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The Grief and Happiness Alliance

You can listen to my podcast here.

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance Gatherings which meet weekly on Sundays by clicking here

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Find Light

August 15, 2026 by Emily Thiroux Leave a Comment

I recently saw the statement, “In the darkness, you’ll also find light.” This reminded me of grief. So often, especially in early grief, we can feel that we are sitting in darkness. I remember days like that where I could sit for hours just feeling unhappy and lonely until one day I said to myself “Enough!” I thought my husbands, my parents, and all my loved ones who had already died would be disappointed in my behavior. And I knew it was time for me to be positive and productive and discover the light in my life.

I went outside, found a comfortable place to sit, closed my eyes, and turned my face to the sun. I felt it’s warmth in this process called sunning and chose to sit there and meditate. I focused on what I could do to feel fulfilled, what would cause me to wake in the morning excited to interact with people and find significant ways to help them. This process led me to discoverer my new life’s purpose of helping people with their grief to find ways to discover happiness in the process.

Finding light can also come in small doses. Try holding a baby or watching puppies play. Or ask someone to go on a walk with you to someplace beautiful like a botanical garden, by a stream, lake, or beach. Go to an art gallery or a museum. Go to the theatre or to a concert. Volunteer someplace you care about like a food pantry, a youth organization, an animal shelter, or a nonprofit organization.

You can also find light in more personal ways. Try reading good books or maybe join a book group or even write a book. I wrote and published books which not only helped me in the process, but the books also now help others dealing with grief, and that brings me joy! If you love to cook, try taking meals to people who would enjoy a home cooked meal. Or cut some flowers from your garden to share. I smile remembering flowers friend would bring to me.

There is so much light and joy out there! Take advantage of it for you or share it and enjoy its reflection. Try being the light!

You can listen to my podcast here.

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance Gatherings which meet weekly on Sundays by clicking here

Emily’s email address

Widow’s Fire

August 9, 2026 by Emily Thiroux

I recently learned a grief related term that I hadn’t heard of before and realized that is probably because widow’s may be unlikely to talk about it. Widow’s Fire can be defined as an intense longing for physical intimacy which can be experienced by both women and men who are grieving the death or absence of a loved one. I am sure most of us in that category are likely to experience this on some level.

While this experience is perfectly normal, in can result in a broad variety of feelings ranging from sweet memories to guilt or fear. The key to dealing with these feelings is to be gentle with yourself. If you had a loving, fulfilling relationship, focus on that. You may want to spend some time watching romantic movies or reading books focusing on love and kindness. I love to write in my journal about special memories when I felt good. I also will write love letters to my husband, and sometimes wright letters back to me from him.

At times you may feel intense feelings longing for the real thing. If this is you, please be careful. I have seen people rush into relationships with people who they don’t know well who end up hurt and taken advantage of. I speak from experience that you can fall in love again and have a beautiful relationship. You can also have a “no strings attached” relationship if both of you are perfectly clear with your intentions.

Know that you can turn to a qualified grief counselors to talk about your feelings if you want guidance on what works best for you. Remember to not judge yourself or others who are seeking help to deal with these unfamiliar feelings. And always take the very best care of yourself.

What Do You See?

July 18, 2026 by Emily Thiroux

So many times, we automatically choose to see the negative view of things like Debbie Downer on Saturday Night Live. She just never saw things that were positive. That is an easy trap to fall into when you are already feeling low like when you are grieving. The good news is, when you pay attention and catch yourself going down that dark path, you can put on the brakes and choose to look at things differently.

I went through a long period in early grief where I knew no one wanted to be around me. I thought of myself as a black widow who was poisonous to others around me who weren’t grieving. Now I wonder why that ever came to my mind. I started paying attention to my thoughts and choosing people I would like to visit or make friends with. I realized I could control my destiny, so that is what I do now.

What are you seeing now?

Henry David Thoreau said: “It is not what you look at that matters, it is what you see.”

Feelings

July 5, 2026 by Emily Thiroux

An old song from 2003 written by Bobby Solo sometimes gets stuck in my head:

Feelings, nothing more than feelings,

Trying to forget my,

Feelings of love

It’s a sad song about living without the lover he no longer has. Many times, relationships end before both people in the couples ar ready. The best way to avoid this situation is to spend time to nurture the relationships the from the start.

Taking care of relationships while both people are healthy is wonderful, but we aren’t always that lucky. If you are in a position where you are both feeling pretty good, take advantage of that, and if you have children still living with you or close by, involve them too.

Often, we get too busy to take good care of ourselves and our loved ones. Don’t let that happen to you. Time flies by so quickly! Find ways to make the most of your times together. Schedule a family game night or dinners or a dessert party. Or have creative times together where you plant seeds or plants in your gardens, or barbeque and make homemade ice cream with peaches from off your trees.

You can also plan short or long trips together or just learn more about common interests. Maybe you could learn fly fishing or deep-sea fishing. Maybe you could teach each other how to make ceramic pots, or homemade pasta, or maybe you could take dance classes, or audition for a local theatre production.

Remember how short life is and find ways to just have fun! Spending life loving your family and friends is so worth it!

Dream

June 18, 2026 by Emily Thiroux

Dreams that come while sleeping come in an unlimited variety. They can be from memories, from desires, from sadness, from joy, or from and entirely unknown source. They range from terrifying to incredible happiness. While they can affect our lives in some ways, the more powerful dreams that we have come from while we are awake.

In the daylight we can actively dream about whatever we want to. We can create in our mind the life we would love to live, then go on to create that life. I dreamed when I was in college that I would be a writer. I planted that seed when I was in a writing class. At the time, I didn’t judge that dream, and I didn’t dwell on it, but it remained in my mind occasionally reminding me to write a bit about something.

Ironically, before I did much writing, I was hired to teach a writing class at the community college. I learned much about writing, and about what not to write, by grading endless writing assignments. And I stared writing more myself. I’d dream in my journal about what I would love to do and how I loved to do whatever that was, and it frequently changed. And I loved teaching writing so much that I was hired to teach writing at a university.

One dream came true in an unexpected way. I had a representative of Prentice Hall Publishing drop by my office one day to convince me to order a book he was selling for my class. I told him he didn’t have anything I wanted. Startled, he said “What do you want?” I described to him how I was frequently the only person who was not from a different country or different culture. All the books he offered were by old, white men. My students needed writing examples from a variety of people. He said “That’s just what we’ve be looking for! Will you write it for us?” I said yes, and my textbook writing career began.

That little seed I’d planted years before had started to grow without me even realizing it. I’ve gone on to write 5 more books after that, taught writing at a university for 30 years, and now I encourage people to write through their grief to bring them comfort and realize happiness.

What dreams have you dreamed that have come true? What dreams are you dreaming about now? Whatever your dreams are, write them in your journal and maybe even tell a friend. The more you focus on a dream, the more likely it is to come true. There is no limit to what to dream about. Just dream.

Dream bigger than you can ever imagine.