Creativity

Be a Day Maker

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My granddaughter came to my rescue when I was having a challenge on how to do something on my computer. We had a Zoom call and worked together, and we had a great conversation. That made my day! The next day a good friend asked me to Zoom with him. We laughed so much together as we were catching up, and that made my day.  Then another good friend called me on the phone to see how I was doing. We had a thought-provoking conversation that I hadn’t realized I needed. And it was lovely just to hear her voice. Again, that made my day.

These contacts are extra special to me especially because I live in Hawaii, the most remote place in the world. It’s easy to lose touch with loved ones who live far away. Each of these calls brightened my day and brought me happiness and loving support. I started thinking about other things that would fit in that category, and I thought of lots from just the last few days. A friend brought me some juicy fresh figs, another friend brought me packages of seeds for my garden, and another friend took all my cardboard to the recycling center for me. And my day was brightened by chare vegetables from my garden with my neighbors and teaching happiness techniques at the Grief and Happiness Alliance meetings.

Knowing wonderful people and interacting on so many levels brighten my life every day. I encourage you to think about what brightens your day. If something doesn’t come to mind right away, think some more.  We have a tendency to look at the negative first which can block our realization of what is good for us that we are already experiencing. If this is happening for you, try focusing on the good things that happen in your life, and make a conscious effort to do something to brighten someone’s day every day, and pay attention to how good that feels!

How can you help make the day for someone else today? What can you do for yourself that can make your day? Be sure to do whatever it takes to make today your best day!  Then keep doing that every day.  You’ll be so glad you did!

 

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here at Amazon:

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling book in 9 countries that I wrote a chapter in, Ignite Forgiveness, by clicking here

Compassion

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An article in the online magazine Greater Good Magazine says: “Compassion literally means ‘to suffer together.’ Among emotion researchers, it is defined as the feeling that arises when you are confronted with another’s suffering and feel motivated to relieve that suffering.”

David H. Breaux was a Stanford Graduate who majored In Urban studies. He dedicated his life to the study of compassion. He wrote what he believed compassion to be and was inspired to ask people in Davis, California, to write a book with what he collected. He was well loved, 50 years old, unhoused, and the victim of a serial killer.

In 2010, David was searching for a way he could contribute positively to society. After much contemplation, he created his compassion project where he would stand on a corner in Davis, California, and ask people “Would you care to share your written concept of the word compassion?” He considered that asking people to write about compassion would increase their awareness of compassion. His hope was to serve society by inspiring more compassion in the people he touched.

The people of Davis came together to support David’s project so that he was able to publish a book with all the definitions of compassion, Compassion, Davis CA: A Compilation of Concepts of Compassion by David H. Breaux is available on Amazon Kindle. As I read the book I couldn’t help to be inspired and feel the value of practicing compassion. I committed to becoming mindful of when I see compassion demonstrated and to continually look for ways I can practice compassion myself.

In the Grief and Happiness Alliance meetings, we write every week about prompts given concerning grief and happiness. The process of writing allows a deeper exploration of the subjects just as David asking people to write their definition of compassion instead of just telling him about it.  I encourage you to write your own definition of compassion and include how you will implement it in your life. I would love to have you post your definition in the comments below.

Practicing compassion brings joy and happiness to both the giver and the receiver. What act of compassion do you commit to completing this week?

 

More about David:

David spent much of his time at Compassion Corner where the Compassion Bench was built from his inspiration. Covered with mosaics created by local artists with positive, compassionate words, built with stuffed plastic bottles, and covered with clay by many members of the community. The bench is curved so that when people sit there to have conversations, they can see each other. This YouTube video shows how the community created The Compassion Corner Earthbench.

Julia B. Levine, Poet Laureate of Davis, California, wrote the poem Letter to a Lost Friend in honor of David Breaux.

 

 

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here at Amazon:

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling book in 9 countries that I wrote a chapter in, Ignite Forgiveness, by clicking here

Plans

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I remember a quote I learned while studying literature at the university by Scottish poet Robert Burns: “The best said plans of mice and men /Gang aft a-gley. Translated, that is “Often go awry.” In the case of people dealing with the death of a loved one, that could be changed to “Always go awry.”

We all have hopes, dreams, and plans for our future, but when the person you planned to be with in that future is no longer with you, the plans won’t be the same. My husband Jacques and I lived in the same city for 23 years. We always talked about where we would travel to and where we could move to for different experiences, but those plans were never realized. He retired long before his mother died, and since she was in her 90’s, we didn’t feel comfortable be far away. By the time she died, his health prevented us from following our dreams.

When I found myself alone, I thought of those conversations we had and felt that I couldn’t travel or move alone. I am sure that my life experience would have been different if I had the courage to follow those dreams alone. Instead, I found that everything was different for me. Although I had realized that my husband what dying, I didn’t make any plans for living alone.

I had planned to stay in the house where we lived all those years, but I moved to a much smaller place. I had to figure out how to find that new house, how to purchase it on my own, how to pay my bills, and how to find a job. Fortunately, that all worked out well for me, yet I still felt in limbo for a long time.

I had not planned on dating and getting married again. Then I met Ron, and everything changed. Ron taught me mindfulness, living in the moment. When his health was declining, he guided us to move to Maui.  He lived there before I knew him, and he somehow knew that it would be a beautiful, loving, supporting place for me to be as I adjusted to life without him. He did not have life insurance or assets that I would inherit, but to move to Hawaii, we sold that house for almost double what we paid for it after living there for only four years.  That allowed me to be secure financially, and I fell in love with living there for so many reasons.

When you find yourself on your own, you will be grieving not only for your loved ones, but for the plans and future you had looked forward to. You may find yourself having difficulty making decisions about all you need to do. Often you wonder what to do, what direction your life will take you. After Ron died, my biggest challenge was discovering what my new life’s purpose would be. I journaled to consider what was next for me. I wrote Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief to help and support people dealing with loss sharing what I learned in the process of my grieving.  Through all my writing, I discovered that my purpose was to guide others through the maze of grief as they create their new lives.

What new plans are you making? What’s your purpose now? In the words of American poet Mary Oliver “Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life.”

 

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here at Amazon:

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling book in 9 countries that I wrote a chapter in, Ignite Forgiveness, by clicking here

Carve Out Your David

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After my husband died, I found myself searching for what I was supposed to do for the rest of my life. I have led a rich and fulfilling life, yet at this point, I felt like I had done all I set out to do although my path was circuitous. I spent much time writing about the experiences I have had in life just to explore my thoughts, and I found myself recalling when I went to the Galleria dell’Accademia in Florence, Italy, where I could see Michelangelo’s David sculpture.

I love to do ceramic sculpture.  There is something about having my hands in the ceramic clay and manipulating it to see what emerges. I generally don’t have something clear in my mind when I start a sculpture. Rather I see where the clay takes me. I am surprised when a perfectly proportioned head and face emerge, and they never look like anyone I know.

I had studied about Michelangelo when I was working on my degree in Fine Arts. They said he would start with a slab of marble then chip away at it until an image appeared. He said that the sculpture was already in the marble, and he was just revealing it. The David sculpture is huge, dwarfing the people standing at its base to admire it.  I imagined that the original piece of marble would have fit on the bed of a flatbed truck. The gallery also had a display of Michelangelo’s works in progress and the tools he used to chip away the marble.

In my writing I found myself contemplating how my life emerged by chipping away at its surface. I kept creating new ideas of who I was along my journey.  I morphed from one image of myself smoothing into the next, often doing more than one thing at a time. I was a college student when I had my babies. I was torn between being a full-time mom and working for the needed income and insurance my nursing job provided. In one day, I could go from delivering a baby when the doctor didn’t get in the room fast enough to leading a Girl Scouts meeting and fixing dinner.

I wanted to complete my education, but we had moved, and the new university would not give me credit for the classes I had already taken because their classes were different. At that point, I was close to graduating, and they insisted that I essentially start over. With their plan, it would take me five years to get a bachelor’s degree and more years postgraduate to meet my career goals.  I changed my major and got my bachelor’s degree and my master’s degree in a total of five years, and in the process changed my career from nursing to teaching writing.

In the meantime, I was raising my family, participating in community service, and doing lots of theatre from acting, to directing, designing, and producing. And all this led to creating a live theatre and school of arts complete with an art gallery, a café, and a catering business.

Seeing how Michelangelo carved out his marble painstakingly making tiny gouges I grasped how each step in my life’s path was like my own steps in creating the woman I am now. Those years in nursing were vital in me being able to provide the best care as I nursed both of my husband’s on their last two years with me. All I learned about writing contributed to the six books I have written. The theatre experience helped me create my Grief and Happiness podcast. The teaching experience helped me create the Grief and Happiness Alliance. The experience of community service in nonprofits helped me to create the Grief and Happiness Alliance Nonprofit organization. And my grieving of my two husbands led me to do the work I do today.

Each experience I have had contributed to me finding my life’s purpose of proving comfort, support, love, and happiness to those dealing with grief and loss. And I am grateful for it all.

I encourage you to write about how your experiences have enhanced your life’s journey to become the beautiful person you are today.

 

I took the picture at the top of this blog and the picture below I took at Galleria dell’Accademia in Florence, Italy when I went to Tuscany. They illustrate the process of chipping away the marble.

 

The picture below is the back side of the famous David  sculpture. Usually the front side is photographed, so I included the back side so you could see it from a different perspective.

 

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here at Amazon:

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling book in 9 countries that I wrote a chapter in, Ignite Forgiveness, by clicking here

Unwritten

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I watched the series And Just Like That this weekend.  It’s the continuation of Sex in the City, and I watched it because it dealt with Grief.  At the very end of the series, Carry said “And the rest is still unwritten.”  That took me right back to my early grief with Jacques when Natasha Bedingfield’s song, Unwritten, was popular. At that time, I adopted that song as my anthem.   The first words of the song are:

I am unwrittenCan’t read my mindI’m undefinedI’m just beginningThe pen’s in my handEnding unplanned

That was me.  Up until that point in my life, Jacques and I had planned things together. Of course, we knew his health was fading, but we met each day like the one before. I don’t remember ever considering that he wouldn’t always be there.  And Just Like That, he was gone.

I spent countless hours considering what I should do. I had resigned from my teaching career at the university so that I could create my huge theatre project, and I had donated all of that project into a nonprofit organization to able to stay home with Jacques. So what now?

I spent a lot of time crocheting. And daydreaming. And wondering what I could possibly do? I had lots to deal with. I lost my health insurance because I was covered under Jacques’s plan.  I was living in our four-bedroom house with a pool which I felt overwhelmed dealing with by myself. I had a drunken wife abusing next door neighbor who frightened me, and I seemed to be making up all kinds of things to be worried about. But mostly I just sat.

Then I noticed the words to Unwritten:

Reaching for something in the distanceSo close you can almost taste itRelease your inhibitionsFeel the rain on your skinNo one else can feel it for youOnly you can let it inNo one else, no one elseCan speak the words on your lipsDrench yourself in words unspokenLive your life with arms wide openToday is where your book beginsThe rest is still unwritten

With that song in my head, I started paying attention to what was real instead of what I’d been making up. I opened up to thinking about my future, realizing that I didn’t have to know exactly what I wanted it to be right then.  I could dream, I could imagine, I could desire. Everything was up to me. Seeing that the fresh grief was probably the lowest point I could go, I knew it was time to start looking up.

And I did. I let my good friend Yvonne help me shop for houses till I found the perfect place for just me. I said yes when the university invited me back to teach which also solved my insurance issue.  I learned to say yes to other invitations all for new experiences I wouldn’t have thought of on my own.

Then I knew, that was where my book began, and I planned to enjoy where my life took me. I started writing my own story right then.

Are you writing your book?

 

Unwritten Video

Unwritten Lyrics

 

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here at Amazon:

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling book in 9 countries that I wrote a chapter in, Ignite Forgiveness, by clicking here

Playing

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I was on a Zoom call this week with someone who I have been working with on a big project. I said something that indicated my age, and she was shocked. She was just amazed that I am as old as I am. I was tickled, but it led me to think about how I appear to people. I started thinking about people I know who are years younger than I am, but to me they seem older.  I also have friends who are older that I am who look younger. I wondered why this happens.

My mother seemed older than her years, and I attribute that to beliefs she had of how things should be. She wore her hair short and had it done at a beauty salon every week where it was sprayed so heavily that it looked the same by the next week when she returned to have it done again. When I reached a certain age, she encouraged me to do the same. She was so disappointed that I let my hair grown long.  She also dressed a certain way that she deemed appropriate for her age.

My mother’s example to me was inspiration to do the opposite. I love to wear bright colors in any style I choose.  I wear basically shorts and sundresses since I live in Hawaii. I love game night with friends. I love to be outside and go for walks to enjoy the wonders of Maui. And I still teach writing online at California State University in Bakersfield, so I am frequently interacting with young people and having great conversations.

How would you define “acting your age”? Sometimes I feel old when I don’t have the energy I’d like, and other times I feel ageless when laughing with friends.  I love the creative challenge of keeping up with my social media for my book and the Grief and Happiness Alliance. I also love taking classes in anything that interests me like speed reading and drawing. And I love to get lost in a good book or movie. I smile much when I am doing any of these things.

All I enjoy doing feels like playing to me. I do what I love to do, not what I have to do. I heard someone say, “It’s not that you stop playing because you are getting older, it’s that you get older because you stop playing.” That rings true for me. Playing brings much happiness to my life, so I play lots and feel so much younger than my birth date says.

I hope you play too!

 

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here at Amazon:

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling book in 9 countries that I wrote a chapter in, Ignite Forgiveness, by clicking here