Gratitude

When I Let Go

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Rev Rachel Hollander, the President of the board of the Grief and Happiness Alliance Nonprofit Organization, has a beautiful singing voice and is an accomplished song writer, so when she invited me to attend the service on Zoom of the Washington DC Unity Church where she would be singing three songs, I knew I had to attend even though at was at 5 AM Maui time where I live. I am so glad I did!

All week last week when I awakened in the morning l could hear her singing one of the songs she wrote and sang at that service. The name of the song is Float because it came to here fully formed when she was in a flotation tank. The words that reached me deeply are “When I Let Go.”

On the third day in a row I was singing that refrain, I finally got it. That was a message to me. I have lived such a busy life. I always had more to do, not out of obligation, but out of passion. I love my life, and I keep getting inspired to do more. And I am a bit of a perfectionist, so I put a lot of pressure on me to have things exactly the way I want them.

As I heard those lyrics, I knew it was time for a big change. This week I was getting ready to go to Unity Village in Missouri to speak at their grief retreat. We’ve been planning it for months, and I was ready to leave. Then my flight got delayed, which meant that I would not be able to catch my connecting flight. So I saw this as a time to let go. My good friend Shena, who made the flight arrangements for me, was able to get me booked on a different airline, and she got a refund for the other flight.

It was Sunday, and I wasn’t able to reach the person in Missouri who was handling the arrangements for me on that end, so I figured out how to change my transportation from the airport. Although I arrived a day later than planned, I had initially scheduled to arrive a day early to help me with the jet lag from the five hour time difference, so everything worked out perfectly.

In the past, I would have been a nervous wreck. This time I chose to let all that stress go. Everything was handled with ease and grace, and I ended up with a free day to relax with a good book.

I am looking at my life and realize that I will now focus on being rather than doing. And in paying attention, I also see that I had already started this awhile ago.  Now I am being mindful of this change, and you know what? It feels great. I have so much more room and time to be at peace, to listen when someone speaks to me, and to focus on taking care of myself first so that I am present in all I do to live my best life.

How about you? What can you let go of to enhance your beautiful life?

 

You can listen to Rev Rachel’s beautiful song here.

Rev Rachel Hollander

 

Get your Awaken Your Happiness Journaling Guide at no charge by clicking here: https://www.griefandhappiness.com/pl/2147595767

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here: https://www.griefandhappiness.com/offers/ytK7eLBa

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here at Amazon.

https://www.amazon.com/Loving-Living-Your-Though-Grief/dp/1642504823/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1658356016&sr=8-1

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, here. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/loving-and-living-your-way-through-grief-with/id1509589686?i=1000535381763

Miracles Already Are

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How many miracles have you experienced in your life? I’ll bet you can’t count them. Most of us go through life without realizing that each of our lives is a miracle. Every moment of our lives is a miracle.

When I was training to be a nurse, I was required to observe a surgery being done. I had studied anatomy and physiology but seeing it from the inside out was life changing for me. To see what a stomach actually looked like, and to see the peristalsis (continuous movement) of the intestines ushering the patient’s waste out of his body. Wow. Just wow.  The miracle of our body’s diligence at keeping us functional and alive will always amaze me.

Think of the miracle of thinking! And talking. And reading. And walking. And I look outside at the miracle of the avocados growing on the tree to feed us, the wind blowing to freshen the air, and the raindrops bringing precious moisture to our vegetable garden.

I have a hard time thinking of things I wouldn’t consider a miracle.  We do not have to create miracles because they are already there

I do believe that we are responsible for what we do with all these miracles that come our way. I believe that falling in love is a miracle whether it’s with your new partner, your new baby, or your new puppy. The love we share is such a gift.

My point here is to encourage us all to take a look at this life experience that we are having right now and appreciate how miraculous everything is. When you look at your life as it in this moment, what are you grateful for? When you look at everything as a miracle, you can fully realize how good life is!

 

Get your Awaken Your Happiness Journaling Guide at no charge by clicking here: https://www.griefandhappiness.com/pl/2147595767

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here: https://www.griefandhappiness.com/offers/ytK7eLBa

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here at Amazon.

https://www.amazon.com/Loving-Living-Your-Though-Grief/dp/1642504823/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1658356016&sr=8-1

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, here. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/loving-and-living-your-way-through-grief-with/id1509589686?i=1000535381763

Happy Days

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I facilitate the Grief and Happiness Alliance every week on Zoom.  Each week we do some writing related to our situations and we end with learning different happiness practices. Every gathering ends with the participants smiling. Being around people who are also grieving or dealing with loss is a great place to share and get support.

This week, instead of our usual format, we wrote about happiness.  We started with a short meditation where I encouraged the participants to remember times in their lives when they were especially happy. Then I asked them to make a list of things they have been happy about. They didn’t need to write about each experience, just identify it.  For instance, I was happy at my wedding to Ron and my wedding to Jacques.  I could have written a big, long story about each of these and all the other things I thought of. But I stuck with making a list, and by the end of the meeting, I had over 70 items on my list!

We all wrote long lists and enjoyed sharing our favorite happy moments. All the participants found joy in our moments together.  I am sharing this with you to encourage you to make a list like this too!  Aim for at least 100 things.  I know that sounds like a lot, but the more your write, the more you will think of, and the more you will smile.

And it doesn’t have to end there.  If you get to a point where you are feeling a little down, get out your journal and your list.  Pick one thing on the list and write about it in detail including everything that made you happy during that experience.  The more often you do this, the more often you will feel yourself smiling and the longer that happiness will last.

Every morning when I write in my journal, I write about what brought me the most joy the day before. This is a great way to start my days.  It also keeps me thinking throughout the day about what is bringing me happiness. What you focus on is what you experience. You can be so much happier just by focusing on happiness!  Try it and let me know how good it feels.

 

Get your Awaken Your Happiness Journaling Guide at no charge by clicking here: https://www.griefandhappiness.com/pl/2147595767

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here: https://www.griefandhappiness.com/offers/ytK7eLBa

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here at Amazon.

https://www.amazon.com/Loving-Living-Your-Though-Grief/dp/1642504823/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1658356016&sr=8-1

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, here. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/loving-and-living-your-way-through-grief-with/id1509589686?i=1000535381763

Your Beautiful Mind

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Everyone has a mind which acts like our closest friend.  Our mind talks to us more than anyone else we know, and it doesn’t always seem to be on our side. Offering advice is one of its favorite things to do. I know sometimes I will say something I don’t mean, and I can just see my mind in the background laughing and saying “See, I made you say that!”  When this happens, I realize that I have to be mindful of each word I speak.

In that early time alone after my husband died, my mind was especially active. Reflecting my feeling of being lost and not knowing what to do, my mind seemed especially agitated saying things like “You’re always going to be alone,” “You’re too sad to do anything,” “Or you don’t need to eat now. It’s too much trouble.”  Trying to consciously think about anything seemed too hard, so my mind would jump in to fill up all the emptiness.

Now when I hear people who are dealing with loss saying things like my mind was saying to me, I realize that those negative words aren’t coming from their hearts, and I see how their mind would love to take over and make them even more confused about what they are dealing with.

What can you do about this?  First, recognize what is happening.  When you are mindful, you can take control of your life.  To be mindful means to be conscious and aware. You focus on the present moment and communicate from there from your heart.  Do you remember times your mind took over and wasn’t acting in your best interests, and maybe you didn’t have the energy to disagree with it?  I remember my mind telling me I didn’t need to get out of bed, I didn’t need to talk to anyone, and I didn’t need to eat healthily.  Giving in to what it was telling me was easier than using my energy to talk back.

When you realize that your mind is keeping you confused, it’s time to take action. The first step is to realize that you are in control. You can make decisions about what is best for you. And your mind isn’t your enemy. It’s just doing what it knows how to do. The very best way to deal with this is to make friends with your mind.  I know this may sound silly, but most of what your mind is doing is trying to get your attention. Your attention is a precious gift. What you pay attention to guides all you do in life.

Let’s start with meditation. I hear people say they can’t just sit still and have their mind clear. Most people say this, and do you know who is telling them that?  You’re right, it’s their minds. Try sitting up straight in a chair with your feet on the floor. I like to meditate barefooted. Close your eyes and take a slow, deep breath. Is your mind talking to you? Reminding you that you don’t have time to sit around, or reminding you about that yummy chocolate cake calling to you from the kitchen?  When this happens, thank your mind. Tell your mind how much you appreciate how hard it is trying to help you. Tell your mind that it’s time for it to relax and take a break. Wish it well, then go back to your meditation.

This isn’t easy to do when you first get started, but the more you do it, the easier it becomes, and your mind can get some rest so that it is not so frenetic trying to guide your every move.

Try this.  Commit to living in each moment. The more you do this, the more your mind calms down.  You will gain a sense of peace and happiness. This is vital when you are dealing with loss.  When your mind starts to wander and tell you sad stories, say “Thanks for your input, but I’ve got this.” The more you do this, the more it becomes part of your life, and it’s so worth it!

People ask me how I can grieve and be happy at the same time, and I just smile and tell them that right now, right in this moment, my life is good, and I am grateful.  You can find this happiness, too.

Take a deep breath and smile.  You are on your way to that happiness that you can always tap in to, and it feels so good!

 

 

 

Get your Awaken Your Happiness Journaling Guide at no charge by clicking here: https://www.griefandhappiness.com/pl/2147595767

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here: https://www.griefandhappiness.com/offers/ytK7eLBa

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here at Amazon.

https://www.amazon.com/Loving-Living-Your-Though-Grief/dp/1642504823/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1658356016&sr=8-1

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, here. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/loving-and-living-your-way-through-grief-with/id1509589686?i=1000535381763

How Long Does it Take?

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August fourth five years ago Ron took his last breath. We had been together for ten years. In some ways that seems so long ago, while in others, it seems like yesterday. I don’t love him any less than I ever did, and I am sure that won’t change.

Last week I flew to California to attend Soul Sisters retreat. I went a few days early to visit some friends in Ventura who I hadn’t seen since the pandemic started. When I arrived, I was surprised to be so emotional. I was going to be staying with my friend Rose. She wasn’t home yet when I got there, so I sat outside to watch the sunset and the tears flowed. Ron and I lived there in what I thought was my forever home before we moved to Ventura.

I remembered how much I loved our home there, how beautiful we had made it, how close it was to the beach, and how we could walk to anyplace we wanted to. I also remembered how grateful I was that we lived so close to the hospital, and all the emergency trips we had to the ER to stabilize his heart enough to have more time.

While I was in Ventura last week, I went with Rose to an outdoor concert in the grassy park near the mission downtown where we heard powerful women play drums and sing in different languages while the audience danced a picnicked while I stood and stared at the nearby restaurant where Ron and I got married on 1/1/11. And of course, the tears flowed again.

I had planned to see lots of friends while I was there, and I just couldn’t in the fragile state I was experiencing. I do miss getting to see them, yet I realized this was a time I needed to take care of me. Leaving Rose’s warm support and love to go to the retreat was hard, but I did long to see my Soul Sisters.

When I drove down the beautiful coastal highway, the memories continued. When I arrived at Temescal Park, it was like going home. I had gone to the retreat for ten out of the last 12 years.  We had virtual retreats during the pandemic, but I missed two times to be with Ron as his health declined. Being there was the balm that I needed. Happiness, kindness, and love abounded. Everyone was so happy to be there, and Rickie Byars powerful music filled the air and our hearts. Deep, positive experiences continued throughout the weekend as we honored women of all ages, ethnicities, and backgrounds.

I have been surprised at how much the anniversary of Ron’s transition is affecting me, and I am deeply grateful for the love and support of my very special friends and chosen family.

Be sure to hold your grieving friends close as they experience various emotions as time goes on.  Their loved ones may have transitioned, but their love remains, and your support can make a huge difference.

 

 

Get your Awaken Your Happiness Journaling Guide at no charge by clicking here: https://www.griefandhappiness.com/pl/2147595767

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here: https://www.griefandhappiness.com/offers/ytK7eLBa

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here at Amazon.

https://www.amazon.com/Loving-Living-Your-Though-Grief/dp/1642504823/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1658356016&sr=8-1

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, here. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/loving-and-living-your-way-through-grief-with/id1509589686?i=1000535381763

 

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Immediately following the death of a loved one, or after a significant loss in your life, there usually comes a period that can be described as darkness. This is more a feeling that an actual lack of light. I remember that it seemed that everything was faded. I didn’t see the viridescent vegetation in my garden or the spectrum of blues in the ocean while I stood on the beach. Everything around me lost its brilliance.

The television show Call the Midwife stirs me every time I watch an episode.  I see in each episode births and deaths and how these events affect all who are present. One character said “Darkness is beautiful or how else shall we shine.” We see constant reminders of people helping people, supporting them in their times of need. There are so many wonderful examples of people helping others in ways that they can bring beauty into the darkness.

I once was walking downtown and slipped on the wet sidewalk. I fell hitting the ground hard. Immediately I saw a homeless man next to me who checked to see if I had been injured then helped me to my feet. I thanked him as he disappeared behind others who just stood there watching.

I wanted to go to a dance exercise class shortly after we moved to Maui, but I was hesitant leaving Ron by himself because I never knew when he would have to be rushed to the hospital. One of the men who was working on repairs for our house heard our conversation and said he would love to stay with Ron because they both enjoyed their conversations. I loved the class I got to attend.  We danced the whole time I was there, so I didn’t get to interact with the participants. I missed a class because Ron was in the hospital, and the next week when I came back, there was a big basket full of treats for Ron from cookies to fruits and even books to read. They brightened a dark time in our life.

Once Ron became weak and was having trouble breathing when we left seeing a movie. I got Ron seated and remembered that his doctor had just prescribed an emergency kit of three different prescriptions for him to take on his way to the hospital if something like this happened. As I turned to find where I could get some water, a man was standing behind me with a cup of water.  He had noticed Ron having trouble and had found a cup of water for him in perfect timing.

These and so many more instances have been there for me in dark times. I am always on the lookout for ways to helps others in their darkness. And I always remember these shining points of light people have been for me exactly when I needed them.

Shine your light, and always be grateful when someone’s light shines on you.

 

 

Get your Awaken Your Happiness Journaling Guide at no charge by clicking here: https://www.griefandhappiness.com/pl/2147595767

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here: https://www.griefandhappiness.com/offers/ytK7eLBa

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here at Amazon.

https://www.amazon.com/Loving-Living-Your-Though-Grief/dp/1642504823/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1658356016&sr=8-1

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, here. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/loving-and-living-your-way-through-grief-with/id1509589686?i=1000535381763

 

https://griefandhappiness.com/2022/07/20/1548/