Memories

Adapt

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Jane Goodall wrote in The Book of Hope that for species to survive on earth they must adapt or they will parish. This applies to people just like every other species, and the hardest incidence of adaptation is how we react when facing grief.

I invite you to consider this. When a loved one dies, their absence is difficult to adapt to. One moment they are here, then they are gone. I have been with many people when they transitioned and have felt the profound shift when their bodies become still. Their physical body is there, but it no longer functions in any way.

The adapting comes as we learn to notice their physical absence. You can no longer feel the warmth of their hugs or the touch from their hands. They no longer sit at the dinner table with you. You can’t go for walks together. You can’t hear their voice. So how can you possibly adapt?

You may feel like your life stops when theirs did, but you are still here. Now is time for you to decide how you can live your best life. To adapt means you discover how to move forward. In doing so, you are not forgetting your loved ones. You simply shift to holding them always in your heart. That way they are always with you in whatever you do.

Adapt by focusing on the air your get to breathe, on the beauty you get to enjoy, and the lives of others you get to touch. Adapt by discovering what you can contribute to the world, how you can discover people who you love, and how you can serve others.

Choosing to live a full life, however you define that, allows you to move forward with love and joy every moment, every day. Your life is what you make it.

 

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

Grief and Happiness Handbook

Grief and Happiness Cards

Grief and Happiness weekly Free Gatherings

[email protected]

Dream Builder Life Coach

Life Master Consultant

Holiday Letters

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I always loved getting holiday letters from friends and family. Often it is the only time I heard from people I cared about each year. Over the years, the numbers of cards have decreased and often the letters are brief and impersonal. I am a big proponent of staying in touch with people I love, but I know I could do better. Ron and I wrote a holiday letter together each year, and my first year without him, I decided to write a letter on my own.  Here is the sharing I put on my Christmas card the year Ron died:

Christmas this year is a time of reflection for me. In a year of deep experiences, I’ve learned so              much.

  • I learned the peace of living only in the moment.
  • I learned the joy of spending all my time with Ron.
  • I learned the love of being surrounded by our Ohana and loving friends and family.
  • I learned the gratitude we have for the perfect care given by Hospice.
  • I learned the beauty of Hawaiian culture in the memorial service for Ron on the Beach.
  •  I learned the strength I didn’t realize I have in looking forward to each new day.This holiday season and next year, I wish you peace, joy, love, gratitude, beauty, and strength.

 

I like what I wrote that year. Reading it again showed me how much I have learned and changed since eight years ago. And It made me realize how much I love the tradition of staying in touch. I keep my holiday card list updated, and I don’t delete addresses of people who don’t keep in touch with me because I still think of them and would love to hear from them too!

I am in the prosses of putting my holiday letter together for this year and am sharing with you a fill in the blanks template as an idea for you to create your own letters. Here you go!

This year has brought me (or us, or our family) ______________________

As I reflect, I realize that:

      • I learned that ____________________________________________________
      • I experienced joy by _______________________________________________
      • I love that ________________________________________________________
      • I saw beauty in ____________________________________________________
      • I accomplished __________________________________________________
      • I found peace by _________________________________________________
      • I am grateful for __________________________________________________
      • I love you because _______________________________________________
      • I will keep in better touch with you by ______________________________

This holiday season and next year, I wish you peace, joy, love, gratitude, beauty, and                                strength.

Feel free to change or add anything you’d like. Have fun with this. I hope you will send letters or cards to at least some of your loved ones, and of course, I would love to get something from you!

Keeping in touch, especially with people who are grieving, can make a huge difference to people you care about.

Happy Holidays!

 

 

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

Grief and Happiness Handbook

Grief and Happiness Cards

Grief and Happiness weekly Free Gatherings

[email protected]

Dream Builder Life Coach

Life Master Consultant

 

 

Do What You Love

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Would you love to be happy? Would you love to feel really good? You can! I have the secret!

In life, your best feelings are related to love, and it doesn’t have to be romantic. I love to eat coffee flavored Haagen Dazs ice cream.  It makes me happy, as does Ben and Jerry’s Cherry Garcia. I also love to do ceramic sculpture, or paint watercolors, or bake apple pie. I also love to go to concerts, to dance, or walk on the beach. I love to visit with friends. I love to travel. And I love to take a class to learn something new. All these things and much more are all things I love, and when I am doing things I love, I feel love, and that feels really good.

Since feeling love makes me happy, I can bring happiness into my life whenever I want to, and you can too! Start by getting out your journal. Make a list of everything you love. See how long you can make the list. The more you write, the more you will smile. Maybe you love looking at your children’s baby pictures. Or maybe you love walking your dog and talking to all your neighbors on the way.

There now, don’t you feel better? I’ve been smiling the whole time I have been writing this!

 

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

My email is [email protected]

Let me know if you’d like to receive my newsletters which have lots of good things!

You can listen to my Grief and Happiness podcast here or anyplace you listen to podcasts.

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance Gatherings which meet weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.

Mother’s Day

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Mother’s Day can be a beautiful, magical day, or it can also be sad or hearbreaking.  Or, it could be a combination of both happy and sad. How is your Mother’s Day going to be this year?

Mother’s day was originated by Anna Jarvis in West Virginia in 1908 to honor her mother, Anna Reeves Jarvis who had 8 out of 12 children die. They both volunteered to provide medicine for needy families at a time when Tuberculosis was an issue. 

I always miss my mom on Mother’s Day. She died 30 years ago. Mom always made her famous potato salad for celebrations, so I like to make potato salad.  My family always comments on how they love Grandma’s potato salad, and that helps me remember her fondly. Over the last few years, I have started writing her letters in my journal. I write to her as I would if we were having a conversation, and sometimes I write back to me from her. I love how this makes me feel.

You may know a mother who’s family will not be around to celebrate. Include them in your celebration, take them some flowers from your yard, or bake them some cookies. Maybe you know someone who has been a mother figure to you. If you do, write her a letter thanking her for what she means to you, and maybe take her some cookies or flowers.

 This year, think of someone who could use some love and support for Mother’s day and celebrate them in some way. I’d love to hear about your ideas or ways that you celebrate Mother’s Day!

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

My email is [email protected]

Let me know if you’d like to receive my newsletters which have lots of good things!

You can listen to my podcast here.

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance Gatherings which meet weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.

 

Generosity

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Recently I read about how the Choctaw nation was forced to leave their ancestral homeland in the southeastern United States and walk to what is now Oklahoma on a journey known as The Trail of Tears.  During this time in 1847, Ireland was experiencing the great potato famine. I can’t imagine how these two groups of people learned about the suffering each was enduring, but they did. The Choctaw wanted to help the Irish even while their own people were suffering and starving to death. They managed to collect $170 which today would be the equivalent of so much more, and they gave that fortune to the Irish.

Till this day, the Choctaw and Irish maintain a special relationship and honor each other. 

This type of long standing support for others in a time of need is sometimes hard to find.  When people tell me their grief experiences, they often tell me about having friends distance themselves. Seeing someone in grief can foster memories of loss. I remember calling myself a Black Widow when I wasn’t included in gatherings with friends or family. Experiencing things like this inspired me to reach out to others who are grieving. I include them whenever I can, and I listen to their stories. 

Have you felt ostracized or lonely while grieving? Have you witnessed that happening to others? What can you do to be generous? Reach out to people dealing with loss. Expand your circle of friends. Open your heart. Include and invite people you may not have thought of before. Your loving can change their world.

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

My email is [email protected]

Let me know if you’d like to receive my newsletters which have lots of good things!

You can listen to my podcast here.

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance Gatherings which meet weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.

Grief is a Constant Companion

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I was reading The Lost Bookshop by Evie Woods when I came across a quote that stuck with me: “Grief is a constant companion.” It led me to think about my loved ones who have gone before me. That’s not hard to do since I see reminders of them every day. I had a particular memory come to mind last night.

When I went to bed, the big, full moon filled the window shining brightly. When I see a full moon, I have a memory of Ron, so I smiled at the moon and told Ron hello. The night after he died, several friends who had come to be with him during his last week decided to go on a dinner cruise because our friend who had been barbecuing that week was singing on the cruise that night, and they insisted that I join them. I didn’t want to go, but it did turn out to be a lovely evening.

I sat by myself listening to the music and watching the moon rise. A glimmering trail on the water extended from the moon to the boat, seeming to beckon me to follow it to climb up into the moon to join Ron.  Now whenever I see a big full moon, I feel Ron’s presence. Last night, I awoke feeling like it was daytime because my room was filled with light. I checked my phone which said it was just after 1 AM. I glanced outside to see the full moon again. Ron was just checking in.

Ron’s not the only one. Last night I felt my mother as I was smelling the fragrance of her beef stew recipe I was fixing for dinner. I smile each time I hear an ambulance siren remembering how Dad and Mom and I ran Daddy’s small town ambulance company until I moved away for college. So many friends and family members have graced my life.  I cherish the experiences, support, memories, and love they have left with me. While grief is my constant companion, I choose to focus on the happiness we shared.

 

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

My email is [email protected]

Let me know if you’d like to receive my newsletters which have lots of good things!

You can listen to my podcast here.

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance Gatherings which meet weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.