grief

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Widow’s Fire

August 9, 2026 by Emily Thiroux

I recently learned a grief related term that I hadn’t heard of before and realized that is probably because widow’s may be unlikely to talk about it. Widow’s Fire can be defined as an intense longing for physical intimacy which can be experienced by both women and men who are grieving the death or absence of a loved one. I am sure most of us in that category are likely to experience this on some level.

While this experience is perfectly normal, in can result in a broad variety of feelings ranging from sweet memories to guilt or fear. The key to dealing with these feelings is to be gentle with yourself. If you had a loving, fulfilling relationship, focus on that. You may want to spend some time watching romantic movies or reading books focusing on love and kindness. I love to write in my journal about special memories when I felt good. I also will write love letters to my husband, and sometimes wright letters back to me from him.

At times you may feel intense feelings longing for the real thing. If this is you, please be careful. I have seen people rush into relationships with people who they don’t know well who end up hurt and taken advantage of. I speak from experience that you can fall in love again and have a beautiful relationship. You can also have a “no strings attached” relationship if both of you are perfectly clear with your intentions.

Know that you can turn to a qualified grief counselors to talk about your feelings if you want guidance on what works best for you. Remember to not judge yourself or others who are seeking help to deal with these unfamiliar feelings. And always take the very best care of yourself.

Feelings

July 5, 2026 by Emily Thiroux

An old song from 2003 written by Bobby Solo sometimes gets stuck in my head:

Feelings, nothing more than feelings,

Trying to forget my,

Feelings of love

It’s a sad song about living without the lover he no longer has. Many times, relationships end before both people in the couples ar ready. The best way to avoid this situation is to spend time to nurture the relationships the from the start.

Taking care of relationships while both people are healthy is wonderful, but we aren’t always that lucky. If you are in a position where you are both feeling pretty good, take advantage of that, and if you have children still living with you or close by, involve them too.

Often, we get too busy to take good care of ourselves and our loved ones. Don’t let that happen to you. Time flies by so quickly! Find ways to make the most of your times together. Schedule a family game night or dinners or a dessert party. Or have creative times together where you plant seeds or plants in your gardens, or barbeque and make homemade ice cream with peaches from off your trees.

You can also plan short or long trips together or just learn more about common interests. Maybe you could learn fly fishing or deep-sea fishing. Maybe you could teach each other how to make ceramic pots, or homemade pasta, or maybe you could take dance classes, or audition for a local theatre production.

Remember how short life is and find ways to just have fun! Spending life loving your family and friends is so worth it!

Dream

June 18, 2026 by Emily Thiroux

Dreams that come while sleeping come in an unlimited variety. They can be from memories, from desires, from sadness, from joy, or from and entirely unknown source. They range from terrifying to incredible happiness. While they can affect our lives in some ways, the more powerful dreams that we have come from while we are awake.

In the daylight we can actively dream about whatever we want to. We can create in our mind the life we would love to live, then go on to create that life. I dreamed when I was in college that I would be a writer. I planted that seed when I was in a writing class. At the time, I didn’t judge that dream, and I didn’t dwell on it, but it remained in my mind occasionally reminding me to write a bit about something.

Ironically, before I did much writing, I was hired to teach a writing class at the community college. I learned much about writing, and about what not to write, by grading endless writing assignments. And I stared writing more myself. I’d dream in my journal about what I would love to do and how I loved to do whatever that was, and it frequently changed. And I loved teaching writing so much that I was hired to teach writing at a university.

One dream came true in an unexpected way. I had a representative of Prentice Hall Publishing drop by my office one day to convince me to order a book he was selling for my class. I told him he didn’t have anything I wanted. Startled, he said “What do you want?” I described to him how I was frequently the only person who was not from a different country or different culture. All the books he offered were by old, white men. My students needed writing examples from a variety of people. He said “That’s just what we’ve be looking for! Will you write it for us?” I said yes, and my textbook writing career began.

That little seed I’d planted years before had started to grow without me even realizing it. I’ve gone on to write 5 more books after that, taught writing at a university for 30 years, and now I encourage people to write through their grief to bring them comfort and realize happiness.

What dreams have you dreamed that have come true? What dreams are you dreaming about now? Whatever your dreams are, write them in your journal and maybe even tell a friend. The more you focus on a dream, the more likely it is to come true. There is no limit to what to dream about. Just dream.

Dream bigger than you can ever imagine.

Vagueness

June 12, 2026 by Emily Thiroux

We’ve all heard “Whatever happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas,” but I heard “Whatever happens in vagueness, stays in vagueness,” and that made me think. Am I living in vagueness? In early grief I certainly was.

I remember that even though I live on Maui with radiant tropical flowers and spectacular sunsets, everything seemed grey and lifeless. What had been my favorite foods had little taste. When people talked around me, their words seemed to run together and not related to anything in particular. I sometimes turned the television on just for background noise, and that’s all it was: noise.

After a while, I started realizing that not paying attention to the world and beauty wasn’t serving me, and that I was the only one who could do something about that. I started going on walks, just around the neighborhood. I made it my goal to discover something I had not seen before every time I went out. I would take time with that. I smelled the fresh fragrances and took pictures on my phone of the vibrant colors.

I also started eating different foods like the tropical fruits at the Farmer’s Market. I played different music genres and found a wide variety of music I enjoyed that I was surprised by. As time passed, I found myself talking to different people than I had known before and contacting old friends too.

As I acclimated to my now solo life, I saw that it was more lovely than I thought it would be. The color returned as the vagueness floated away. The color came back to my cheeks and I even started smiling. Grief takes time, but with patience, we can move back out into the sunlight.

Are you living in vagueness, or you ready to smell the flowers?