Memories

Ruminating

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This week I needed to keep my foot up. There were so many things I wanted to do that weren’t possible without being able to get around. So instead of all the things on my to do list, I spent time reflecting on things I have done and memories I have.  I have lots of things to remember!  As I reflected, I realized something about me. Most of my life, I kept having the same thought. I always knew I could do better, yet now as I look back, I know I was doing the best I could for where I was in my life at any time.

I am choosing now to be aware that I still am doing the best that I can in all I do, and that feels really good. Now instead of saying things like “I wish I had spent more time on that project,” or “I know I should be eating better,” I know now that when I commit to do something that I have an agreement with myself to do what needs to be done. And now I am consciously choosing every item I choose to eat, and that is making a difference just by being aware of what I choose. Instead of putting things off and worrying about something I think I should be doing, when I choose to do something, I just do it, and that feels so much better!

I encourage you to ruminate a bit. What can you do to live in full integrity with yourself? Writing in my journal to explore this thought helped me to discover my answers to that question. How about you? How can you make a difference for yourself and find more happiness in the process?

I’d love to hear what you come up with!

 

Emily Thiroux Threatt [email protected]

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, by clicking here

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here

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Serendipity and Inspiration

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Have you had the experience of creating a vision in your mind of something you would love to do, then things start happening around you showing you that you can do it? Is this serendipity, or is it part of the process of creation? I have had this happen so often that I have learned to pay attention when it happens. When I recognized the power of paying attention, I reflected on my life and saw lots of examples. Here are a few.

When my son Jason was born, I had complications, and the nursing staff was unhelpful to say the least. I could not understand how a nurse could treat a patient without care or compassion. I said to myself, “If I were a nurse, I would never do that to my patients.” Before that time, I hadn’t considered being a nurse, yet I became one, a caring and compassionate one.

Later, when I was in the process of getting my master’s degree in English, I had no idea of what I would do with the degree when I got it. My husband Jacques suggested that I observe a writing class, and two of his colleagues gave me the opportunity to as well as hiring me to grade the essays they assigned.  Their techniques were different, and I could see how I, as a student, would like to be taught, as well as seeing the things that they did that worked and the things that didn’t. This inspired me to start my career as a writing teacher. I loved being innovative and encouraging my students to live their best lives in the process.

Later still, I had a dream of opening a live theatre and school of arts. I was unsure of how I could do this. Then I watched the movie “Music of the Heart” which portrayed the true story of Roberta Guaspari who founded the Opus 118 Harlem School of music as she fought for music education funding in New York City public schools. I had been fighting to find ways to support arts education in the city where I lived, and when I watched the movie, I knew if she could accomplish what she did, I could accomplish what I wanted for my community, so I did.  When I heard the song in the movie, that was my confirmation that I was doing what I was meant to do. Here are some of the words to the song Music of My Heart.

You opened my eyes

You opened the door

To something I had never known before

And your love

Is the music of my heart

 

You can find the complete lyrics here  and  you can watch the movie online.

 

Whether what I have experienced has come from serendipity or inspiration, I am grateful for it all, and all these occurrences have brought much happiness to my life. My hope is that you pay attention to the serendipity and inspiration you receive. How can you find more happiness in your life by following your heart?

 

You’ve Got a Friend

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I recently went to a James Taylor concert which started me thinking about the influence of music in my life.  When we like a song, we tend to listen to it often and the words stick with us. When I thought of the title for this blog, I went on to YouTube to listen to James sing his songs again, and the first song that popped up was You’ve Got a Friend, confirmation that I needed to write about this today.

I’ve always loved music and I’d listen for hours learning all the words to my favorite songs by Elvis, The Beach Boys, The Mamas and the Papas, Joan Baez, The Beatles, and so many more artists. There was only one radio station in town which played news and things my parents wanted to hear. I realized if I wanted to enjoy music, I needed to create it myself. I wanted to get a guitar and learn to play it. We weren’t a family of means and that was out of the question. I was exploring an antique store, I thought. It was actually a junk shop, when I spotted my guitar. It was well worn and had metal strings. I asked the proprietor if there was a way I could pay for it, and he said sure. He would hold it for me till I could pay it off.

The price was $10, which seemed like a million to me. I agreed to pay him at least a quarter, 25 cents, each week until I paid it off. That was 40 weeks, which seemed like forever. He reminded me that he knew my father and he would be sure to tell him if I was late with a payment.  I didn’t want to tell Daddy about it, so I did whatever I could to get all that money, including picking up pennies on the sidewalk. Through my diligence, I brought it home only 16 weeks later. I was so pleased with myself that I told my parents about my magnificent instrument, and they told we that while they were impressed with my ingenuity, to never do anything like that again without telling them.

I found some instructions on how to play and I practiced endlessly. I already knew how to read music since I played the flute. The sharp wire caused bleeding fingers which led to calluses. It was impossible to keep it in tune since the neck was bent, so my parents finally bought me a new guitar and even some lessons. This led me to singing at talent shows and creating an all-girl trio which performed around town. I even took my guitar to college with me in a big city. I auditioned at coffee houses who weren’t so kind about my singing. Then I gave all that up, but still listened to music, memorizing all the lyrics.

That was about when James Taylor’s career started. His songs were always so special, and I loved his connection to the Beatles. Seeing him in person at this point in my life was a real thrill. He’s two years older than I am, and he played the whole show without an opening act. So much energy! His musicians and back-up singers were stellar.  He even punctuated a couple of his energetic songs with a couple of strait up jumps! I‘ve been listening to his music ever since the concert.

Music brings me comfort, smiles, memories, and sometimes even tears.One of my favorite songs of James Taylor is Fire and Rain about losing a friend. He sang “I’ve seen fire and I’ve seen rain. Seen sunny days that I thought would never end . . . but I always thought I’d see you one more time again.” My tears from this song came from my pain thinking of his friend’s suicide and his own heroin addiction, as well as the loss of my friend’s hope.

His sweet, positive music is what I love to listen to brightening my day. My main lesson from his music that I have carried throughout my life is to “Shower the people you love with love. Show them the way that you feel. Things are going to be just fine if you only will.” We can all do this. We can hold the hands of friends who are grieving or dealing with loss.  “You’ll feel better right away” when you are there for someone. How Sweet It Is to treat people with love, and to welcome the love they shower right back to you.

Shower yourself with some love by listening to some of your favorite music today and enjoy.

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

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Order

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This morning, when I awakened, I gazed out my window. I saw millions of spiderwebs on the bushes of the house next-door. I wondered how all those spiders could possibly know that it was a good place for them to build their delicate, yet strong, webs. A whole community of spiders and spiderwebs were  there, sparkling in the sunlight. Seeing spiders diligently creating their masterpieces was fascinating. Scurrying on a perfect path, they connected the webs they were weaving with little blobs of sparkling stickiness. The sun was shining just right so that the webs glowed, decorated with what seemed to be tiny rainbows reflecting the colors around them. Webs swaying a little from the breeze constantly caused me amazement. How could the spiders possibly get a web that goes across an open space from such a great distance? How did they make it work? How did they figure it all out? Do they tell their spider friends, “This is the place to be. This is where we’re gonna do this together and create this amazing sculpture” ?

These busy spiders inspired me to think about the whales that come to Maui every year. Starting in Alaska, the whales swim to Maui. Some whales seem like they’re traveling by themselves, yet without the GPS that we depend on, they always arrive at Maui. Enticed by the warmer water, they glide through the gentle waves flowing between the islands of Molokai, Maui, Lanai, and Kaho’lawe. The warmth is a result of the waters being shallower than in the rest of the ocean. Ten thousand whales migrate to Maui to give birth. Watching up to sixty feet long humpback whales breaching out of the water is breathtaking. The mothers and babies frolic and splash their way through the ocean together. They’re just astonishing, but what gets me the most is the trip they take every year. How could they possibly know how they are supposed to go all the way from Alaska to Hawaii, which is considered the most remote place in the world, without having any kind of GPS. Whales just make the trip automatically, migrating back and forth between Alaska and Hawaii. It seems that they would need some form of guidance, even if it’s just looking at the sky. 

Do you have an automatic pilot just like the whales? What’s the order of your life? Many of us get up and do what we think we’re supposed to do all day long and then go to bed at night and sleep and start over again the next morning. We take one step at a time without a lot of thought, without realizing all the choices that we make every single day, every moment. When are we going to drink water? When are we going to have something to eat? When are we going to get up and move? When are we going outside? When are we going to be talking to someone? What are we talking about? In Hawaii we’ve got something called Talk Story where people get together and just talk about whatever they want to. This conversation is what ties the culture together, where people discover commonality, where they express genuine love, not so much romantic love, but the love and compassion of being alive and connecting with others. 

By learning to Talk Story, I found my purpose in writing and demonstrating happiness. I write in my journal every day and that helps guide me and inspire me for the choices I make. I chronicle every day to hold on to special memories. I also record what I’m grateful for and why I’m grateful for it. And I write books and teach others to write to help them deal with grief and find happiness.

I’m grateful today, and every day, for realizing that my purpose includes serving others. How can I help someone who is grieving or dealing with loss? How can I help them realize that happiness is perfectly normal and that it’s OK to be able to feel happy even when you’re grieving? Though that may sound strange, it’s not. I’m not happy that I’m grieving, but I’m happy that I’m alive. I’m happy that I’m making the best of my life, consciously paying attention to my thoughts and what I do, being mindful of every moment.

What’s your purpose? What are you doing? What are you meant to do? How can you make your life better? How can you make your life the absolute best it can be? What do you need to do to make your life miraculous? How do you notice the beauty and wonder in the world? How can you share the inspiration you discover? What does your heart desire? What is it that you really crave? I’m not suggesting just making goals, though goals are great to get you from one point to another, I am asking you to identify an overarching purpose for everything.

 I encourage you, or maybe even challenge you, to pay attention to who you are and what you are doing.  Write in your journal to explore who you are and what you aspire to. What is your true purpose in life? How would you like to share this with your loved ones, both now and in the future?  Writing like this can help to open up your world.

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, by clicking here

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

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Order blog for April 24 19 or 2024

Take a Ride

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As a child, on Sunday afternoon my parents and I would often go for a ride in the car. We lived in a small farming town where there wasn’t much to do, so these rides were a very special treat. I sat in the back seat gazing out the window at the beauty of nature. The car didn’t have a radio so we would all sing together the same songs every time: A Bicycle Built for Two, California Here I Come, The Old Rugged Cross, and more.

I got quite an education from watching flood waters, remnants of fires, a dam being built, fragrant orange blossoms, and miles of fields growing cotton.

My favorite was going out in the spring to see all the wildflowers. Mom knew the names of every one of them. Sometimes we’d stop so we could get outside to see them up close. My favorites were the vast acreage of bright orange poppies especially when they had deep bluish purple lupine mixed in. That’s still my favorite color combination.

Recently I had to get a ride from a friend to an appointment. The weather was strange that day with light gray clouds high up in the sky providing an umbrella for the whole island of Maui. Under the clouds was crystal clear making everything seem bright and beautiful.

I had been on the road on the side of Haleakala volcano many times before, but this is the first time I saw it when I wasn’t driving. I was astounded by the beauty of the view of the valley between both sides of the island. It was easy to see the island of Lanai and the tops of the west Maui mountains both of which are usually covered with clouds.

The tropical flowers were stunning and so big. The colors were vibrant. Even the weeds were gorgeous displaying their own blossoms. And I spotted a contented goat standing by the road munching on those pretty weeds! I was so refreshed by the time I got home.

Those of us grieving often find it easy to hibernate, staying inside our homes with the curtains closed. This environment can become stuffy and colorless. If you start feeling this way, try getting outside. Jump into your car and drive someplace unfamiliar and beautiful. Take time to stop and experience fresh air and fragrant flowers. Stretch and maybe even take a walk. Look at everything with new eyes enjoying all you discover. Try taking some pictures or doing some sketches. Just relax and allow yourself to be immersed in the natural beauty.

You will find the more often you do this, the better you will feel. Take good care of your precious self.

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, by clicking here

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here. https://a.co/d/eWNx3j1

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Last Letters

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Chances are we won’t know when our last breath occurs. Hopefully it will be at a time of peace when we just go to sleep and not wake up. If this is the case for me, I’ve been wondering if I would have said everything I would want to say before I took that last breath.. Who knows when that’s going to come. It could be any moment, or it could be years down the road. I have relatives that lived long lives, and I’ve had relatives that lived short ones without being able to have any idea when their last moments would be. Because of this, I plan to say what I need to say now.

My husband Ron was only on hospice for a week, and he made good use of that time. He made sure to say whatever he wanted to say to anyone he wanted to say it to. We made a list to be sure he would contact everyone he wanted to. We invited anybody that could get to Maui to come be with him during that last week. He was surrounded by good friends; many had been friends for his lifetime. He also had people who were significant in his life that he hadn’t talked to in years and others he had only known a short time. We made a big effort to get them all called, and by the time he finally went to sleep, we had crossed off all the names on this list, and I could see how grateful he was.

He had the opportunity to tell special friends or family members exactly what he wanted to say. I was in awe listening to him have these last conversations with people that he could express things so deeply, and I thought what a wonderful life he had lived in unconditional love with so many different people. So many of us don’t get that opportunity to say goodbye because we don’t know when that last moment will be. My grandmother went to sleep one night and didn’t wake up. I was just 13 years old, and I tried to remember if I had told her that I loved her. I know we exchanged big hugs. She was the one person in my life at that point that hugged me, and that meant the world to me, so I knew she knew I loved her but I’m not sure if I ever expressed it in words. 

My father died suddenly. I am proud to be his daughter and am amazed at the things he was able to accomplish. He was such a good man. My mom dealt with a brain tumor for a long time. I know I got to tell mom what I wanted to tell her, but it was awfully late in her life. I wish we would have been able to have those conversations as we went along. I’ve had friends die suddenly and I didn’t get to tell them goodbye. This made me think about people that I’m close to now. I want to be sure to not leave things unsaid. 

I have new friends who are special to me, and I want them to know how much I care for them, how much I noticed what they’ve done for me, how much I am honored to have been able to do things for them, and how wonderful it is to have deep friendships. Right now, I commit to making a list of all the people I want to express my gratitude to so that they can know while I’m still around. This can lead to beautiful conversations, or at least they will know how I feel about them and the wonderful times that we’ve spent together. I will make sure that everyone I have something to say to is on that list, and I will write to each of them while I still can. I plan to enjoy all the time that I can with the people that I love.

I’d love for you to make a list or at least talk to the special people that you really want to talk to while you can, or like me, use the list and write letters so your words will always be there. The people I love will have something left from me, and I’m grateful for that.

 

 

I have special gift for you since you read this blog. I have created so beautiful stationery for you to use to write your letters. I would love to gift it to you at no charge. Just send me a message to [email protected] including your name, and if you would like, your address to include on the stationery. Be sure to include the email address you would like me to send the printable PDF file to you.

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, by clicking here

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.

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