friends

Friendship

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I love Springtime! So many birds are singing and building nests. Gorgeous orchids adorn my avocado tree. Delicate orange and black butterflies flit in front of the background of vivid blue sky with the bright white puffy clouds creating pictures. Yummy vegetables and colorful flowers thrive in my garden. And it’s the perfect time to grow relationships with all your friends and to cultivate new ones.

Friendship is one of the great experiences we get to have in our lifetimes. And friendship is like the flowers that grow and bloom in the garden that rely on loving tending with refreshing quenching with water, rich nutrients from the soil, protection from weeds and snails, and loving care from the gardener.

We nurture friendship just as gardeners nourish what they plant. Consider all your beautiful friends.  Which ones can you refresh with a cup of coffee and a conversation? How can we enjoy their blooming by noticing their growth and accomplishments? Who can we tend to by providing a willing shoulder to diminish their sorrow?

How can you relish the beautiful friendships you already have, and plant the bulbs of new friendships to come? Try writing in your journal a list of all the friends you already have. What can you do to blossom with them right now? Invite someone to go on a walk someplace beautiful to enjoy together. Invite someone else to share lunch and heart to heart conversation. Send a handwritten letter to someone else. Read that list of friends you wrote and plan special things to do with them.

As you take time to do something with or for each person on that list, savor the love and kindness you share and embrace what blossoms from your gardening.

Your garden of friends is already beautiful. Recognize all it provides you with, and always remember to water!

 

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

 

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, by clicking here

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here. https://a.co/d/eWNx3j1

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Last Letters

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Chances are we won’t know when our last breath occurs. Hopefully it will be at a time of peace when we just go to sleep and not wake up. If this is the case for me, I’ve been wondering if I would have said everything I would want to say before I took that last breath.. Who knows when that’s going to come. It could be any moment, or it could be years down the road. I have relatives that lived long lives, and I’ve had relatives that lived short ones without being able to have any idea when their last moments would be. Because of this, I plan to say what I need to say now.

My husband Ron was only on hospice for a week, and he made good use of that time. He made sure to say whatever he wanted to say to anyone he wanted to say it to. We made a list to be sure he would contact everyone he wanted to. We invited anybody that could get to Maui to come be with him during that last week. He was surrounded by good friends; many had been friends for his lifetime. He also had people who were significant in his life that he hadn’t talked to in years and others he had only known a short time. We made a big effort to get them all called, and by the time he finally went to sleep, we had crossed off all the names on this list, and I could see how grateful he was.

He had the opportunity to tell special friends or family members exactly what he wanted to say. I was in awe listening to him have these last conversations with people that he could express things so deeply, and I thought what a wonderful life he had lived in unconditional love with so many different people. So many of us don’t get that opportunity to say goodbye because we don’t know when that last moment will be. My grandmother went to sleep one night and didn’t wake up. I was just 13 years old, and I tried to remember if I had told her that I loved her. I know we exchanged big hugs. She was the one person in my life at that point that hugged me, and that meant the world to me, so I knew she knew I loved her but I’m not sure if I ever expressed it in words. 

My father died suddenly. I am proud to be his daughter and am amazed at the things he was able to accomplish. He was such a good man. My mom dealt with a brain tumor for a long time. I know I got to tell mom what I wanted to tell her, but it was awfully late in her life. I wish we would have been able to have those conversations as we went along. I’ve had friends die suddenly and I didn’t get to tell them goodbye. This made me think about people that I’m close to now. I want to be sure to not leave things unsaid. 

I have new friends who are special to me, and I want them to know how much I care for them, how much I noticed what they’ve done for me, how much I am honored to have been able to do things for them, and how wonderful it is to have deep friendships. Right now, I commit to making a list of all the people I want to express my gratitude to so that they can know while I’m still around. This can lead to beautiful conversations, or at least they will know how I feel about them and the wonderful times that we’ve spent together. I will make sure that everyone I have something to say to is on that list, and I will write to each of them while I still can. I plan to enjoy all the time that I can with the people that I love.

I’d love for you to make a list or at least talk to the special people that you really want to talk to while you can, or like me, use the list and write letters so your words will always be there. The people I love will have something left from me, and I’m grateful for that.

 

 

I have special gift for you since you read this blog. I have created so beautiful stationery for you to use to write your letters. I would love to gift it to you at no charge. Just send me a message to [email protected] including your name, and if you would like, your address to include on the stationery. Be sure to include the email address you would like me to send the printable PDF file to you.

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, by clicking here

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.

You can sign up for our newsletter here

Dream Your Dreams

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Do you ever get a song stuck in your head and you find yourself singing bits of it all day?

That happens to me all the time, and the song for me today is I Dreamed a Dream from the hit musical Les Mis. Here are some of the words:

I dreamed a dream in time gone by

When hope was high and life worth living

I dreamed that love would never die . . .

And still I dream he’ll come to me

That we would live the years together

But there are dreams that cannot be. . .*

Jacques and I were 21 years apart so I knew that chances were he would go before me, but after 22 years of marriage, I was lost without him. We were fortunate to be together that long, but I always had the dream of a 50th wedding anniversary. And I was alone. In my life I had never lived alone, and all my dreams had to change. I had no intention of marrying again since I still felt married.

Have your dreams had to change? It’s hard, isn’t it.  We are so conditioned to be husband and wife, or a couple, or mother and child, or the role you played before any loss.  So how have your dreams changed since your loss? What have you done about your loneliness?

I did end up marrying again, and when Ron died, I was overwhelmed. Throughout our lives we experience more and more loss. We can become hardened or depressed, but it is much better for you to decide the best ways for you to start moving forward. Discover the dreams you’d like to experience. A good way to do this is to write about it. Here are some ideas of things to write about to help you find new dreams to dream.

I love to make lists. They help me find what I want to further explore. Get out a new journal, I use composition books you can pick up in drug stores or office supply stores. Here are some ideas of things to write about to help you find new dreams to dream:

List one: What are some places you have always wanted to go to and either couldn’t for some reason, or just didn’t get around to. Have you always wanted to travel, like to Tuscany or Bali? Or maybe you wanted to go to National Parks, or to the beach, or to Broadway.

List two: What have you always wanted to do in your community? Think about opportunities like volunteering at a hospital or homeless center. How about volunteering to make meals with a group that arranges something like that. Or volunteer to clean the beach or a forest or a roadside.

List three: What would you like to do to take care of yourself? Play pickle ball. Swim laps at the community pool. Take a dance class or a yoga class. Take a ceramics class or a watercolor class. Join a support group. Join a gym.

List four: Learn a new skill to get a different job. Make a list of occupations you are interested in.  Search online for training programs of jobs you like. Check at the local community college or university.

As you think about all these things, think about the people you would like to meet. Where would they be? Think about what you will do to feel comfortable in a new place.  You may not have needed to plan things like this in the past, but everything is different now. Going someplace different that where you have been comfortable in the past may not be easy.

The key here is to get out of your home and change your perspective. In the process, start thinking about the new dreams you want to dream.  As you do that, think about what you can actively do to make those dreams come true. Then, set your intention for what sounds like you would like to experience the most.

Dreams can come true.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*Song writers: Alain Albert Boublil / Claude Michel Schonberg / Herbert Kretzmer / Jean Marc Natel.  I Dreamed a Dream lyrics ©

Slow Down

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My husband Ron often suggested that I moved too fast. That would just irritate me and I’d move faster. Why didn’t everyone know I had much to do and so little time? I worked every day and had activities every night. On top of that, I belonged to organizations, sat on boards, worked on Art projects, catered when I could fit it in, and savored the few moments in between to pay attention to my loved ones. Just writing all this down now, I can feel myself tensing up.

When Ron admonished me again, I decided to pay attention. What was I doing that no longer served me and I could let go of? That was big. I’m a list maker, so I wrote a list with all I did, I was committed to, what I felt obligated for, and what I loved. This process was a bit overwhelming. I knew I couldn’t handle everything at once, which I had been trying to do. My new commitment was to pare this list down.

This process took a long time, just as the process of doing all those things. I started by easily releasing things I didn’t enjoy or was no longer interested in. I was amazed how many things fit in those categories. Clearing these things out took a while, yet I was rewarded with more space in my days, room to take a breath.

This experience taught me to be mindful when I decide to say yes or no. Being diligent with this process gradually made my life more pleasant in many ways. This was especially helpful as Ron’s health declined. We spent more and more time together and savored every moment. We established a practice of spending our early mornings outside with a fire in our chiminea. There we would read to each other, meditate, and plan our days. Often friends joined us. I felt grounded and accomplished anything I wanted to with plenty of time left over to enjoy.

After Ron transitioned, I kept up this practice, often joined by friends. Now I enjoy my life while doing what makes me happy while serving others. And I have plenty of time and I have released all the stress I thought was an integral part of my life.

Last week my computer started having issues. In the past I would have been so stressed that I didn’t get much done. This time, I took a big breath and started Googling for help. I felt great about correcting some of the issues, but there were some that were beyond me. Then a new friend dropped by, and I mentioned the issue. She said she knew the perfect person to help. I now have an appointment with him.

What I learned through all of this is that staying calm and setting an intention for what would serve me best works. And it feels so good.

What can you do now to help you slow down and savor your life the most?

 

 

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

 

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, by clicking here

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.

You can sign up for our newsletter here

Growing and Moving Forward

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A group of friends from all over the country gathered online in the Summer of 2021 to explore the concept of grieving and being happy at the same time. Over the course of several meetings, we were convinced that was not only a concept, but it is also the truth.

Before we started this conversation, I had been facilitating a writing through grief group. We loved doing this, but I felt something was missing. As I completed Marci Shimoff’s Happy For No Reason Certified Trainer Program, I realized Happiness is exactly what I wanted to include for the people coming to me for comfort.

This group brought the inspiration we loved, and we loved the idea so much, we brought it into action with our creativity. And this group was inspired to also create a nonprofit organization to fund all of this so anyone who wants to can come to our gatherings and find comfort, support, love, and happiness.

Since the summer of 2021, we have accomplished much by doing things like creating  online events for people to come together and discover ways for them to find happiness, creating a movie club, where we come together to discuss movies we choose that feature grief, happiness, or both. We also co-hosted the international summit From Mourning to Light to offer inspiration to people showing them that they can grieve and be happy at the same time. We created a Grief and Happiness Facilitator training program.  And we published the Grief and Happiness Handbook and the Grief and Happiness Cards, with all profit going to the foundation we created.

Whew! That’s a lot! And there is much more we plan to do. The thing is, as we grow in all we do, we are serving more people. And that’s where you come in. We see that when people come to our gatherings because a friend , who is already attending the gatherings, invited them to come, are motivated to come and to keep attending. Who can you invite? Holding each other up is comforting and motivating to you both! If you haven’t been attending, now is the time to start! If you are attending, who can you bring with you?

The Grief and Happiness Nonprofit organization is welcoming people who would love this opportunity to serve this community of people who are benefiting from the love and comfort you can provide. Please let us know how you would love to be involved.

Serving you all is the joy of my life. You too will feel much joy, love, and comfort by serving along with us.

 

Click on this link for a list of areas you can choose from or suggest something you would like to do. The list is at the bottom of the page.

You can click on this email link to to offer what you would like to do.

Click here for a printable link of opportunities. 29 Opportunities to Serve the Grief and Happiness Alliance Nonprofit Organization

 

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, by clicking here

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance Gatherings which meet weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here. https://a.co/d/eWNx3j1

Holiday Help

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Dreading the holidays is common while grieving, but this doesn’t have to be the case for you. The length of time that’s passed from when grief started doesn’t matter. My Dad died 34 years ago, and I remember him every Christmas thinking of the Santa outfit I made him because he loved giving presents to the children. The difference is now I smile instead of cry when that memory shows up.

When you are feeling a bit fragile during the holiday season, there are many ways to help you deal with this. Taking advantage of these ideas can brighten your days. Here are some things to consider:

  • Take good care of yourself. Do whatever is right for you. Get plenty of rest. Eat well. Drink lots of water. Go for a walk. Do whatever feels best for you right now.
  • Accept or decline invitations. If you are ready to celebrate, celebrate. If you are not feeling up to being around lots of people, don’t. Or if you are lonely, find the people you would like to be with and schedule something.
  • Pay attention to your grief.  If you need to cry, take time to do that. Consider why the tears are coming at that time, and deal with whatever that is.
  • Write in your journal.  Writing a holiday letter to a loved one who has transitioned can be comforting. Most of us have several letters we could write and each one would be different. You may even experience some form of response to those you write to.
  • Appreciate what you do experience or have. Write a gratitude list that includes things like special memories you have of your loved ones at holiday time. And include things people have done for you to comfort you in your grief.
  • Spend time with people you love. Being with friends and family can be uplifting. If you can’t be present with them, call them or write them.
  • Create new memories. What new traditions can you start? Try going to special events. Or add a different menu for your holiday dinner or breakfast.
  • Ask for help if you need to, or you want support. Reach out to whoever you think would be best for you, maybe a friend, a counselor, a minister.

Focus on the joy you can experience every day. You can do this. I know you can. Allow yourself the ease and grace that allows you to live your best life.

Happy Holidays!

 

Sign up for our free self-paced class: Find Your Holiday Joy! by clicking here.

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, by clicking here

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here. https://a.co/d/eWNx3j1