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Widow’s Fire

August 9, 2026 by Emily Thiroux

I recently learned a grief related term that I hadn’t heard of before and realized that is probably because widow’s may be unlikely to talk about it. Widow’s Fire can be defined as an intense longing for physical intimacy which can be experienced by both women and men who are grieving the death or absence of a loved one. I am sure most of us in that category are likely to experience this on some level.

While this experience is perfectly normal, in can result in a broad variety of feelings ranging from sweet memories to guilt or fear. The key to dealing with these feelings is to be gentle with yourself. If you had a loving, fulfilling relationship, focus on that. You may want to spend some time watching romantic movies or reading books focusing on love and kindness. I love to write in my journal about special memories when I felt good. I also will write love letters to my husband, and sometimes wright letters back to me from him.

At times you may feel intense feelings longing for the real thing. If this is you, please be careful. I have seen people rush into relationships with people who they don’t know well who end up hurt and taken advantage of. I speak from experience that you can fall in love again and have a beautiful relationship. You can also have a “no strings attached” relationship if both of you are perfectly clear with your intentions.

Know that you can turn to a qualified grief counselors to talk about your feelings if you want guidance on what works best for you. Remember to not judge yourself or others who are seeking help to deal with these unfamiliar feelings. And always take the very best care of yourself.

Life Master Consultantant

Dream

June 18, 2026 by Emily Thiroux

Dreams that come while sleeping come in an unlimited variety. They can be from memories, from desires, from sadness, from joy, or from and entirely unknown source. They range from terrifying to incredible happiness. While they can affect our lives in some ways, the more powerful dreams that we have come from while we are awake.

In the daylight we can actively dream about whatever we want to. We can create in our mind the life we would love to live, then go on to create that life. I dreamed when I was in college that I would be a writer. I planted that seed when I was in a writing class. At the time, I didn’t judge that dream, and I didn’t dwell on it, but it remained in my mind occasionally reminding me to write a bit about something.

Ironically, before I did much writing, I was hired to teach a writing class at the community college. I learned much about writing, and about what not to write, by grading endless writing assignments. And I stared writing more myself. I’d dream in my journal about what I would love to do and how I loved to do whatever that was, and it frequently changed. And I loved teaching writing so much that I was hired to teach writing at a university.

One dream came true in an unexpected way. I had a representative of Prentice Hall Publishing drop by my office one day to convince me to order a book he was selling for my class. I told him he didn’t have anything I wanted. Startled, he said “What do you want?” I described to him how I was frequently the only person who was not from a different country or different culture. All the books he offered were by old, white men. My students needed writing examples from a variety of people. He said “That’s just what we’ve be looking for! Will you write it for us?” I said yes, and my textbook writing career began.

That little seed I’d planted years before had started to grow without me even realizing it. I’ve gone on to write 5 more books after that, taught writing at a university for 30 years, and now I encourage people to write through their grief to bring them comfort and realize happiness.

What dreams have you dreamed that have come true? What dreams are you dreaming about now? Whatever your dreams are, write them in your journal and maybe even tell a friend. The more you focus on a dream, the more likely it is to come true. There is no limit to what to dream about. Just dream.

Dream bigger than you can ever imagine.

Life Master Consultantant

Are You Afriad?

May 2, 2026 by Emily Thiroux

Being completely emotionally prepared or ready for the death of a loved one is improbable if not impossible. One moment, your person is breathing. The next moment, your person is still. Life for you will never be the same. Once the transition occurs, you are on your own. That realization for me was intensely frightening. Decisions we had shared in the past were now my responsibility alone. Income we had pooled was now my obligation. Now what?

I had no idea–

I had no idea, and that didn’t serve me. What would serve me was to identify what scared me and do something about it.

My best friend from high school arrived at my side after many years of living far away. She came at the exact right time toward the end of my husband’s time. She brought support, positivity, and laughter into my life and into hers. Until she appeared, I hadn’t recognized the fear that had been creeping into my life.

In the hours that my husband slept, I had been wondering. Would I be alone for what seemed would be forever? Would I able be to support myself financially? Would my friends who had been steadily disappearing during my husband’s long illness return? Would I become the black widow that everyone shunned? My lonely thoughts painted terrifying scenes.

The days between his death and his celebration felt mostly blank. Nothing made sense. Then I had to start figuring things out. I was so relieved that my friend stayed with me through this time. Many of us face these times alone. My friend suggested things for me to consider like whether it was better for me to stay in my home of 22 years or better for me to sell that home and move someplace where I would feel safer. Discussing issues like this was so helpful. I did end up selling my home and moving to a place that was ideal for me. Being able to talk about all the pros and cons was so helpful.

I found that the more time I took to consider important decisions and changes, the better I felt about the choices I made. Writing about choices I was considering helped. When I recorded the pros and cons of potentials, I didn’t need to worry about remembering all the details. I could always reconsider and change my mind when appropriate.

During this time, I grew stronger and the fear slowly dissolved. The absence of fear allowed room for positivity and smiles instead of the fear that had been haunting me. I realized I was choosing love over fear. I loved the decisions I made and the people I spent time with, the career I cherished, and the service to others I provided. I saw and experienced unconditional love in ways I hadn’t experienced before. As I look at my life now, fear is no longer a consideration. The absence of fear allows the room for joy, for smiles, for love.

Where are you on this journey? Is fear still worrying you? Are you in the process of focusing on your next steps? Are you seeing your former fears dissolving behind you? Or are you, like me, enjoying the absence of fear in your life as you enjoy your happy, fulfilling life.

Life Master Consultantant

Touch

April 16, 2026 by Emily Thiroux

I was reading while lying on my back in bed. I had my computer propped up so that I didn’t have to hold it. My left hand rested gently on my chest while my right hand covered my left with my fingertips gently brushing my wrist as I breathed in and out. I had been in this position for a while before I thought about it. I was self-soothing without thinking about it. In that moment, I recognized how much I missed being touched.

A memory returned to me of when I was working way too many hours. I would come home exhausted and collapse on the couch. When I awakened, my husband had covered me with a blanket and sat next to me placing my head gently in his lap and resting his hand on my shoulder. I felt so close to him in that silent moment. It’s been years since he died, yet I still recall those precious moments of his warm loving touch.

Oh, how I miss a loving embrace or a slow dance in the kitchen when I was fixing diner or holding hands as we went for a walk. I am grateful for the nights when he comes to me in a dream and we touch once again. It’s just not the same, though. Sometimes I write in my journal and conger intimate times of skin touching skin, but that often just brings tears.

For now, I will relish the precious memories on the love transmuted though physical touch in the past remembering the electric charge that comes invisibly from one heart to another.

Life Master Consultant

Endings and Beginnings

March 25, 2026 by Emily Thiroux

“Grief is not the end of a story, Sometimes, it is the beginning of another.” Barry Hoffner

I had two husbands, Jacques and Ron. Coincidentally, they both had congestive heart failure which led to kidney failure which led to dialysis which led to their deaths. I spent their last two years with each of them at home or at their hospital bedsides. Besides these commonalities, they were as different as they could be. And I didn’t know that either of them would end up with the health conditions they had to deal with.

Jacques was such a positive person. His hearty laugh brightened every day. No matter how much he was dealing with, he always found something that amused him. His joy was contagious and we went through his health challenges together. Ron was also positive but in a different way. He started each morning early outside listening to the birds and he meditated and prayed. Joining him on the lanai, the serenity was palpable and, we had such deep conversations that always ended with mutual smiles.

As time went on, more and more health challenges presented. Both were tolerant and did not complain. Those challenges inspired me to savor each moment with them and do what I could to make whatever happened to them the best it could be. These were the times that I would consider my future, and both times it felt blank. I couldn’t imagine living on my own.

When Jacques died, my childhood friend Yvone stayed with me for a few months. She had helped me care for Jacques, and when he was gone, she helped me find a new home to start a new life. Then she moved away and I discovered what it was really like to be alone. I was lost. What I missed most was his laugh and kindness. I listened to music we loved and listened to together, and I read lots of books. I finally realized I didn’t have to be alone, so I started volunteering to help others. I also accepted invitations, something I didn’t realize I had been avoiding. I noticed I had created a new beginning, and I started to move forward.

After Jaques died, I had decided I wouldn’t date and I definitely would never marry again. The thought of having another husband die was terrifying and I couldn’t allow myself the possibility. Then I met Ron. He was so different from anyone I had known, and I found myself falling deeply in love, but it was different this time. I found myself feeling like even though Jaques died, I didn’t feel unmarried no matter what wedding vows said. Ron was patient for four years, and then we finally got married.

Not long after we were wed, Ron started having health problems. We dealt with all that happened together. When the end neared, we didn’t talk about it much and I knew he was ready to stop dealing with all the pain. As much as I knew it was coming, I still felt like I was in a state of shock when he transitioned. He had always encouraged me to live my best life, and while that sounded good, it wasn’t easy.

I journaled constantly until I discovered how much writing was helping me. When I started helping others to write about their grief, I knew I had found my life’s purpose.

I have traveled through ending and beginnings multiple times each in its own context. I am happy now and know that whatever comes my way in life, I can handle it with love and compassion every step along the way.

“Maybe the best things in life don’t arrive by plan, but by grace, when we are open enough to receive them.” Barry Hoffner.