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Dream Your Dreams

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Do you ever get a song stuck in your head and you find yourself singing bits of it all day?

That happens to me all the time, and the song for me today is I Dreamed a Dream from the hit musical Les Mis. Here are some of the words:

I dreamed a dream in time gone by

When hope was high and life worth living

I dreamed that love would never die . . .

And still I dream he’ll come to me

That we would live the years together

But there are dreams that cannot be. . .*

Jacques and I were 21 years apart so I knew that chances were he would go before me, but after 22 years of marriage, I was lost without him. We were fortunate to be together that long, but I always had the dream of a 50th wedding anniversary. And I was alone. In my life I had never lived alone, and all my dreams had to change. I had no intention of marrying again since I still felt married.

Have your dreams had to change? It’s hard, isn’t it.  We are so conditioned to be husband and wife, or a couple, or mother and child, or the role you played before any loss.  So how have your dreams changed since your loss? What have you done about your loneliness?

I did end up marrying again, and when Ron died, I was overwhelmed. Throughout our lives we experience more and more loss. We can become hardened or depressed, but it is much better for you to decide the best ways for you to start moving forward. Discover the dreams you’d like to experience. A good way to do this is to write about it. Here are some ideas of things to write about to help you find new dreams to dream.

I love to make lists. They help me find what I want to further explore. Get out a new journal, I use composition books you can pick up in drug stores or office supply stores. Here are some ideas of things to write about to help you find new dreams to dream:

List one: What are some places you have always wanted to go to and either couldn’t for some reason, or just didn’t get around to. Have you always wanted to travel, like to Tuscany or Bali? Or maybe you wanted to go to National Parks, or to the beach, or to Broadway.

List two: What have you always wanted to do in your community? Think about opportunities like volunteering at a hospital or homeless center. How about volunteering to make meals with a group that arranges something like that. Or volunteer to clean the beach or a forest or a roadside.

List three: What would you like to do to take care of yourself? Play pickle ball. Swim laps at the community pool. Take a dance class or a yoga class. Take a ceramics class or a watercolor class. Join a support group. Join a gym.

List four: Learn a new skill to get a different job. Make a list of occupations you are interested in.  Search online for training programs of jobs you like. Check at the local community college or university.

As you think about all these things, think about the people you would like to meet. Where would they be? Think about what you will do to feel comfortable in a new place.  You may not have needed to plan things like this in the past, but everything is different now. Going someplace different that where you have been comfortable in the past may not be easy.

The key here is to get out of your home and change your perspective. In the process, start thinking about the new dreams you want to dream.  As you do that, think about what you can actively do to make those dreams come true. Then, set your intention for what sounds like you would like to experience the most.

Dreams can come true.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*Song writers: Alain Albert Boublil / Claude Michel Schonberg / Herbert Kretzmer / Jean Marc Natel.  I Dreamed a Dream lyrics ©

Growing and Moving Forward

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A group of friends from all over the country gathered online in the Summer of 2021 to explore the concept of grieving and being happy at the same time. Over the course of several meetings, we were convinced that was not only a concept, but it is also the truth.

Before we started this conversation, I had been facilitating a writing through grief group. We loved doing this, but I felt something was missing. As I completed Marci Shimoff’s Happy For No Reason Certified Trainer Program, I realized Happiness is exactly what I wanted to include for the people coming to me for comfort.

This group brought the inspiration we loved, and we loved the idea so much, we brought it into action with our creativity. And this group was inspired to also create a nonprofit organization to fund all of this so anyone who wants to can come to our gatherings and find comfort, support, love, and happiness.

Since the summer of 2021, we have accomplished much by doing things like creating  online events for people to come together and discover ways for them to find happiness, creating a movie club, where we come together to discuss movies we choose that feature grief, happiness, or both. We also co-hosted the international summit From Mourning to Light to offer inspiration to people showing them that they can grieve and be happy at the same time. We created a Grief and Happiness Facilitator training program.  And we published the Grief and Happiness Handbook and the Grief and Happiness Cards, with all profit going to the foundation we created.

Whew! That’s a lot! And there is much more we plan to do. The thing is, as we grow in all we do, we are serving more people. And that’s where you come in. We see that when people come to our gatherings because a friend , who is already attending the gatherings, invited them to come, are motivated to come and to keep attending. Who can you invite? Holding each other up is comforting and motivating to you both! If you haven’t been attending, now is the time to start! If you are attending, who can you bring with you?

The Grief and Happiness Nonprofit organization is welcoming people who would love this opportunity to serve this community of people who are benefiting from the love and comfort you can provide. Please let us know how you would love to be involved.

Serving you all is the joy of my life. You too will feel much joy, love, and comfort by serving along with us.

 

Click on this link for a list of areas you can choose from or suggest something you would like to do. The list is at the bottom of the page.

You can click on this email link to to offer what you would like to do.

Click here for a printable link of opportunities. 29 Opportunities to Serve the Grief and Happiness Alliance Nonprofit Organization

 

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, by clicking here

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance Gatherings which meet weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here. https://a.co/d/eWNx3j1

Who Are You

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When grieving, we often struggle with our sense of self. You may feel that one or more descriptive words you have identified with no longer seems accurate. After my husband died, I still felt like a wife since I had been one for so long. After my miscarriage, I lost the description of expectant mother.  After my parents died, a friend pointed out that I was an orphan. I definitely didn’t want that descriptor. When I retired, I still felt like a teacher. When I moved to Hawaii, I was no longer a Californian. When I finished my last nursing job, I still felt like a nurse, actually, I still do.

While all these descriptors don’t accurately indicate who I am now, they all are a part of what made me who I am today. Now, I could describe myself as a widow two times over, but to me, that description has a negative connotation. I could also define myself as single, but that doesn’t resonate with me either. I am so much more than a previous marital status.  So instead of expressing all the things I am not, I decided to list all the things I am.

I Am Alive. I have seen many people fade or just give up when they reach a certain age, and I have seen that for them, their quality of life, their energy, their will to live dims and often leads to an early death. I choose to fully experience my aliveness by getting up early, journaling, eating well, going for walks, enjoying art and music, and most of all delighting in my relationships.

I Am Creative. My creativity brings me so much happiness. I love to create new things like the Grief and Happiness Alliance, The Grief and Happiness Podcast, the six books I have published, the cards I created, the blankets I crochet, the food I lovingly prepare, the paintings and drawings I do, the online classes I created, the theatre, art gallery, schools of arts, and a café. I created, the nonprofit organizations I started. And I could go on.

I Am Unconditional Love. By giving up putting constraints on my relationships, they were able to blossom into more beautiful interconnections than I had experienced before. I now concentrate on giving and receiving unconditional love. I relish the love I have shared throughout my life in all the relationships I have been in.

I Am Healthy. Much of my life I have been dealing with ailments and injuries. When I stop focusing on those things and instead consider how I feel in each moment, generally, I feel great. Though I may have a cold or a broken toe, those things don’t control the joy in my heart or the strength of my love and happiness.

I Am Beautiful. Looking in the mirror, I focus on my smile and know that is the biggest contributor to my beauty and I am happy to share that.

Writing this description of me feels so good. What a wonderful life I lead.  Take a moment consider who you are and who you are striving to be. Make you own list of your best qualities and you will be amazed. You are unique and special in all the ways you choose to be. Focusing on who you are brightens your life experience. Enjoy!

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, by clicking here

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here. https://a.co/d/eWNx3j1

What’s Going On?

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Last night a tornado warning came across our phones and tv telling us to find shelter. I was shocked. I hadn’t heard of tornados on Hawaii before, so I researched it and discovered that Hawaii ranks 48 out of 50 states in possibility of tornados. That’s pretty low odds, so I thought I was probably safe, but it sure made me think.

All over the world we are experiencing unprecedented happenings from the volcano eruption in Iceland, to the tornado swarm in the southeast area of the United States, to the wildfires on Maui, to the huge fires in many areas of the world, to the rising temperatures worldwide, to devastating wars, to protests and picket lines, and to political division.

That’s a lot.

I woke up this morning with Marvin Gay’s song “What’s Going On” running through my head.  Melody Russel wrote in American Songwriter “The song carries a profound meaning, delving into Gaye’s fervent social and environmental apprehensions…. It was a reflection, a mirror held up to a society in turmoil.… The masterwork captures the spirit of the early 1970s, highlighting a period marked by activism, civil unrest, and a passionate call for change.”

Over 50 years later, I still don’t see the answer to Marvin Gay’s question, “What’s going on.” I keep thinking that maybe we just are hearing lots more about what’s happening with the easy access to the internet we have now. While we can’t prevent most of the natural disasters, we can work together to care for each other and our world.

While we most often deal with the grief that comes from personal loss, we all are dealing with some form of a more universal loss. Just as we need to take care of ourselves as we deal with our personal loss, it’s critical that we recognize the collective grief of our friends, our community, our country, and our world. Consider how we can hold each other up and move forward with support and loving kindness.

We have learned that If we don’t learn from history, we are doomed to repeat it. There is so much we can do to that is positive and supporting. I encourage you to think about the loss that is going on around you and choose some ways that you can make a difference, then do something. You could commit to voting, recycling, driving less, using water wisely, eliminating flammable materials from your property, or participating in community organizations. There is so much to choose from that can make a difference. Just chose something and start making a difference.

Our collective grief is softened by caring what happens to people and the planet. When we believe that our loving can change the world, it will. Let’s do this.

 

 

“What’s Going On” listen here.

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance website

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief website

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, by clicking here

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here. https://a.co/d/eWNx3j1

 

The Enduring Meaning Behind Marvin Gaye’s Signature Hit “What’s Going On?”

The Enduring Meaning Behind Marvin Gaye’s Signature Hit “What’s Going On?”

Grief is Not a One Person Job

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I heard a rustling in the dry leaves under my avocado tree. When I tried to check it out, a whole family rushed out: a rooster, a hen, and 5 chicks.  They ran for their lives away from me. Chicken families tend to stick together to travel from one destination to the next I am sure for self-preservation. Contemplating this, I wonder why humans don’t do a better job at supporting each other.

People often tell me they feel so alone in their grief, and I understand that. After my husband Jacques died, I found myself alone much of the time. I didn’t have the inspiration or strength I needed to figure out how to do anything about my situation, so I stayed alone for quite a while.

After Ron died, I made the decision to do things differently than I had before. When I was ready, I started small. I would send an email or write a letter to someone I wanted to hear from. And I moved forward from there by asking a friend to join me for a cup of tea or a walk. That human contact felt so good. Then I started inviting people to come to my house to write together, play games, or work on projects.

The more time I spent with others, the better I felt. And I noticed that people I spent time with were smiling. I realized that they were reflecting my smile back to me. I was feeling so good about the time I was spending with others, I decided to reach out to people dealing with grief and loss to and invite them to meet with me online to write together, talk about what we write, learn happiness practices, and make new friends. I created the Grief and Happiness Alliance to do just that.

I now have friends from around the world who gather with me online each week to experience the comfort and support from others who understand the value of spending time with people while they are grieving. When we don’t make an effort to actively deal with our grief, we can easily get lost in our isolation. However, we can easily step forward by contacting people we love and by finding your new tribe in a beautiful place like the Grief and Happiness Alliance. I would love to see you there.

 

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here at Amazon:

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, by clicking here

The People You Touch

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In early grief, self-isolation is common. Frequently, we are not interested in conversation and talking to anyone may seem like a chore. We may not even feel like getting out of bed or getting up off the couch. Being outside may feel insecure, so hibernating indoors, waiting for all the pain to fade away, may be the best thing we can do at that moment.

Eventually, the light starts to break through. Maybe it’s a particularly beautiful sunrise you step outside to fully experience. Or maybe you develop a craving for a certain food, so you venture to the corner store. Whatever the inspiration, inevitably, you’ll be ready to start moving forward.

Initially, your friends and family may have been checking up on you, but the longer you are isolated, the less frequently they reach out. Now that you are awakening, you see that the rest of the world has already moved on. What you are missing now is company, but you may be too tender to reach out.

If this is your situation, commit to self-care.  Start by daydreaming about what would feel good who you would enjoy being with. One of my friends decided to take me to the beach. I didn’t have much energy, so I sat in my beach chair while she went on a walk. Basking in the sunshine, I enjoyed the rhythm of the waves and the children’s laughter at the shore.  This felt so good, and I knew I was ready to bring myself to the beach next time and go for a walk.

Instead of waiting for someone else to come along and sweep me away, I signed up for a ceramics class. This was a safe space for me to observe, listen and learn. And feeling the clay in my hands again after so long was refreshing. I realized that my creativity nurtures me, and I decided to do more. I also enjoyed listening to the conversations of my fellow students and eventually joined in.

I gained strength by being with others, so I decided to create a group of people who were grieving and wanting to feel better. We could get together and write and share what we were writing. Strangers to each other at first, we became like family, caring for and supporting each other. And the group grew.

With Thanksgiving coming up, I had been dreading the holiday alone. Most people I knew already had plans for the day, so I decided to invite people I’d been missing to come to my house the week before Thanksgiving for a Friendsgiving celebration. Many people came and were thrilled to get together again. We ate and played music and games, having a wonderful time.

I realized I didn’t have to be alone. Many people had missed me and were at a loss of how to reconnect. Being with my friends, feeling the warmth of their care, I knew I was on my way forward, never to go back to the lonely, isolated place I’d been dwelling.

Now I know that while enjoying some alone time and rest, being with old and new friends is where I am meant to be. Now I facilitate gatherings, I take and teach classes, and I don’t hesitate to reach out when I desire company. With those people I touch now, I am developing rich, deep relationships which greatly enhance our life experiences, and I am grateful.

 

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here at Amazon:

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, by clicking here