Happiness

Peace Above the Clouds

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In the last year I have traveled more than I have for a long time. Because I live on an island, traveling includes flying. I always choose the window seat because I love the view. When I travel long distances, that view is generally looking down at the top of the clouds and out at the crystal blue sky. As those around me pull down their window shades to stare at their screens, to play games, to watch movies, or to work, I find peace by enjoying the beauty I discover above the clouds.

I love to meditate, and finding a peaceful place to not be disturbed isn’t always easy. I used to think that I had to be in complete silence to enter a deep meditative state, but lately I notice that including soft music in the background guides me to the perfect peace I am seeking. I don’t include any songs with words because my monkey mind loves to sing along.

When I am not traveling somewhere, I can easily find this peace at home in an upright chair by putting my feet flat on the floor, tuning into into that soft music, and drifting off to that incredibly beautiful and peaceful place above the clouds. Then I silently repeat to myself the Dali Lama’s Loving Kindness Meditation:

May I be happy

May I live in peace

May all things work together for good for me

May I be loved

I repeat his words like a mantra until I am totally at ease. At this point, I can sit in silence for as long as I am moved to, or I may focus on a word like joy, peace, or love. This exquisite experience allows me to be centered and open to all that is good in my life. I can stay at this point, or I can choose to focus on an issue I am dealing with, a question I would like an answer to, or all that I am grateful for.

Where is your peaceful place, or will you create one? Do you meditate, or are you starting your own practice? What benefits do you look forward to as you take time for yourself every day? Celebrate your uniqueness and take the best care of your precious self.

 

 

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

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It’s About Time

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Taking a bite of a stale piece of bread is so disappointing. Going stale easily sneaks up on you, or actually, it snuck on me, without my noticing. Since my husband Jacques died 20 years ago and my husband Ron died 9 years ago, I’ve lost other relatives and friends too and became immersed in helping others deal with grief and find happiness at the same time. While I am thrilled to find my purpose in doing all that entailed, I realize I’ve become a bit of a bore.

In the last year I have started broadening my horizons. I love to write and continue to write my blog every week and write our Grief and Happiness Newsletter. I also facilitate our weekly writing group with help from my friends Judy and Phil. Yet I found myself yearning for freshness, and I am so glad I did. I attended a women’s retreat with Karen Drucker on Kaua’i. I spent a week with my dear friends Fontaine and Michael.

And my dear friend Charmin came to visit me on Maui. I attended to business at my Ambulance company in California. I went on a cruise to Alaska with old and new friends. I started attending a gathering of friends who paint watercolors together, and another group of friends who go to theatre and concerts together.

This year I am planning a fabulous concert with my great friend Rickie Byars in Maui and am planning a beautiful retreat with my good friend Michael Sudman on the Big Island of Hawaii. And Sadie Beil and I are ramping up for our next From Mouring to Light international summit on Zoom with great new guests and topics.

As I write this blog, I am flying back from Pacentro and Rome in Italy where I went to celebrate a big birthday with Sadie and meet some new, great friends: Greg, Mel, Pietro, Karen, and Will. Besides a delightful birthday party, we went on spontaneous adventures like visiting the snow, cooking great food together, discovering new coffee drinks, and best of all having deep, meaningful talks as we got to know each other while we lived together in a Medieval village on the side of a mountain! Pieotro, Sadie’s husband, introduced us to so much to see and we discovered Rome from an Italian’s perspective instead of like tourists.

I am sharing all this to encourage you to think about what you are doing. What have you always wanted to do? Who do you want to do something with? Where do you want to go?  I encourage you to write in your journal exploring these questions. I’ve got a concert, a retreat, and a summit I would like to see you come to. And the Grief and Happiness Alliance Nonprofit Organization is gearing up a membership drive we could use help with as well as other fun plans.

So, dream big. Make a plan. Create new experiences and make new friends! And have so much fun doing what you want to! You can always feel even better than you do right now!

 

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

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What Are You Thinking?

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Do you pay attention to your thinking? Letting your thoughts run wild is so easy to do. I just misspelled every word in the last sentence and had to go back to correct them. This caused a change of direction in my thoughts. I was thinking so quickly that my typing fingers couldn’t keep up. Then I looked out the window and started thinking about how all the birds in the yard seemed to be in pairs, so what does a bird do when its partner dies? That thought took me down a rabbit trail of ideas until I realized that it didn’t have anything to do with what I was writing here, so I started thinking again.

Does your brain do this too? The challenge of controlling your thoughts is something we all deal with. Did you know that your thoughts are energy? When you are tired or listless, chances are that your thoughts reflect that. They just float in different directions and don’t help you much. But when you are fully rested and energized you can be at your highest creativity. If you are struggling with your job and think there must be something better you can do, if you just wallow in that thought, you won’t find an answer. However, if you realize that you truly desire a change, you can use that positive energy to discover what your next step is and take that step.

What does this have to do with grief? Often while grieving, our thoughts float in so many directions that we get confused. When that happens, moving forward is difficult. When that happens, try writing about your thoughts. Write at the top of the page what is bothering you most like finances, caring for your children, dating, being able to keep you house clean, getting a job, being lonely, or feeling sad. Then set a timer for 10 minutes to write everything you can think about that one subject. When you finish, read what you wrote and notice what stands out to you the most.

After you read what you wrote, choose which of the things you wrote about is your biggest issue. Now write again, this time about the issue on the list that troubles you the most. Now write a list of what you can do or where you can find help with this issue. Then do something positive and constructive about this issue. This writing technique works. The process of writing about things helps bring organization to your issues which allows you to then address your issues methodically.

When you just think about all the issues that are bothering you, this leads to confusion and difficulty in acting on any of these issues. When you use a formulaic writing technique like this, you can hold on to your ideas and use them to help you move forward. I also highly recommend daily journal writing to help you retain your ideas which can so easily slip away from you while you are grieving.

Get out your pen and write! Start today!

 

 

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

Grief and Happiness Handbook

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Grief and Happiness weekly Free Gatherings

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Believe

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Did you know that there is so much you can do if you believe you can? So many times, we can sabotage the dreams we have by not believing in ourselves. This often happens while we are grieving because it may feel like our world is falling apart because nothing is the same. The good news is that you can change your situation when you believe you can.

This morning a dear friend told me that she decided she needed a bigger house. On the day she decided, she ran into a friend who had a bigger house to rent, so she easily found exactly what she needed. I’ve done that too. My husband and I bought three houses in the time we were together. For each one, we wrote a list of exactly what we wanted in detail, and within a week each time, we found exactly what we needed at a price we could afford. For two of those houses, we even made a huge profit on the sale of the house we had been living in.

Your belief can make things happen, but what you want won’t just fall into your lap. Your actions and words must be in alignment to ensure the outcome you desire. Let’s say you want to be an artist. First you must decide what kind of artist you want to be. Then you must learn how to master that technique. Then you must discover how to display your work so your intended audience can see it. Nothing is so simple as just saying you want something.

After my husband died, I had a friend who was persistent in asking me if I was dating, and I always said no. Finally, I thought there must be a reason she was doing this. I was hesitant because my husband who died was so wonderful, I didn’t think it was possible to find anyone else I would want to be with. To prove that to myself, I made a list of all the traits and accomplishments anybody I would go out with must have. The list was long and detailed. I finally went on Match.com, and I was right. Just about every person did not fill many items on my list, but one did. I was shocked as I checked off every item on my list, and he even had more items that were wonderful. I was so glad that I stopped being stubborn and allowed myself to find my new husband.

How would you design the life you want to live? What makes you feel good and happy? Take some time to explore in writing what, where, and how you want to be. Use specific details. As I sit on my lanai enjoying a cool breeze, the many bird songs, and the view of two sides on the island of Maui, I am grateful to believe in myself which allowed me to create the miraculous life I love.

 

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

Grief and Happiness Handbook

Grief and Happiness weekly Free Gatherings

[email protected]

Dream Builder Life Coach

Life Master Consultant

Happiness — Pass it On!

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Today there seems to be lots of bad or negative news circulating.

Here is some good news for you to brighten your day!

  1. I get lots of very tasty apple bananas from my trees. What fresh fruit are you enjoying?
  2. My friend Michael Reed just published a book, The Owl and the Ladybug, a gentle, beautifully illustrated story created to help children begin making sense of grief, sadness, or loss in a way that feels safe, calm, and reassuring. I am happy to see this special book is available to help 4- to 10-year-olds. What’s the best, positive book you have read recently?
  3. I just went with friends to see an excellent production of the play The Revolutionists at the Maui Academy of Performing Arts. I loved being able to see a production so beautifully done. What is something you have done lately that you really enjoyed?

Join me in spreading some joy!

  1. Email the answers to my questions to me to bring me some happiness! emilyemail
  2. Write a list of three items of good news you are enjoying today. Send your list to at least three of your friends. I’d love to be one of them!
  3. In your journaling every day, write 3 things that make you happy.

Before you share something negative with your friends, stop and think of something beautiful or positive you could share instead.

Let’s start a Happiness Revolution together! Let’s see how many smiles we can inspire!

Adapt

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Jane Goodall wrote in The Book of Hope that for species to survive on earth they must adapt or they will parish. This applies to people just like every other species, and the hardest incidence of adaptation is how we react when facing grief.

I invite you to consider this. When a loved one dies, their absence is difficult to adapt to. One moment they are here, then they are gone. I have been with many people when they transitioned and have felt the profound shift when their bodies become still. Their physical body is there, but it no longer functions in any way.

The adapting comes as we learn to notice their physical absence. You can no longer feel the warmth of their hugs or the touch from their hands. They no longer sit at the dinner table with you. You can’t go for walks together. You can’t hear their voice. So how can you possibly adapt?

You may feel like your life stops when theirs did, but you are still here. Now is time for you to decide how you can live your best life. To adapt means you discover how to move forward. In doing so, you are not forgetting your loved ones. You simply shift to holding them always in your heart. That way they are always with you in whatever you do.

Adapt by focusing on the air your get to breathe, on the beauty you get to enjoy, and the lives of others you get to touch. Adapt by discovering what you can contribute to the world, how you can discover people who you love, and how you can serve others.

Choosing to live a full life, however you define that, allows you to move forward with love and joy every moment, every day. Your life is what you make it.

 

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

Grief and Happiness Handbook

Grief and Happiness Cards

Grief and Happiness weekly Free Gatherings

[email protected]

Dream Builder Life Coach

Life Master Consultant