happiness

Balance

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Life is a delicate balance. We breathe in. We breathe out. Our hearts beat. Our hearts relax after each beat. We are awake. We sleep. For every action, there is a counteraction. This balance allows our bodies and hearts to live, to thrive.

When a loved one dies, our balance is thrown off. As we mourn, our balance is askew. Think of old-fashioned balance scales where 2 pans hang down from a bar. What you want to weigh goes on one pan and weights are added to the other pan until both pans are at the same level.

When death occurs, people mourn. The people who are closest to the person who died usually mourn the deepest. Picture yourself on one side of the scale and your loved one on the other side. When your loved one dies, they leave the scale causing your side of the scale to fall to the lowest point, completely out of balance.

The process of grieving allows you to place what helps you on the other side of the scale gradually bringing the scale back into balance. In early grief, you are at the lowest of the low, and when you are ready, you start discovering what you need to bring you back into balance. You start with the basics.

Your body takes care of itself by drawing air into your lungs. Paying attention to your breathing allows you comfort. You can control your breathing to a certain extent, and closing your eyes and taking deep breaths helps you reset. Your heart beats to keep your body functioning. The stress of grief can cause the heart to beat faster and the blood pressure to rise. Focusing on deep breathing and relaxing can help to normalize both of these.

Your metaphorical heart may feel broken, and love can help mend that break.   Healing comes from receiving the love that your friends and family bring to you as you deal with your loss. Just as important is the love that you reflect on these people. Taking time to recognize that giving and receiving love brings you strength and gives you comfort.

Pay attention to what brings the balance that you crave back to you. Everything you do, even if it feels ordinary, contributes to your balance. Remembering to eat, to walk, to sleep, to bathe all contributes to leveling those scales. The more you enjoy these ordinary things, the sooner the scales will level.

Focus on what serves you, what heals you, and your balance will return.

 

Get your Awaken Your Happiness Journaling Guide at no charge by clicking here: https://www.griefandhappiness.com/pl/2147595767

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here: https://www.griefandhappiness.com/offers/ytK7eLBa

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here at Amazon:

https://www.amazon.com/Loving-Living-Your-Though-Grief/dp/1642504823/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1658356016&sr=8-1

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, here: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/loving-and-living-your-way-through-grief-with/id1509589686?i=1000535381763

You can order the International Best Selling book in 9 countries that I wrote a chapter in, Ignite Forgiveness, here:

https://smile.amazon.com/Ignite-Forgiveness-Journey-Peace-Harmony-ebook/dp/B0BLFCYYD6/ref=sr_1_1?crid=9C6VAFE42H5C&keywords=ignite+forgiveness+book&qid=1669836040&sprefix=Ignite+forg%2Caps%2C284&sr=8-1

Kindness

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My good friend Reverend Richard Carlini once said, “Become highly responsive to a kindness done.” I hadn’t really thought about kindness from that perspective before. I focus on being kind, but now I’ve realized the importance of receiving as well as giving.

Think about the last time someone did something kind for you.  Maybe a friend asked you to go on a walk with her.  Or maybe a friend shared something with you she baked or some vegetables she picked from her garden. Or someone called just to see how you are doing. How did you respond?

For some people, giving just comes naturally with no thought of receiving recognition or thanks in return. While others do something they believe is kind just because they want or need acknowledgment. I have got to admit, that sometimes I don’t even recognize the significance of a beautiful, kind action. I am making a commitment right now to start paying attention.

I knew a man who created a big campaign to encourage people to practice random acts of kindness. He was a college professor and started the project by making it an assignment for his classes.  This became a movement and people were happily competing to see who could be most kind.  They especially loved doing things surreptitiously so they could just experience the joy of giving with no expectation.

A movie came out in 2000 called Pay It Forward. I’ve remembered it after all these years because it was such a great idea. A teacher created a Social Studies assignment to create something to change the world. And one student came up with the idea that when someone receives a kindness, instead of doing something to pay back that kindness, the receiver would do new good deeds for three other people, thus multiplying the initial kindness. I loved that idea and started putting it in action in my life.

I encourage you to consider the kindness in your life that you give and that you receive. How can you appreciate acts of kindness? How can you become “highly responsive to a kindness”? Know that paying attention and being benevolent is a sure way to bring you more smiles and spread happiness!

 

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here at Amazon:

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling book in 9 countries that I wrote a chapter in, Ignite Forgiveness, by clicking here

Positively!

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When you always speak only positive words, you will be happy! I realize that is a bold statement, yet it is true, and it was a hard lesson for me to learn. You may say “I am always positive,” but are you really?

Here is an example.  Compare “I don’t like to eat liver” to “I love to eat fresh Hawaiian bananas.” Those two sentences feel different when you read them because of that little contraction where not is hidden. Not is so frequently used, and it is definitely negative.

How often do you use words like: not, apathetic, dishonest, anxious, betrayed, disappointed, lied, jealous, bad, malicious?  Doesn’t it  just feel icky, another negative word, just to read these words? Just like that phrase “Be careful what you wish for,” when you speak or think or write negative words, that’s what you get.

When grieving, you may say something like “I’ll never fall in love again,” or “I’ll always be alone,” or “my heart is broken.” When you say these statements, guess what you get? Accidental manifestation is something that happens unconsciously when we dwell in negativity. When you say, “Finding new friends is hard,” new friends are unlikely to be in your future.

Think about it. When do you use negative words? I learned to catch myself when I am writing so I can change the meaning of my statement by eliminating what is negative, changing my statement to what I really mean.

Try this experiment today.  Notice when you say something negative. Keep a list of negative words you catch when you are communicating.  When you notice a negative word, change your statement into something positive.  For instance, if you say, “I’m not going to drive on that road because there are so many accidents,” try saying instead, “I am going to drive on the new road with the lower speed limit.”

People grieving often find themselves dwelling in negativity and long to be happy again. Changing how you are feeling will come from focusing on being positive. Instead of saying “My friend never calls me,” pick up the phone and call your friend. Say something like, “I am thinking of you and wanted to hear your voice and see how you are doing.”

You can raise your happiness level by speaking positive words and believing what you say.  You can do this! You will be so happy you did!

 

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here at Amazon:

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling book in 9 countries that I wrote a chapter in, Ignite Forgiveness, by clicking here

Expecting

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I used to love the word hope. I would hope for world peace, for kindness in our country, for neighbors to sell their loud motorbikes, for my house to always be picked up.

I could hope for so many things wanting them to come true, but I started to see that things I hoped for didn’t happen. On the other hand, when I am expecting things, they do happen.

When we say that someone is expecting a baby, we automatically know that baby is on its way. When someone says she hopes to have a baby someday, that may or may not happen.  I have learned when something is important to me, it will happen. I expected to earn a master’s degree, and I did. I didn’t hope to get good grades. I went to all my classes and did my best on all the assignments because I expected good grades.

World peace would be amazing, but that would require everyone in the world to also want world peace, and there will always be people who thrive on chaos and control, and as long as those people exist, world peace isn’t possible. Can you hope for world peace? Absolutely. Can things get better than they are now? Yes to that too. Individually doing things that create peace can lead us all in the direction of peace, and we can individually or in groups do what fosters peace and make the world a better place.

Expecting my neighbors sell their motorbikes is unrealistic. They have them because they love that noise. Instead of hope, I focus on knowing they will get a job somewhere far away, and they will take their bikes with them when they move. While I can’t create something to happen for someone else, I can smile when I just know that their dream job is out there waiting for them.

When it comes to an orderly house, that is entirely possible. All I must do is keep it picked up. This is very possible, though sometimes I need to remind myself.

What does all this have to do with grief and happiness? When you expect that each day will be better, even if just a little bit, each day will be better. When you expect to be happy, you allow yourself to smile and to participate in things that bring you joy. When people tell me that they can’t see how someone dealing with grief can be happy, I explain to them that when you expect happiness in your life, you will discover that reasons to be happy already are present in your life. The key is to recognize what they are and act on them.

I am grieving and I am happy.  I am happy when I read a good book or watch a good movie.  I am happy when I prepare a tasty, healthy meal for me to eat.  I am happy when I say or do something that makes someone else smile. The more I focus on happiness, the more happiness I attract into my life.

What brings you happiness? Try expecting to be happy and see where that takes you. I see lots more smiles on your lovely face are on their way! Enjoy them! And expect a lot more!

 

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here at Amazon:

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling book in 9 countries that I wrote a chapter in, Ignite Forgiveness, by clicking here

Who is Your Ohana?

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When I first moved to Maui, I didn’t really know anyone.  Ron had lived here years before I met him, so he had built-in friends who also became my friends. Because Ron was dealing with health challenges, I didn’t start making friends of my own, but I realized I was falling into deep relationships gradually and organically.  We have a cottage on our property, and we encouraged a friend of ours from the mainland, Shena, to move with us and live there. Shena is gregarious, easily making new friends and bringing them in to our new Ohana.

We were thrilled to meet all our neighbors who are now close friends.  And when we had an abundance of tropical fruit growing in our garden, we created Produce Share which has met at my house on Fridays from five to six for seven years now so we can all share what we are growing in our gardens. And I started taking exercise classes and art classes and met even more friends.  I discovered that friends on Hawaii are different from friends I had before I moved here.

Friendships on Hawaii are filled with the Aloha spirit. This online definition embraces this spirit: “Aloha” is the essence of relationships in which each person is important to every other person for collective existence. “Aloha” means to hear what is not said, to see what cannot be seen, and to know the unknowable.”

Naturally when friends come together, they become “Ohana” which is the Hawaii word for family. We all are members of at least one Ohana, and often we are members of several.

The awareness that I became a part of the Ohana that formed around Ron and I when we moved here was profound, wrapping me with love, comfort, and support. During and after Ron’s final days, my Ohana lifted me up allowing me to know I was not alone and that I was deeply loved.

I am recovering now from a malady that wasn’t specifically diagnosed but left me weak and without appetite. My Ohana, which also reaches to friends on the mainland, took care of me.  While I was weak and mostly sleeping, they assured I had transportation for appointments, food to eat, and the medical care I needed. One dear friend even combed the knotty mass my hair had turned into from spending so much time in bed, which was no easy task.  Other friends facilitated the meetings I usually did.

Today as I reflect on the Aloha spirit and my Ohana, I am deeply grateful, and I invite you to join my Ohana and discover or develop the Ohana you are already a part of. I consider our Grief and Happiness Alliance and Nonprofit Organization one of the Ohanas I am a part of which also has members that overlap into other Ohanas I am part of.

When your life is centered on family (chosen or not) and love, Aloha and Ohana brings great happiness into your life.

 

Who is your Ohana?

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here at Amazon:

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling book in 9 countries that I wrote a chapter in, Ignite Forgiveness, by clicking here

The Key to Happiness

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I recently heard that the key to happiness has only five words: Do the things you love. How simple, yet profound.  I decided to make a list of things I do, or have done, that make me happy. Once I got started with my list. I couldn’t stop! I’ll share some of my list here to give you some ideas.

I love being outdoors, sitting on my lanai listening to the birds, walking on the beach where I live in Maui, watching the sunrises and sunsets from my home.

I love traveling to places like Tuscany, Bali, and Maui which led me to moving here.

I love writing so I have taught writing for many years and have written six books. Nurturing my students as their love for writing grows makes me happy.

I love cooking which led me to become a certified vegan chef, to teach cooking classes, and to entertain my friends and family. And I co-owned a café and catering company.

I love to grow food and flowers that I can share, so I created Produce Share where neighbors meet every week at my home to share the abundance of our gardens. And I joined Hawaii Farmer’s Union United so I can learn so much more about gardening in Hawaii

I have loved everything about live theatre since I first stepped on stage as Tiny Tim’s big brother in A Christmas Carol at the Barn Theater when I was in fourth grade.  I have since acted, directed, designed, produced, and have done just about everything that can be done in theatre including having my own theatre and school of arts.

I love community service and have served on many nonprofit boards and founded the Grief and Happiness Nonprofit Organization.

I love to be creative and enjoy ceramic sculpting, weaving, drawing, painting, sewing, cake decorating, jewelry making, and taking classes in all these areas.

This list is just a start.  I keep thinking of more and more things that I do that I love. Even thinking about all the things I love just gets me thinking about more things I love, and I can’t help but smile and focus on all the wonder and beauty in my life.

While life is not always rosy, when I start to feel a little down or negative, I can always add more items to my Things I Love list, and that brings me right back up.

My challenge for you today is to start your own Things I Love list.  And while it’s great to think about this, writing it down is even better, then you can always refer to and add to this list bring even more happiness into your life.

Enjoy!

 

Watch this little video My Favorite Things

 

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here at Amazon:

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling book in 9 countries that I wrote a chapter in, Ignite Forgiveness, by clicking here