Joy

Believe

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Did you know that there is so much you can do if you believe you can? So many times, we can sabotage the dreams we have by not believing in ourselves. This often happens while we are grieving because it may feel like our world is falling apart because nothing is the same. The good news is that you can change your situation when you believe you can.

This morning a dear friend told me that she decided she needed a bigger house. On the day she decided, she ran into a friend who had a bigger house to rent, so she easily found exactly what she needed. I’ve done that too. My husband and I bought three houses in the time we were together. For each one, we wrote a list of exactly what we wanted in detail, and within a week each time, we found exactly what we needed at a price we could afford. For two of those houses, we even made a huge profit on the sale of the house we had been living in.

Your belief can make things happen, but what you want won’t just fall into your lap. Your actions and words must be in alignment to ensure the outcome you desire. Let’s say you want to be an artist. First you must decide what kind of artist you want to be. Then you must learn how to master that technique. Then you must discover how to display your work so your intended audience can see it. Nothing is so simple as just saying you want something.

After my husband died, I had a friend who was persistent in asking me if I was dating, and I always said no. Finally, I thought there must be a reason she was doing this. I was hesitant because my husband who died was so wonderful, I didn’t think it was possible to find anyone else I would want to be with. To prove that to myself, I made a list of all the traits and accomplishments anybody I would go out with must have. The list was long and detailed. I finally went on Match.com, and I was right. Just about every person did not fill many items on my list, but one did. I was shocked as I checked off every item on my list, and he even had more items that were wonderful. I was so glad that I stopped being stubborn and allowed myself to find my new husband.

How would you design the life you want to live? What makes you feel good and happy? Take some time to explore in writing what, where, and how you want to be. Use specific details. As I sit on my lanai enjoying a cool breeze, the many bird songs, and the view of two sides on the island of Maui, I am grateful to believe in myself which allowed me to create the miraculous life I love.

 

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

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Dream Builder Life Coach

Life Master Consultant

Happiness — Pass it On!

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Today there seems to be lots of bad or negative news circulating.

Here is some good news for you to brighten your day!

  1. I get lots of very tasty apple bananas from my trees. What fresh fruit are you enjoying?
  2. My friend Michael Reed just published a book, The Owl and the Ladybug, a gentle, beautifully illustrated story created to help children begin making sense of grief, sadness, or loss in a way that feels safe, calm, and reassuring. I am happy to see this special book is available to help 4- to 10-year-olds. What’s the best, positive book you have read recently?
  3. I just went with friends to see an excellent production of the play The Revolutionists at the Maui Academy of Performing Arts. I loved being able to see a production so beautifully done. What is something you have done lately that you really enjoyed?

Join me in spreading some joy!

  1. Email the answers to my questions to me to bring me some happiness! emilyemail
  2. Write a list of three items of good news you are enjoying today. Send your list to at least three of your friends. I’d love to be one of them!
  3. In your journaling every day, write 3 things that make you happy.

Before you share something negative with your friends, stop and think of something beautiful or positive you could share instead.

Let’s start a Happiness Revolution together! Let’s see how many smiles we can inspire!

An Affair?

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I heard the other day someone say you should have an affair with yourself, and I smiled. What a good idea!  The most important person for you to love is yourself. Sometimes we forget that when a loved one dies. We may say something like a part of you is missing. I understand that idea, but it isn’t the truth. The truth is you are whole just the way you are.

When I chose what to wear, I find myself thinking of things like “Mom loved that color,” “Jacques was so amazed that I could sew beautiful clothes for myself,” or “Ron bought me that sweater and I always think of him when I wear it.” These types of memories don’t keep us stuck in the past, but they can make us smile, and you are always more beautiful with a smile on your face.

When you want a snack, treat yourself to some fresh cherries or watermelon instead of a bag of chips. When you want a drink, treat yourself to a new tea flavor, hot or iced instead of a cup of wine. When you want to go out, find some friends to go with you and try something new like learning how to paint, playing pickleball, or trying a new food truck.

You can choose to be happy maybe one step at a time. The more steps you take, the weight of your grief can start falling away. You can always keep your loved one in your heart, and you can also expand your happiness at the same time.

Take yourself on a date this week!

have an affair with yourself, you will remember that you are whole, perfect, complete, and beautiful. You will also choose to treat yourself the very best by taking special, tender care of your physical self. You will eat wisely and well, and you’ll always bathe and brush your teeth. You will dress in clothes that make you feel good about yourself. I say all this because so many people who are grieving let things go. Just getting out of bed sometimes may feel impossible, but you can do it.

 

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

Grief and Happiness Handbook

Grief and Happiness Cards

Grief and Happiness weekly Free Gatherings

[email protected]

Dream Builder Life Coach

Life Master Consultant

To Be

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We all probably have some form of a to do list. I have an app on my phone so that I can be sure to get everything done.  I’ve developed so many sub-lists to the main list that it’s probably impossible to get everything done that I have written there, but I sure would like to!

Where do you store your “To DO” list? I have tried thinking “I’ll remember that” when something comes up that is important for me to complete, yet often I don’t remember it beyond that initial thought. I can easily slide into frustration thinking I will never get all those things on my list done.

I am trying something different now inspired by William Shaksepeare’s Hamlet who said “To be, or not to be. That is the question.”  I am not contemplating suicide like Hamlet was in the speech, but I do like the concept of “To be.”  I now add moments of “being” into my daily schedule. I’ll sit on my lanai and listen to the birds and enjoy the flowers. I’ll take a walk in my neighborhood or at the beach. I’ll call or write a friend, or I may even get out my watercolor’s and paint a picture just for fun.

“Being” is an essential part of life. When we spend every waking minute occupied by chores, errands, our jobs, or other things people expect of us or we expect of ourselves, we end up with no time for us to look up and notice a rainbow, do a little dance in the kitchen when a favorite song comes on the radio, or to step outside and take a deep breath of fresh air.

My mentor Mary Morrissey says to “Notice what you are noticing.” When you do that, you can take advantage of life’s little bonuses like getting to pick a fresh juicy orange off the tree and eat it with the juice dripping down from your hands. Or enjoy the many colors in the autumn leaves as they fall.

Take some time today day, actually, take some time every day to just be, just breathe, just enjoy. Notice all the love and beauty your get to experience.

 

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Holding On

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One thing in life that is for sure is you can’t go back, can’t have a do-over. When dealing with grief for anyone or anything, many of us spend lots of time thinking about the past. We cherish all that was good about our loved ones, and dwell on unpleasant times or things we are sorry about. You may also be feeling regret for plans you had for your future that are no longer possible. This is perfectly normal in early grief, and it has little to do with your life now.

Now, today, and from this day forward, the best thing you can do for yourself is release trying to change your past. Your past is your past. Nothing can be done that can change anything, so dwelling on things that aren’t what you wanted them to be just wastes your time and keeps you stuck. If that seems easier said than done, try this. Choose one thing that bothers you like you didn’t get to move into your dream home together that you had had planned for and worked toward together for years. In your journal, write about that dream home and include all the details you can think of. When you complete that, put it aside.

Now, consider what your life is like and dream in your journal about where you would love to live in your new life now. Include all the details. Maybe in the past you had dreamed of neutral colors like beige, cream, and taupe. In your new home your colors may be lavender and light, warm butter yellow. Maybe you’ve always had a yard that was mostly grass, but you have always wanted an English country garden with tons of different flowers. Maybe you now live in Arizona where your garden would be burned up from the heat, so maybe now is the time to dream of that garden in Northern California where you could also have a wood burning fireplace.

Have fun with this journaling. Try writing about your dream home more than once, maybe moving it to different places where you could enjoy living now more than you would have with your previous dream home. And maybe your dream home is right where you are living now. Try writing about that including everything you’d love about it as well as things you’d like to change. Focus on enjoying the process of examining your life now. Maybe it’s not where you are living you want to focus on. Maybe you need to earn a living, but you are unsatisfied with the career you have had up till now.  Follow this same writing process just changing the subject matter.

The key here is to focus on your now. What can you do now help you move toward your new dream? And what can you do now to live your very best life full of supportive self-care? You can remember what you have learned and loved in your past, and you can dream of what you can learn and love in the future, but put your time and energy on your now. You can make your now wonderful. That’s why they call your now the present.

 

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

Emily Thiroux Threatt email is [email protected]

Let me know if you’d like to receive my newsletters which have lots of good things!

You can listen to my Grief and Happiness podcast here or anyplace you listen to podcasts.

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance Gatherings which meet weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.

 

First Days

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I read some sage advice recently that said, “Live every day like it’s your first.” We’ve all heard that phrase using the word last instead of first, but I loved this fresh perspective.

My friend Laurelee owns and lives on Leilani Farm Sanctuary on Maui. She invited my group of friends who do watercolor paintings together to visit her new baby goats. The mama goat, named Emily in honor of her rescuer, had been abandoned, so she was brought to the farm to live. She delivered her babies the day before our visit.

There were three babies, one girl and two boys. Goats usually have only two goats at a time, so they were on the small side, and they are adorable with thick black longish fur, and one had a white patch on one ankle. So precious! Less than 24 hours old, they were frolicking around under their mother’s watchful eyes. They loved being held and petted, so we all got some goat love, but they didn’t stay in our laps long because they were having so much fun playing.

What a fabulous first day for them! Just think about what a first day would be like now for you. All the new beauty, and colors, and fragrances, and tastes as well as new experiences, and new friends. Imagine waking up in the morning and experiencing everything as brand new! There would be no fighting, no war, no lies, no hunger, just love and happiness.

When a loved one dies, we can feel like it is the end of the world for us, but it doesn’t have to be. Each day can be a new start. Yes, take the time you need to grieve, but also take time each day to notice something new or different. When you go on a walk, notice the flowers and plants along the way. Many blossoms only live a short time, but while they are blooming, they are showing off their best colors and fragrances making people who pass by smile.

Look at the world each day as a baby goat or a bright hibiscus. Smile at a stranger. Thank the person who holds a door open for you. Bag your groceries. Call a friend. Sit outside and watch the clouds float by. Take a deep breath. Read a great book. Take a long shower or bath. Make a list of new experiences you are ready to have, then start checking them off the list as you do each one.

Take good care of yourself and live every day as if it is your first.

 

Leilani Farm Sanctuary

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

Emily Thiroux Threatt email is [email protected]

Let me know if you’d like to receive my newsletters which have lots of good things!

You can listen to my Grief and Happiness podcast here or anyplace you listen to podcasts.

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance Gatherings which meet weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.