Happiness

Grief is a Constant Companion

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I was reading The Lost Bookshop by Evie Woods when I came across a quote that stuck with me: “Grief is a constant companion.” It led me to think about my loved ones who have gone before me. That’s not hard to do since I see reminders of them every day. I had a particular memory come to mind last night.

When I went to bed, the big, full moon filled the window shining brightly. When I see a full moon, I have a memory of Ron, so I smiled at the moon and told Ron hello. The night after he died, several friends who had come to be with him during his last week decided to go on a dinner cruise because our friend who had been barbecuing that week was singing on the cruise that night, and they insisted that I join them. I didn’t want to go, but it did turn out to be a lovely evening.

I sat by myself listening to the music and watching the moon rise. A glimmering trail on the water extended from the moon to the boat, seeming to beckon me to follow it to climb up into the moon to join Ron.  Now whenever I see a big full moon, I feel Ron’s presence. Last night, I awoke feeling like it was daytime because my room was filled with light. I checked my phone which said it was just after 1 AM. I glanced outside to see the full moon again. Ron was just checking in.

Ron’s not the only one. Last night I felt my mother as I was smelling the fragrance of her beef stew recipe I was fixing for dinner. I smile each time I hear an ambulance siren remembering how Dad and Mom and I ran Daddy’s small town ambulance company until I moved away for college. So many friends and family members have graced my life.  I cherish the experiences, support, memories, and love they have left with me. While grief is my constant companion, I choose to focus on the happiness we shared.

 

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

My email is [email protected]

Let me know if you’d like to receive my newsletters which have lots of good things!

You can listen to my podcast here.

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance Gatherings which meet weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.

Be the Reason Someone Smiles

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I drove through the line at Starbucks yesterday, a guilty pleasure I seldom treat myself to. I was looking forward to my order when I noticed a Barista smiling pleasantly at me from the big screen where I gave my order. I don’t know if she always smiles or if she was reflecting my smile to me. I do know that when I noticed her smile, my smile grew even bigger. I was still smiling when I saw a different Barista as I pulled up to the window to pick up my order. She had a big, beautiful smile too!  As I sat in the parking lot to drink my order, I don’t like to drink and drive, my latté seemed to taste better than usual.

I became conscious of my smile when I added the concept of happiness to all I do related to grief. I figured it would be hard to teach about happiness while not smiling. And I was right. On the occasion where I would be concentrating on what I wanted to say about happiness, I forgot to smile, and people didn’t smile at me and didn’t seem interested in what I had to say. I fixed this dilemma by reminding myself to smile each time I used the words “happy” or “happiness.” Smiling at these times enabled me to actually be happy. What a gift!

When I smiled generously to my audience as I taught, I found I was still smiling when my presentation was over.  I loved the feeling my smiles brought to me. So I have been smiling more now than I ever have, and it just keeps getting better. To feel better when you are grieving, start being mindful of your smiles. Increase the number and size of your smile, then notice how much better you feel!

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

My email is [email protected]

Let me know if you’d like to receive my newsletters which have lots of good things!

You can listen to my podcast here.

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance Gatherings which meet weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.

Loving Kindness During the Holidays

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In the holiday season, we tend to rely even more than usual on the service of others. I think most of us have had a variety of service jobs through our lives. I know I have, starting from baby sitting and teaching swimming lessons. I also worked at what we used to call being a waitress. And I was an ambulance attendant and a vocational nurse. I cut grapes in the fields, packed plums, canned tuna, and gleaned corn and peaches.

My first restaurant job came when I came home from high school one day and my father told me that his friend who owned a restaurant had people call in sick for that night and that he really needed help, so my father volunteered me. I had never done that before and felt intimidated when I arrived at 11 PM. I asked Dad’s friend what he wanted me to do. He told me that my parents had taken me out to eat, so I knew how I wanted to be treated by wait staff, so when I served people, I should treat them as I would want to be treated. That was my entire orientation. It was a small 24 hour a day coffee shop, so I had to figure out how to do everything else on my own.

I learned an invaluable lesson that night. I had a good time. I smiled at everyone and treated them like friends. At the end of my shift, I told the owner I would be happy to come back whenever he needed me, so he called me often. I took that smile with me to all those other jobs I had, and I took pride in my work treating each job like it was the most important thing to me at the moment I was working.

What does all this have to do with grief and happiness during the holidays? We come into contact with  many people during the holidays. We shop, we dine out, we go to parties, we go to appointments, we go to work, we go to meetings, we go to classes, and everywhere we go, we interact with people. Chances are you don’t know most of the people you run into, so you don’t know if someone they love is dying or just died. We don’t know if she just had a miscarriage. We don’t know if they lost their home or their job. Even with people we know, we may not know these things about them.

When you think of all these people, remember how my boss oriented me. Treat each person, no matter how well you know or don’t know them, like they are your friend. Smile at them. Notice when they smile back at you or if they may seem to be holding back tears.  Approach them with an open heart. Listen to what they have to say. Be there for them.

During these holidays, see how much loving kindness you can share with a smile.

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

My email is [email protected]

Let me know if you’d like to receive my newsletters which have lots of good things!

You can listen to my podcast here.

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance Gatherings which meet weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.

Give Thanks

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My son was watching a television show about homes around a lake, and I glanced at the beautiful view one home had. I said, “Wouldn’t it be nice to live in a place that had a beautiful view. He gave me a funny look and glanced out our large sliding glass doors revealing a spectacular view across the island of Maui seeing the West Maui Mountains and glimpses of both sides of the island. This reminded me of how we don’t always appreciate all we already have.

Often in life we accumulate stuff that we don’t need and that doesn’t serve us. I have started a major project of eliminating stuff from my home. I like the spaciousness that I am uncovering, and it feels great to repurpose things or to gift things to people who are happy to receive them. In the process of doing this, I am taking the time to look closely at pictures I have of people special to me. I also notice gifts people have given me, art that I have collected, and mementoes of my travels. I smile often with sweet memories as I go through this process.

Enjoying these memories, I know how grateful I am for each friend, each family member, each gift, each celebration, and all the traveling I have done. As I sit now on my lanai enjoying that beautiful island view as well as my lovely, bountiful garden, I am grateful.

Happy Thanksgiving.

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

My email is [email protected]

Let me know if you’d like to receive my newsletters which have lots of good things!

You can listen to my podcast here.

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance Gatherings which meet weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.

Reset

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Do you ever feel tense or stressed without even noticing how you got there? In the world today, especially when grieving, these feelings easily creep up on you. You may feel yourself holding your breath, tightening your shoulders, reacting to someone in an unkind way, or maybe even feeling a tear roll down your check. All of these are perfectly normal reactions. Being mindful of when these things happen can allow you to easily deal with them to help you feel better.

First, stop what you are doing. Close your eyes and take a slow deep breath.  Hold it at the top for a moment, and as you slowly release it, relax any tension you feel in your body. Check your body from head to toe for places you may be holding some tightness or pain. Maybe you have been tightening your forehead and eyebrows. Take a breath and release that feeling. Continue down your body to common places you know you hold things.  When you find a spot, breathe it out.  This process doesn’t take long, and you can do it anyplace.

 When your mind starts spinning and you find it hard to concentrate, close your eyes and breathe a few slow breaths thinking only of a beautiful place you love, a beach, a park, a lovely garden, or any place quiet and special to you. Stay there for a few minutes if you can. Just breathe slowly and enjoy what you see.

If your thoughts are intrusive and get in the way of what you are trying to do, get out a piece of paper and a pen and write out exactly what you are thinking. Be bold. Nobody will see this, so write whatever you are thinking, the thoughts which are obstructing your way. Write until you are finished, then tear the paper into small pieces, toss them into your waste bin or compost, and allow yourself to return to a more peaceful place.

In the process of doing any of these practices, I recommend that you have a glass of nice cool water available. Adequate hydration can help your body keep in the flow of feeling your best. 

What is most important in the process of resetting is taking the best care of yourself. When you do that, everything becomes easier. 

Stay mindful. Breathe. And smile.

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

My email is [email protected]

Let me know if you’d like to receive my newsletters which have lots of good things!

You can listen to my podcast here.

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance Gatherings which meet weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.

 

Que Sera, Sera

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I recently heard the song Que Sera, Sera on a television commercial and it reminded me of hearing it as a child. Doris Day came out with this song in 1955, so I was pretty young, but the song stuck with me, and I sang it to myself often leading me to fanciful daydreams.

The lyrics of the song are:

When I was just a little girl
I asked my mother what will I be?
Will I be pretty? Will I be rich?
Here’s what she said to me

Que sera, sera
Whatever will be, will be
The future’s not ours to see
Que sera, sera
What will be, will be

When I grew up and fell in love
I asked my sweetheart what lies ahead?
Will we have rainbows day after day?
Here’s what my sweetheart said

Que sera, sera
Whatever will be, will be
The future’s not ours to see
Que sera, sera
What will be, will be

Now I have children of my own
They ask their mother what will I be
Will I be handsome? Will I be rich?
I tell them tenderly

Que sera, sera
Whatever will be, will be
The future’s not ours to see
Que sera, sera
What will be, will be
Que sera, sera

 

My daydreams led me to know in my future that I would be pretty when I learned to smile often, I would be rich in many ways, and I do have rainbows day after day here in Maui. Just writing this makes me smile!

Although the lyrics say, “Whatever will be will be,” I believe we have some say in the matter. I know that when I clearly focus on what is most important to me, it will come to me in some way. This isn’t always easy, and it doesn’t necessarily come when I would like it to, but when I maintain my focus, what I desire, or something more, does appear.

For instance, as a little girl, I wanted to be a pretty child, and I was sure that would bring me friends and popularity. I would be so serious about this, I often frowned as I thought. Over the years, I saw that beauty wasn’t when I became the first runner up of Miss Porterville. My life didn’t change from that honor. I didn’t even have a date for my Senior Prom.

Ten years later I ran into a guy I went to school with who I thought never would be interested in me. After all those years, he recognized me and said he apologized and was so sorry he didn’t ask me out in high school because he thought I would say no. This really made me think.

My wanting to be pretty made me afraid of rejection. Isn’t that silly? I can see that now, yet as I reflect, I see a young woman who didn’t think she was pretty. She focused on everything else till years late. She learned to focus on happiness, and she can see the beauty comes from her smile.

Also, in the past I thought that being rich was just related to money. I now enjoy the vast riches of friendship, love, and purpose. I am grateful to be financially secure, but that is not where my joy has come from.

And those beautiful rainbows? Where I live in Hawaii, they are free, and beautiful, and available to make me smile and inspire me almost every day.

I felt unstable after having two husbands die. I think I feared my future. Realizing that the fear didn’t serve me, and focusing on knowing that at that moment, I was fine, allowed me to find that smile again knowing that whatever will be is here now for me to enjoy.

Allowing myself to not worry about what is to come in my life, “whatever will be” has turned out very well.

 

 

Find more about the song by clicking here.

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

My email is [email protected]

Let me know if you’d like to receive my newsletters which have lots of good things!

You can listen to my podcast here.

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance Gatherings which meet weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.