Community

Monkey See, and I Did Too

by

I am writing this from the middle of the Monkey Forrest in Ubud as I wait for my friends who are vigorous explorers. I am surrounded by what seems like a million monkeys and am observing so many life lessons. As we purchased our tickets we were given specific instructions  on what to do and not do as we enter the Monkey Forrest which seemed to be ignored by most of the crowd.

I walked with my friends who I only met two days ago at the workshop I am attending. They are delightful and kind, always being sure to let me hold on to one of them when I was going down steps or walking on uneven ground. 

I see tiny baby monkeys and more sedentary elders. The young monkey families stick close together while the youth run, and forage, and grab anything loose or shiny. One little guy had torn up a cigarette pack and was sucking on broken cigarettes. Another had dismantled a plastic mint box and was enjoying his bounty. The humans were doing them no favors.

One young man was startled as a monkey jumped on his back trying to open the zippers on his back pack. He started to panic trying to knock the monkey off his back when a park worker told him to stop that and keep walking, and as he did, the monkey jumped down. Another young man had an insect repellent bottle dangling off his back pack and a little monkey jumped up and grabbed the bottle sucking it like a baby bottle and ripping it from the backpack as the man knocked him away.

After I left my group to find somewhere to sit, I saw two monkeys fighting then running toward me as the battle continued. They had told us not to run from the monkeys, so I stood still. One ran behind me and was peeking around my legs at the other who was making faces at him while creating hissing screeches. I knew not to look them in the eye, so I observed aloofly until they seemed to decide that I was too big an obstacle and ran their separate ways. A little scary yet exhilarating!

As I continued my walk, I saw that the monkeys were observing us as we were observing them. They groomed and fed each other. They socialized in groups. They stared at us trying to make eye contact. They had no fear. They petted and hugged each other. Families huddled together. Their lives seemed simple, carefree, joyful, and loving. 

I learned much from the monkeys.

Do You Need Help?

by

I love to help people. I always have ideas I like to share with people when the express something I know I have just what they need. But I am realizing that sometimes they need me to just shut up and listen really paying attention. 

Have you ever been in a situation where there was something heavy on your heart and you just needed to express it? You finally get the perfect opportunity and right when you get to the important part of your story, someone says “Oh, I know how you feel. That happened to me.” Then someone else says, “Me too! This is what you need to do about that.” Then the two of them get into a discussion and there you sit, in limbo. You didn’t get to finish your story, and you feel worse than you did before you started to share.

That happened to me yesterday, only I was the one getting into a discussion with a third person about what the story teller could do about her situation even though we hadn’t heard the whole story. Fortunately, our story teller let us talk a little, and then told us that she didn’t finish and that she wanted to complete expressing herself, and that she wasn’t looking for advice. She just needed to be heard. 

That took my breath away. Here I was trying to help yet did more damage than good. So we became silent and really paid attention while she finished what she needed to say. She took a big breath, and sat in silence. Then she thanked us explaining she just needed to be heard. And we offered no advice. 

I’ve been thinking of this experience. It caused me to ponder what I say and when I say it. I realize that instead of thinking about what I can say in response to what someone is saying, I just need to sit in silence, gently observing the speaker and holding support for her journey. Realizing this has been humbling. I commit to paying more attention now, listening, and allowing someone the opportunity to be heard. 

Of course I am still full of advice, but now I will always think before I speak. 

 

Check out my social media 

Creating Community

by

Sharon and I shared a similar experience in that we moved with our husbands to Maui only to have them die not long after we arrived. While Maui is beautiful, it is one of the most isolated places in the world to live. So both of us discovered ways to meet people and get involved in our community which has brought us joy and a sense of belonging. We love it here.

When Ron and I first moved into our home, our lawn was carpeted with fallen lilikoi, or passion fruit as some people call it. While I love the taste and fragrance of lilikoi, I had no idea what to do with so much of it. We also had lots of papayas and bananas. While this bounty of fresh tropical fruit was wonderful, we couldn’t begin to eat it all, and I couldn’t stand to see it go to waste. I discovered an app called Nextdoor.com where I could post things that my neighbors could read, so I used it to notify my neighbors that I had fruit to share. Every Friday afternoon from 4 to 5, I invite anyone who wants to come to share what they have from their gardens that is more than they can use. We have a regular following now who come very week as well as new people who come occasionally. We’ve developed our own little Ohana, the Hawaiian word for family. And we all have all the produce and eggs we can eat. I met Sharon there.

When Sharon moved to the island, she had the comfort she found from her church, but she was happy to meet new people. She spends lots of time in her big beautiful yard tending fruits and vegetables. At one point, she had quite an abundance of vegetables, so she decided to invite the people she had met so far to her home for a luncheon of a big batch of ratatouille. The food was luscious, and I made new friends there. She also was involved in the Maui Farmers Union United who is happy to have home gardeners involved, so she invited me to their meetings. I loved this group and joined to go to their monthly potlucks and learn all about food farming on the island. And I also discovered Neil and Elena there, part of our Produce Share family.

Monday Sharon did another pop-up luncheon, this time with both green and red gazpacho due to an abundance of tomatoes and avocados. Yum! And served with new friends!

Recently Shena invited me to an Intention Circle. A new experience for me, a group of eight people gather to listen to each other’s intentions and meditate considering them and supporting each other. It was a powerful gathering, and the best part was I met eight new friends! I have discovered that in order to meet people and have wonderful experiences on Maui, I just need to be creative and to say yes when invited to new experiences. Often in grief we tend to isolate ourselves or cocoon, and that is OK. But when we are ready, saying yes to the experience of life can support us in ways we haven’t dreamed of before. You can create your own event or experience, and you can accept invitations and try new things. Try it. You’ll be so glad you did.

 

Home