Community

Look Up

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Anymore when I am out in public, I find myself on high alert because it seems that everyone around me is looking down at their phones. They are so engrossed that if I don’t watch out, they will walk right into me and get exasperated that I was in their way. I am sure they are looking at something that caught their attention on their phones or they are texting, but I see the rest of the world go by them, and I see things they are missing out on.  

I choose to look up at all that is around me which, most often, is beautiful. I look up at the solid blue sky with constantly shape-shifting clouds moving along, creating their own stories. Right now, I see what appears to be a mother bird showing her tiny family how to fly, floating softly along their way. And in the time it took me to write that sentence, that same cloud is now a breaching whale frolicking in the blue water, but only for a moment because the wind blew him on his way.

I use my imagination to create new thoughts. When I allow it to flow freely, I become creative and allow those thoughts to create an ever-changing backdrop to my life. Often while grieving people find themselves in the same chair or on the same couch mindlessly staring at the same shows on the television and allowing their precious time to disappear without taking advantage of it. This results in a condition of being stuck in their grief because when people ignore what they need to be experiencing, their lives become stagnant. 

When you find yourself in this mire, try firing up your imagination. You’ll find that the more you imagine, the more you will have to imagine about.  Try this, try creating some sentences with the words “What if?”

 “What if you stepped outside and went for a walk?” What would you feel, see, or taste?

Or 

“What if you called the friend you have been missing just to tell them hello?” Where would that lead? Maybe you would get together to get a cup of coffee or go to a movie. 

Or

What if I finally sign up for that class I have been longing to take?” Maybe you’d meet new friends. Or maybe you would find a new passion by allowing your creativity to step forward. 

You will see that the more you use your imagination, the more things you will find to use your imagination about. I just spoke to someone who wanted to help others who were grieving like she was. She imagined a beautiful online retreat. Her imagination was so vivid that she created that retreat, and people loved it!

When you look up and you long to make a change in your life, you can. Be open to possibilities. Your imagination is unlimited. Your wisdom is what is right now, in this moment! Discover what is yours to do!

Look up!

 

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

My email is [email protected]

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You can listen to my podcast here.

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You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.

 

Say What You Need to Say

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I awoke this morning with the song “Say” by John Mayer running through my head.  The song played through the movie The Bucket List which was released in 2007 and led to a phenomenon of people making a list of what they want to do before they die, then doing whatever they needed to do to complete that list.

I googled the song so I could listen to all the words which inspired me to think about my own Bucket List. Most of the things I thought of I have already accomplished, like finding the man of my dreams and marrying him. I did that. Twice. I traveled to five of the seven continents. I guess I could put Australia on the list, and I don’t plan to go to Antarctica.

I live in a tropical paradise. I earned the education I desired and continue learning all the time. I have written 6 books. I host a popular podcast. I have wonderful family and close friends, including my Hawaiian Ohana.

So, what’s left?

I find joy every day in the service of people dealing with grief and loss.  I do that in lots of ways from writing, to talking, to teaching, and whatever way seems appropriate in the moment. All this has led me to think about writing a lifetime gratitude list where I consider all the wonder of my life.

This also leads me to think of what I didn’t say. With both my husbands, we said things to each other all the time so that when they transitioned, I didn’t feel like I missed something. On the other hand, I know I didn’t say what I would have liked to say to my parents, my sister, or to people who were very special to me, but their deaths were not anticipated at the time. Having these experiences has led me to communicate so much more effectively.  Especially, I say “I love you” lots!

What do you need to say or do? Instead of a bucket list, how about a Love and Gratitude list. Tell everyone you love that you love them! And let them know why you do–

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, by clicking here

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.

Let’s Connect

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Sitting alone in the evening was such a tough time for me in early grief. I longed for someone to talk to about my day or what my dreams were. I turned to my journal at times like this where I could pour my heart out and figure out what I wanted, where I was going. Does this sound like experiences you have had?

When dealing with loss, I found that people who I considered friends tended to stay away from spending time with me. I was surprised at that.This was the time I longed for their presence, but they weren’t there.  I justified the absence by telling myself that they must be busy. When I had an opportunity to talk to a friend, I told her I missed her and would love to spend time with her. I was surprised when she told me that she was sorry. She wanted to spend time with me, but she didn’t know what to say. She didn’t want to make me feel worse by saying the wrong thing. Wow. What a shock.

I was looking at my loneliness was something that someone else had to fix, but while sitting by myself I knew that I had to take the first step. I remembered that some of my friends ha asked me in the past had asked me how to cook vegan food that tasted good  since they knew I was a certified vegan chef.  With this inspiration, I asked some friends to come to my house to learn how to fix a tasty vegan meal. My friends were happy to join me knowing they had something positive to do together.

Reaching out to who I wanted to be with worked for me. I invited people to go to concerts, to classes, to a film festival, and to my house to make Christmas ornaments together.  Relieving them of their perceived obligation to deal with my grief opened the way for us to be comfortable spending time together. As they saw how I could speak comfortably about my husband who had transitioned allowed them the comfort to join in the conversation when they wanted to.

I found much comfort in writing about what I was dealing this a decided to reach out to people who were seeking ways to deal with their grief. At that time, I didn’t know that many people on Maui who were driving, so I put a message on MeetUp and invited people to come to my house to write about grief together and then talk about it. Suddenly I had a new group of friends who met regularly who were grateful to have found a caring group of friends to share experiences with.

Now I offer you the opportunity to write about things dealing with grief, then share what you wrote about with a whole new groups of friends who get you, like I do. We gather on Zoom once a week and our Grief and Happiness Alliance Nonprofit Organization covers the expenses so you don’t have to pay a thing. People who come to the gatherings have told meow much they appreciate what we do together and the new friends they make.  I have made many new friends from around the world by participating in in this group.

I invite you to connect with me and with your new friends who all are dealing with grief and loss. Much comfort comes from this practice of self-care. And I get to meet you and know you, and share with you, and I love that opportunity. Pease join us! You can make a reservation each week by clicked on this link.

I look forward to connecting with you!

 

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

 

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, by clicking here

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here. https://a.co/d/eWNx3j1

You can sign up for our newsletter here

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, by clicking here

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.

Order

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This morning, when I awakened, I gazed out my window. I saw millions of spiderwebs on the bushes of the house next-door. I wondered how all those spiders could possibly know that it was a good place for them to build their delicate, yet strong, webs. A whole community of spiders and spiderwebs were  there, sparkling in the sunlight. Seeing spiders diligently creating their masterpieces was fascinating. Scurrying on a perfect path, they connected the webs they were weaving with little blobs of sparkling stickiness. The sun was shining just right so that the webs glowed, decorated with what seemed to be tiny rainbows reflecting the colors around them. Webs swaying a little from the breeze constantly caused me amazement. How could the spiders possibly get a web that goes across an open space from such a great distance? How did they make it work? How did they figure it all out? Do they tell their spider friends, “This is the place to be. This is where we’re gonna do this together and create this amazing sculpture” ?

These busy spiders inspired me to think about the whales that come to Maui every year. Starting in Alaska, the whales swim to Maui. Some whales seem like they’re traveling by themselves, yet without the GPS that we depend on, they always arrive at Maui. Enticed by the warmer water, they glide through the gentle waves flowing between the islands of Molokai, Maui, Lanai, and Kaho’lawe. The warmth is a result of the waters being shallower than in the rest of the ocean. Ten thousand whales migrate to Maui to give birth. Watching up to sixty feet long humpback whales breaching out of the water is breathtaking. The mothers and babies frolic and splash their way through the ocean together. They’re just astonishing, but what gets me the most is the trip they take every year. How could they possibly know how they are supposed to go all the way from Alaska to Hawaii, which is considered the most remote place in the world, without having any kind of GPS. Whales just make the trip automatically, migrating back and forth between Alaska and Hawaii. It seems that they would need some form of guidance, even if it’s just looking at the sky. 

Do you have an automatic pilot just like the whales? What’s the order of your life? Many of us get up and do what we think we’re supposed to do all day long and then go to bed at night and sleep and start over again the next morning. We take one step at a time without a lot of thought, without realizing all the choices that we make every single day, every moment. When are we going to drink water? When are we going to have something to eat? When are we going to get up and move? When are we going outside? When are we going to be talking to someone? What are we talking about? In Hawaii we’ve got something called Talk Story where people get together and just talk about whatever they want to. This conversation is what ties the culture together, where people discover commonality, where they express genuine love, not so much romantic love, but the love and compassion of being alive and connecting with others. 

By learning to Talk Story, I found my purpose in writing and demonstrating happiness. I write in my journal every day and that helps guide me and inspire me for the choices I make. I chronicle every day to hold on to special memories. I also record what I’m grateful for and why I’m grateful for it. And I write books and teach others to write to help them deal with grief and find happiness.

I’m grateful today, and every day, for realizing that my purpose includes serving others. How can I help someone who is grieving or dealing with loss? How can I help them realize that happiness is perfectly normal and that it’s OK to be able to feel happy even when you’re grieving? Though that may sound strange, it’s not. I’m not happy that I’m grieving, but I’m happy that I’m alive. I’m happy that I’m making the best of my life, consciously paying attention to my thoughts and what I do, being mindful of every moment.

What’s your purpose? What are you doing? What are you meant to do? How can you make your life better? How can you make your life the absolute best it can be? What do you need to do to make your life miraculous? How do you notice the beauty and wonder in the world? How can you share the inspiration you discover? What does your heart desire? What is it that you really crave? I’m not suggesting just making goals, though goals are great to get you from one point to another, I am asking you to identify an overarching purpose for everything.

 I encourage you, or maybe even challenge you, to pay attention to who you are and what you are doing.  Write in your journal to explore who you are and what you aspire to. What is your true purpose in life? How would you like to share this with your loved ones, both now and in the future?  Writing like this can help to open up your world.

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, by clicking here

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here. https://a.co/d/eWNx3j1

You can sign up for our newsletter here

Order blog for April 24 19 or 2024

Take a Ride

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As a child, on Sunday afternoon my parents and I would often go for a ride in the car. We lived in a small farming town where there wasn’t much to do, so these rides were a very special treat. I sat in the back seat gazing out the window at the beauty of nature. The car didn’t have a radio so we would all sing together the same songs every time: A Bicycle Built for Two, California Here I Come, The Old Rugged Cross, and more.

I got quite an education from watching flood waters, remnants of fires, a dam being built, fragrant orange blossoms, and miles of fields growing cotton.

My favorite was going out in the spring to see all the wildflowers. Mom knew the names of every one of them. Sometimes we’d stop so we could get outside to see them up close. My favorites were the vast acreage of bright orange poppies especially when they had deep bluish purple lupine mixed in. That’s still my favorite color combination.

Recently I had to get a ride from a friend to an appointment. The weather was strange that day with light gray clouds high up in the sky providing an umbrella for the whole island of Maui. Under the clouds was crystal clear making everything seem bright and beautiful.

I had been on the road on the side of Haleakala volcano many times before, but this is the first time I saw it when I wasn’t driving. I was astounded by the beauty of the view of the valley between both sides of the island. It was easy to see the island of Lanai and the tops of the west Maui mountains both of which are usually covered with clouds.

The tropical flowers were stunning and so big. The colors were vibrant. Even the weeds were gorgeous displaying their own blossoms. And I spotted a contented goat standing by the road munching on those pretty weeds! I was so refreshed by the time I got home.

Those of us grieving often find it easy to hibernate, staying inside our homes with the curtains closed. This environment can become stuffy and colorless. If you start feeling this way, try getting outside. Jump into your car and drive someplace unfamiliar and beautiful. Take time to stop and experience fresh air and fragrant flowers. Stretch and maybe even take a walk. Look at everything with new eyes enjoying all you discover. Try taking some pictures or doing some sketches. Just relax and allow yourself to be immersed in the natural beauty.

You will find the more often you do this, the better you will feel. Take good care of your precious self.

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, by clicking here

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here. https://a.co/d/eWNx3j1

You can sign up for our newsletter here

Giving

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I am always on the lookout for information about happiness, and today I found an article written by psychologist Adam Grant written in Inc. Newsletter. He posits that overall happiness is supported by giving. That concept resonates with me and led to me to think about how I frequently say I am happier now than I ever have been. The biggest difference in my life now is that I focus on generosity, giving in many different ways. For me, it’s not only the generosity, but it’s my new mindset that comes along with it, that results in joy.

Much of my life I’ve been trying to prove things about me, and I know that started when I was growing up.  In elementary school, the encouragement I heard most often from my parents, especially at report card time, was that I could do so much better if I only tried harder.  They didn’t realize, I was trying to do what was expected of me, I just wasn’t getting the results that others expected. I know now that feeling of constant failure was not created by a lack trying. Instead, my biggest challenge was my inability to see well.  I convinced myself that I couldn’t read at grade level, that I couldn’t control my handwriting to make it legible, and that I wasn’t capable of paying attention to what I was supposed to be learning because I had so much trouble doing what seemed to come easily to my classmates.

I was a shy child, observing rather that participating in things I wished I was able to enjoy.  When I finally had a required vision screening at school in fifth grade, I was diagnosed with significant problems with my vision.  While I was grateful to have an excuse for my failure, I was so far behind my classmates that catching up seemed impossible. In seventh grade my teacher used me as the example of the bad student in class because I couldn’t spell or keep up. She would even read out loud to the class my spelling errors, like the day when she pointed out what to her was the funniest error I had made so far by spelling people: peepole. She decided that I had to flunk that year, and I was mortified. Finally, after much begging, I was allowed to go to summer school to catch up on all that I was severely behind in.

That summer turned my life around. Mrs. Wilson was an amazing teacher who could see my desire to do my best. She spent extra time with me and was so supporting and positive. I went from being the worst student in class, or maybe in the whole school, to being the student who tried the hardest. I improved my grades to the point I was able to go into eighth grade in the fall. This new joy of learning changed my life. I became compulsive about proving I was doing my best.

From then on, I knocked myself out by setting goals and doing all I could to succeed. This led to lots of honors and opportunities. As an adult, I constantly tried to prove to myself that I was the best at whatever I did. While this led to great experiences, it also led to stress and exhaustion. However, being married to Jacques and later to Ron, I learned what it felt like to be appreciated and loved unconditionally. I was most thrilled that each of them called me a renaissance woman because of all I did and achieved.

When I got to the point where I had the financial security to choose how I wanted to spend my time and money, that’s when the genuine joy entered my life. I started my teaching career at the university by taking on the classes of the students who were struggling the most. From my learned compassion, I saw amazing progress and success with my students who had felt doomed to fail at higher education. I served my community by volunteering for things that brought me joy by helping others, like serving on the Self Esteem Commission, to be on the board for an after-school arts program, and so much more. The more I volunteered for and donated to, the happier I became.

This shift profoundly affected my choices and my contributions. And after both my wonderful husbands died, instead of sinking into my sorrow, I found many ways to help people deal with their grief, and I am richly rewarded. The difference is that now instead of rewards coming from honors, awards, and financial gain, my happiness comes from helping others to learn how they can grieve and be happy at the same time. Every time that all who attend a Grief and Happiness Alliance gathering find themselves smiling at the end of our time together, or when someone tells me how much my books, cards, and podcast brings them comfort and support, I am reminded of how happy I am to contribute to how they are feeling.

I now give my services, my time, and my abundance to others, and I am happy and more fulfilled than I ever have been.

What and how to you give? What else can you do to give even more? I promise that your happiness will grow as your giving does.

 

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, by clicking here

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.

You can sign up for our newsletter here