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Find Light

August 15, 2026 by Emily Thiroux Leave a Comment

I recently saw the statement, “In the darkness, you’ll also find light.” This reminded me of grief. So often, especially in early grief, we can feel that we are sitting in darkness. I remember days like that where I could sit for hours just feeling unhappy and lonely until one day I said to myself “Enough!” I thought my husbands, my parents, and all my loved ones who had already died would be disappointed in my behavior. And I knew it was time for me to be positive and productive and discover the light in my life.

I went outside, found a comfortable place to sit, closed my eyes, and turned my face to the sun. I felt it’s warmth in this process called sunning and chose to sit there and meditate. I focused on what I could do to feel fulfilled, what would cause me to wake in the morning excited to interact with people and find significant ways to help them. This process led me to discoverer my new life’s purpose of helping people with their grief to find ways to discover happiness in the process.

Finding light can also come in small doses. Try holding a baby or watching puppies play. Or ask someone to go on a walk with you to someplace beautiful like a botanical garden, by a stream, lake, or beach. Go to an art gallery or a museum. Go to the theatre or to a concert. Volunteer someplace you care about like a food pantry, a youth organization, an animal shelter, or a nonprofit organization.

You can also find light in more personal ways. Try reading good books or maybe join a book group or even write a book. I wrote and published books which not only helped me in the process, but the books also now help others dealing with grief, and that brings me joy! If you love to cook, try taking meals to people who would enjoy a home cooked meal. Or cut some flowers from your garden to share. I smile remembering flowers friend would bring to me.

There is so much light and joy out there! Take advantage of it for you or share it and enjoy its reflection. Try being the light!

You can listen to my podcast here.

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance Gatherings which meet weekly on Sundays by clicking here

Emily’s email address

Widow’s Fire

August 9, 2026 by Emily Thiroux

I recently learned a grief related term that I hadn’t heard of before and realized that is probably because widow’s may be unlikely to talk about it. Widow’s Fire can be defined as an intense longing for physical intimacy which can be experienced by both women and men who are grieving the death or absence of a loved one. I am sure most of us in that category are likely to experience this on some level.

While this experience is perfectly normal, in can result in a broad variety of feelings ranging from sweet memories to guilt or fear. The key to dealing with these feelings is to be gentle with yourself. If you had a loving, fulfilling relationship, focus on that. You may want to spend some time watching romantic movies or reading books focusing on love and kindness. I love to write in my journal about special memories when I felt good. I also will write love letters to my husband, and sometimes wright letters back to me from him.

At times you may feel intense feelings longing for the real thing. If this is you, please be careful. I have seen people rush into relationships with people who they don’t know well who end up hurt and taken advantage of. I speak from experience that you can fall in love again and have a beautiful relationship. You can also have a “no strings attached” relationship if both of you are perfectly clear with your intentions.

Know that you can turn to a qualified grief counselors to talk about your feelings if you want guidance on what works best for you. Remember to not judge yourself or others who are seeking help to deal with these unfamiliar feelings. And always take the very best care of yourself.

Are You Lonely?

August 1, 2026 by Emily Thiroux

Of all the challenges that people face while grieving, the one I hear the most about is loneliness. This can happen before and or after the death of a loved one. As we get older, most often we become less social because often it is just too hard. Maybe you can’t drive and don’t have transportation. Maybe you feel you don’t have the energy to go anyplace. Maybe you have lost touch with your friends and maybe even with your family. I am sure you can think of even more excuses. The good news is you can do something to negate all these excuses.

Do you find yourself sitting alone in your home bemoaning the fact that no one is with you? Try calling a friend. If they live nearby, invite them to visit you or arrange to meet them for coffee or lunch. They may be lonely too and would love to spend sone time with you. I have a neighbor who I am in contact with every day. She’ll bring her little dog to visit or she’ll come to see if I have an ingredient she next to follow a recipe she wants to try. I always welcome her visits, and I am grateful for the way we care for each other.

What would you love to do? I am now doing watercolor painting with friends every week. I love spending time with them as much as I enjoy painting. One member of that group invited me to join a group she is in who attend plays and concerts together, and I love that. We even go out to dinner together after the matinees. I have another friend that I attend film festivals with and we also take online painting classes together.

Being around other people who you enjoy is very important. Staying home by yourself all the time can be very lonely and even dangerous. Dr. Julianne Holt-Lundstad, director of Brigham Young University’s Social Connection & Health Lab says, “Isolation and loneliness have been found to harm health as much or more than smoking 15 cigarettes a day.” This statement startled me and makes me feel good about my commitment to stay connected.

What can you do now to stay connected?

Smile

July 25, 2026 by Emily Thiroux

While dealing with, grief we often forget to smile. We aren’t noticing things that are still there that we would have smiled about in the past. An easy way to deal with this issue is to be mindful.

I noted that I wasn’t feeling very happy lately, so I started paying attention to my surroundings, and immediately, I had much to smile about. My friend was visiting, and I noticed she had on a really cute dress that I hadn’t seen before. When I complimented her, she smiled and did a few model poses, and I smiled right back at her. That felt so good, and it was easy.

Later I was sitting where I could see my back yard. There is so much to look at, and I was amazed at the beauty of ever-changing view. I remembered that last year I had the huge avocado tree harvested and I was able to donate the half a ton of avocados to several food banks who feed the hungry. That made lots of people happy. The tree is heathy, beautiful, and strong, and I smiled at knowing we will have lots to donate again this year.

After this beautiful day, I wrote in my journal creating a smile list include some of the things that make me happy like these:

Painting watercolors
Baking cookies
Watching puffy white clouds float by
Watching the sun rise or set
Seeing rainbows
Hearing the neighborhood children laugh and play
Writing letters to friends
Getting and giving a hug with a friend
Smelling fresh laundry when it comes out of the dryer
Listening to many kinds of music
Playing with my neighbor’s dog

I could go on and on. I am sure you can relate to many of the items on my list, and I am sure you have many of your own. Now is a good time to write a smile list in your journal. Make it as long as you can and be sure to leave room to include more things as you think of them. Notice how you feel as you write the list. You will probably have lots of smiles, and a few tears may sneak in too. Take good care of yourself as you write your list.

Whenever you start to feel down, return to this page in you journal to help you to remember you how beautiful your smile is.

What Do You See?

July 18, 2026 by Emily Thiroux

So many times, we automatically choose to see the negative view of things like Debbie Downer on Saturday Night Live. She just never saw things that were positive. That is an easy trap to fall into when you are already feeling low like when you are grieving. The good news is, when you pay attention and catch yourself going down that dark path, you can put on the brakes and choose to look at things differently.

I went through a long period in early grief where I knew no one wanted to be around me. I thought of myself as a black widow who was poisonous to others around me who weren’t grieving. Now I wonder why that ever came to my mind. I started paying attention to my thoughts and choosing people I would like to visit or make friends with. I realized I could control my destiny, so that is what I do now.

What are you seeing now?

Henry David Thoreau said: “It is not what you look at that matters, it is what you see.”