breaking many hearts
Stop it please
Before it’s gone too far, yeah

…

We all must take
Precautionary measures
If love and peace you treasure
Then you’ll hear me when I say

…

Love’s in need
Of love today
Don’t delay
Right away
Just give the world love

 

Listen here

 

The lyrics that are so powerful to me are “Just give the world love.” That could rise all of us everywhere up if we could all just focus on that.

I started thinking of other songs we could all sing and support bringing up that positive energy. My friend Sadie suggested:

 

What the World Needs Now by Bert Bacharach and Hal David and originally sung by

Jackie DeShannon. Listen here.

Then I remembered Josh Groban’s version of The Impossible Dream by Mitch Lee. Listen here.

 

My most recent new favorite is Brighter Day by Michael Franti. I love his music! Listen here.

 

What songs can you think of that can help us all focus on love and peace? I’d love for you to share the songs you think of in the comments below.

 

The more people in the world who focus on love, peace, and happiness, the more of that we all can share.

 

 

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

My email is [email protected]

Let me know if you’d like to receive my newsletters which have lots of good things!

You can listen to my podcast here.

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance Gatherings which meet weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.

 

Change

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The Greek philosopher Heraclitus, 540 B.C., is accredited with the quote “There is nothing permanent except change.” And the concept of a desire for change has been constant ever since, and probably before that too. When a U.S. presidential campaign occurs, it seems that once every four years the country focuses on changes the people see as essential at the time.

I remember when I was in high school, I wore a button on my jacket that said, “Make Love, Not War.” The friends I spent time with and I believed that if we all focused on ending war, that could happen. And look at the world now. That giant change we desired still hasn’t occurred.

When Obama won the election, his theme was, “CHANGE we can believe in.” That fostered so much hope. And positive changes were made, yet still not everyone believed in those changes.

I will never forget the discussion my husband Ron and I had when the winner was declared for the 2016 presidential election. He said for me to watch because that election was going to bring changes that time. At that point, I had no idea what that would mean. The changes that came at that time were the antithesis of the changes I longed for.

Now we are at the precipice of change yet again. There is so much on our ballots now beyond just the decision of who our next president will be. At this time, voting is essential for us to experience the change we desire.

Please vote to express the change you want to see.

 

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

My email is [email protected]

Let me know if you’d like to receive my newsletters which have lots of good things!

You can listen to my podcast here.

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance Gatherings which meet weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.

Deal With It!

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I used to feel like I had things hanging over my head.  I knew I would feel better when the tasks were complete, and the longer I put them off, the heavier they would get.

Recently I was working on organizing my storage room. I was motivated to get it done so that I would easily be able to know all that was there as well as what wasn’t there that I thought I was storing.  As I thought about how wonderful it would feel for those tasks to be complete, something was always holding me back.

Finally, I defined one task at a time to tackle and got started. I cleaned out and organized a drawer. In that drawer, I found a stack of old pictures I thought I had lost.  In it there were several pictures of when my children were young. My daughter had asked me a few years ago about a picture I took of her when she was a baby.  She was laying on her tummy on a foot stool and it looked like she was happily trying to fly.

I was thrilled to find that picture that I was sure had disappeared forever. Other cherished photos were also in that pile.  I took a picture of that photo and texted it to my daughter. She was thrilled to see it! I ended up texting one picture at a time so we could talk about them, and we were able to share the whole stack while having a wonderful conversation.

Organizing that one drawer made it easier to clean out the next one.  I am still working on the whole room, but I am not overwhelmed now and am happily making new discoveries along the way.

Especially while grieving, we can talk ourselves out of starting tasks that will ultimately allow us to move forward in the process of our grief.  What task have you been putting off? You may have piles or paperwork, thank you notes that need to be written, or other chores that have been weighing on you.  My suggestion is that you make a date for yourself with whatever task you have been putting off.  Then show up at the designated time and start right in, working through the job at a pace that feels right for you.   I know you’ll be so glad you did!

 

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

My email is [email protected]

Let me know if you’d like to receive my newsletters which have lots of good things!

You can listen to my podcast here.

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance Gatherings which meet weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.