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Gathering

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When I was at a meeting this week, the leader said whenever people come together, every person is meant to be there. I immediately thought of the Grief and Happiness Alliance. All the people who attend, all the people who discover the Grief and Happiness Alliance, find us for a reason. We come together seeking comfort, support, love, and happiness, and all that happens, as well as making new friends.

Initially, we said we were holding meetings or classes, but that never felt quite right. Then Rev Rachel, the president of our nonprofit association suggested that when we come together to write about grief and happiness related topics, talk about what we write, and make new friends that we could call this coming together gatherings. We all agreed!

We formed the Grief and Happiness Alliance Nonprofit Organization to provide financial support for these gatherings because we believe that anyone dealing with grief doesn’t need to pay for the support we give. We consider this funding to be like a scholarship that we bestow to those who participate as an act of service and love to those who attend.

All we ask in return for this gift is for people to show up and make the most of every moment of our gatherings which is a beautiful gift of self-care. Magic happens when we commit to attending and making new friends, exploring our grief, and realizing we can be happy at the same time. I love to see all the smiles at the end of each gathering.

To those who are attending, we thank you for your participation.  To those who would like to attend, we welcome you. And to those of you who know people that could benefit from what we offer, we welcome them too. Please feel free to invite anyone you’d like to.

We meet Sundays at 9 AM Hawaii time, noon Pacific time and 3 Eastern time. Register each week to receive the Zoom link by clicking here.

Sign up for our newsletter to learn all we do by clicking here.

Visit our website by clicking here.

We look forward to seeing you at our gatherings.

 

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Guide by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here at Amazon:

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, by clicking here

Choose Your Guide

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Every Sunday the Grief and Happiness Alliance gathers on Zoom to write together and learn happiness practices. We write on different subjects every time, and when we share what we wrote about, we learn much from each other.

This week, I invited the participants to write a dialogue, a conversation with someone they would love to have a guide or mentor them through their grieving. Whoever they chose didn’t have to be living now. The range of people they chose revealed the distinctiveness of concerns the participants were dealing with.

One chose Maya Angelou because of her strength and tenacity in dealing with life. Ms. Angelou is a powerful storyteller who explores deep truths.  I was fortunate to be in her presence when I attended a conference where she was the speaker. I’ll never forget her powerful, resonant voice, which enlivened each word she uttered. Since that experience, whenever I read something she wrote, I hear her speaking the words in my mind and feel her power. I would love to have a conversation with her to hear her advice for me.

Another writer in our group chose Thich Naht Hanh, a Vietnamese Buddhist monk who is considered to be the “father of mindfulness.” With his gentle words, he explores concepts like loneliness, worrying, and peace with sage advice for anyone, yet we can apply that guidance to our grief experience now. Just thinking about his gentle spirit and tranquil smile brings me peace.

Others chose people like a favorite minister or a lifelong friend.  We were all seeking different types of guidance and comfort. I found myself in a conversation with my husband, Ron.  I asked him a question, and his words just poured out with consummate guidance that not only helped me right now but are guiding my next steps. When this happened, I realized I needed to contact him more often. Just as when we used to have our wonderful conversations on our lanai, we can still have them now. I just realized that the word for patio in Hawaiian is lanai, and the word for heaven is lani. So similar. Our very special place to spend time together is still here and is heavenly.

Who would you like to have as your guide or mentor as you deal with grief? You could have more than one. When you keep your heart open to inspiration, you discover your guidance is already there, waiting for you to notice it.

 

 

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance, which meets weekly on Sundays, by clicking here.

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Guide by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here at Amazon:

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling book in 9 countries that I wrote a chapter in, Ignite Forgiveness, by clicking here

Be a Day Maker

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My granddaughter came to my rescue when I was having a challenge on how to do something on my computer. We had a Zoom call and worked together, and we had a great conversation. That made my day! The next day a good friend asked me to Zoom with him. We laughed so much together as we were catching up, and that made my day.  Then another good friend called me on the phone to see how I was doing. We had a thought-provoking conversation that I hadn’t realized I needed. And it was lovely just to hear her voice. Again, that made my day.

These contacts are extra special to me especially because I live in Hawaii, the most remote place in the world. It’s easy to lose touch with loved ones who live far away. Each of these calls brightened my day and brought me happiness and loving support. I started thinking about other things that would fit in that category, and I thought of lots from just the last few days. A friend brought me some juicy fresh figs, another friend brought me packages of seeds for my garden, and another friend took all my cardboard to the recycling center for me. And my day was brightened by chare vegetables from my garden with my neighbors and teaching happiness techniques at the Grief and Happiness Alliance meetings.

Knowing wonderful people and interacting on so many levels brighten my life every day. I encourage you to think about what brightens your day. If something doesn’t come to mind right away, think some more.  We have a tendency to look at the negative first which can block our realization of what is good for us that we are already experiencing. If this is happening for you, try focusing on the good things that happen in your life, and make a conscious effort to do something to brighten someone’s day every day, and pay attention to how good that feels!

How can you help make the day for someone else today? What can you do for yourself that can make your day? Be sure to do whatever it takes to make today your best day!  Then keep doing that every day.  You’ll be so glad you did!

 

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here at Amazon:

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling book in 9 countries that I wrote a chapter in, Ignite Forgiveness, by clicking here

Selflessness

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Often when I talk to people who are dealing with loss, they tell me that their sense of purpose is no longer clear to them. Everything in their lives seems different and they find themselves examining what they should do next.  I know I did. I had spent all my time with my husband before his transition, then I felt alone and lost.

I took much needed time to not do anything for a few weeks. I felt like I couldn’t even think. Gradually, I started reflecting on where I was in life, and where I might want to be. The thoughts seemed to get jumbled in my head, so I started writing them in my journal.  The more I wrote, the more I had to think about. I realized at that time that this kind of writing could be helpful to others who are also dealing with grief.

I started facilitating writing groups at my home where we would write about things related to what was going on in our lives while we were grieving. I loved participating in the conversations we had after we wrote. Solemn faces began to smile, and conversations became animated. I saw a glimpse of what would become my life’s purpose. The grieving soul can be lonely and could benefit greatly from the comfort and support that would come from exploring thoughts and feelings in writing, and then having someone to talk about what was written.

This experience led me to facilitate grief writing groups which evolved into the Grief and Happiness Alliance. I saw how important it was for us to deal with all that is related to grief, and that it was essential to not dwell just there, but to also discover the importance of happiness at this time. The instant when I felt that allowed me to implement my new life’s purpose of helping others through their grief leading them to find ways to be happy while in the process.

The more people I worked with, the more I heard them question their life’s purpose and it most often was finding a way to help others. Life is filled with opportunities where support is desired or necessary, and coupling these opportunities with something you are passionate about leads to a beautiful life’s purpose you can’t wait to fulfill.

The selfless acts of playing the piano or singing at a rest home where visitors are infrequent combines the passion for music with the service of a performance. Reading children’s stories to youngsters gathered at a library combines a passion for reading with the service of caring for the children. Listening to or simply sitting with a friend who is grieving combines your compassion with your love of service. When you consider the things which you are passionate about, you most likely can find a way to bring together service and passion. This is true selflessness.

What is your life’s purpose right now?

 

 

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here at Amazon:

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling book in 9 countries that I wrote a chapter in, Ignite Forgiveness, by clicking here

 

Who is Your Ohana?

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When I first moved to Maui, I didn’t really know anyone.  Ron had lived here years before I met him, so he had built-in friends who also became my friends. Because Ron was dealing with health challenges, I didn’t start making friends of my own, but I realized I was falling into deep relationships gradually and organically.  We have a cottage on our property, and we encouraged a friend of ours from the mainland, Shena, to move with us and live there. Shena is gregarious, easily making new friends and bringing them in to our new Ohana.

We were thrilled to meet all our neighbors who are now close friends.  And when we had an abundance of tropical fruit growing in our garden, we created Produce Share which has met at my house on Fridays from five to six for seven years now so we can all share what we are growing in our gardens. And I started taking exercise classes and art classes and met even more friends.  I discovered that friends on Hawaii are different from friends I had before I moved here.

Friendships on Hawaii are filled with the Aloha spirit. This online definition embraces this spirit: “Aloha” is the essence of relationships in which each person is important to every other person for collective existence. “Aloha” means to hear what is not said, to see what cannot be seen, and to know the unknowable.”

Naturally when friends come together, they become “Ohana” which is the Hawaii word for family. We all are members of at least one Ohana, and often we are members of several.

The awareness that I became a part of the Ohana that formed around Ron and I when we moved here was profound, wrapping me with love, comfort, and support. During and after Ron’s final days, my Ohana lifted me up allowing me to know I was not alone and that I was deeply loved.

I am recovering now from a malady that wasn’t specifically diagnosed but left me weak and without appetite. My Ohana, which also reaches to friends on the mainland, took care of me.  While I was weak and mostly sleeping, they assured I had transportation for appointments, food to eat, and the medical care I needed. One dear friend even combed the knotty mass my hair had turned into from spending so much time in bed, which was no easy task.  Other friends facilitated the meetings I usually did.

Today as I reflect on the Aloha spirit and my Ohana, I am deeply grateful, and I invite you to join my Ohana and discover or develop the Ohana you are already a part of. I consider our Grief and Happiness Alliance and Nonprofit Organization one of the Ohanas I am a part of which also has members that overlap into other Ohanas I am part of.

When your life is centered on family (chosen or not) and love, Aloha and Ohana brings great happiness into your life.

 

Who is your Ohana?

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here at Amazon:

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling book in 9 countries that I wrote a chapter in, Ignite Forgiveness, by clicking here

Aliveness While Grieving

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Have you felt alone, empty, disconnected, vacant, or depleted? I know I have felt all these things and many more at some point in my grief. Falling into a deep void is easy to do and can be challenging to climb out of. The good news is you can. The darkness of grief is not a life sentence. When we love someone deeply, we will grieve them always and hold them in our hearts, and we can start feeling better at the same time. We can again feel alive.

When you chose to feel alive, you can. Start by examining what you are missing in your life now. Make a list of things you would like to feel now. Here are some of what I longed for:

Companionship

Fresh air

New thoughts

Joy

Healthy food

A refreshing shower

Grass on my feet

 

You can go on and on with your list. Now look at your list and think of the choices you can make to bring about these feelings. For instance:

Companionship: Ask a friend to go on a walk with you or have a cup of coffee with you.

Fresh air: Go to a park, a forest, a beach or anywhere else that feels fresh outside.

New thoughts: Read a book, listen to a podcast, watch a documentary.

Joy: Do things that make you happy like baking, gardening, dancing, singing.

Healthy food: Commit to eating vegetables every day. Go to a Farmer’s Market.

A refreshing shower: Take a shower or bath taking your time to experience revitalization.

Grass on your feet: Take off your shoes and sit or walk in the grass. Enjoy each moment.

 

The best way to start feeling more alive is to do something. Pay attention to what you feel. If you feel stuck, move. Take a deep breath. Stretch your arms up into the air. Walk around the block. Listen to some music you love and sign along or dance.

People grieving know how short life is. You have reached a point of no do-overs or second chances, so choose now to mindfully consider everything you do and think. Instead of allowing your life to just pass by, get active. Take charge knowing only you can take the very best care of yourself.

 

 

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here: https://www.griefandhappiness.com/offers/ytK7eLBa

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here at Amazon.

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, here. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/loving-and-living-your-way-through-grief-with/id1509589686?i=1000535381763

I would be happy to put you on the reminder list for or Writing Together Through Grief occurring on Saturdays each week by sending an email to me to [email protected] and giving me your email address.

Join my Facebook group here.