Self-Care

Will You?

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Will you?

August was Make a Will month. If you don’t already have a Will, this is a perfect time to make one. If you do have a Will, now is a good time to check it and see if it needs any updates. And be sure that who you have chosen as an executor knows where your Will is and how grateful you are for their kindness in giving you the peace of mind that comes with knowing your affairs will be taken care of.

While having a Will is essential, there is so much more to end of life planning. Looking ahead to all you would like to accomplish in your lifetime can help you plan and live your very best life. Waiting till the last minute and thinking, “Oh, I so wish I would have . . .”  can be disappointing, so I have a solution for you! Sherry Richert Belul has written a great new book, The Love List of a Lifetime, which comes out this November.

The Love List of a Lifetime includes everything that would be wonderful to have completed in your lifetime.  Just to show you how complete this book is, I am including the Table of contents:

The Love List of a Lifetime

Section 1: These Actions Are Your Legacy of Love

Love Will Guide the Way

Medical and Financial Must-Have Forms

It’s Time to Bring Others into Your Legacy Plan

Celebrate All of Your Hard Work

Section 2: Care and Comforts During Illness

We Just Keep Doing Our Best, No Matter What

Loving Yourself As You Navigate Illness

Preparing Comforts in Advance, Just in Case

Loving Others As You Navigate Illness

Setting Intentions Now for Who You Want to Be

Section 3: When I’m Gone: First Things First

This Is Where Your Hard Work Eases the Path

A Loving Note to Friends or Family Who Are Reading This After You’ve Passed

Taking Time to Plan Out These Three Things Will Make All the Difference for    Your Loved Ones

Celebrate These Loving Decisions

Section 4: Matters of Money, Household, and Your Family’s Future

You Are a Family Superhero for Tackling All of This

These Four Steps Will Offer a Sigh of Relief for You and Your Loved Ones

Section 5: The Art of Decluttering and Memory Keeping Before You’re Gone

I’m on This Journey, Too!

Memory Keeping

Decluttering to Lighten Your Life—and Make It Easy on Your Loved Ones

Celebrate All of Your Hard Work

Section 6: Life Lessons and Wisdom I’d Like to Pass On to My Loved Ones

You Have Already Left a Beautiful Footprint on This Planet

Sharing Your Life Story

Relishing Your Memories and Experiences Is a Gift

Celebrate Your Life

Section 7: True Legacy: Last Love Lists

The Love You Leave Behind

One of the Most Meaningful Practices You Can Do

Time for You to Celebrate Yourself!

Section 8: There’s Still Time

As Long as We Are Alive, We Can Connect, Grow, and Change

  1. There’s Still Time to Be Grateful and to Feel Fulfilled
  2. There’s Still Time for Deeper, More Loving Relationships
  3. There’s Still Time for Our Health and Well-Being
  4. There’s Still Time to Connect to the Great Sumpthin’ Sumpthin’
  5. There’s Still Time for Discovery and Adventure
  6. There’s Still Time to Tie Up Loose Ends
  7. There’s Still Time to Leave a Loving Legacy—in Each and Every Moment You Have
  8. There’s Still Time to Experience Countless Moments of Simple Joy

Celebration

Conclusion

Resource Directory

Going through this book together would be a great family activity or to do with a friend. Reading and considering the subject matter and answering the questions is a life affirming experience. I plan on getting several copies for Christmas presents because everyone should have a copy. I hope you do too!

You can pre-order your copies of The Love List of a Lifetime: YOUR ESSENTIAL END-OF-LIFE PLANNER with Practical Notes and Instructions for the Loved Ones You Leave Behind now at this link: https://a.co/d/8oIO8A0

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

Emily Thiroux Threatt email is [email protected]

Let me know if you’d like to receive my newsletters which have lots of good things!

You can listen to my Grief and Happiness podcast here or anyplace you listen to podcasts.

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance Gatherings which meet weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.

What Do You See?

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Grief affects our perspective. I have a beautiful view from the lanai at the back of my house. I looked across the island of Maui to the West Maui Mountains crowned by pure white clouds. I looked at the valley that bisects the island. I gazed at my glorious garden of tropical plants and bananas. Yet what I saw was the empty chair next to mine where my husband used to sit. Everything else felt abstract and superficial. That empty comfortable yard chair is where he spent so many hours communicating, helping others, reading, meditating, smoking a cigar, or gazing at me as I looked back with love. That chair brought me longing, loneliness, and change.

As time has gone by, I still imagine him sitting there, sharing wise words, bringing forth my smile and wonder. And I also reflect on the strength that I have grown into. When he first died, I didn’t recognize myself in the mirror. And I didn’t remember what my smile looked like. Gradually, I have come to see the woman I am becoming. As I have learned the importance of focusing on positivity, joy, gratitude, self-care, and self-love, I am happier now than I ever have been.

When I look at his chair now, I see memories of a beautiful relationship and deep love. When I look in the mirror now, I see peace, contentment, and love.

Henry David Thoreau said, “It’s not what you look at, but what you see.”  And I say what you see is who you are becoming.

Who are you becoming?

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

Emily Thiroux Threatt email is [email protected]

Let me know if you’d like to receive my newsletters which have lots of good things!

You can listen to my Grief and Happiness podcast here or anyplace you listen to podcasts.

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance Gatherings which meet weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.

Holding On

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One thing in life that is for sure is you can’t go back, can’t have a do-over. When dealing with grief for anyone or anything, many of us spend lots of time thinking about the past. We cherish all that was good about our loved ones, and dwell on unpleasant times or things we are sorry about. You may also be feeling regret for plans you had for your future that are no longer possible. This is perfectly normal in early grief, and it has little to do with your life now.

Now, today, and from this day forward, the best thing you can do for yourself is release trying to change your past. Your past is your past. Nothing can be done that can change anything, so dwelling on things that aren’t what you wanted them to be just wastes your time and keeps you stuck. If that seems easier said than done, try this. Choose one thing that bothers you like you didn’t get to move into your dream home together that you had had planned for and worked toward together for years. In your journal, write about that dream home and include all the details you can think of. When you complete that, put it aside.

Now, consider what your life is like and dream in your journal about where you would love to live in your new life now. Include all the details. Maybe in the past you had dreamed of neutral colors like beige, cream, and taupe. In your new home your colors may be lavender and light, warm butter yellow. Maybe you’ve always had a yard that was mostly grass, but you have always wanted an English country garden with tons of different flowers. Maybe you now live in Arizona where your garden would be burned up from the heat, so maybe now is the time to dream of that garden in Northern California where you could also have a wood burning fireplace.

Have fun with this journaling. Try writing about your dream home more than once, maybe moving it to different places where you could enjoy living now more than you would have with your previous dream home. And maybe your dream home is right where you are living now. Try writing about that including everything you’d love about it as well as things you’d like to change. Focus on enjoying the process of examining your life now. Maybe it’s not where you are living you want to focus on. Maybe you need to earn a living, but you are unsatisfied with the career you have had up till now.  Follow this same writing process just changing the subject matter.

The key here is to focus on your now. What can you do now help you move toward your new dream? And what can you do now to live your very best life full of supportive self-care? You can remember what you have learned and loved in your past, and you can dream of what you can learn and love in the future, but put your time and energy on your now. You can make your now wonderful. That’s why they call your now the present.

 

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

Emily Thiroux Threatt email is [email protected]

Let me know if you’d like to receive my newsletters which have lots of good things!

You can listen to my Grief and Happiness podcast here or anyplace you listen to podcasts.

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance Gatherings which meet weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.

 

Hugs

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When I was a little girl, I loved going to visit my grandmother because she gave me such sweet hugs. She always smelled like her carnation toilet water, and her soft, strong arms made me feel loved and secure. However, she was my only source for hugs. I did not see other people hugging. My parents held hands, but I didn’t see them hugging. The only time I remember my mother hugging me was when I was distraught over the miscarriage I had.

I finally started giving and receiving hugs from my husband Jacques’s Italian family. I felt a part of his family with all those hugs and kisses on my cheek. They didn’t have to know someone to greet them with a hug and a smile. What a wonderful feeling. I still am challenged in initiating a hug, but I definitely hug back when someone hugs me. And I feel the benefits of sharing hugs.

“Virginia Satir, a world-renowned family therapist, is famous for saying ’We need 4 hugs a day for survival. We need 8 hugs a day for maintenance. We need 12 hugs a day for growth.’” That sounds so wonderful, yet when we are grieving, often no one is there to share a hug with. I have taught myself to reach out to people when they are sad. I start with something not as intimate as a hug, like sitting next to them, putting my hand on their shoulder, or holding their hand. You can feel the positive energy flowing between you.

Research indicates that there are many benefits from hugging, like:

  • Protecting your heart
  • Reducing your stress
  • Increasing your happiness
  • Enhancing your relationships
  • Promoting better sleep
  • Improving your mood and relationships
  • And many more

How do you feel when you give or get a hug?  Human touch is a vital part of being alive, and touching animals is also beneficial. I love when my neighbor brings her dog to visit me. He loves to be petted, and I love to pet him.  I don’t remember the last time I was around a cat until last week.  I visited a friend and her big, soft cat climbed on to my lap and started to purr. That felt so good.

Find a way to include more touch and hugs into your life. I know it will make you feel better.

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

Emily Thiroux Threatt email is [email protected]

Let me know if you’d like to receive my newsletters which have lots of good things!

You can listen to my Grief and Happiness podcast here or anyplace you listen to podcasts.

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance Gatherings which meet weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.

First Days

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I read some sage advice recently that said, “Live every day like it’s your first.” We’ve all heard that phrase using the word last instead of first, but I loved this fresh perspective.

My friend Laurelee owns and lives on Leilani Farm Sanctuary on Maui. She invited my group of friends who do watercolor paintings together to visit her new baby goats. The mama goat, named Emily in honor of her rescuer, had been abandoned, so she was brought to the farm to live. She delivered her babies the day before our visit.

There were three babies, one girl and two boys. Goats usually have only two goats at a time, so they were on the small side, and they are adorable with thick black longish fur, and one had a white patch on one ankle. So precious! Less than 24 hours old, they were frolicking around under their mother’s watchful eyes. They loved being held and petted, so we all got some goat love, but they didn’t stay in our laps long because they were having so much fun playing.

What a fabulous first day for them! Just think about what a first day would be like now for you. All the new beauty, and colors, and fragrances, and tastes as well as new experiences, and new friends. Imagine waking up in the morning and experiencing everything as brand new! There would be no fighting, no war, no lies, no hunger, just love and happiness.

When a loved one dies, we can feel like it is the end of the world for us, but it doesn’t have to be. Each day can be a new start. Yes, take the time you need to grieve, but also take time each day to notice something new or different. When you go on a walk, notice the flowers and plants along the way. Many blossoms only live a short time, but while they are blooming, they are showing off their best colors and fragrances making people who pass by smile.

Look at the world each day as a baby goat or a bright hibiscus. Smile at a stranger. Thank the person who holds a door open for you. Bag your groceries. Call a friend. Sit outside and watch the clouds float by. Take a deep breath. Read a great book. Take a long shower or bath. Make a list of new experiences you are ready to have, then start checking them off the list as you do each one.

Take good care of yourself and live every day as if it is your first.

 

Leilani Farm Sanctuary

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

Emily Thiroux Threatt email is [email protected]

Let me know if you’d like to receive my newsletters which have lots of good things!

You can listen to my Grief and Happiness podcast here or anyplace you listen to podcasts.

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance Gatherings which meet weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.

Cultivating Joy

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Most of us don’t feel happy all the time, but it is possible. In early grief, we are likely to have feelings like sadness, loneliness, and hopelessness. While that’s not unusual, staying weighed down with these feelings is not in your best interest. The best way to deal with this is to practice good self-care.  Writing about what you are feeling can help you discover how to move forward.

When sadness is getting you down, write a list of things that make you happy. Keep adding to the list when things come to mind.  On your happiness list, include anything that makes you smile or feel good. Include things like:

  • Bake your favorite cookies and share them with a friend.
  • Plant some new flowers in your garden or get a new house plant.
  • Sit outside in the sunshine.
  • Go for a walk in a beautiful place.
  • Find a class to take about something you always wanted to learn.

If you are feeling lonely, discover someplace to go where you will meet new friends. Here are some ideas:

  • Go to a class like water aerobics, yoga, painting, or ceramics.
  • Join a book club that reads the kind of books you enjoy.
  • Create a lunch or dinner group that meets regularly where you go out to eat with your friends or take turns entertaining your friends for lunch or dinner at your homes.
  • Find a nonprofit organization you are interested in and volunteer.
  • Invite a friend or friends to join you in going to a play, a concert, or an art gallery.

If you are feeling hopeless, try some of these ideas:

  • Find a support group you can attend.
  • Write about your life in your journal exploring how you would like to change your life and what you can do to make that happen.
  • Read inspirational books about people you admire or things you’d like to do.
  • Meditate considering what you do or can do that brings you hope.
  • Focus on self-love.

You can have joy in your life when you make it a priority. The key is to take action as opposed to waiting for joy to fall into your lap. There is an old Johnny Mathis song that says, “Life is what you make it, and what you make it, is up to you.” Since it’s up to you, what will you do now to live your best life?

 

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

My email is [email protected]

Let me know if you’d like to receive my newsletters which have lots of good things!

You can listen to my Grief and Happiness podcast here or anyplace you listen to podcasts.

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance Gatherings which meet weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.