Gratitude

Dealing with Grief’s Biggest Challenge

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The first big challenge everyone faces in grief is change. Nothing will ever be the same.  When this realization hits, often we become immobilized. We can feel stuck. Decision making can feel beyond our capacity. You may not even realize this is happening, so here is some help.

First, explore what you are experiencing. This is best done by writing. Get a journal or notebook just for this process. The process of writing your thoughts is important because if you don’t, your thoughts will float in and out of your consciousness making them difficult to remember and deal with. When you commit your thoughts in writing, you can come back to them as needed.

Create a space at the start of your journal to make lists.  With lists, you can add things to them when you think of them and cross things off when after you have dealt with them. For your first list, write the changes you are noticing that you are dealing with now. This can be anything from having difficulty getting out of bed to getting out of your home to grocery shop. Another list can be things you notice that you are going to have to deal with such as what bills need to be paid and when. You also may need to figure out the things your loved one did that you will now be responsible for.

These are just two list ideas to start with. After creating these lists, write an entry in your journal about each item on the list.  Focus on just one item at time. There is no rush in this process. You may discover that you need to take action soon on some of the items, so do that. And you may discover that some of the things you write about you don’t need to take action on at all.

Some items on your list will take more time. The biggest change for me to deal with was living alone. There was no quick fix for that but recognizing that was something I didn’t want allowed me to explore what I could do to change that situation.

Write in your journal about the items that come up on your list. You will discover much in the process.

Gay Hendricks says in his book The Big Leap that you are ready for a change when you can say:

  • “I want to change
  • I am willing to change
  • I commit to change”

You can make changes. When you consciously make changes that will serve you, you are stepping forward in the new beautiful life you are starting to live now.

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

My email is [email protected]

Let me know if you’d like to receive my newsletters which have lots of good things!

You can listen to my Grief and Happiness podcast here or anyplace you listen to podcasts.

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance Gatherings which meet weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.

Morning Bliss

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I learned about Morning Bliss from singer, songwriter Karen Drucker, and I’m hooked. I am a journal writer and have written in my journal first thing in the morning before I do anything else for years, but this is more!

First, if you are not journaling, this is a great time to start. Here are a few things you can include. I start with gratitude always for having another day to experience.  Then write what’s on your heart. What concerns you today? What will you focus on?

Next, write your intention for the day starting with the words: “I am.” My intention for today is: “I am open, honest, and happy.” Remember that writing an intention is not writing a to-do list. Rather, it is a statement of who your really are. And you can change your intention every day.

Be sure to write at least three things you are grateful for. Be specific. Writing out your gratitude reminds you of what is great about your life. I always follow gratitude with something that brought me joy from the day before. I love this daily reminder of the joy I get to experience every day.

Now, to get you started with a positive boost, write a letter to yourself and include who you really are. Then make a vow to yourself. In my letter I vowed to put myself first and to treat me the best from now on! You don’t need to write a letter every day, but do write one when you can use a boost!

When I finish writing, I do a little dance. This brings me energy. I pick an upbeat song and play it on my phone and dance along. Do all your favorite moves. I keep a set of hand weights in my bedroom so I can use them as I dance.  This wakes me up, gives me energy, and gets me started for the day.

Then do your morning routine of getting ready for the day with all the usual things. And consciously choose the clothes you will wear for the day to suit your mood. Then eat something healthy that will serve your energy.

Doing your Morning Bliss every day makes each day brighter! Enjoy!

 

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

My email is [email protected]

Let me know if you’d like to receive my newsletters which have lots of good things!

You can listen to my Grief and Happiness podcast here or anyplace you listen to podcasts.

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance Gatherings which meet weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.

What’s Good About Today?

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I have heard so many people say that they don’t know how to live without the loved one they are grieving. I remember feeling that way too. And though the territory is unfamiliar, we find that we have no choice but to step into it once our loved ones die. The harder we fight moving forward, the more miserable we can become. I am sure that deep down you don’t want to be miserable, and I am pretty sure your loved one wouldn’t want that for you either.

I talked to the father of a young man who had just graduated from college and was ready to start his new life. Instead, his son was diagnosed with a terminal illness, and he didn’t have long to live. His devastated friends and family would come to visit him with tears in their eyes, and he would accept their loving wishes and then smile and ask them, “What’s good about today?” This would bring their conversation to the present, and they could enjoy the time they got to spend together. As the visitors left the hospital room, everyone was smiling.

Beautiful memories were created during those visits. Instead of heavy, sorrow filled memories, they could remember the smiles and laughter they shared the last time they spent with this special person. And the young man’s last memories were of smiling, happy people.

When dealing with your grief, try focusing on your loved one in a happy way. Try writing in your journal or visiting with a loved one. Share your memories. When did you see your loved one the happiest? When he was acting in a play? When you volunteered together to clean up the park? When you both went with your friends on a hike in the mountains?  When you watched him graduate or get an award? You will find yourself smiling as you reflect on these happy memories.

I’ll bet if he could send you a message right now, he’d say: “I love to see you smiling! Keep living your best life. What’s good about today?”

 

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

My email is [email protected]

Let me know if you’d like to receive my newsletters which have lots of good things!

You can listen to my Grief and Happiness podcast here or anyplace you listen to podcasts.

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance Gatherings which meet weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.

Do What You Love

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Would you love to be happy? Would you love to feel really good? You can! I have the secret!

In life, your best feelings are related to love, and it doesn’t have to be romantic. I love to eat coffee flavored Haagen Dazs ice cream.  It makes me happy, as does Ben and Jerry’s Cherry Garcia. I also love to do ceramic sculpture, or paint watercolors, or bake apple pie. I also love to go to concerts, to dance, or walk on the beach. I love to visit with friends. I love to travel. And I love to take a class to learn something new. All these things and much more are all things I love, and when I am doing things I love, I feel love, and that feels really good.

Since feeling love makes me happy, I can bring happiness into my life whenever I want to, and you can too! Start by getting out your journal. Make a list of everything you love. See how long you can make the list. The more you write, the more you will smile. Maybe you love looking at your children’s baby pictures. Or maybe you love walking your dog and talking to all your neighbors on the way.

There now, don’t you feel better? I’ve been smiling the whole time I have been writing this!

 

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

My email is [email protected]

Let me know if you’d like to receive my newsletters which have lots of good things!

You can listen to my Grief and Happiness podcast here or anyplace you listen to podcasts.

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance Gatherings which meet weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.

Mother’s Day

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Mother’s Day can be a beautiful, magical day, or it can also be sad or hearbreaking.  Or, it could be a combination of both happy and sad. How is your Mother’s Day going to be this year?

Mother’s day was originated by Anna Jarvis in West Virginia in 1908 to honor her mother, Anna Reeves Jarvis who had 8 out of 12 children die. They both volunteered to provide medicine for needy families at a time when Tuberculosis was an issue. 

I always miss my mom on Mother’s Day. She died 30 years ago. Mom always made her famous potato salad for celebrations, so I like to make potato salad.  My family always comments on how they love Grandma’s potato salad, and that helps me remember her fondly. Over the last few years, I have started writing her letters in my journal. I write to her as I would if we were having a conversation, and sometimes I write back to me from her. I love how this makes me feel.

You may know a mother who’s family will not be around to celebrate. Include them in your celebration, take them some flowers from your yard, or bake them some cookies. Maybe you know someone who has been a mother figure to you. If you do, write her a letter thanking her for what she means to you, and maybe take her some cookies or flowers.

 This year, think of someone who could use some love and support for Mother’s day and celebrate them in some way. I’d love to hear about your ideas or ways that you celebrate Mother’s Day!

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

My email is [email protected]

Let me know if you’d like to receive my newsletters which have lots of good things!

You can listen to my podcast here.

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance Gatherings which meet weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.

 

Our Loving Will Change the World

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Our Loving Will Change the World 

 I live in Hawaii and love the culture and traditions here. I learned the ancient Hawaiian tradition of Ho’oponopono when I participated in Marci Shimoff’s Happy for No Reason Certified Trainer program. This tradition had been used widely to resolve issues and practice forgiveness in places from families to government.

One powerful example was when Hawaii had a prison for the criminally insane. The prisoners were violent, and the prison was constantly in turmoil. A doctor was brought in to help with the problem. Instead of working directly with the patients, he read their files and practiced Ho’oponopono as he read each one. As he kept doing this, the prisoners started to calm down. Gradually, they became cooperative and one by one they were released from this special prison and this prison was able to close.

The forgiveness entrenched in the practice worked this miracle. The good news is anyone can do this practice which isn’t confined strictly to Kahunas, the spiritual leaders in Hawaii. To practice Ho’oponopono, concentrate on the person you wish to forgive and say:

I am sorry

Please forgive me

Thank you

I love you

That’s all you need to do. Starting by doing Ho’oponopono for yourself first is ideal. You can say it or write it. You can do it on your own or do it directly to the person you wish to forgive.

When searching for a way to help with the turmoil our country is currently experiencing, I remembered this practice and started writing it in my journal every day. I began by writing it directed to specific people, then I realized that everyone needs it, so now this is what I write:

To all the people of the world:

I am sorry

Please forgive me

Thank you

I love you

I see now that the more people who practice this, the more powerful it will be. You can quietly repeat it in your mind several times a day or write it in your journal.

In research done my Lynne McTaggart for the book The Power of 8, she discovered that when 8 people come together to focus on one intention, it can be realized. I have seen this happen. Just think about what we all can do by focusing on this intention together with love.

Together, our loving can change the world.

 

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

My email is [email protected]

Let me know if you’d like to receive my newsletters which have lots of good things!

You can listen to my podcast here.

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance Gatherings which meet weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.