Happiness

Smile

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While dealing with, grief we often forget to smile. We aren’t noticing things that are still there that we would have smiled about in the past. An easy way to deal with this issue is to be mindful.

I noted that I wasn’t feeling very happy lately, so I started paying attention to my surroundings, and immediately, I had much to smile about. My friend was visiting, and I noticed she had on a really cute dress that I hadn’t seen before. When I complimented her, she smiled and did a few model poses, and I smiled right back at her. That felt so good, and it was easy.

Later I was sitting where I could see my back yard. There is so much to look at, and I was amazed at the beauty of ever-changing view. I remembered that last year I had the huge avocado tree harvested and I was able to donate the half a ton of avocados to several food banks who feed the hungry. That made lots of people happy. The tree is heathy, beautiful, and strong, and I smiled at knowing we will have lots to donate again this year.

After this beautiful day, I wrote in my journal creating a smile list include some of the things that make me happy like these:

  • Painting watercolors
  • Baking cookies
  • Watching puffy white clouds float by
  • Watching the sun rise or set
  • Seeing rainbows
  • Hearing the neighborhood children laugh and play
  • Writing letters to friends
  • Getting and giving a hug with a friend
  • Smelling fresh laundry when it comes out of the dryer
  • Listening to many kinds of music
  • Playing with my neighbor’s dog

I could go on and on. I am sure you can relate to many of the items on my list, and I am sure you have many of your own. Now is a good time to write a smile list in your journal. Make it as long as you can and be sure to leave room to include more things as you think of them. Notice how you feel as you write the list. You will probably have lots of smiles, and a few tears may sneak in too. Take good care of yourself as you write your list.

Whenever you start to feel down, return to this page in you journal to help you to remember you how beautiful your smile is.

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

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Feelings

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An old song from 2003 written by Bobby Solo sometimes gets stuck in my head:

Feelings, nothing more than feelings,

Trying to forget my,

Feelings of love

It’s a sad song about living without the lover he no longer has. Many times, relationships end before both people in the couples ar ready.  The best way to avoid this situation is to spend time to nurture the relationships the from the start.

Taking care of relationships while both people are healthy is wonderful, but we aren’t always that lucky. If you are in a position where you are both feeling pretty good, take advantage of that, and if you have children still living with you or close by, involve them too.

Often, we get too busy to take good care of ourselves and our loved ones. Don’t let that happen to you. Time flies by so quickly! Find ways to make the most of your times together. Schedule a family game night or dinners or a dessert party. Or have creative times together where you plant seeds or plants in your gardens, or barbeque and make homemade ice cream with peaches from off your trees.

You can also plan short or long trips together or just learn more about common interests. Maybe you could learn fly fishing or deep-sea fishing. Maybe you could teach each other how to make ceramic pots, or homemade pasta, or maybe you could take dance classes, or audition for a local theatre production.

Remember how short life is and find ways to just have fun! Spending life loving your family and friends is so worth it!

 

 

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Be The Light

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We tend to be influenced by the people around us.  When someone is in a bad mood, do you feel that affecting you? Or when your companions are laughing and smiling, do you smile along? When I worked in the Emergency Room at the hospital, when I had to give someone sad news and they cried, I cried right along with them. That’s pretty normal behavior to act like those around you.

When I realized that even though I was grieving, I still could be happy, I discovered how important smiling is to me. While I was pretty good at smiling along with others, smiling on my own turned from a challenge to a pleasure. The best thing about that is when people smile along with me.

If you tend to be negative or if smiling on your own is hard for you to do, try seeking out joy. Where can you find it? Maybe there is a tv show that makes you laugh out loud, or you have a friend who tells the best jokes. Or when you see beautiful flowers blooming in the spring, or you see a rainbow, does your smile come naturally? Fill your mind with positive emotions and allow your smile to follow.

I’ve heard people say, “I’m grieving. I don’t have anything to smile about.” Chances are that person would have something they could smile about it they allowed it. When you see a baby or your child smiling or laughing, responding with a smile is natural. You would have to fight it to not smile, so just let go. There is nothing wrong with smiling while you are grieving.

When you smile, your brightness shines, and that will bring the beautiful light to those around you.  So, be the light and your smile will be reflected!

 

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

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Peace Above the Clouds

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In the last year I have traveled more than I have for a long time. Because I live on an island, traveling includes flying. I always choose the window seat because I love the view. When I travel long distances, that view is generally looking down at the top of the clouds and out at the crystal blue sky. As those around me pull down their window shades to stare at their screens, to play games, to watch movies, or to work, I find peace by enjoying the beauty I discover above the clouds.

I love to meditate, and finding a peaceful place to not be disturbed isn’t always easy. I used to think that I had to be in complete silence to enter a deep meditative state, but lately I notice that including soft music in the background guides me to the perfect peace I am seeking. I don’t include any songs with words because my monkey mind loves to sing along.

When I am not traveling somewhere, I can easily find this peace at home in an upright chair by putting my feet flat on the floor, tuning into into that soft music, and drifting off to that incredibly beautiful and peaceful place above the clouds. Then I silently repeat to myself the Dali Lama’s Loving Kindness Meditation:

May I be happy

May I live in peace

May all things work together for good for me

May I be loved

I repeat his words like a mantra until I am totally at ease. At this point, I can sit in silence for as long as I am moved to, or I may focus on a word like joy, peace, or love. This exquisite experience allows me to be centered and open to all that is good in my life. I can stay at this point, or I can choose to focus on an issue I am dealing with, a question I would like an answer to, or all that I am grateful for.

Where is your peaceful place, or will you create one? Do you meditate, or are you starting your own practice? What benefits do you look forward to as you take time for yourself every day? Celebrate your uniqueness and take the best care of your precious self.

 

 

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

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It’s About Time

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Taking a bite of a stale piece of bread is so disappointing. Going stale easily sneaks up on you, or actually, it snuck on me, without my noticing. Since my husband Jacques died 20 years ago and my husband Ron died 9 years ago, I’ve lost other relatives and friends too and became immersed in helping others deal with grief and find happiness at the same time. While I am thrilled to find my purpose in doing all that entailed, I realize I’ve become a bit of a bore.

In the last year I have started broadening my horizons. I love to write and continue to write my blog every week and write our Grief and Happiness Newsletter. I also facilitate our weekly writing group with help from my friends Judy and Phil. Yet I found myself yearning for freshness, and I am so glad I did. I attended a women’s retreat with Karen Drucker on Kaua’i. I spent a week with my dear friends Fontaine and Michael.

And my dear friend Charmin came to visit me on Maui. I attended to business at my Ambulance company in California. I went on a cruise to Alaska with old and new friends. I started attending a gathering of friends who paint watercolors together, and another group of friends who go to theatre and concerts together.

This year I am planning a fabulous concert with my great friend Rickie Byars in Maui and am planning a beautiful retreat with my good friend Michael Sudman on the Big Island of Hawaii. And Sadie Beil and I are ramping up for our next From Mouring to Light international summit on Zoom with great new guests and topics.

As I write this blog, I am flying back from Pacentro and Rome in Italy where I went to celebrate a big birthday with Sadie and meet some new, great friends: Greg, Mel, Pietro, Karen, and Will. Besides a delightful birthday party, we went on spontaneous adventures like visiting the snow, cooking great food together, discovering new coffee drinks, and best of all having deep, meaningful talks as we got to know each other while we lived together in a Medieval village on the side of a mountain! Pieotro, Sadie’s husband, introduced us to so much to see and we discovered Rome from an Italian’s perspective instead of like tourists.

I am sharing all this to encourage you to think about what you are doing. What have you always wanted to do? Who do you want to do something with? Where do you want to go?  I encourage you to write in your journal exploring these questions. I’ve got a concert, a retreat, and a summit I would like to see you come to. And the Grief and Happiness Alliance Nonprofit Organization is gearing up a membership drive we could use help with as well as other fun plans.

So, dream big. Make a plan. Create new experiences and make new friends! And have so much fun doing what you want to! You can always feel even better than you do right now!

 

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

Grief and Happiness Handbook

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What Are You Thinking?

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Do you pay attention to your thinking? Letting your thoughts run wild is so easy to do. I just misspelled every word in the last sentence and had to go back to correct them. This caused a change of direction in my thoughts. I was thinking so quickly that my typing fingers couldn’t keep up. Then I looked out the window and started thinking about how all the birds in the yard seemed to be in pairs, so what does a bird do when its partner dies? That thought took me down a rabbit trail of ideas until I realized that it didn’t have anything to do with what I was writing here, so I started thinking again.

Does your brain do this too? The challenge of controlling your thoughts is something we all deal with. Did you know that your thoughts are energy? When you are tired or listless, chances are that your thoughts reflect that. They just float in different directions and don’t help you much. But when you are fully rested and energized you can be at your highest creativity. If you are struggling with your job and think there must be something better you can do, if you just wallow in that thought, you won’t find an answer. However, if you realize that you truly desire a change, you can use that positive energy to discover what your next step is and take that step.

What does this have to do with grief? Often while grieving, our thoughts float in so many directions that we get confused. When that happens, moving forward is difficult. When that happens, try writing about your thoughts. Write at the top of the page what is bothering you most like finances, caring for your children, dating, being able to keep you house clean, getting a job, being lonely, or feeling sad. Then set a timer for 10 minutes to write everything you can think about that one subject. When you finish, read what you wrote and notice what stands out to you the most.

After you read what you wrote, choose which of the things you wrote about is your biggest issue. Now write again, this time about the issue on the list that troubles you the most. Now write a list of what you can do or where you can find help with this issue. Then do something positive and constructive about this issue. This writing technique works. The process of writing about things helps bring organization to your issues which allows you to then address your issues methodically.

When you just think about all the issues that are bothering you, this leads to confusion and difficulty in acting on any of these issues. When you use a formulaic writing technique like this, you can hold on to your ideas and use them to help you move forward. I also highly recommend daily journal writing to help you retain your ideas which can so easily slip away from you while you are grieving.

Get out your pen and write! Start today!

 

 

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

Grief and Happiness Handbook

Grief and Happiness Cards

Grief and Happiness weekly Free Gatherings

[email protected]

Dream Builder Life Coach

Life Master Consultant