Intentions

Believe

by Leave a Comment

Did you know that there is so much you can do if you believe you can? So many times, we can sabotage the dreams we have by not believing in ourselves. This often happens while we are grieving because it may feel like our world is falling apart because nothing is the same. The good news is that you can change your situation when you believe you can.

This morning a dear friend told me that she decided she needed a bigger house. On the day she decided, she ran into a friend who had a bigger house to rent, so she easily found exactly what she needed. I’ve done that too. My husband and I bought three houses in the time we were together. For each one, we wrote a list of exactly what we wanted in detail, and within a week each time, we found exactly what we needed at a price we could afford. For two of those houses, we even made a huge profit on the sale of the house we had been living in.

Your belief can make things happen, but what you want won’t just fall into your lap. Your actions and words must be in alignment to ensure the outcome you desire. Let’s say you want to be an artist. First you must decide what kind of artist you want to be. Then you must learn how to master that technique. Then you must discover how to display your work so your intended audience can see it. Nothing is so simple as just saying you want something.

After my husband died, I had a friend who was persistent in asking me if I was dating, and I always said no. Finally, I thought there must be a reason she was doing this. I was hesitant because my husband who died was so wonderful, I didn’t think it was possible to find anyone else I would want to be with. To prove that to myself, I made a list of all the traits and accomplishments anybody I would go out with must have. The list was long and detailed. I finally went on Match.com, and I was right. Just about every person did not fill many items on my list, but one did. I was shocked as I checked off every item on my list, and he even had more items that were wonderful. I was so glad that I stopped being stubborn and allowed myself to find my new husband.

How would you design the life you want to live? What makes you feel good and happy? Take some time to explore in writing what, where, and how you want to be. Use specific details. As I sit on my lanai enjoying a cool breeze, the many bird songs, and the view of two sides on the island of Maui, I am grateful to believe in myself which allowed me to create the miraculous life I love.

 

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

Grief and Happiness Handbook

Grief and Happiness weekly Free Gatherings

[email protected]

Dream Builder Life Coach

Life Master Consultant

The Journey

by

As we navigate through grief, we deal with a plethora of challenges.Many changes are beyond what we could have imagined. We may experience uncertainty and fear as we start to move forward. Yet with all this, much of what happens is not negative. The key to having the best outcome is to focus on what’s good.

Something that can pile up is all the paper work from sorting medical bills to contacting life insurance companies. There may be memberships to cancel and more. And there will be people to notify like family, friends, employers, and more. As all these things and more pile up, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed. 

As the to-do pile on the desk seems to grow on its own, instead of ignoring it, start working on it a bit at a time. Set a goal to work on it for a certain time, and when you reach the goal, reward yourself so you have something to look forward to. Try working for 15 minutes, then go for a walk or call a friend. Or sort your piles into priority levels, and anything that is a low priority for now, put away in a drawer so the pile won’t seem so big for now.

If you’ve been spending time in bed or just sitting in front of tv, set goals for yourself to get up and move. Call a neighbor to go for a walk with you. Or go window shopping at a new mall. Or go to a favorite bakery or food truck fora treat. Or you may get lost in a great book you have always wanted to read.

What all these things have in common is you are rewarding yourself for completing something you need to by celebrating.  What you do to celebrate isn’t as important as noticing that you are doing positive things that enhance your happiness.

What can you celebrate today?

 

 

If Only

by

Have you experienced times when the things you desired felt beyond your reach? You may have said something like “if only I had enough money to pay all my bills”, or “if only I could get the job I wanted,” or “if only he (or she) hadn’t died.” Do these thoughts help you? Probably not.

When grieving, we are dealing with the death of a loved one, or any kind of deep loss, we can feel out of balance, like nothing is quite right. That happens because you are in unfamiliar territory, so you are searching for someone or something to fill in the gaps. However, someone or something else will never take the place of what is now missing.

The good news is you do not have to fill that gap. Things won’t automatically change to become the way they were before, so the best you can do now is to stop trying to make that happen. When you release the idea of the possibility that you can go back in time and make things different, that will allow you to start living in the moment now.

Try setting an intention to live the life you truly desire now. For instance, your intention could be “I spend my time doing what I love to do.” This intention leaves you open to new possibilities. For instance, maybe you love horses, but you feel you don’t have time to enjoy being with a horse and tending to it. In setting the intention to do what you love to do, you discover a course in equine therapy. Taking that course allows you to change your career, pay for your horse related expenses as well as have more money to live on than you do now, and spend lots of time with your horse while helping people in such a positive way.

Where do your interests lie? What would you love to do every day? Where would you love to do that? I created my own podcast where I can work from home, and I get to talk to people from all over the world. Maybe you could take classes you have always wanted to. Or maybe you could travel, or maybe you could volunteer for a local nonprofit.

Now is the time to immerse yourself in something you would love to do. Focus on that and soon you can notice yourself moving forward in your grief.

I’d love to hear about what you pursue.

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

My email is [email protected]

Let me know if you’d like to receive my newsletters which have lots of good things!

You can listen to my podcast here.

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance Gatherings which meet weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.

 

 

Our Loving Will Change the World

by

Our Loving Will Change the World 

 I live in Hawaii and love the culture and traditions here. I learned the ancient Hawaiian tradition of Ho’oponopono when I participated in Marci Shimoff’s Happy for No Reason Certified Trainer program. This tradition had been used widely to resolve issues and practice forgiveness in places from families to government.

One powerful example was when Hawaii had a prison for the criminally insane. The prisoners were violent, and the prison was constantly in turmoil. A doctor was brought in to help with the problem. Instead of working directly with the patients, he read their files and practiced Ho’oponopono as he read each one. As he kept doing this, the prisoners started to calm down. Gradually, they became cooperative and one by one they were released from this special prison and this prison was able to close.

The forgiveness entrenched in the practice worked this miracle. The good news is anyone can do this practice which isn’t confined strictly to Kahunas, the spiritual leaders in Hawaii. To practice Ho’oponopono, concentrate on the person you wish to forgive and say:

I am sorry

Please forgive me

Thank you

I love you

That’s all you need to do. Starting by doing Ho’oponopono for yourself first is ideal. You can say it or write it. You can do it on your own or do it directly to the person you wish to forgive.

When searching for a way to help with the turmoil our country is currently experiencing, I remembered this practice and started writing it in my journal every day. I began by writing it directed to specific people, then I realized that everyone needs it, so now this is what I write:

To all the people of the world:

I am sorry

Please forgive me

Thank you

I love you

I see now that the more people who practice this, the more powerful it will be. You can quietly repeat it in your mind several times a day or write it in your journal.

In research done my Lynne McTaggart for the book The Power of 8, she discovered that when 8 people come together to focus on one intention, it can be realized. I have seen this happen. Just think about what we all can do by focusing on this intention together with love.

Together, our loving can change the world.

 

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

My email is [email protected]

Let me know if you’d like to receive my newsletters which have lots of good things!

You can listen to my podcast here.

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance Gatherings which meet weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.

Memories

by

Our lives carry millions of memories. These memories can inspire us and amplify all the good in our lives. And the tons of memories  also can weigh us down to the point we can’t easily move forward.

Considering these opposite subjects of fear or loss, and happiness or joy, compile a list of each one. Write these lists on separate pieces of paper.

Start with the memories that are sad, maybe even tragic. Or the memories that are embarrassing or frightening. They may be of extreme frustration. They may be of loss that seems unbearable. Take your time with this list.  Don’t include things you have worked through and released because you have already let them go.

Now write about each item on this list one at a time. For each one, answer these questions:

  1. How long ago did this happen?
  2. Is this any part of your life now?
  3. Do you feel like you are carrying the effects of it now?
  4. Do you want to release it so that it no longer bothers you?

When grieving, much of the pain comes from memories of things you had no control over and of things you wish you had done differently. And most of these things are on the list you just wrote.

You can’t change anything that has happened already, but you can change how you think about it and deal with it now.

There is a beautiful Hawaiian tradition called Ho’oponopono. You can use it for any of these memories you wrote here. The results of sincerely doing each item on this list will change your life dramatically. To do this practice, take one item at a time and write or recite each step.

  1. I am sorry
  2. Please forgive me
  3. Thank you
  4. I love you

This example of how I did this practice will show you how it works. A doctor made a mistake in my husband’s care that led to much of the pain my husband suffered. This is how I dealt with each step of this process.

  1. I am sorry. I apologized for the anger I felt toward the doctor. I knew in my heart that he would not have intentionally afflicted this pain on my husband.
  2. Please forgive me. Forgiveness is essential in any case where you have done anything that needs to be forgiven. I asked for forgiveness for carrying this anger for so long.
  3. Thank you. Look for the good in the situation and be thankful for that. I am thankful for all the good, helpful things that the doctor did for my husband.
  4. I love you. Loving that doctor and all the good things he did allowed me to let go of the anger I had been carrying.

Work your way through your list answering all the questions about each item. You may need to do the practice more than once. Do it till you can release what needs to be about each item. By practicing forgiveness and giving more love out into the world changes not only your life but the lives of those around you.

Now look at your happy list. For each item, recall the experience and what you were happy about. Did you love what happened and the people involved in your happiness? Do you feel joy as you recall what happened. What can you take from these experiences to bring more happiness, love, and joy into your life and the lives of those around you?

This may seem like a lot of work, but it’s worth it. Every day you will feel lighter as you release any trauma from your past and focus on the great life you are creating now filled with joy and love.

Now is the time for you to actively let go of past burdens and discover the wonder waiting for you as you move forward in your grief.

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

My email is [email protected]

Let me know if you’d like to receive my newsletters which have lots of good things!

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, by clicking here

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance Gatherings which meet weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here. https://a.co/d/eWNx3j1

 

A Good Death

by

I put myself through college by working as a Licensed Vocational Nurse. People in the medical field are sometimes approached by others for medical advice. I didn’t give medical advice, but I did help people when I could. One day, a friend of a friend called me and said that her mother was staying at her home while she was on Hospice. She said that her regular visiting nurse couldn’t come in that day and that her mother needed to be bathed and to give her medications, and she asked me if I could help. So, I did.

When I arrived, the mother’s family was gathered around her, though she was no longer speaking. I suggested that for her privacy that they could wait in the other room while she got her bath. I gave her a bed bath, which was a beautiful experience as she was so peaceful. During the bath, I sensed she was transitioning. I took her pulse, which was very slow and irregular, and her breathing had slowed way down.

By the end of her bath, her heart had stopped. I put on the powder that she loved and dressed her in a fresh nightgown. She looked comfortable. I told her family that her breathing and heart had stopped and that she was no longer in pain. They gathered around her, and I quietly slipped away.  On my drive home, I realized she had a good death.

What would you consider a good death? For your loved ones? For you? Although my mother dealt with the effects of a brain tumor for a couple of years, she died in her bed with me by her side, giving her permission to go. My dad died a good death in that he had a heart attack and didn’t have to struggle with pain or a long hospitalization. My husband Ron died a good death as the last week of his life he was on hospice, and he got to say goodbye to his friends and family who had traveled to Maui to be with him. And he face-timed with those who couldn’t make the trip to Maui. My mother-in-law died a good death in the hospital where she wanted to be. I was by her side giving her permission to go, and she got to avoid having surgery she didn’t want for a bowel obstruction.

The experience that I had with my mother and mother-in-law of giving them permission to let go is often done.  When people realize that death is near, they may fear death, or they may not want to cause pain to their loved ones by having them present to witness the death.  I have given the same message to others, and they all seemed to relax as they died. For these people, their death was good.

The key to having a good death is to speak openly about the inevitability of death with your loved ones. Think about what is important to you and to your loved ones not only for your death but also theirs.  Here are some ideas for what to talk about:

  • You may want all lifesaving procedures to be done if your heart stops. Or you may not want this.
  • You may want to die with dignity. Define what that means to you.
  • You may want to have a feeding tube to bring you nutrition if you can no longer swallow. Or you may not want a feeding tube ever.
  • You may have religious or spiritual considerations you want followed.
  • You may want your quality of life considered when decisions are being made regarding life savings measures.
  • You may not choose to obey a doctor’s orders, and you have a right to make that decision.

Now is the time for you to have these conversations and to examine how you feel about all of this.

My definition of a good death is one where my wishes for me are followed and where I am pain free.  What is your definition of a good death?

 

 

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance, which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here at Amazon:

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, by clicking here