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Flexability

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I have been living through the 100-year storm in Hawaii in March of 2026. I am grateful that I live up-country where a great drainage system is built-in, so we aren’t experiencing the landslides and flooding prevalent on much of the island. Many trees have blown down or have lost branches. As I watch out my window, I am amazed by how far strong branches will bend until some of them snap and blow away.

I have been thinking about how a storm like this can be nature’s way of grieving.  I observe trees as they bend and sway in their artful dances. They remind me of early grief when our hearts and minds bounce around, straining as far as they as they possibly could. We experience chaos in our bodies wondering if we can take another breath. At some time, the wind dies down. Slowly. As we catch our breath, we start to see the mess left behind.

As we pick through the rubble, we toss the sharply broken pieces into the trash and search for what we want to save. Parts of our grief are weakened by being stretched so far. As we remember the warm hugs and gentle touch of our loved one, we crave them longing for the comfort of their presence. Discarding what is broken is so hard to do.

Not all is broken though. Parts of ourselves feel stretched to their limits, yet they can heal. As the storm wanes, it’s time to be gentle with ourselves. Practice loving self-care. Take naps when you need to, and notice as the sun starts to shine through the clouds. Recognize all the shades of green as your start to see them on your walk.

The world has weathered major storms throughout history, and the world is still here. Maui will get through this one. Roads will be repaired. Housing will be replaced. Nature will heal. The money will come from someplace even if we don’t know where right now. And you will move forward, too. Know that, and take good care of yourself in the process.

Serve With Abandon

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I am enthralled with Lynne Twist’s book, Living a Committed Life.  I first became acquainted with her work when I read The Soul of Money years ago. This book permanently changed my attitude toward money. I loved that book so much that I facilitated book group discussions about it and gave away so many copies of it that I lost count. The book profoundly changed my life, and I can’t say that happens often.

When I heard about Living a Committed Life, of course I purchased it right away. The book is deeply inspiring. I am in the middle of facilitating a 4-week discussion group about the book now, and our conversations are exciting! We’ve had many “I can do that!” moments already. This book is perfect for people who are grieving to read.

After my last husband died, I felt lost. I didn’t know what to do with my life and spent time feeling sorry for myself. This is a common experience in grief, and I knew I didn’t want to stay living with that feeling. In working to solve that dilemma, I started helping others deal with grief which takes on many forms from hosting a popular podcast, to facilitating writing groups, to writing books, and more. I am seriously committed to my grief work.

Lynne Twist’s commitment is to do all she can to help others commit to actively work to change the world in healthy ways that serve us all. The commitment I make to my purpose is on a much smaller scale, yet I do aim to serve as many people in the world as I can. A great way to help you move forward in dealing with your grief is to find a cause that you can commit to spend time focusing on.

This year there is much to be done dealing with the upcoming elections. Who or what cause would you like to spend time supporting to facilitating the changes our country needs at this time?  There are other giant issues like homelessness, bullying, poor nutrition, teen pregnancies, drunk driving, medical research, or illiteracy. This is just the start of a list that could fill a whole book!  The point is to find your passion and follow it.

What is your passion? What do you care most about in your life, your community, your world? Explore your ideas. Pick one and start there. You might try several before you find one to commit to. When you fill your time with things you love to do and you are passionate about, you will hurt less and smile more. Doesn’t that sound like a great place to be?

Let me know what you come up with. I’d love to hear!

 

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Living a Committed Life by Lynne Twist

The Soul of Money by Lynne Twist  

Believe

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Did you know that there is so much you can do if you believe you can? So many times, we can sabotage the dreams we have by not believing in ourselves. This often happens while we are grieving because it may feel like our world is falling apart because nothing is the same. The good news is that you can change your situation when you believe you can.

This morning a dear friend told me that she decided she needed a bigger house. On the day she decided, she ran into a friend who had a bigger house to rent, so she easily found exactly what she needed. I’ve done that too. My husband and I bought three houses in the time we were together. For each one, we wrote a list of exactly what we wanted in detail, and within a week each time, we found exactly what we needed at a price we could afford. For two of those houses, we even made a huge profit on the sale of the house we had been living in.

Your belief can make things happen, but what you want won’t just fall into your lap. Your actions and words must be in alignment to ensure the outcome you desire. Let’s say you want to be an artist. First you must decide what kind of artist you want to be. Then you must learn how to master that technique. Then you must discover how to display your work so your intended audience can see it. Nothing is so simple as just saying you want something.

After my husband died, I had a friend who was persistent in asking me if I was dating, and I always said no. Finally, I thought there must be a reason she was doing this. I was hesitant because my husband who died was so wonderful, I didn’t think it was possible to find anyone else I would want to be with. To prove that to myself, I made a list of all the traits and accomplishments anybody I would go out with must have. The list was long and detailed. I finally went on Match.com, and I was right. Just about every person did not fill many items on my list, but one did. I was shocked as I checked off every item on my list, and he even had more items that were wonderful. I was so glad that I stopped being stubborn and allowed myself to find my new husband.

How would you design the life you want to live? What makes you feel good and happy? Take some time to explore in writing what, where, and how you want to be. Use specific details. As I sit on my lanai enjoying a cool breeze, the many bird songs, and the view of two sides on the island of Maui, I am grateful to believe in myself which allowed me to create the miraculous life I love.

 

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

Grief and Happiness Handbook

Grief and Happiness weekly Free Gatherings

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Dream Builder Life Coach

Life Master Consultant

Ordinary Moments

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Often after a loved one dies, it’s the ordinary moments we miss the most.  I remember how my mother and sister loved to shop.  When I would be visiting with one or both of them, we almost always ended up shopping. What was different shopping with them was they rarely bought anything. I used to think that was a big waste of time until I realized, that was the way we spent time together and find things to talk about.

My father loved to take us all out to dinner. He loved to have and excuse to dine out and he loved to eat! When I brought my finance Jacques to meet my parents, we met at a restaurant. Jaques was nervous, so I told him if he wanted to impress my dad, he should pick up the check. He did, and he made a big impression because no one else in the family ever did that. My dad also loved to take my children to get ice cream whenever he had the opportunity to pick them up after school, but I think that was mostly because he loved ice cream!

Jacques and I used to love to listen to live music and we loved to dance together, so we would look for opportunities to do one or both of those.  Ron and I loved to sit outside as much as we could.  There were so many bird songs to listen to and well as amazing tropic al plants to enjoy. We also loved to watch the fantastic Maui sunset and enjoy that special golden hour.

When my friend’s mother died, she invited me to come to her mother’s house along with her sister so we could all make cookies together. Her family had the tradition of serving cookies after funerals, so we made lots of cookies and had great conversations.

Our lives are made up mostly of ordinary moments, and those moments can be what we miss the most when our loved ones aren’t here to share them with. What are your favorite ordinary moments? Who do you share them with?

How can you make your current ordinary moments extraordinary and memorable now?

 

 

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

Grief and Happiness Handbook

Grief and Happiness Cards

Grief and Happiness weekly Free Gatherings

[email protected]

Dream Builder Life Coach

Life Master Consultant

Be Your Own Best Friend

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So many times, I have heard someone who is grieving say “I’ve lost my best friend.” I understand that feeling, especially when the person being grieved is a spouse. You have had someone you woke up and started the day with. You had common interests. You had someone you can turn to and talk to. Boy, I’m missing my husbands right now just writing this! Yet you still can have a best friend with you all the time!  All you do to find this friend is realize, it’s you!

In early grief when both my husbands died, I have to admit, I was lonely. At the same time, I felt that no one else could take their places, so I sat alone. I realized this wasn’t serving me. Then I remembered how after a long day of work at the theatre, I would go into rehearsals in the evening. When I got home after a twelve hour day, Jacques always had something ready for me to eat. I was so grateful for his thoughtfulness. Now I have learned that if I have been working long hours, I need to remember to eat something healthy, and I smile and remember his love when I do.

Now I am fixing my own healthy meals and taking care of myself. And I have a lovely orchid plant in my living groom that I bought for myself because it brought me joy. I am taking good care of me and enjoy my own company. But I didn’t stop there. I love the company of others and have made many new friends as well as staying in touch with friends I have made throughout my lifetime. I have neighbors who join me every week to share the bounty of our gardens. And I meet with a group we call Art Ladies to paint together, and I am in another group that goes together to plays and musicals. I attend church in California by Zoom because I love the people there. I stay in touch with friends I have had throughout my life by social media, email, and visits.

I have made all these new friends and stayed in touch with old friends because it feeds my soul, and I hope theirs too. I am being my own best friend by nurturing myself with loving relationships with lots of people while I take the best care of me by enjoying being outside watching the clouds go by and watching the beautiful sunsets. I write in my journal and write books to comfort others. I meet incredible people by hosting my popular podcast and help my listeners with the content I provide. I enjoy an occasional scoop of coffee ice cream, and I pretty much do whatever I want to. I love my best friend unconditionally.

Are you your own best friend? If not, what can you do to nurture that relationship? If you are, I am so happy for you!

 

 

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

Grief and Happiness Handbook

Grief and Happiness Cards

Grief and Happiness weekly Free Gatherings

[email protected]

Dream Builder Life Coach

Life Master Consultant

 

Secrets

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A prodigious act of congress was passed this week that requires the release of the Epstein files. These files would never have been released if it weren’t for the victims who came together after keeping their secrets for 30 years or more. They are women now, but most were children when they were taken advantage of by an unknown number of lecherous adults.

These victims continue to come forward as they see that their fellow victims have come forward. They are holding each other up in dealing with the tragedy of their loss of innocence. I admire the strength of these women who are finally ready to release the secrets they have been hiding which have blocked them from being able to live their best authentic lives.

While the Epstein situation is horrendous, sexual abuse and violence is more prevalent than we realize and now hopefully more women and girls in our society will realize that what happened to them is wrong and that it isn’t their fault that they were taken advantage of. And I hope they gain the strength to tell their stories, even if it is just to one trusted person or a counselor.

Holding a story of abuse is heavy.  Your confidence can be destroyed, and you can live your life with a shadow of shame. I was so fortunate that my husband Jacques came into my life when he did, and I was able to tell my story and live my life authentically from then on. I just needed one person to hear me and assure me of my worth. I finally opened to my life.

If you can listen when someone needs to share her story, you may help her to change her life and find that she can smile and even laugh like she hasn’t been able to.