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Be The Light

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We tend to be influenced by the people around us.  When someone is in a bad mood, do you feel that affecting you? Or when your companions are laughing and smiling, do you smile along? When I worked in the Emergency Room at the hospital, when I had to give someone sad news and they cried, I cried right along with them. That’s pretty normal behavior to act like those around you.

When I realized that even though I was grieving, I still could be happy, I discovered how important smiling is to me. While I was pretty good at smiling along with others, smiling on my own turned from a challenge to a pleasure. The best thing about that is when people smile along with me.

If you tend to be negative or if smiling on your own is hard for you to do, try seeking out joy. Where can you find it? Maybe there is a tv show that makes you laugh out loud, or you have a friend who tells the best jokes. Or when you see beautiful flowers blooming in the spring, or you see a rainbow, does your smile come naturally? Fill your mind with positive emotions and allow your smile to follow.

I’ve heard people say, “I’m grieving. I don’t have anything to smile about.” Chances are that person would have something they could smile about it they allowed it. When you see a baby or your child smiling or laughing, responding with a smile is natural. You would have to fight it to not smile, so just let go. There is nothing wrong with smiling while you are grieving.

When you smile, your brightness shines, and that will bring the beautiful light to those around you.  So, be the light and your smile will be reflected!

 

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

Grief and Happiness Handbook

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Grief and Happiness weekly Free Gatherings

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Dream Builder Life Coach

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Let’s Go to the Movies

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On an interview about her new movie, Sally Field was talking about how it was to work with an Octopus. Then she mentioned that the plot was about a widow dealing with grief, so I decided to watch Remarkably Bright Creatures, and I am so glad I did. The movie is beautifully done, and I was in love with Marcellis, the octopus, by the end. The movie is fresh and beautiful and allows you to feel for both the widow and for Marcellis.

It seems that most movies and television series have grief intertwined either in the main plot or in subplots. Many times, watching about someone else’s loss or sadness allow your tears to flow which can be a welcome release while you are grieving. Has that happened to you? Think about shows you have seen that have grief as the plot or subplot. Here are a few movies, some oldies and some new, to consider:

Steel Magnolias

The Whale

Collateral Beauty

The Descendants

The Big Chill

Ordinary People

Our Souls at Night

Titanic

A Star is Born

Marly and Me

Terms of Endearment

Beaches

Life is Beautiful

The Notebook

Beasts of the Southern Wild

Lion

Moonlight

E T

Toy Story 2

Me and Earl and the Dying Girl

Sophie’s Choice

Old Yeller

Million Dollar Baby

The Color Purple

Pieces of a Woman

The Farewell

Drive My Car

Monster

If Beale Street Could Talk

Up

Bambi

The Lion King

Frozen

Coco

Lilo and Stich

How many of these have you watched? What kinds of emotions did you feel?  Did it feel like it helped you?  What television shows have you watched that were about grief in some way? I’d love to see your comments about this?

Be sure to watch Remarkably Bright Creatures. Click here for a short preview.

It’s About Time

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Taking a bite of a stale piece of bread is so disappointing. Going stale easily sneaks up on you, or actually, it snuck on me, without my noticing. Since my husband Jacques died 20 years ago and my husband Ron died 9 years ago, I’ve lost other relatives and friends too and became immersed in helping others deal with grief and find happiness at the same time. While I am thrilled to find my purpose in doing all that entailed, I realize I’ve become a bit of a bore.

In the last year I have started broadening my horizons. I love to write and continue to write my blog every week and write our Grief and Happiness Newsletter. I also facilitate our weekly writing group with help from my friends Judy and Phil. Yet I found myself yearning for freshness, and I am so glad I did. I attended a women’s retreat with Karen Drucker on Kaua’i. I spent a week with my dear friends Fontaine and Michael.

And my dear friend Charmin came to visit me on Maui. I attended to business at my Ambulance company in California. I went on a cruise to Alaska with old and new friends. I started attending a gathering of friends who paint watercolors together, and another group of friends who go to theatre and concerts together.

This year I am planning a fabulous concert with my great friend Rickie Byars in Maui and am planning a beautiful retreat with my good friend Michael Sudman on the Big Island of Hawaii. And Sadie Beil and I are ramping up for our next From Mouring to Light international summit on Zoom with great new guests and topics.

As I write this blog, I am flying back from Pacentro and Rome in Italy where I went to celebrate a big birthday with Sadie and meet some new, great friends: Greg, Mel, Pietro, Karen, and Will. Besides a delightful birthday party, we went on spontaneous adventures like visiting the snow, cooking great food together, discovering new coffee drinks, and best of all having deep, meaningful talks as we got to know each other while we lived together in a Medieval village on the side of a mountain! Pieotro, Sadie’s husband, introduced us to so much to see and we discovered Rome from an Italian’s perspective instead of like tourists.

I am sharing all this to encourage you to think about what you are doing. What have you always wanted to do? Who do you want to do something with? Where do you want to go?  I encourage you to write in your journal exploring these questions. I’ve got a concert, a retreat, and a summit I would like to see you come to. And the Grief and Happiness Alliance Nonprofit Organization is gearing up a membership drive we could use help with as well as other fun plans.

So, dream big. Make a plan. Create new experiences and make new friends! And have so much fun doing what you want to! You can always feel even better than you do right now!

 

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

Grief and Happiness Handbook

Grief and Happiness Cards

Grief and Happiness weekly Free Gatherings

[email protected]

Dream Builder Life Coach

Life Master Consultant

Flexability

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I have been living through the 100-year storm in Hawaii in March of 2026. I am grateful that I live up-country where a great drainage system is built-in, so we aren’t experiencing the landslides and flooding prevalent on much of the island. Many trees have blown down or have lost branches. As I watch out my window, I am amazed by how far strong branches will bend until some of them snap and blow away.

I have been thinking about how a storm like this can be nature’s way of grieving.  I observe trees as they bend and sway in their artful dances. They remind me of early grief when our hearts and minds bounce around, straining as far as they as they possibly could. We experience chaos in our bodies wondering if we can take another breath. At some time, the wind dies down. Slowly. As we catch our breath, we start to see the mess left behind.

As we pick through the rubble, we toss the sharply broken pieces into the trash and search for what we want to save. Parts of our grief are weakened by being stretched so far. As we remember the warm hugs and gentle touch of our loved one, we crave them longing for the comfort of their presence. Discarding what is broken is so hard to do.

Not all is broken though. Parts of ourselves feel stretched to their limits, yet they can heal. As the storm wanes, it’s time to be gentle with ourselves. Practice loving self-care. Take naps when you need to, and notice as the sun starts to shine through the clouds. Recognize all the shades of green as your start to see them on your walk.

The world has weathered major storms throughout history, and the world is still here. Maui will get through this one. Roads will be repaired. Housing will be replaced. Nature will heal. The money will come from someplace even if we don’t know where right now. And you will move forward, too. Know that, and take good care of yourself in the process.

Believe

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Did you know that there is so much you can do if you believe you can? So many times, we can sabotage the dreams we have by not believing in ourselves. This often happens while we are grieving because it may feel like our world is falling apart because nothing is the same. The good news is that you can change your situation when you believe you can.

This morning a dear friend told me that she decided she needed a bigger house. On the day she decided, she ran into a friend who had a bigger house to rent, so she easily found exactly what she needed. I’ve done that too. My husband and I bought three houses in the time we were together. For each one, we wrote a list of exactly what we wanted in detail, and within a week each time, we found exactly what we needed at a price we could afford. For two of those houses, we even made a huge profit on the sale of the house we had been living in.

Your belief can make things happen, but what you want won’t just fall into your lap. Your actions and words must be in alignment to ensure the outcome you desire. Let’s say you want to be an artist. First you must decide what kind of artist you want to be. Then you must learn how to master that technique. Then you must discover how to display your work so your intended audience can see it. Nothing is so simple as just saying you want something.

After my husband died, I had a friend who was persistent in asking me if I was dating, and I always said no. Finally, I thought there must be a reason she was doing this. I was hesitant because my husband who died was so wonderful, I didn’t think it was possible to find anyone else I would want to be with. To prove that to myself, I made a list of all the traits and accomplishments anybody I would go out with must have. The list was long and detailed. I finally went on Match.com, and I was right. Just about every person did not fill many items on my list, but one did. I was shocked as I checked off every item on my list, and he even had more items that were wonderful. I was so glad that I stopped being stubborn and allowed myself to find my new husband.

How would you design the life you want to live? What makes you feel good and happy? Take some time to explore in writing what, where, and how you want to be. Use specific details. As I sit on my lanai enjoying a cool breeze, the many bird songs, and the view of two sides on the island of Maui, I am grateful to believe in myself which allowed me to create the miraculous life I love.

 

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

Grief and Happiness Handbook

Grief and Happiness weekly Free Gatherings

[email protected]

Dream Builder Life Coach

Life Master Consultant

Ordinary Moments

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Often after a loved one dies, it’s the ordinary moments we miss the most.  I remember how my mother and sister loved to shop.  When I would be visiting with one or both of them, we almost always ended up shopping. What was different shopping with them was they rarely bought anything. I used to think that was a big waste of time until I realized, that was the way we spent time together and find things to talk about.

My father loved to take us all out to dinner. He loved to have and excuse to dine out and he loved to eat! When I brought my finance Jacques to meet my parents, we met at a restaurant. Jaques was nervous, so I told him if he wanted to impress my dad, he should pick up the check. He did, and he made a big impression because no one else in the family ever did that. My dad also loved to take my children to get ice cream whenever he had the opportunity to pick them up after school, but I think that was mostly because he loved ice cream!

Jacques and I used to love to listen to live music and we loved to dance together, so we would look for opportunities to do one or both of those.  Ron and I loved to sit outside as much as we could.  There were so many bird songs to listen to and well as amazing tropic al plants to enjoy. We also loved to watch the fantastic Maui sunset and enjoy that special golden hour.

When my friend’s mother died, she invited me to come to her mother’s house along with her sister so we could all make cookies together. Her family had the tradition of serving cookies after funerals, so we made lots of cookies and had great conversations.

Our lives are made up mostly of ordinary moments, and those moments can be what we miss the most when our loved ones aren’t here to share them with. What are your favorite ordinary moments? Who do you share them with?

How can you make your current ordinary moments extraordinary and memorable now?

 

 

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

Grief and Happiness Handbook

Grief and Happiness Cards

Grief and Happiness weekly Free Gatherings

[email protected]

Dream Builder Life Coach

Life Master Consultant