happiness

Why Am I Happy?

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When I mention the name of my podcast, Grief and Happiness, to someone, I generally get comments of how those two words don’t go together, but I know in my heart that they do.

People generally think of grief being negative reminding them of great sorrow. I understand that, and I also know that grief is the natural reaction to the loss of a loved one or other kind of traumatic loss.  Yet we can’t stay I that dark place for too long without starting to lose grip on the potential of happiness.

Think of a time when you fell in love.  That was the highest natural high I ever experienced.  Everything is beautiful. Your heart races when you see your loved one. You crave that special touch and tingle all over when you get it. And you revel in pure joy. As incredible as this time is, the relationship gradually settles into a secure, comfortable knowingness of the security true love brings.

Just as you can’t stay at the peak of that passion, you can’t stay at the peak of despair. You may feel that your grief will never lighten, but it does usually so slowly that you don’t notice it is happening. This is the natural order of things. As the grief lessens, breathing becomes easier, your heart doesn’t feel so heavy. Your world doesn’t seem as dark.

When you first start to smile a little, this may feel unnatural, yet gradually, smiling is easier to do. You can notice something that reminds you of something positive about your loved one and you smile without realizing you are. The more you allow yourself to smile, the better you will feel, and laughter will trickle in.

Take a moment to remember something that brings a smile to you about your loved one. Remember what it was like to feel that smile returned to you with love. Revel in that feeling. Know that if your loved one was sitting with you right now, that’s what would happen, your smiles reflecting each other. And it feels good, doesn’t it?

I remember my husband tell me that he always wanted me to be happy, to feel joy. When I start to feel in a funk, I’ll recall his smile and my lips just naturally turn up.

Happiness and grief do go hand in hand.  When you love someone, you want them to be happy.  When you love yourself full out, you want yourself to be happy too. Focus on joy. Focus on positivity. Focus on Love.  Be happy because that is the best way to live, and your loved one would want that for you.

 

 

Get your Awaken Your Happiness Journaling Guide at no charge by clicking here: https://www.griefandhappiness.com/pl/2147595767

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here: https://www.griefandhappiness.com/offers/ytK7eLBa

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here at Amazon.

https://www.amazon.com/Loving-Living-Your-Though-Grief/dp/1642504823/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1658356016&sr=8-1

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, here. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/loving-and-living-your-way-through-grief-with/id1509589686?i=1000535381763

Want to Feel Good?

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Did you know that you can contribute to your own feeling good? You may be surprised that you do without even realizing what you are up to. Our miraculous bodies are always working to serve us to live our best lives, but they can do even better with a little help from us.

When we are grieving, our minds may try to convince us that we can’t smile or laugh or that we don’t deserve to feel good. Unfortunately, many of us listen to that negative often because we just don’t have the energy to object. Fortunately though, you have mighty endorphins in your body who would love to come to your rescue!

Meet your superhero Endy the Endorphin! Endy is an old name which has many meanings including Magical woman, loyal, kind, sweet, and strong. Knowing that Endy resides in all of us, and she is happy to serve can bring us much comfort! She can release feel good chemicals like dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin.

Here are some of the many benefits of experiencing the joys endorphins.

  • Reduced Depression
  • Improved self- esteem
  • Reduced Anxiety
  • Reduced pain
  • A boosted immunity
  • Regulated appetite https://bit.ly/3RJbuXj (source)

What do you need to do to call in your new best friend Endy the Endorphan?  It’s easy! Just issue your clarion call to Endy by generating a big smile, or better yet laughter, even a big belly laugh. This simple process that we all can do invites Endy to release all those lovely endorphins that light us up like when we get a big loving hug from someone special, or when you find out you’re going to be a grandparent, or when you see the most beautiful rainbow you can imagine.

What are you waiting for? Look n the mirror and see how big you can make your beautiful smile knowing that Endy’s help is on the way!

 

 

Get your Awaken Your Happiness Journaling Guide at no charge by clicking here: https://www.griefandhappiness.com/pl/2147595767

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here: https://www.griefandhappiness.com/offers/ytK7eLBa

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here at Amazon.

https://www.amazon.com/Loving-Living-Your-Though-Grief/dp/1642504823/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1658356016&sr=8-1

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, here. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/loving-and-living-your-way-through-grief-with/id1509589686?i=1000535381763

Happy Days

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I facilitate the Grief and Happiness Alliance every week on Zoom.  Each week we do some writing related to our situations and we end with learning different happiness practices. Every gathering ends with the participants smiling. Being around people who are also grieving or dealing with loss is a great place to share and get support.

This week, instead of our usual format, we wrote about happiness.  We started with a short meditation where I encouraged the participants to remember times in their lives when they were especially happy. Then I asked them to make a list of things they have been happy about. They didn’t need to write about each experience, just identify it.  For instance, I was happy at my wedding to Ron and my wedding to Jacques.  I could have written a big, long story about each of these and all the other things I thought of. But I stuck with making a list, and by the end of the meeting, I had over 70 items on my list!

We all wrote long lists and enjoyed sharing our favorite happy moments. All the participants found joy in our moments together.  I am sharing this with you to encourage you to make a list like this too!  Aim for at least 100 things.  I know that sounds like a lot, but the more your write, the more you will think of, and the more you will smile.

And it doesn’t have to end there.  If you get to a point where you are feeling a little down, get out your journal and your list.  Pick one thing on the list and write about it in detail including everything that made you happy during that experience.  The more often you do this, the more often you will feel yourself smiling and the longer that happiness will last.

Every morning when I write in my journal, I write about what brought me the most joy the day before. This is a great way to start my days.  It also keeps me thinking throughout the day about what is bringing me happiness. What you focus on is what you experience. You can be so much happier just by focusing on happiness!  Try it and let me know how good it feels.

 

Get your Awaken Your Happiness Journaling Guide at no charge by clicking here: https://www.griefandhappiness.com/pl/2147595767

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here: https://www.griefandhappiness.com/offers/ytK7eLBa

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here at Amazon.

https://www.amazon.com/Loving-Living-Your-Though-Grief/dp/1642504823/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1658356016&sr=8-1

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, here. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/loving-and-living-your-way-through-grief-with/id1509589686?i=1000535381763

Are You Running?

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As Kelly Grote was in the process of dying, she wrote “Are you running towards life or running away from death?” This quote gave me pause as I considered her question.  I realized that I am not running at all. This thought was comforting to me.

When my husband Jacques suffered from so many different issues and hospitalizations while he dealt with congestive heart failure, two open heart surgeries, renal failure, and dialysis, I see now that he was always running away from death.  Jacques was raised in the Catholic church and was very active in church as an adult until he started to question his faith as he studied philosophy when he was working on his Master’s degree.  He came to realize that the more he learned, the less he could support the tenets of his church. He left the church before I met him. He was comfortable with the idea that there wasn’t a higher power.  While that brought him comfort at the time, it also led him to denial of the fact that he was dying.  I see now that he endured so many hospitalizations and treatments in the hope that he would get well and not die. As a brilliant man, I am sure he knew this wasn’t true, but it did give him hope that he would get well and live longer. He was running away from death which led to anxiety and unhappiness.

Everything was different with my husband Ron. His belief was centered in his relationship with God and the belief that he was whole, complete, and perfect no matter what was happening to his body.  Since he died from congestive heart failure and renal failure just has Jacques did, he accepted what was happening to him as experiences he was having while he was alive.  When he was frequently in the hospital, he made friends with everyone who came into the room from nurses to housekeepers.  He was always listening to them and helping them when he could. I remember a prolonged conversation he had with a hospitalist, a doctor who just worked with patients admitted to the hospital. This doctor was so stressed from the expectations of his employer and the terrible hours he had to work that he was on the brink of walking away from his profession. Ron listened to him and reflected to him what he was saying. By the time the conversation ended, the doctor had an awakening, he was smiling, he thanked Ron, and left the room with a new, clear perspective. Ron was moving toward making the best of each moment remaining in his life.

While all of us will die at some point, we can make our lives miserable or make them the best they can be, or somewhere in between, on our way.  While I am not running either direction, I am focusing on the awareness that my life is what I make it.  I love what I am doing now. I am helping people, I am teaching, I am writing, and I am living my best life. This way of life came to me gradually months after Ron’s death after I had spent much time writing in my journal examining where I was and where I wanted to be. All this writing helped me much as I decided that every day, I would lead life the life I desired. The best part now is that after much writing, meditating, and examining, I am clearly focused and am now happier than I ever have been.

Are you running through your life? If you are, learn from my experience that you can slow down and decide to live your best life now.

 

 

Get your Awaken Your Happiness Journaling Guide at no charge by clicking here: https://www.griefandhappiness.com/pl/2147595767

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here: https://www.griefandhappiness.com/offers/ytK7eLBa

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here at Amazon.

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, here. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/loving-and-living-your-way-through-grief-with/id1509589686?i=1000535381763

ThanksGIVING

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I woke up this morning just overflowing with gratitude, grateful for a day to celebrate all that thanks! Then I started to think about the giving that goes along with that thanks. I realized that giving can make me just as happy (if not more happy) than receiving.  

What can you give today? Probably lots! I just drove by a school crossing guard who smiled and threw me a Shaka sign, an Hawaiian greeting where the thumb and little finger are extended from a closed fist. I couldn’t help but smile and throw him one back! Generally, when you smile at someone, that person will smile back as kind of a natural reaction, and that smile might be the only one that person has that day. So smile at people you see whether you know them or not. Spread that joy! And while you are at it, smile at yourself in the mirror!

You can also give little love and support with an email, a text, or a little handwritten note. This costs nothing but the moment it takes to do it, and it can make someone’s day.

Friday is Black Friday for all the big sales, and Monday is Cyber Monday for all things electronic. But the great day coming up is Giving Tuesday where the world is encouraged to donate to what they love and support. Millions of dollars are given this day, and it’s a wonderful way to start the holiday season. Facebook even matches the first seven million dollars donated through Facebook! If you are on Facebook, I’m sure you’ll see lots of opportunities to give. Anyone can create a fundraiser for anything they want to support. When you even give a dollar, or five dollars, that adds up fast when lots of people are doing it and can make a giant difference to your cause.

I created a Giving Tuesday Fundraiser for Jazz Camp Maui which my granddaughter Katie Thiroux created to teach jazz and Hawaiian culture to students and jazz teachers from all over the world right here on Maui each June. I love seeing the donations add up to support this fun cause. Jazz Camp Maui donation

Whatever your favorite cause is, now is the time to celebrate the season with your support.

And most of all, give a gift to you of some self love. Do something that makes you feel good whether it be curling up by the fire with a good book, going for a walk in a beautiful place, soaking in a bubble bath, or calling a good friend. Pick something special that will leave you smiling and feeling good inside. Then pass that good feeling on. Pay it forward to spend some joy thoughout the world!