reclaiming your joy

Believe

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Did you know that there is so much you can do if you believe you can? So many times, we can sabotage the dreams we have by not believing in ourselves. This often happens while we are grieving because it may feel like our world is falling apart because nothing is the same. The good news is that you can change your situation when you believe you can.

This morning a dear friend told me that she decided she needed a bigger house. On the day she decided, she ran into a friend who had a bigger house to rent, so she easily found exactly what she needed. I’ve done that too. My husband and I bought three houses in the time we were together. For each one, we wrote a list of exactly what we wanted in detail, and within a week each time, we found exactly what we needed at a price we could afford. For two of those houses, we even made a huge profit on the sale of the house we had been living in.

Your belief can make things happen, but what you want won’t just fall into your lap. Your actions and words must be in alignment to ensure the outcome you desire. Let’s say you want to be an artist. First you must decide what kind of artist you want to be. Then you must learn how to master that technique. Then you must discover how to display your work so your intended audience can see it. Nothing is so simple as just saying you want something.

After my husband died, I had a friend who was persistent in asking me if I was dating, and I always said no. Finally, I thought there must be a reason she was doing this. I was hesitant because my husband who died was so wonderful, I didn’t think it was possible to find anyone else I would want to be with. To prove that to myself, I made a list of all the traits and accomplishments anybody I would go out with must have. The list was long and detailed. I finally went on Match.com, and I was right. Just about every person did not fill many items on my list, but one did. I was shocked as I checked off every item on my list, and he even had more items that were wonderful. I was so glad that I stopped being stubborn and allowed myself to find my new husband.

How would you design the life you want to live? What makes you feel good and happy? Take some time to explore in writing what, where, and how you want to be. Use specific details. As I sit on my lanai enjoying a cool breeze, the many bird songs, and the view of two sides on the island of Maui, I am grateful to believe in myself which allowed me to create the miraculous life I love.

 

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

Grief and Happiness Handbook

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Dream Builder Life Coach

Life Master Consultant

Happiness — Pass it On!

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Today there seems to be lots of bad or negative news circulating.

Here is some good news for you to brighten your day!

  1. I get lots of very tasty apple bananas from my trees. What fresh fruit are you enjoying?
  2. My friend Michael Reed just published a book, The Owl and the Ladybug, a gentle, beautifully illustrated story created to help children begin making sense of grief, sadness, or loss in a way that feels safe, calm, and reassuring. I am happy to see this special book is available to help 4- to 10-year-olds. What’s the best, positive book you have read recently?
  3. I just went with friends to see an excellent production of the play The Revolutionists at the Maui Academy of Performing Arts. I loved being able to see a production so beautifully done. What is something you have done lately that you really enjoyed?

Join me in spreading some joy!

  1. Email the answers to my questions to me to bring me some happiness! emilyemail
  2. Write a list of three items of good news you are enjoying today. Send your list to at least three of your friends. I’d love to be one of them!
  3. In your journaling every day, write 3 things that make you happy.

Before you share something negative with your friends, stop and think of something beautiful or positive you could share instead.

Let’s start a Happiness Revolution together! Let’s see how many smiles we can inspire!

Rainbows in My Clouds

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In contemplating what is currently going on in my life, I remembered Maya Angelo saying, “I’ve had rainbows in my clouds,” and I see how that fits my life right now. For 2 months now I have been dealing with computer issues. I even bought a new computer, and I am having issues with both my old one and my new one. And as if that wasn’t a big enough cloud, I ended up in the hospital with serious blood pressure issues. And I must deal with the issue of getting tired on the new medication, but I am grateful that it keeps my blood pressure in control.

In speaking to my friend Sadie who lives in Italy, she sympathized with me and said “passo passo” which in Italian means essentially, “step by step.” I appreciate her wisdom. I realized I have been trying to fix or do everything, everywhere, all at once. Of course, that never works, so I committed to taking one step at a time to move forward. And that’s so much better than tripping myself up and falling while trying to juggle everything. I feel the relief already as I take a deep breath and move forward.

Does this sound like you sometimes? Getting bound up in a myriad of problems or issues is an easy pattern to fall into when grieving. When this occurs, look for that rainbow for inspiration. In my case, Sadie woke me up with what she said.  I realized I was going down that rabbit hole which only led to stress and frustration. Sadie revealed that rainbow I was seeking by reminding me to slow down and move forward one step at a time. This led to the clouds easily disappearing taking the weight of all the items on my to do list. I took a deep breath and figured out how to proceed in a manner that brings comfort rather than stress.

While grieving, always be gentle with yourself. All that is important will get done in time. Remember to take a deep breath, smile, and move forward with what is most important to you one step at a time.

 

 

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

Grief and Happiness Handbook

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Grief and Happiness weekly Free Gatherings

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Dream Builder Life Coach

Life Master Consultant

Telling Our Stories

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We tell stories all the time. Sometimes we share them with others. Other times we keep them to ourselves. What often we don’t realize is that those stories we create shape our lives. Sometimes our stories come from what others say about us that we listen to and incorporate into our lives as they become our stories. Sometimes we make up stories that we think others are saying about us, and those stories can become part of our stories if we allow them to.

After my husband died, I heard very little from friends I had before he became so ill. Since I wasn’t hearing from them, I started considering what they must be saying about me. None of what I made up was positive. I thought they must be saying things like: “She needs space to grieve, so I won’t bother her,” Or “I don’t want to invite her to my party because she would be a wet blanket.” Or “I don’t see her anymore, so she must have new friends.” These stories that others create may have a bit of truth in them, but they certainly weren’t my story, and I didn’t even know if any of these stories were actually told about me.

All that alone time gave me space to consider my new life. I thought about what I wanted to do, where I wanted to go, who I was becoming. I finally reached out to a few friends, but they didn’t call me back. Then I called a friend whose husband died not long before mine did. I realized that I hadn’t called her because I wasn’t sure what I should say to her under the circumstances. I am so glad I called her!  She told me to get out of my house, do something fun, and just breathe. She invited me to a Patti LaBelle concert, and I accepted. That was my turning point,

After the concert, I knew I had to make some changes. In the story that I had been writing about me, I was considering everything that had been happening “to” me. I would never move forward if I was stuck in that thinking. The changes I could make would happen “for” me instead of “to” me. I started reading positive books I was inspired by. I took a quilting class that was at a delightful store I could walk to where I had enjoyed browsing before, and now I had a reason to buy their fabric. I found myself opening to the world around me in so many ways, and that felt good.

The story I tell now is that I can do and experience anything I desire. Though what I am choosing to do is for me, I am creating things “through” me now too in the service of others, and this allows me to live my best life by writing my own story.

What is your story? Are things happening to you, for you, or through you? Try writing your present story and see where it takes you.

 

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

Grief and Happiness Handbook

Grief and Happiness Cards

Grief and Happiness weekly Free Gatherings

[email protected]

Dream Builder Life Coach

Life Master Consultant

To Be

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We all probably have some form of a to do list. I have an app on my phone so that I can be sure to get everything done.  I’ve developed so many sub-lists to the main list that it’s probably impossible to get everything done that I have written there, but I sure would like to!

Where do you store your “To DO” list? I have tried thinking “I’ll remember that” when something comes up that is important for me to complete, yet often I don’t remember it beyond that initial thought. I can easily slide into frustration thinking I will never get all those things on my list done.

I am trying something different now inspired by William Shaksepeare’s Hamlet who said “To be, or not to be. That is the question.”  I am not contemplating suicide like Hamlet was in the speech, but I do like the concept of “To be.”  I now add moments of “being” into my daily schedule. I’ll sit on my lanai and listen to the birds and enjoy the flowers. I’ll take a walk in my neighborhood or at the beach. I’ll call or write a friend, or I may even get out my watercolor’s and paint a picture just for fun.

“Being” is an essential part of life. When we spend every waking minute occupied by chores, errands, our jobs, or other things people expect of us or we expect of ourselves, we end up with no time for us to look up and notice a rainbow, do a little dance in the kitchen when a favorite song comes on the radio, or to step outside and take a deep breath of fresh air.

My mentor Mary Morrissey says to “Notice what you are noticing.” When you do that, you can take advantage of life’s little bonuses like getting to pick a fresh juicy orange off the tree and eat it with the juice dripping down from your hands. Or enjoy the many colors in the autumn leaves as they fall.

Take some time today day, actually, take some time every day to just be, just breathe, just enjoy. Notice all the love and beauty your get to experience.

 

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Be the Light

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We’ve all known someone like Debbie Downer of Saturday Night Live. She’s the person you walk the other way from when she starts walking toward you. Everything about her is negative. When she wants to tell you a story, it’s always sad. I can recall a time when I was Debbie Downer. It seemed like everything in my life was miserable. My husband was always ill, sometimes critically. I felt like there was nothing positive in my life, and I didn’t even have the energy to smile.

Being chronically sad was a tough place to be. After my husband died, I realized how negatively I had been acting. I didn’t like that, and I could see that my actions repelled people who didn’t want to join me under the dark cloud where I was always standing. I realized change required leaving the darkness behind and moving toward the light.  I had to be the light.

Old habits aren’t easy to break. I had been displaying my sad face for so long, I had to teach myself to smile again. I kept on the lookout for reasons to smile. I love to go on walks, and I like to take pictures of flowers and nature. I made a conscious effort to smile at all the flowers and rainbows. We have so many rainbows in Hawaii. The more I smiled, the better I felt about smiling, so I started smiling at people too. Seeing people smile back was almost like a big hug.

I knew I could break my heart open by finding moments of joy in everything I did or saw, so I started searching for those moments, and it turned out to be a delightful challenge. The happier I allowed myself to be, the less I had to try.  I would gravitate toward smiling, happy people, and they would smile back!

Now I often say that I am happier than I ever have been, and that feels so good! Being deeply happy is well worth the effort. Smile!

 

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