There is so much fear associated with grief. Before a loved one dies, we fear how we will be able to live without them. We fear when we will never be with them again. We fear how we will handle the loneliness. I could go on and on. Dr. Gerald Jampolsky wrote a book called Love Is Letting Go of Fear, and that’s a beautiful way of looking at the fear that comes with death.
When you think of fear, you are focused on the negative, of what you don’t want to experience. On the other hand, when you think of love, you are focused on the positive, and that is a much mor pleasant way to live. For instance, last night I woke up with my arms around an extra pillow on my bed, and just for a moment, a memory of holding my husband in bed flashed through my mind, and that felt so good. In the past I could have had the same experience and instead of focusing on the pleasant memory, I may have cried, missing him and fearing I would never be held again.
That old fear only led me to be unhappy. I could choose to carry that around and be miserable, or I could choose instead to be grateful for the many times we had held each other, or kissed, or made love. I have chosen to focus on those happy memories, and that feels good.
You may fear living alone, or not having the income you had before, or traveling by yourself, or a myriad of other things. You can drive yourself to be miserable by focusing on what you can’t have, when that is likely to not even be the truth. I was not looking forward to living alone. I asked my son to come live with me, and it’s great having him here. I also have two rentals on my property, and I have good friends living in them both, so I am surrounded by people I love!
I also found that the advance planning we had done left me financially comfortable. And I have really enjoyed traveling. Sometimes I invite a friend to join me, or I travel to visit a friend. Or I find interesting courses to take in places I have wanted to travel to, and each time I make new friends when I get there, and I enjoy what I learn!
Fear is an emotion that you don’t have to experience. Try focusing on what you best life can be and make decisions in alignment with that. When you focus on having great experiences instead of focusing on all the bad things that could possibly happen, you’ll be amazed at the beautiful life you can live.
The Grief and Happiness Alliance
Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief
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