Joy

Holding On

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One thing in life that is for sure is you can’t go back, can’t have a do-over. When dealing with grief for anyone or anything, many of us spend lots of time thinking about the past. We cherish all that was good about our loved ones, and dwell on unpleasant times or things we are sorry about. You may also be feeling regret for plans you had for your future that are no longer possible. This is perfectly normal in early grief, and it has little to do with your life now.

Now, today, and from this day forward, the best thing you can do for yourself is release trying to change your past. Your past is your past. Nothing can be done that can change anything, so dwelling on things that aren’t what you wanted them to be just wastes your time and keeps you stuck. If that seems easier said than done, try this. Choose one thing that bothers you like you didn’t get to move into your dream home together that you had had planned for and worked toward together for years. In your journal, write about that dream home and include all the details you can think of. When you complete that, put it aside.

Now, consider what your life is like and dream in your journal about where you would love to live in your new life now. Include all the details. Maybe in the past you had dreamed of neutral colors like beige, cream, and taupe. In your new home your colors may be lavender and light, warm butter yellow. Maybe you’ve always had a yard that was mostly grass, but you have always wanted an English country garden with tons of different flowers. Maybe you now live in Arizona where your garden would be burned up from the heat, so maybe now is the time to dream of that garden in Northern California where you could also have a wood burning fireplace.

Have fun with this journaling. Try writing about your dream home more than once, maybe moving it to different places where you could enjoy living now more than you would have with your previous dream home. And maybe your dream home is right where you are living now. Try writing about that including everything you’d love about it as well as things you’d like to change. Focus on enjoying the process of examining your life now. Maybe it’s not where you are living you want to focus on. Maybe you need to earn a living, but you are unsatisfied with the career you have had up till now.  Follow this same writing process just changing the subject matter.

The key here is to focus on your now. What can you do now help you move toward your new dream? And what can you do now to live your very best life full of supportive self-care? You can remember what you have learned and loved in your past, and you can dream of what you can learn and love in the future, but put your time and energy on your now. You can make your now wonderful. That’s why they call your now the present.

 

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

Emily Thiroux Threatt email is [email protected]

Let me know if you’d like to receive my newsletters which have lots of good things!

You can listen to my Grief and Happiness podcast here or anyplace you listen to podcasts.

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance Gatherings which meet weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.

 

First Days

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I read some sage advice recently that said, “Live every day like it’s your first.” We’ve all heard that phrase using the word last instead of first, but I loved this fresh perspective.

My friend Laurelee owns and lives on Leilani Farm Sanctuary on Maui. She invited my group of friends who do watercolor paintings together to visit her new baby goats. The mama goat, named Emily in honor of her rescuer, had been abandoned, so she was brought to the farm to live. She delivered her babies the day before our visit.

There were three babies, one girl and two boys. Goats usually have only two goats at a time, so they were on the small side, and they are adorable with thick black longish fur, and one had a white patch on one ankle. So precious! Less than 24 hours old, they were frolicking around under their mother’s watchful eyes. They loved being held and petted, so we all got some goat love, but they didn’t stay in our laps long because they were having so much fun playing.

What a fabulous first day for them! Just think about what a first day would be like now for you. All the new beauty, and colors, and fragrances, and tastes as well as new experiences, and new friends. Imagine waking up in the morning and experiencing everything as brand new! There would be no fighting, no war, no lies, no hunger, just love and happiness.

When a loved one dies, we can feel like it is the end of the world for us, but it doesn’t have to be. Each day can be a new start. Yes, take the time you need to grieve, but also take time each day to notice something new or different. When you go on a walk, notice the flowers and plants along the way. Many blossoms only live a short time, but while they are blooming, they are showing off their best colors and fragrances making people who pass by smile.

Look at the world each day as a baby goat or a bright hibiscus. Smile at a stranger. Thank the person who holds a door open for you. Bag your groceries. Call a friend. Sit outside and watch the clouds float by. Take a deep breath. Read a great book. Take a long shower or bath. Make a list of new experiences you are ready to have, then start checking them off the list as you do each one.

Take good care of yourself and live every day as if it is your first.

 

Leilani Farm Sanctuary

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

Emily Thiroux Threatt email is [email protected]

Let me know if you’d like to receive my newsletters which have lots of good things!

You can listen to my Grief and Happiness podcast here or anyplace you listen to podcasts.

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance Gatherings which meet weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.

Cultivating Joy

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Most of us don’t feel happy all the time, but it is possible. In early grief, we are likely to have feelings like sadness, loneliness, and hopelessness. While that’s not unusual, staying weighed down with these feelings is not in your best interest. The best way to deal with this is to practice good self-care.  Writing about what you are feeling can help you discover how to move forward.

When sadness is getting you down, write a list of things that make you happy. Keep adding to the list when things come to mind.  On your happiness list, include anything that makes you smile or feel good. Include things like:

  • Bake your favorite cookies and share them with a friend.
  • Plant some new flowers in your garden or get a new house plant.
  • Sit outside in the sunshine.
  • Go for a walk in a beautiful place.
  • Find a class to take about something you always wanted to learn.

If you are feeling lonely, discover someplace to go where you will meet new friends. Here are some ideas:

  • Go to a class like water aerobics, yoga, painting, or ceramics.
  • Join a book club that reads the kind of books you enjoy.
  • Create a lunch or dinner group that meets regularly where you go out to eat with your friends or take turns entertaining your friends for lunch or dinner at your homes.
  • Find a nonprofit organization you are interested in and volunteer.
  • Invite a friend or friends to join you in going to a play, a concert, or an art gallery.

If you are feeling hopeless, try some of these ideas:

  • Find a support group you can attend.
  • Write about your life in your journal exploring how you would like to change your life and what you can do to make that happen.
  • Read inspirational books about people you admire or things you’d like to do.
  • Meditate considering what you do or can do that brings you hope.
  • Focus on self-love.

You can have joy in your life when you make it a priority. The key is to take action as opposed to waiting for joy to fall into your lap. There is an old Johnny Mathis song that says, “Life is what you make it, and what you make it, is up to you.” Since it’s up to you, what will you do now to live your best life?

 

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

My email is [email protected]

Let me know if you’d like to receive my newsletters which have lots of good things!

You can listen to my Grief and Happiness podcast here or anyplace you listen to podcasts.

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance Gatherings which meet weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.

 

 

Morning Bliss

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I learned about Morning Bliss from singer, songwriter Karen Drucker, and I’m hooked. I am a journal writer and have written in my journal first thing in the morning before I do anything else for years, but this is more!

First, if you are not journaling, this is a great time to start. Here are a few things you can include. I start with gratitude always for having another day to experience.  Then write what’s on your heart. What concerns you today? What will you focus on?

Next, write your intention for the day starting with the words: “I am.” My intention for today is: “I am open, honest, and happy.” Remember that writing an intention is not writing a to-do list. Rather, it is a statement of who your really are. And you can change your intention every day.

Be sure to write at least three things you are grateful for. Be specific. Writing out your gratitude reminds you of what is great about your life. I always follow gratitude with something that brought me joy from the day before. I love this daily reminder of the joy I get to experience every day.

Now, to get you started with a positive boost, write a letter to yourself and include who you really are. Then make a vow to yourself. In my letter I vowed to put myself first and to treat me the best from now on! You don’t need to write a letter every day, but do write one when you can use a boost!

When I finish writing, I do a little dance. This brings me energy. I pick an upbeat song and play it on my phone and dance along. Do all your favorite moves. I keep a set of hand weights in my bedroom so I can use them as I dance.  This wakes me up, gives me energy, and gets me started for the day.

Then do your morning routine of getting ready for the day with all the usual things. And consciously choose the clothes you will wear for the day to suit your mood. Then eat something healthy that will serve your energy.

Doing your Morning Bliss every day makes each day brighter! Enjoy!

 

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

My email is [email protected]

Let me know if you’d like to receive my newsletters which have lots of good things!

You can listen to my Grief and Happiness podcast here or anyplace you listen to podcasts.

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance Gatherings which meet weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.

Do What You Love

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Would you love to be happy? Would you love to feel really good? You can! I have the secret!

In life, your best feelings are related to love, and it doesn’t have to be romantic. I love to eat coffee flavored Haagen Dazs ice cream.  It makes me happy, as does Ben and Jerry’s Cherry Garcia. I also love to do ceramic sculpture, or paint watercolors, or bake apple pie. I also love to go to concerts, to dance, or walk on the beach. I love to visit with friends. I love to travel. And I love to take a class to learn something new. All these things and much more are all things I love, and when I am doing things I love, I feel love, and that feels really good.

Since feeling love makes me happy, I can bring happiness into my life whenever I want to, and you can too! Start by getting out your journal. Make a list of everything you love. See how long you can make the list. The more you write, the more you will smile. Maybe you love looking at your children’s baby pictures. Or maybe you love walking your dog and talking to all your neighbors on the way.

There now, don’t you feel better? I’ve been smiling the whole time I have been writing this!

 

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

My email is [email protected]

Let me know if you’d like to receive my newsletters which have lots of good things!

You can listen to my Grief and Happiness podcast here or anyplace you listen to podcasts.

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance Gatherings which meet weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.

My Ohana

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I never dreamed I would live in Hawaii. I had been a California girl all my life. My husband Ron and I had purchased a home that we loved in Ventura, and I thought it was our forever home. I was surprised when that idea changed. He lived on Maui many years before I met him and brought me to Maui on our honeymoon. Experiencing Maui through his eyes, I fell in love with it too.

Maui was always so green and there were tropical flowers everywhere. The beautiful beaches are all open to the public. The sands range from white, to red to black. The breezes are generally gentle, and the sunsets are astonishing. The people are warm and friendly, and the culture is respected and kind.

We visited Maui several times with chickens greeting us at the baggage claim at the airport. Because of Ron’s declining health, we spent lots of time in the car driving around to enjoy the beauty.  One time we saw an open house and decided to go in. We met a helpful realtor there and Ron immediately made a new friend. By the time we got back into the car, we were talking about moving to Maui.

Everything happened quickly and soon we were in our new home on the side of Haleakala where we could see two side of the island and had a very big yard filled with tropical plants and fruits: bananas, papayas, lilikoi, avocados and more. The clear blue skies and ever-changing clouds created a peaceful atmosphere along with the constant serenade of the tropical birds.

We were immediately surrounded by a new family of friends. Everyone seemed to know each other. Grownups referred to people they respect as auntie, uncle, or cousin, and children were keiki.  My across the street neighbor came to my house to help me unpack. I soon knew more neighbors than I ever had anyplace else I had lived. I learned that all these new friends were part of my new Ohana.

“The word Ohana comes from oha, which is the highly revered taro plant, and it signifies that all ohana come from the same root. No matter how distantly we are all related, we come from the same root and are therefore from the same family.” (Google) My new ohana had more variety than you would think would be in one family. We helped each other out and celebrated things together.

When Ron would be in the hospital, he always had visitors. When we were home, we always had anything we needed.  One friend would drop by and tell me to go the beach while she visited with Ron. Other friends came caroling at Christmas time. They all gathered for a big surprise birthday party at a restaurant Ron had planned for me from his hospital bed the week before he died. They surrounded us with so much love the week he was on hospice, and they are still there for me, as I am for them, now and always.

I wish an ohana for everyone. If you don’t have one now, I encourage you to build one. In life today it seems that we all get so busy that we don’t take time for what’s most important: interaction with others. The love, kindness, and caring shared in an ohana strengthens us in facing whatever challenges come our way and brings us happiness. Reach out and find a new friend today. I’d be honored to be part of your Ohana.

 

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

My email is [email protected]

Let me know if you’d like to receive my newsletters which have lots of good things!

You can listen to my podcast here.

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance Gatherings which meet weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.