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healthy coping mechanisms

Find Light

August 15, 2026 by Emily Thiroux Leave a Comment

I recently saw the statement, “In the darkness, you’ll also find light.” This reminded me of grief. So often, especially in early grief, we can feel that we are sitting in darkness. I remember days like that where I could sit for hours just feeling unhappy and lonely until one day I said to myself “Enough!” I thought my husbands, my parents, and all my loved ones who had already died would be disappointed in my behavior. And I knew it was time for me to be positive and productive and discover the light in my life.

I went outside, found a comfortable place to sit, closed my eyes, and turned my face to the sun. I felt it’s warmth in this process called sunning and chose to sit there and meditate. I focused on what I could do to feel fulfilled, what would cause me to wake in the morning excited to interact with people and find significant ways to help them. This process led me to discoverer my new life’s purpose of helping people with their grief to find ways to discover happiness in the process.

Finding light can also come in small doses.  Try holding a baby or watching puppies play. Or ask someone to go on a walk with you to someplace beautiful like a botanical garden, by a stream, lake, or beach. Go to an art gallery or a museum. Go to the theatre or to a concert. Volunteer someplace you care about like a food pantry, a youth organization, an animal shelter, or a nonprofit organization.

You can also find light in more personal ways. Try reading good books or maybe join a book group or even write a book. I wrote and published books which not only helped me in the process, but the books also now help others dealing with grief, and that brings me joy! If you love to cook, try taking meals to people who would enjoy a home cooked meal. Or cut some flowers from your garden to share. I smile remembering flowers friend would bring to me.

There is so much light and joy out there! Take advantage of it for you or share it and enjoy its reflection. Try being the light!

 

 

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Filed Under: Change, Community, Gratitude, Grief, Happiness, Self-Care, Someone to talk to, Support Tagged With: community, healthy coping mechanisms, how to deal with grief, practicing gratitude, reclaiming your joy, self-care, support

Are You Lonely?

August 1, 2026 by Emily Thiroux

Of all the challenges that people face while grieving, the one I hear the most about is loneliness. This can happen before and or after the death of a loved one.  As we get older, most often we become less social because often it is just too hard. Maybe you can’t drive and don’t have transportation. Maybe you feel you don’t have the energy to go anyplace. Maybe you have lost touch with your friends and maybe even with your family. I am sure you can think of even more excuses. The good news is you can do something to negate all these excuses.

Do you find yourself sitting alone in your home bemoaning the fact that no one is with you? Try calling a friend. If they live nearby, invite them to visit you or arrange to meet them for coffee or lunch. They may be lonely too and would love to spend sone time with you. I have a neighbor who I am in contact with every day. She’ll bring her little dog to visit or she’ll come to see if I have an ingredient she next to follow a recipe she wants to try. I always welcome her visits, and I am grateful for the way we care for each other.

What would you love to do? I am now doing watercolor painting with friends every week. I love spending time with them as much as I enjoy painting. One member of that group invited me to join a group she is in who attend plays and concerts together, and I love that. We even go out to dinner together after the matinees. I have another friend that I attend film festivals with and we also take online painting classes together.

Being around other people who you enjoy is very important. Staying home by yourself all the time can be very lonely and even dangerous. Dr. Julianne Holt-Lundstad, director of Brigham Young University’s Social Connection & Health Lab says, “Isolation and loneliness have been found to harm health as much or more than smoking 15 cigarettes a day.” This statement startled me and makes me feel good about my commitment to stay connected.

What can you do now to stay connected?

 

 

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Filed Under: Community, Grief, Happiness, Joy, Loneliness, Self-Care, Support Tagged With: healthy coping mechanisms, how to deal with grief, loneliness, reclaiming your joy, self-care, support

What Do You See?

July 18, 2026 by Emily Thiroux

So many times, we automatically choose to see the negative view of things like Debbie Downer on Saturday Night Live. She just never saw things that were positive. That is an easy trap to fall into when you are already feeling low like when you are grieving. The good news is, when you pay attention and catch yourself going down that dark path, you can put on the brakes and choose to look at things differently.

I went through a long period in early grief where I knew no one wanted to be around me. I thought of myself as a black widow who was poisonous to others around me who weren’t grieving. Now I wonder why that ever came to my mind. I started paying attention to my thoughts and choosing people I would like to visit or make friends with. I realized I could control my destiny, so that is what I do now.

What are you seeing now?

Henry David Thoreau said: “It is not what you look at that matters, it is what you see.”

 

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

Grief and Happiness Handbook

Grief and Happiness Cards

Grief and Happiness weekly Free Gatherings

[email protected]

Dream Builder Life Coach

Life Master Consultantant

 

Filed Under: Change, Grief, Self-Care, Support Tagged With: healthy coping mechanisms, how to deal with grief, self-care, support, writing through grief

Dream

June 18, 2026 by Emily Thiroux

Dreams that come while sleeping come in an unlimited variety. They can be from memories, from desires, from sadness, from joy, or from and entirely unknown source. They range from terrifying to incredible happiness. While they can affect our lives in some ways, the more powerful dreams that we have come from while we are awake.

In the daylight we can actively dream about whatever we want to. We can create in our mind the life we would love to live, then go on to create that life. I dreamed when I was in college that I would be a writer. I planted that seed when I was in a writing class.  At the time, I didn’t judge that dream, and I didn’t dwell on it, but it remained in my mind occasionally reminding me to write a bit about something.

Ironically, before I did much writing, I was hired to teach a writing class at the community college. I learned much about writing, and about what not to write, by grading endless writing assignments. And I stared writing more myself. I’d dream in my journal about what I would love to do and how I loved to do whatever that was, and it frequently changed. And I loved teaching writing so much that I was hired to teach writing at a university.

One dream came true in an unexpected way. I had a representative of Prentice Hall Publishing drop by my office one day to convince me to order a book he was selling for my class. I told him he didn’t have anything I wanted. Startled, he said “What do you want?” I described to him how I was frequently the only person who was not from a different country or different culture.  All the books he offered were by old, white men. My students needed writing examples from a variety of people. He said “That’s just what we’ve be looking for! Will you write it for us?” I said yes, and my textbook writing career began.

That little seed I’d planted years before had started to grow without me even realizing it. I’ve gone on to write 5 more books after that, taught writing at a university for 30 years, and now I encourage people to write through their grief to bring them comfort and realize happiness.

What dreams have you dreamed that have come true? What dreams are you dreaming about now? Whatever your dreams are, write them in your journal and maybe even tell a friend. The more you focus on a dream, the more likely it is to come true. There is no limit to what to dream about. Just dream.

Dream bigger than you can ever imagine.

 

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

Grief and Happiness Handbook

Grief and Happiness Cards

Grief and Happiness weekly Free Gatherings

[email protected]

Dream Builder Life Coach

Life Master Consultantant

Filed Under: Change, Creativity, Grief, journaling, Loss, Self-Care, Support Tagged With: change, grief, grieving, happiness, healthy coping mechanisms, how to deal with grief, reclaiming your joy, self-care, support

Vagueness

June 12, 2026 by Emily Thiroux

We’ve all heard “Whatever happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas,” but I heard “Whatever happens in vagueness, stays in vagueness,” and that made me think.  Am I living in vagueness?  In early grief I certainly was.

I remember that even though I live on Maui with radiant tropical flowers and spectacular sunsets, everything seemed grey and lifeless. What had been my favorite foods had little taste.  When people talked around me, their words seemed to run together and not related to anything in particular. I sometimes turned the television on just for background noise, and that’s all it was: noise.

After a while, I started realizing that not paying attention to the world and beauty wasn’t serving me, and that I was the only one who could do something about that. I started going on walks, just around the neighborhood.  I made it my goal to discover something I had not seen before every time I went out. I would take time with that. I smelled the fresh fragrances and took pictures on my phone of the vibrant colors.

I also started eating different foods like the tropical fruits at the Farmer’s Market. I played different music genres and found a wide variety of music I enjoyed that I was surprised by. As time passed, I found myself talking to different people than I had known before and contacting old friends too.

As I acclimated to my now solo life, I saw that it was more lovely than I thought it would be.  The color returned as the vagueness floated away. The color came back to my cheeks and I even started smiling. Grief takes time, but with patience, we can move back out into the sunlight.

Are you living in vagueness, or you ready to smell the flowers?

 

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

Grief and Happiness Handbook

Grief and Happiness Cards

Grief and Happiness weekly Free Gatherings

[email protected]

Dream Builder Life Coach

Life Master Consultantant

Filed Under: Change, Grief, Self-Care, Support Tagged With: change, grief, grieving, healthy coping mechanisms, how to deal with grief, self-care, support

Be The Light

June 4, 2026 by Emily Thiroux

We tend to be influenced by the people around us.  When someone is in a bad mood, do you feel that affecting you? Or when your companions are laughing and smiling, do you smile along? When I worked in the Emergency Room at the hospital, when I had to give someone sad news and they cried, I cried right along with them. That’s pretty normal behavior to act like those around you.

When I realized that even though I was grieving, I still could be happy, I discovered how important smiling is to me. While I was pretty good at smiling along with others, smiling on my own turned from a challenge to a pleasure. The best thing about that is when people smile along with me.

If you tend to be negative or if smiling on your own is hard for you to do, try seeking out joy. Where can you find it? Maybe there is a tv show that makes you laugh out loud, or you have a friend who tells the best jokes. Or when you see beautiful flowers blooming in the spring, or you see a rainbow, does your smile come naturally? Fill your mind with positive emotions and allow your smile to follow.

I’ve heard people say, “I’m grieving. I don’t have anything to smile about.” Chances are that person would have something they could smile about it they allowed it. When you see a baby or your child smiling or laughing, responding with a smile is natural. You would have to fight it to not smile, so just let go. There is nothing wrong with smiling while you are grieving.

When you smile, your brightness shines, and that will bring the beautiful light to those around you.  So, be the light and your smile will be reflected!

 

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

Grief and Happiness Handbook

Grief and Happiness Cards

Grief and Happiness weekly Free Gatherings

[email protected]

Dream Builder Life Coach

Life Master Consultantant

 

Filed Under: Change, Community, Gratitude, Grief, Happiness, Joy, Self-Care, Smile, Support Tagged With: grieving, happiness, healthy coping mechanisms, how to deal with grief, Joy, self-care, support

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