friends

What Can You Do?

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Are you lonely? Do you feel helpless? Do you feel like your world is crumbling around you? Do you realize you aren’t the only one feeling that way right now? The good news is you can do something about how you are feeling to help you feel much better.  Here are some ideas:

  • Reach Out. Who would you like to talk to? Which old friends are you missing? Start by making a list. Every time you think of someone, and that person to the list. Every day, pick a different person on the list and call that person. Plan a way to get together. Go for a walk or for coffee. Plan something to do together. Rekindle friendships. Then stay in touch.
  • Volunteer. What causes are you concerned about? Who can you help? Get active in your community. Find something that you can attend and meet new friends. I volunteered for the political party I am a member of. I met very interesting people by doing that and know I was making a difference. What could you volunteer for?
  • Play. Plan a game party where you can invite friends to play for favorite board games like Monopoly or Uno. Go to a water aerobics or Aqua Zumba class. Join a hiking group. Organize a block party for your neighborhood to meet all your. neighbors. Go somewhere to listel to live music and dance!
  • Learn Something New. What have you always wanted to learn? I love to take art classes. Take cooking classes. I discovered free community classes at our local college including classes in their culinary department. Join a community choir. Get involved in your community theater.
  • Join or Start a Book Club. Book clubs are usually created around a common interest like romance novels, mysteries, biographies, political issues, or travel. Often organizations have book groups. I like to participate in the book group for the American Association of University women. I’ve met some of my best friends there.

The key is to find ways to be around people you already know you like or people you would like to get to know. Chances are that if you sit home alone, which people often do while grieving, people won’t be coming to your house to seek you out. The longer you stay by yourself, the harder it is to get moving again.

Start by reaching out with people you already know and would like to spend more time with. They may be waiting to hear from you. Then reach out to people you don’t know but would like to. For instance, if you are concerned about a pollical issue, reach out to see how you can get involved to work on solving that issue. If you love to work with children, volunteer to read to them in their classrooms or at the local library.

The more we become involved in our communities, the more friends we can make, the more issues we can work on, the more we can learn, and the more we can help.

Start today. You’ll be so glad you did.

Grief is a Constant Companion

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I was reading The Lost Bookshop by Evie Woods when I came across a quote that stuck with me: “Grief is a constant companion.” It led me to think about my loved ones who have gone before me. That’s not hard to do since I see reminders of them every day. I had a particular memory come to mind last night.

When I went to bed, the big, full moon filled the window shining brightly. When I see a full moon, I have a memory of Ron, so I smiled at the moon and told Ron hello. The night after he died, several friends who had come to be with him during his last week decided to go on a dinner cruise because our friend who had been barbecuing that week was singing on the cruise that night, and they insisted that I join them. I didn’t want to go, but it did turn out to be a lovely evening.

I sat by myself listening to the music and watching the moon rise. A glimmering trail on the water extended from the moon to the boat, seeming to beckon me to follow it to climb up into the moon to join Ron.  Now whenever I see a big full moon, I feel Ron’s presence. Last night, I awoke feeling like it was daytime because my room was filled with light. I checked my phone which said it was just after 1 AM. I glanced outside to see the full moon again. Ron was just checking in.

Ron’s not the only one. Last night I felt my mother as I was smelling the fragrance of her beef stew recipe I was fixing for dinner. I smile each time I hear an ambulance siren remembering how Dad and Mom and I ran Daddy’s small town ambulance company until I moved away for college. So many friends and family members have graced my life.  I cherish the experiences, support, memories, and love they have left with me. While grief is my constant companion, I choose to focus on the happiness we shared.

 

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

My email is [email protected]

Let me know if you’d like to receive my newsletters which have lots of good things!

You can listen to my podcast here.

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance Gatherings which meet weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.

Loving Kindness During the Holidays

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In the holiday season, we tend to rely even more than usual on the service of others. I think most of us have had a variety of service jobs through our lives. I know I have, starting from baby sitting and teaching swimming lessons. I also worked at what we used to call being a waitress. And I was an ambulance attendant and a vocational nurse. I cut grapes in the fields, packed plums, canned tuna, and gleaned corn and peaches.

My first restaurant job came when I came home from high school one day and my father told me that his friend who owned a restaurant had people call in sick for that night and that he really needed help, so my father volunteered me. I had never done that before and felt intimidated when I arrived at 11 PM. I asked Dad’s friend what he wanted me to do. He told me that my parents had taken me out to eat, so I knew how I wanted to be treated by wait staff, so when I served people, I should treat them as I would want to be treated. That was my entire orientation. It was a small 24 hour a day coffee shop, so I had to figure out how to do everything else on my own.

I learned an invaluable lesson that night. I had a good time. I smiled at everyone and treated them like friends. At the end of my shift, I told the owner I would be happy to come back whenever he needed me, so he called me often. I took that smile with me to all those other jobs I had, and I took pride in my work treating each job like it was the most important thing to me at the moment I was working.

What does all this have to do with grief and happiness during the holidays? We come into contact with  many people during the holidays. We shop, we dine out, we go to parties, we go to appointments, we go to work, we go to meetings, we go to classes, and everywhere we go, we interact with people. Chances are you don’t know most of the people you run into, so you don’t know if someone they love is dying or just died. We don’t know if she just had a miscarriage. We don’t know if they lost their home or their job. Even with people we know, we may not know these things about them.

When you think of all these people, remember how my boss oriented me. Treat each person, no matter how well you know or don’t know them, like they are your friend. Smile at them. Notice when they smile back at you or if they may seem to be holding back tears.  Approach them with an open heart. Listen to what they have to say. Be there for them.

During these holidays, see how much loving kindness you can share with a smile.

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

My email is [email protected]

Let me know if you’d like to receive my newsletters which have lots of good things!

You can listen to my podcast here.

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance Gatherings which meet weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.

The World’s In Need of Love Today

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I woke up with a song running through my head, but I couldn’t place it. I finally remembered that it was on a Stevie Wonder album that Ron had given to me years ago. I had trouble finding it because I remembered the name of it incorrectly. The actual title is Love’s in Need of Love Today, and I was singing it to myself as The World’s in Need of Love Today. I’m sure that happened because that’s how I’ve been feeling.

In our country and around the world, much upheaval is occurring and people are experiencing fear, anger, hate, greed, and grief. Those are words I generally don’t say, and to shift my mood into positivity, I looked at Stevie Wonder’s lyrics of the song:

 

Love’s in need of love today
Don’t delay
Send yours in right away
Hate’s goin’ ’round
Breaking many hearts
Stop it please
Before it’s gone too far, yeah

…

We all must take
Precautionary measures
If love and peace you treasure
Then you’ll hear me when I say

…

Love’s in need
Of love today
Don’t delay
Right away
Just give the world love

 

Listen here

 

The lyrics that are so powerful to me are “Just give the world love.” That could rise all of us everywhere up if we could all just focus on that.

I started thinking of other songs we could all sing and support bringing up that positive energy. My friend Sadie suggested:

 

What the World Needs Now by Bert Bacharach and Hal David and originally sung by

Jackie DeShannon. Listen here.

Then I remembered Josh Groban’s version of The Impossible Dream by Mitch Lee. Listen here.

 

My most recent new favorite is Brighter Day by Michael Franti. I love his music! Listen here.

 

What songs can you think of that can help us all focus on love and peace? I’d love for you to share the songs you think of in the comments below.

 

The more people in the world who focus on love, peace, and happiness, the more of that we all can share.

 

 

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

My email is [email protected]

Let me know if you’d like to receive my newsletters which have lots of good things!

You can listen to my podcast here.

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance Gatherings which meet weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.

 

Cultivation

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Where I live in upcountry Maui now, I have the biggest garden I have ever had, and it takes lots of attention. Even with two people who help me, the tasks seem never ending. I am not complaining, however, because the rewards are worth all the time it takes.

I grow tropical flowers, fruit trees, lots of bananas, herbs and vegetables, and flowers. When we first moved here, one large section of our yard was covered with what looked like yellow golf balls. I discovered that those balls turned out to be one of my new favorite fruits, lilikoi, otherwise known as passion fruit. I found lots of ways to use lilikoi, but there were so many of them! I also had huge racks of bananas and many papayas.

Not wanting the food to go to waste, I put an invitation on the Nextdoor computer app for people to come to my house to take what they could use, and people came! With the new friends we made, we decided to meet and share the abundance of our gardens every Friday. That was 9 years ago. We still meet every Friday.

Through those years we have become special friends. We have celebrated weddings and birthdays and holidays. We have supported each other through medical challenges and funerals. We consider each other Ohana, the Hawaiian word for family. I cherish these experiences and friendships.

This wonderful Ohana has thrived through our mutual support. Just as we cultivate our gardens by replenishing the soil, planting seeds and plants starts, pulling weeds, pruning, watering, and harvesting, we cultivate our friendships by staying in touch, sharing what we grow, sharing advice and skills, and we tend to both our gardens and friendships with love.

I share about the Ohana we created because loneliness can be one of the biggest challenges we face while grieving. When you find yourself lonely, be creative and think of how you can create your own Ohana. If you’d like to know your neighbors better, try inviting them to your home for a cookie exchange or dessert potluck. If you have friends you’d like to see more, invite them over for a game night. Or invite someone to go on a walk with you.

 

The key to developing relationships is to tend to them. Friendships thrive with cultivation. Think of something you would love to do with your friends, then do whatever you dream up. And keep doing it. That’s cultivation. There is no need for loneliness in your life.

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

My email is [email protected]

You can listen to my podcast here.

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance Gatherings which meet weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.

Allowing

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Have you experienced talking yourself out of doing something you would love to do because you are grieving?  We all do that at some point – even when we’re not grieving. Early in grief, people may hesitate to invite you to their party, to dinner, or even for a walk. They talk themselves out of those invitations because they are concerned about how you would react, or maybe they fear that your grieving may bring what they are planning to be of happiness, to a time where people talk softly and don’t know what to say.

Eventually, they may cease to invite you because they got out of the habit of calling or you have declined invitations one too many times. They may not realize what they are doing. They mean no harm and don’t remember how much they enjoyed having you around. You may also not remember how much your enjoyed be around other people. When that realization happens, that is the time to start reaching out, allowing you the joy of spending time with others.

When we were young, we had to get permission from our parents to go out. Now there is no one to ask permission of, but we may not give ourselves permission to do what could help us be happy. Think about what you may not be allowing yourself to do like going to a movie or out to a restaurant. When you think of something you have not been allowing yourself to do, make a plan and do it! Don’t let another celebration or a class you’d like to take pass you by because you have forgotten how to say yes!

Whenever you find yourself alone or feeling sad, ask yourself what you can give yourself permission to do. My husband loved for me to bake cookies for him. I didn’t notice that I had stopped baking cookies, something I love to do. I gave myself permission to make a big batch and passed them out to people who had stepped forward to help me. When I delivered the cookies, it always started a conversation, and I started receiving invitations again.

In what ways are you not allowing yourself to start to move forward? Give yourself permission to correct those thoughts and allow yourself to live your best life now.

 

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

My email is [email protected]

Let me know if you’d like to receive my newsletters which have lots of good things!

You can listen to my podcast anywhere you get your podcasts.

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance Gatherings which meet weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.