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Believe

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Did you know that there is so much you can do if you believe you can? So many times, we can sabotage the dreams we have by not believing in ourselves. This often happens while we are grieving because it may feel like our world is falling apart because nothing is the same. The good news is that you can change your situation when you believe you can.

This morning a dear friend told me that she decided she needed a bigger house. On the day she decided, she ran into a friend who had a bigger house to rent, so she easily found exactly what she needed. I’ve done that too. My husband and I bought three houses in the time we were together. For each one, we wrote a list of exactly what we wanted in detail, and within a week each time, we found exactly what we needed at a price we could afford. For two of those houses, we even made a huge profit on the sale of the house we had been living in.

Your belief can make things happen, but what you want won’t just fall into your lap. Your actions and words must be in alignment to ensure the outcome you desire. Let’s say you want to be an artist. First you must decide what kind of artist you want to be. Then you must learn how to master that technique. Then you must discover how to display your work so your intended audience can see it. Nothing is so simple as just saying you want something.

After my husband died, I had a friend who was persistent in asking me if I was dating, and I always said no. Finally, I thought there must be a reason she was doing this. I was hesitant because my husband who died was so wonderful, I didn’t think it was possible to find anyone else I would want to be with. To prove that to myself, I made a list of all the traits and accomplishments anybody I would go out with must have. The list was long and detailed. I finally went on Match.com, and I was right. Just about every person did not fill many items on my list, but one did. I was shocked as I checked off every item on my list, and he even had more items that were wonderful. I was so glad that I stopped being stubborn and allowed myself to find my new husband.

How would you design the life you want to live? What makes you feel good and happy? Take some time to explore in writing what, where, and how you want to be. Use specific details. As I sit on my lanai enjoying a cool breeze, the many bird songs, and the view of two sides on the island of Maui, I am grateful to believe in myself which allowed me to create the miraculous life I love.

 

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

Grief and Happiness Handbook

Grief and Happiness weekly Free Gatherings

[email protected]

Dream Builder Life Coach

Life Master Consultant

Ordinary Moments

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Often after a loved one dies, it’s the ordinary moments we miss the most.  I remember how my mother and sister loved to shop.  When I would be visiting with one or both of them, we almost always ended up shopping. What was different shopping with them was they rarely bought anything. I used to think that was a big waste of time until I realized, that was the way we spent time together and find things to talk about.

My father loved to take us all out to dinner. He loved to have and excuse to dine out and he loved to eat! When I brought my finance Jacques to meet my parents, we met at a restaurant. Jaques was nervous, so I told him if he wanted to impress my dad, he should pick up the check. He did, and he made a big impression because no one else in the family ever did that. My dad also loved to take my children to get ice cream whenever he had the opportunity to pick them up after school, but I think that was mostly because he loved ice cream!

Jacques and I used to love to listen to live music and we loved to dance together, so we would look for opportunities to do one or both of those.  Ron and I loved to sit outside as much as we could.  There were so many bird songs to listen to and well as amazing tropic al plants to enjoy. We also loved to watch the fantastic Maui sunset and enjoy that special golden hour.

When my friend’s mother died, she invited me to come to her mother’s house along with her sister so we could all make cookies together. Her family had the tradition of serving cookies after funerals, so we made lots of cookies and had great conversations.

Our lives are made up mostly of ordinary moments, and those moments can be what we miss the most when our loved ones aren’t here to share them with. What are your favorite ordinary moments? Who do you share them with?

How can you make your current ordinary moments extraordinary and memorable now?

 

 

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

Grief and Happiness Handbook

Grief and Happiness Cards

Grief and Happiness weekly Free Gatherings

[email protected]

Dream Builder Life Coach

Life Master Consultant

An Affair?

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I heard the other day someone say you should have an affair with yourself, and I smiled. What a good idea!  The most important person for you to love is yourself. Sometimes we forget that when a loved one dies. We may say something like a part of you is missing. I understand that idea, but it isn’t the truth. The truth is you are whole just the way you are.

When I chose what to wear, I find myself thinking of things like “Mom loved that color,” “Jacques was so amazed that I could sew beautiful clothes for myself,” or “Ron bought me that sweater and I always think of him when I wear it.” These types of memories don’t keep us stuck in the past, but they can make us smile, and you are always more beautiful with a smile on your face.

When you want a snack, treat yourself to some fresh cherries or watermelon instead of a bag of chips. When you want a drink, treat yourself to a new tea flavor, hot or iced instead of a cup of wine. When you want to go out, find some friends to go with you and try something new like learning how to paint, playing pickleball, or trying a new food truck.

You can choose to be happy maybe one step at a time. The more steps you take, the weight of your grief can start falling away. You can always keep your loved one in your heart, and you can also expand your happiness at the same time.

Take yourself on a date this week!

have an affair with yourself, you will remember that you are whole, perfect, complete, and beautiful. You will also choose to treat yourself the very best by taking special, tender care of your physical self. You will eat wisely and well, and you’ll always bathe and brush your teeth. You will dress in clothes that make you feel good about yourself. I say all this because so many people who are grieving let things go. Just getting out of bed sometimes may feel impossible, but you can do it.

 

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

Grief and Happiness Handbook

Grief and Happiness Cards

Grief and Happiness weekly Free Gatherings

[email protected]

Dream Builder Life Coach

Life Master Consultant

Secrets

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A prodigious act of congress was passed this week that requires the release of the Epstein files. These files would never have been released if it weren’t for the victims who came together after keeping their secrets for 30 years or more. They are women now, but most were children when they were taken advantage of by an unknown number of lecherous adults.

These victims continue to come forward as they see that their fellow victims have come forward. They are holding each other up in dealing with the tragedy of their loss of innocence. I admire the strength of these women who are finally ready to release the secrets they have been hiding which have blocked them from being able to live their best authentic lives.

While the Epstein situation is horrendous, sexual abuse and violence is more prevalent than we realize and now hopefully more women and girls in our society will realize that what happened to them is wrong and that it isn’t their fault that they were taken advantage of. And I hope they gain the strength to tell their stories, even if it is just to one trusted person or a counselor.

Holding a story of abuse is heavy.  Your confidence can be destroyed, and you can live your life with a shadow of shame. I was so fortunate that my husband Jacques came into my life when he did, and I was able to tell my story and live my life authentically from then on. I just needed one person to hear me and assure me of my worth. I finally opened to my life.

If you can listen when someone needs to share her story, you may help her to change her life and find that she can smile and even laugh like she hasn’t been able to.

Hugs

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When I was a little girl, I loved going to visit my grandmother because she gave me such sweet hugs. She always smelled like her carnation toilet water, and her soft, strong arms made me feel loved and secure. However, she was my only source for hugs. I did not see other people hugging. My parents held hands, but I didn’t see them hugging. The only time I remember my mother hugging me was when I was distraught over the miscarriage I had.

I finally started giving and receiving hugs from my husband Jacques’s Italian family. I felt a part of his family with all those hugs and kisses on my cheek. They didn’t have to know someone to greet them with a hug and a smile. What a wonderful feeling. I still am challenged in initiating a hug, but I definitely hug back when someone hugs me. And I feel the benefits of sharing hugs.

“Virginia Satir, a world-renowned family therapist, is famous for saying ’We need 4 hugs a day for survival. We need 8 hugs a day for maintenance. We need 12 hugs a day for growth.’” That sounds so wonderful, yet when we are grieving, often no one is there to share a hug with. I have taught myself to reach out to people when they are sad. I start with something not as intimate as a hug, like sitting next to them, putting my hand on their shoulder, or holding their hand. You can feel the positive energy flowing between you.

Research indicates that there are many benefits from hugging, like:

  • Protecting your heart
  • Reducing your stress
  • Increasing your happiness
  • Enhancing your relationships
  • Promoting better sleep
  • Improving your mood and relationships
  • And many more

How do you feel when you give or get a hug?  Human touch is a vital part of being alive, and touching animals is also beneficial. I love when my neighbor brings her dog to visit me. He loves to be petted, and I love to pet him.  I don’t remember the last time I was around a cat until last week.  I visited a friend and her big, soft cat climbed on to my lap and started to purr. That felt so good.

Find a way to include more touch and hugs into your life. I know it will make you feel better.

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

Emily Thiroux Threatt email is [email protected]

Let me know if you’d like to receive my newsletters which have lots of good things!

You can listen to my Grief and Happiness podcast here or anyplace you listen to podcasts.

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance Gatherings which meet weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.

First Days

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I read some sage advice recently that said, “Live every day like it’s your first.” We’ve all heard that phrase using the word last instead of first, but I loved this fresh perspective.

My friend Laurelee owns and lives on Leilani Farm Sanctuary on Maui. She invited my group of friends who do watercolor paintings together to visit her new baby goats. The mama goat, named Emily in honor of her rescuer, had been abandoned, so she was brought to the farm to live. She delivered her babies the day before our visit.

There were three babies, one girl and two boys. Goats usually have only two goats at a time, so they were on the small side, and they are adorable with thick black longish fur, and one had a white patch on one ankle. So precious! Less than 24 hours old, they were frolicking around under their mother’s watchful eyes. They loved being held and petted, so we all got some goat love, but they didn’t stay in our laps long because they were having so much fun playing.

What a fabulous first day for them! Just think about what a first day would be like now for you. All the new beauty, and colors, and fragrances, and tastes as well as new experiences, and new friends. Imagine waking up in the morning and experiencing everything as brand new! There would be no fighting, no war, no lies, no hunger, just love and happiness.

When a loved one dies, we can feel like it is the end of the world for us, but it doesn’t have to be. Each day can be a new start. Yes, take the time you need to grieve, but also take time each day to notice something new or different. When you go on a walk, notice the flowers and plants along the way. Many blossoms only live a short time, but while they are blooming, they are showing off their best colors and fragrances making people who pass by smile.

Look at the world each day as a baby goat or a bright hibiscus. Smile at a stranger. Thank the person who holds a door open for you. Bag your groceries. Call a friend. Sit outside and watch the clouds float by. Take a deep breath. Read a great book. Take a long shower or bath. Make a list of new experiences you are ready to have, then start checking them off the list as you do each one.

Take good care of yourself and live every day as if it is your first.

 

Leilani Farm Sanctuary

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

Emily Thiroux Threatt email is [email protected]

Let me know if you’d like to receive my newsletters which have lots of good things!

You can listen to my Grief and Happiness podcast here or anyplace you listen to podcasts.

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance Gatherings which meet weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.