Smile

Que Sera, Sera

by

I recently heard the song Que Sera, Sera on a television commercial and it reminded me of hearing it as a child. Doris Day came out with this song in 1955, so I was pretty young, but the song stuck with me, and I sang it to myself often leading me to fanciful daydreams.

The lyrics of the song are:

When I was just a little girl
I asked my mother what will I be?
Will I be pretty? Will I be rich?
Here’s what she said to me

Que sera, sera
Whatever will be, will be
The future’s not ours to see
Que sera, sera
What will be, will be

When I grew up and fell in love
I asked my sweetheart what lies ahead?
Will we have rainbows day after day?
Here’s what my sweetheart said

Que sera, sera
Whatever will be, will be
The future’s not ours to see
Que sera, sera
What will be, will be

Now I have children of my own
They ask their mother what will I be
Will I be handsome? Will I be rich?
I tell them tenderly

Que sera, sera
Whatever will be, will be
The future’s not ours to see
Que sera, sera
What will be, will be
Que sera, sera

 

My daydreams led me to know in my future that I would be pretty when I learned to smile often, I would be rich in many ways, and I do have rainbows day after day here in Maui. Just writing this makes me smile!

Although the lyrics say, “Whatever will be will be,” I believe we have some say in the matter. I know that when I clearly focus on what is most important to me, it will come to me in some way. This isn’t always easy, and it doesn’t necessarily come when I would like it to, but when I maintain my focus, what I desire, or something more, does appear.

For instance, as a little girl, I wanted to be a pretty child, and I was sure that would bring me friends and popularity. I would be so serious about this, I often frowned as I thought. Over the years, I saw that beauty wasn’t when I became the first runner up of Miss Porterville. My life didn’t change from that honor. I didn’t even have a date for my Senior Prom.

Ten years later I ran into a guy I went to school with who I thought never would be interested in me. After all those years, he recognized me and said he apologized and was so sorry he didn’t ask me out in high school because he thought I would say no. This really made me think.

My wanting to be pretty made me afraid of rejection. Isn’t that silly? I can see that now, yet as I reflect, I see a young woman who didn’t think she was pretty. She focused on everything else till years late. She learned to focus on happiness, and she can see the beauty comes from her smile.

Also, in the past I thought that being rich was just related to money. I now enjoy the vast riches of friendship, love, and purpose. I am grateful to be financially secure, but that is not where my joy has come from.

And those beautiful rainbows? Where I live in Hawaii, they are free, and beautiful, and available to make me smile and inspire me almost every day.

I felt unstable after having two husbands die. I think I feared my future. Realizing that the fear didn’t serve me, and focusing on knowing that at that moment, I was fine, allowed me to find that smile again knowing that whatever will be is here now for me to enjoy.

Allowing myself to not worry about what is to come in my life, “whatever will be” has turned out very well.

 

 

Find more about the song by clicking here.

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

My email is [email protected]

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Simple Things

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Our lives are full of things, some tangible and easily seen; others intangible and not easy to define. When a loved one dies, many tangible memories are simply left behind and may gradually lose their significance. When the time came to move, I kept that in mind so as not to release what we treasure.

I’ve always been a collector of things, so when we left our home on the mainland to move to Maui, it was a challenge to choose what to pack into the shipping container. Some things were easy to release, like duplicate kitchen utensils. My kitchen was my creative space, so I carefully examined each item I picked up. My husband’s grandmother’s biscuit cutter had to stay with us while my shiny new one went to the garage sale.

I loved my giant, heavy dining room table and chairs, but they were too big for our new home, so I was able to easily release them to the new owners of the home we were moving out of. Now I can imagine that table surrounded by new families and friends for their celebrations.

The harder things to deal with were connected to memories and people. We lived a mile from the beach and loved picking up the heart shaped rocks we would find there and bringing them home to scatter in the yard surrounding our home. Leaving those loving memories there was hard, but it was the right thing to do.

When we arrived on Maui, we discovered we still had way too many things. We both loved art, and my husband had several large paintings that didn’t really suit our house. After Ron died, I gifted them to a friend who loved them and had a perfect place to hang them.

I have become adept at releasing things, which leaves so much new space in my life. As I glance around my house, I see stained glass windows my dear friend created, and the collection of Native American flutes and African drums as well as singing bowls we loved to play. There are so many wonderful memories there. Pictures of my family and my own paintings and drawings adorn my home. I never feel lonely at home as I have learned to treasure favorite things and to release that which no longer serves a purpose.

I encourage you to do this too!

 

 

 

 

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

My email is [email protected]

Let me know if you’d like to receive my newsletters which have lots of good things!

You can listen to my podcast here.

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance Gatherings which meet weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.

Are You Happy?

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When I talk to people who are grieving, I often see they aren’t smiling.  Actually, most people who I talk to are not smiling at first. Thinking about this led me to wonder how much better we all could feel if we just remember to smile.

Think about all the things you could smile about right now. They can be simple things like the purr of your cat, the laughter of a baby, a hug from a friend, a piece of homemade apple pie, or the flowers in your garden or that you see on your walks.

Think about how your body feels when you smile. You are likely to relax. You might take a deep breath and stretch; you might feel lighter; or a sad thought may turn into a loving memory and you may feel the corners of your mouth turn up at that.

On those days when you feel like you just don’t have anything to be happy about, pay attention to that. It’s a good time to practice some self-care.  Do things for yourself that are relaxing and have put a smile on your face before. You can do something like put a funny show on TV, or play some of your favorite music, or call a friend you love to be talking with. Sometimes simply taking a nap is a way of resetting and finding that smile.

I remember trying to make my mom smile. She usually wasn’t smiling after dad died. When I noticed that, I’d smile a big smile for her, and if she didn’t respond, I’d just smile so much more, and pretty soon we both would be giggling.

Being happy isn’t hard. The key is to notice when you aren’t feeling happy and do something about that. Smile!

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

My email is [email protected]

Let me know if you’d like to receive my newsletters which have lots of good things!

You can listen to my podcast here.

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance Gatherings which meet weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.

You’ve Got a Friend

by

I recently went to a James Taylor concert which started me thinking about the influence of music in my life.  When we like a song, we tend to listen to it often and the words stick with us. When I thought of the title for this blog, I went on to YouTube to listen to James sing his songs again, and the first song that popped up was You’ve Got a Friend, confirmation that I needed to write about this today.

I’ve always loved music and I’d listen for hours learning all the words to my favorite songs by Elvis, The Beach Boys, The Mamas and the Papas, Joan Baez, The Beatles, and so many more artists. There was only one radio station in town which played news and things my parents wanted to hear. I realized if I wanted to enjoy music, I needed to create it myself. I wanted to get a guitar and learn to play it. We weren’t a family of means and that was out of the question. I was exploring an antique store, I thought. It was actually a junk shop, when I spotted my guitar. It was well worn and had metal strings. I asked the proprietor if there was a way I could pay for it, and he said sure. He would hold it for me till I could pay it off.

The price was $10, which seemed like a million to me. I agreed to pay him at least a quarter, 25 cents, each week until I paid it off. That was 40 weeks, which seemed like forever. He reminded me that he knew my father and he would be sure to tell him if I was late with a payment.  I didn’t want to tell Daddy about it, so I did whatever I could to get all that money, including picking up pennies on the sidewalk. Through my diligence, I brought it home only 16 weeks later. I was so pleased with myself that I told my parents about my magnificent instrument, and they told we that while they were impressed with my ingenuity, to never do anything like that again without telling them.

I found some instructions on how to play and I practiced endlessly. I already knew how to read music since I played the flute. The sharp wire caused bleeding fingers which led to calluses. It was impossible to keep it in tune since the neck was bent, so my parents finally bought me a new guitar and even some lessons. This led me to singing at talent shows and creating an all-girl trio which performed around town. I even took my guitar to college with me in a big city. I auditioned at coffee houses who weren’t so kind about my singing. Then I gave all that up, but still listened to music, memorizing all the lyrics.

That was about when James Taylor’s career started. His songs were always so special, and I loved his connection to the Beatles. Seeing him in person at this point in my life was a real thrill. He’s two years older than I am, and he played the whole show without an opening act. So much energy! His musicians and back-up singers were stellar.  He even punctuated a couple of his energetic songs with a couple of strait up jumps! I‘ve been listening to his music ever since the concert.

Music brings me comfort, smiles, memories, and sometimes even tears.One of my favorite songs of James Taylor is Fire and Rain about losing a friend. He sang “I’ve seen fire and I’ve seen rain. Seen sunny days that I thought would never end . . . but I always thought I’d see you one more time again.” My tears from this song came from my pain thinking of his friend’s suicide and his own heroin addiction, as well as the loss of my friend’s hope.

His sweet, positive music is what I love to listen to brightening my day. My main lesson from his music that I have carried throughout my life is to “Shower the people you love with love. Show them the way that you feel. Things are going to be just fine if you only will.” We can all do this. We can hold the hands of friends who are grieving or dealing with loss.  “You’ll feel better right away” when you are there for someone. How Sweet It Is to treat people with love, and to welcome the love they shower right back to you.

Shower yourself with some love by listening to some of your favorite music today and enjoy.

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

Listen to the Grief and Happiness Podcast here.

My email is [email protected]

Let me know if you’d like to receive my newsletters which have lots of good things!

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance Gatherings which meet weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here. https://a.co/d/eWNx3j1

Take a Ride

by

As a child, on Sunday afternoon my parents and I would often go for a ride in the car. We lived in a small farming town where there wasn’t much to do, so these rides were a very special treat. I sat in the back seat gazing out the window at the beauty of nature. The car didn’t have a radio so we would all sing together the same songs every time: A Bicycle Built for Two, California Here I Come, The Old Rugged Cross, and more.

I got quite an education from watching flood waters, remnants of fires, a dam being built, fragrant orange blossoms, and miles of fields growing cotton.

My favorite was going out in the spring to see all the wildflowers. Mom knew the names of every one of them. Sometimes we’d stop so we could get outside to see them up close. My favorites were the vast acreage of bright orange poppies especially when they had deep bluish purple lupine mixed in. That’s still my favorite color combination.

Recently I had to get a ride from a friend to an appointment. The weather was strange that day with light gray clouds high up in the sky providing an umbrella for the whole island of Maui. Under the clouds was crystal clear making everything seem bright and beautiful.

I had been on the road on the side of Haleakala volcano many times before, but this is the first time I saw it when I wasn’t driving. I was astounded by the beauty of the view of the valley between both sides of the island. It was easy to see the island of Lanai and the tops of the west Maui mountains both of which are usually covered with clouds.

The tropical flowers were stunning and so big. The colors were vibrant. Even the weeds were gorgeous displaying their own blossoms. And I spotted a contented goat standing by the road munching on those pretty weeds! I was so refreshed by the time I got home.

Those of us grieving often find it easy to hibernate, staying inside our homes with the curtains closed. This environment can become stuffy and colorless. If you start feeling this way, try getting outside. Jump into your car and drive someplace unfamiliar and beautiful. Take time to stop and experience fresh air and fragrant flowers. Stretch and maybe even take a walk. Look at everything with new eyes enjoying all you discover. Try taking some pictures or doing some sketches. Just relax and allow yourself to be immersed in the natural beauty.

You will find the more often you do this, the better you will feel. Take good care of your precious self.

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, by clicking here

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here. https://a.co/d/eWNx3j1

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Who Loves You?

by

When your loved one dies or you are experiencing a big loss of another kind, the biggest thing you will probably deal with is a loss of love. While your love doesn’t go away with a loss, it’s just not the same. Love is the most precious emotion we get to experience so the absence of the experience of being with your loved one can be devastating. You can, however, deal with this loss in a positive way that can support you through your loss.

Self-love is essential always, yet this is especially so at stressful times. The good news is that you always have access to the most significant kind of love you will ever have because that’s self-love. In early grief even the idea of self-love seemed odd to me. How could that help me? How could I provide comfort for myself? The answer is easier than you would think.

The first thing you can do is make a list. I love lists for everything. On this list, write everything you love about yourself.  Take your time with this, and as you think of more items for your list, add them.  Just start writing and see what comes up. Aim for at least 100 things! You can do this!

On my list, items vary from how strong my fingernails have finally become, to how much I enjoy holding babies or watching puppies play. Maybe you love your smile or how you have your mother’s nose. Consider how passionate you are about things like fixing dinner for friends or taking flowers from your garden to shut-ins. Include all those good things about you that everyone else might not know.

Your list will grow and grow as you consider how wonderful you are. Your next step can be writing a letter to yourself describing in depth the wonders of you. What would you like to be remembered for? What do you consider your legacy to be? What are you passing down to future generations? After you write this letter, put it someplace special so you can get it out to read when you could use some support.

One more thing you can do is a self-love workout. Each morning when you look in the mirror, give yourself a pep talk to start your day. Include things like, “You are so beautiful today. I love your smile. Your hair looks so pretty today. I love the glow on your face when I see you are happy. I am amazed at your kindness and generosity. Thank you for reminding me of the importance of forgiveness.” I am sure you can go on and on. Say this all out loud as you gaze at your beautiful self.

Before you go on about your day, be sure to say, “Good morning beautiful. I love you more than you can imagine!”

Say it every day!

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, by clicking here

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.

You can sign up for our newsletter here