grief

Ruminating

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This week I needed to keep my foot up. There were so many things I wanted to do that weren’t possible without being able to get around. So instead of all the things on my to do list, I spent time reflecting on things I have done and memories I have.  I have lots of things to remember!  As I reflected, I realized something about me. Most of my life, I kept having the same thought. I always knew I could do better, yet now as I look back, I know I was doing the best I could for where I was in my life at any time.

I am choosing now to be aware that I still am doing the best that I can in all I do, and that feels really good. Now instead of saying things like “I wish I had spent more time on that project,” or “I know I should be eating better,” I know now that when I commit to do something that I have an agreement with myself to do what needs to be done. And now I am consciously choosing every item I choose to eat, and that is making a difference just by being aware of what I choose. Instead of putting things off and worrying about something I think I should be doing, when I choose to do something, I just do it, and that feels so much better!

I encourage you to ruminate a bit. What can you do to live in full integrity with yourself? Writing in my journal to explore this thought helped me to discover my answers to that question. How about you? How can you make a difference for yourself and find more happiness in the process?

I’d love to hear what you come up with!

 

Emily Thiroux Threatt [email protected]

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, by clicking here

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here. https://a.co/d/eWNx3j1

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Let’s Connect

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Sitting alone in the evening was such a tough time for me in early grief. I longed for someone to talk to about my day or what my dreams were. I turned to my journal at times like this where I could pour my heart out and figure out what I wanted, where I was going. Does this sound like experiences you have had?

When dealing with loss, I found that people who I considered friends tended to stay away from spending time with me. I was surprised at that.This was the time I longed for their presence, but they weren’t there.  I justified the absence by telling myself that they must be busy. When I had an opportunity to talk to a friend, I told her I missed her and would love to spend time with her. I was surprised when she told me that she was sorry. She wanted to spend time with me, but she didn’t know what to say. She didn’t want to make me feel worse by saying the wrong thing. Wow. What a shock.

I was looking at my loneliness was something that someone else had to fix, but while sitting by myself I knew that I had to take the first step. I remembered that some of my friends ha asked me in the past had asked me how to cook vegan food that tasted good  since they knew I was a certified vegan chef.  With this inspiration, I asked some friends to come to my house to learn how to fix a tasty vegan meal. My friends were happy to join me knowing they had something positive to do together.

Reaching out to who I wanted to be with worked for me. I invited people to go to concerts, to classes, to a film festival, and to my house to make Christmas ornaments together.  Relieving them of their perceived obligation to deal with my grief opened the way for us to be comfortable spending time together. As they saw how I could speak comfortably about my husband who had transitioned allowed them the comfort to join in the conversation when they wanted to.

I found much comfort in writing about what I was dealing this a decided to reach out to people who were seeking ways to deal with their grief. At that time, I didn’t know that many people on Maui who were driving, so I put a message on MeetUp and invited people to come to my house to write about grief together and then talk about it. Suddenly I had a new group of friends who met regularly who were grateful to have found a caring group of friends to share experiences with.

Now I offer you the opportunity to write about things dealing with grief, then share what you wrote about with a whole new groups of friends who get you, like I do. We gather on Zoom once a week and our Grief and Happiness Alliance Nonprofit Organization covers the expenses so you don’t have to pay a thing. People who come to the gatherings have told meow much they appreciate what we do together and the new friends they make.  I have made many new friends from around the world by participating in in this group.

I invite you to connect with me and with your new friends who all are dealing with grief and loss. Much comfort comes from this practice of self-care. And I get to meet you and know you, and share with you, and I love that opportunity. Pease join us! You can make a reservation each week by clicked on this link.

I look forward to connecting with you!

 

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

 

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, by clicking here

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here. https://a.co/d/eWNx3j1

You can sign up for our newsletter here

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, by clicking here

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.

Sunrise, Sunset

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Even if you haven’t seen the play or movie of Fidler on The Roof, you probably have heard the main song, Sunrise, Sunset. Read these lyrics and see if a memory of this song comes to you:

Sunrise, sunset

Sunrise, sunset

Swiftly flow the days

Seedlings turn overnight to sunflowers

Blossoming even as we gaze

Sunrise, sunset

Sunrise, sunset

Swiftly fly the years

One season following another

Laden with happiness and tears

Lyrics by

Sheldon Harick

As I was gazing at yet another gorgeous sunset here on Maui, those lyrics floated by in my mind. I see the sunrises out of my bedroom each morning and see the sunsets from my lanai. I love to take pictures of these beautiful times of days, and no two pictures are ever alike.

This day was different from any other day I have experienced, and tomorrow will be different too. I can choose to let each day float by or choose to identify the love and beauty of the day, or to wallow in the sadness of a day.

Four of the most significant days in my life came at the sunsets of my loved ones.

When my father died, he had just given a big speech to his whole community honoring the veterans there, then the next day, he was just gone from a heart attack. I was in shock, but I was able to witness the community celebrating him all week because it was the week of Veterans Day. Though I was sad, I chose to be grateful for such a wonderful father loved by so many.

When my mother died, she had been deteriorating for a long time. Her physical self was unrecognizable. The last time I entered her room, I sat next to her bed and held her arm where I could feel her pulse as I told her all I wished I could have earlier in her life, especially that I loved her. Then I told her she didn’t have to wait, that Daddy and her mother were waiting for her, and it was OK for her to go.  I felt her pulse slow and stop. When I went into the other room to tell her sister, I felt the love I had never expressed to her overwhelm me, and I was grateful to have served her and taken care of her for the last years of her life.

When my husband Jacques died, he had been suffering from a myriad of health challenges for so long, but he always thought he would get better. I saw when he realized that wasn’t going to happen. He was getting into the car to go to yet another dialysis treatment. He looked in my eyes and said “Oh. S**t.” Then he collapsed into the car and slid down between the seat and the dashboard. I was unable to move him. I was in shock.

When Ron died, he was surrounded by his family and friends, all celebrating him through the week of his death.  He was so loved and supported during this time. He just appeared to fall asleep, then he was gone. Initially with his departure, I cried painfully, but after that, I was grateful that he wouldn’t have to experience all the pain he had been through anymore and I found peace in that.

While these are all sunsets, I have lots of sunrises too like when my children and grandchildren and now great grandchildren were born. With each graduation, each wedding, each wonderful experience they are all having, it brings me joy too.

I love and am grateful for it all. And the more experiences I have with all of my loved ones, the more grateful I am for this amazingly beautiful life I get to live. I think about the beauty and joy of each sunrise and sunset, and I encourage you to take the time to look up  at these gorgeous reminders of our precious lives and reflect on your sunrises and sunsets too.

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

My email is [email protected]

Let me know if you’d like to receive my newsletters which have lots of good things!

You can listen to my podcast here.

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance Gatherings which meet weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.

The Epidemic of Loneliness

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We tend to isolate ourselves while dealing with grief, and while some of this is normal, it’s easy to make it a habit, and that’s not healthy. Most of us got used to being alone much of the time during the pandemic, so when you add more loss to that equation, it gets easier and easier to stay inside.

Searching the Internet, you can find much about what the U.S. Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy calls our country’s “Epidemic of Loneliness.”  Research shows: “The physical health consequences of poor or insufficient connection include a 29% increased risk of heart disease, a 32% increased risk of stroke, and a 50% increased risk of developing dementia for older adults. Additionally, lacking social connection increases risk of premature death by more than 60%.”

When people ask me what the most important thing to do to help deal with grief, I always say Self-Care. And connection helps by having people you can spend time with, talk with, and find things that interest you both. Try new things together and go where you can meet new people. I have found new friends to take art classes with, to go to concerts, to go to intentions groups, to volunteer with. When you take walks in your neighborhood, you meet your neighbors, and it’s great to know the people who live around you.

The Surgeon General also says: “Social connection is beneficial for individual health and also improves the resilience of our communities. Evidence shows that increased connection can help reduce the risk of serious health conditions such as heart disease, stroke, dementia, and depression. Communities where residents are more connected with one another fare better on several measures of population health, community safety, community resilience when natural disasters strike, prosperity, and civic engagement.”

You can actively do something to improve your health and well-being without the use of drugs by getting up and getting active! Today, do something new to connect with someone. Make a new friend or re-connect with an old one. You’ll be so glad you did!

 

If you’d like to know more about our “Epidemic of Loneliness,”  click here: or just do a Google search.

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

My email is [email protected]

Let me know if you’d like to receive my newsletters which have lots of good things!

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, by clicking here

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance Gatherings which meet weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.

 

The Sound of Silence

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My voice has been changing for a few months and it kept getting harder to talk, so I went to my doctor who sent me to a specialist who sent me to a vocal therapist.

After all that evaluation, they decided to put me on vocal rest. I had to be totally silent for a month, no talking and even no whispering.

This turned out to be quite a challenge. Can you imagine not being able to speak at all? I am sure it will be worth it ultimately, and I have learned some things I want to share with you.

First, I am amazed that people think that since I can’t talk, that they have to speak softly or even whisper to me. I do not have a hearing issue, so people can speak normally around me, but they don’t.

People seem to get irritated at my inability to speak. I see them get frustrated and even walk away from me. Trust me, my inability speak is more frustrating to me than it can be to you. I tried texting my son who lives with me, but that irritated him. There are things we must communicate about, so I tried a modified game of charades.  While he was entertained by my efforts, he still didn’t understand me. He bought me a white board so I could write what I want to tell him. That was helpful.

Initially, I kept thinking about what I could contribute to conversations. It was too much trouble to write my thoughts on that white board, and I was realizing that all those little things my monkey-mind was urging me to share didn’t need to be shared at all. This was huge for me. I could see that much of my conversation was irrelevant or just didn’t need to be said. This turned out to be freeing. I hadn’t realized how much time I was spending organizing those thoughts and figuring out what I wanted to say. I am now noticing those random thoughts as they pop up and releasing them from my thinking.

In focusing on all I do related to grief and happiness, I have been smiling much of the time. However, being quiet, I have noticed that I haven’t been making the effort to smile.  I see that when I speak, my smile is part of my conversation to reinforce what I am saying. Without speaking the positive words I usually do, I just haven’t thought to smile. Becoming aware of my sad face, I am making a conscious effort to smile often.

I have turned to the comfort of my journal. I find my writing deeper and wider as I explore my thoughts and beliefs. I love Mark Nepo’s writing, and his books have wonderful journaling prompts that I am loving exploring. And I have more time to meditate and write without all those unnecessary conversations my mind is encouraging me to start. I find my silence brings me peace.

I heard from a dear friend who was very active in singing and acting. She developed nodes on her vocal cords and was required to be silent for six weeks. She learned to love the silence and didn’t really want to go back to speaking when her time was up. That resonated with me. I know when my time is up, I will be paying more attention to what I choose to say, and I will continue my practice of the peace that comes with silence.

I encourage you to be silent for a day and see how this affects you.

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, by clicking here

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.

You can sign up for our newsletter here

 

Order

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This morning, when I awakened, I gazed out my window. I saw millions of spiderwebs on the bushes of the house next-door. I wondered how all those spiders could possibly know that it was a good place for them to build their delicate, yet strong, webs. A whole community of spiders and spiderwebs were  there, sparkling in the sunlight. Seeing spiders diligently creating their masterpieces was fascinating. Scurrying on a perfect path, they connected the webs they were weaving with little blobs of sparkling stickiness. The sun was shining just right so that the webs glowed, decorated with what seemed to be tiny rainbows reflecting the colors around them. Webs swaying a little from the breeze constantly caused me amazement. How could the spiders possibly get a web that goes across an open space from such a great distance? How did they make it work? How did they figure it all out? Do they tell their spider friends, “This is the place to be. This is where we’re gonna do this together and create this amazing sculpture” ?

These busy spiders inspired me to think about the whales that come to Maui every year. Starting in Alaska, the whales swim to Maui. Some whales seem like they’re traveling by themselves, yet without the GPS that we depend on, they always arrive at Maui. Enticed by the warmer water, they glide through the gentle waves flowing between the islands of Molokai, Maui, Lanai, and Kaho’lawe. The warmth is a result of the waters being shallower than in the rest of the ocean. Ten thousand whales migrate to Maui to give birth. Watching up to sixty feet long humpback whales breaching out of the water is breathtaking. The mothers and babies frolic and splash their way through the ocean together. They’re just astonishing, but what gets me the most is the trip they take every year. How could they possibly know how they are supposed to go all the way from Alaska to Hawaii, which is considered the most remote place in the world, without having any kind of GPS. Whales just make the trip automatically, migrating back and forth between Alaska and Hawaii. It seems that they would need some form of guidance, even if it’s just looking at the sky. 

Do you have an automatic pilot just like the whales? What’s the order of your life? Many of us get up and do what we think we’re supposed to do all day long and then go to bed at night and sleep and start over again the next morning. We take one step at a time without a lot of thought, without realizing all the choices that we make every single day, every moment. When are we going to drink water? When are we going to have something to eat? When are we going to get up and move? When are we going outside? When are we going to be talking to someone? What are we talking about? In Hawaii we’ve got something called Talk Story where people get together and just talk about whatever they want to. This conversation is what ties the culture together, where people discover commonality, where they express genuine love, not so much romantic love, but the love and compassion of being alive and connecting with others. 

By learning to Talk Story, I found my purpose in writing and demonstrating happiness. I write in my journal every day and that helps guide me and inspire me for the choices I make. I chronicle every day to hold on to special memories. I also record what I’m grateful for and why I’m grateful for it. And I write books and teach others to write to help them deal with grief and find happiness.

I’m grateful today, and every day, for realizing that my purpose includes serving others. How can I help someone who is grieving or dealing with loss? How can I help them realize that happiness is perfectly normal and that it’s OK to be able to feel happy even when you’re grieving? Though that may sound strange, it’s not. I’m not happy that I’m grieving, but I’m happy that I’m alive. I’m happy that I’m making the best of my life, consciously paying attention to my thoughts and what I do, being mindful of every moment.

What’s your purpose? What are you doing? What are you meant to do? How can you make your life better? How can you make your life the absolute best it can be? What do you need to do to make your life miraculous? How do you notice the beauty and wonder in the world? How can you share the inspiration you discover? What does your heart desire? What is it that you really crave? I’m not suggesting just making goals, though goals are great to get you from one point to another, I am asking you to identify an overarching purpose for everything.

 I encourage you, or maybe even challenge you, to pay attention to who you are and what you are doing.  Write in your journal to explore who you are and what you aspire to. What is your true purpose in life? How would you like to share this with your loved ones, both now and in the future?  Writing like this can help to open up your world.

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, by clicking here

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here. https://a.co/d/eWNx3j1

You can sign up for our newsletter here

Order blog for April 24 19 or 2024