Happiness

Christmas Presence

by

This holiday season, give yourself the gift of being present. This season can be filled with memories which can bring you down or lift you up. Choose to focus on those good memories.

When Jacques and I got married, we wanted to establish a new tradition for our Christmas dinner.  His mother was from Sicily, and we all loved pasta, so we decided to make ravioli together.  Jacques made the sauce, my mother-in-law made the different filling, and I made the pasta dough. Then the three of us sat around a table and created the ravioli by cutting pieces of pasta, filling them, and sealing them by pressing with the tines of a fork.  We serve it with fresh Pecorino Romano cheese.  The family loved it!

With Ron, one year we prepared a big dinner where his children, his mom, and his two former wives and their husbands came. We had a wonderful time sharing their favorite Christmas stories. I love how we all got along so well. We loved to sit outside in front of a warm fire in our chiminea and just enjoy each other’s company. I love to cook and entertain, so our Christmas’s together were stress free.

I realized today that I have never spent a Christmas alone. Whether with family or friends, I have always had someone to share with. The comfort of some form of companionship during the holidays is priceless. I also always seek ways to help others from baking cookies and treats for the homeless shelter and the women’s shelter, to visiting with people in a rest home who had no one to share holidays with.

I remember my husbands and other loved ones who have died by writing them each a letter, and sometimes writing a letter back to me from them.  I also make sure to call or text people I know will be alone or dealing with grief during their holidays just to express my love and support to them.

To me, Christmas is not about the presents, but it is about staying in the present moment, realizing, and experiencing fully all the love, joy, and beauty of my life experience.

How can you experience your presence this holiday season?

Happy holidays!

 

Get your Awaken Your Happiness Journaling Guide at no charge by clicking here: https://www.griefandhappiness.com/pl/2147595767

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here: https://www.griefandhappiness.com/offers/ytK7eLBa

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here at Amazon:

https://www.amazon.com/Loving-Living-Your-Though-Grief/dp/1642504823/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1658356016&sr=8-1

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, here: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/loving-and-living-your-way-through-grief-with/id1509589686?i=1000535381763

You can order the International Best Selling book in 9 countries that I wrote a chapter in, Ignite Forgiveness, here:

https://smile.amazon.com/Ignite-Forgiveness-Journey-Peace-Harmony-ebook/dp/B0BLFCYYD6/ref=sr_1_1?crid=9C6VAFE42H5C&keywords=ignite+forgiveness+book&qid=1669836040&sprefix=Ignite+forg%2Caps%2C284&sr=8-1

 

Finding Happiness During The Holidays

by

If you are anticipating that your holidays will not be the same as they were before, you are correct. They won’t be the same, yet when you look at all your holidays past, none of them were the same. Now is the time to take really good care of yourself and create the holidays you would like to have this year.

Consider what is most important to you during the season. Prioritize what you would love to experience.  Here are some ideas.

  • What holiday event have you always wanted to go to but for some reason, it didn’t fit into your plans in the past.
    • Have you been to a live performance of the Nutcracker Ballet?
    • How about a performance of Handle’s Messiah?
    • Maybe there is a local play or choir concert.
  • What could you do to serve those less fortunate where you live?
    • Maybe you could plan a pampering day for women in a local shelter.
    • If you’d like a big holiday dinner, who can you invite who would have been alone at dinner time?
    • Is there a local food drive you could make a part of your new holiday tradition?
  • Maybe you could do something special for the children in your family or neighborhood.
    • Gathering children to do a craft project to create a paper chain where they write their wishes on the links could be fun.
    • You could gather some children and read positive stories to them.
    • You could accompany children to go caroling around the neighborhood or to a senior center
    • Schedule selfcare just to pamper you.
    • Schedule a manicure or a facial.
    • Invite a friend you’d love to spend some time with to coffee or to lunch.
    • Go someplace you have never been before for the holidays

On every holiday, I write a letter to who I am grieving. In my case, there are several people, so there are several letters.  I take my time with each letter writing out whatever I want to tell them.  Sometimes I have tears when I write the letters, and just as often, I smile.  I open my heart and reflect on how my life is going, and most times, despite some sorrow, I feel better each time I write the letters.

My favorite part of my letter writing is that after I write each letter, I write a second letter from the person I wrote to back to me. I don’t think about what I write or judge what I am saying.  I just let my thoughts flow, and when I finish the letter, I take a deep breath, and then I read that letter.  This is a time of discovery for me. I reflect on the depth of love, respect, caring, and kindness of the loved ones I am corresponding with. And I know each of them is always in my heart forever.

Instead of anticipating sorrow for the season, focus on planning joy. Focus on your precious self. When you take good care of yourself first, you can relish in the discover of the joy and positivity that will flow your way.

 

 

Get your Awaken Your Happiness Journaling Guide at no charge by clicking here: https://www.griefandhappiness.com/pl/2147595767

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here: https://www.griefandhappiness.com/offers/ytK7eLBa

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here at Amazon:

https://www.amazon.com/Loving-Living-Your-Though-Grief/dp/1642504823/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1658356016&sr=8-1

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, here: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/loving-and-living-your-way-through-grief-with/id1509589686?i=1000535381763

You can order the International Best Selling book in 9 countries that I wrote a chapter in, Ignite Forgiveness, here:

https://smile.amazon.com/Ignite-Forgiveness-Journey-Peace-Harmony-ebook/dp/B0BLFCYYD6/ref=sr_1_1?crid=9C6VAFE42H5C&keywords=ignite+forgiveness+book&qid=1669836040&sprefix=Ignite+forg%2Caps%2C284&sr=8-1

 

Stuck

by

 

When I read what people are saying in some of the grief groups I follow, I notice that many people are stuck in their grief. The gist of what I hear is that people feel that if they lighten up on their grief, they somehow will lose the connection with their loved one who died.  The people who express this seem so sad, unable to connect with their new situation of their loved one’s passing. They seem to feel that they must stay sad because being happy in their situation feels like a betrayal to their loved one.

I was writing the other day about how my husbands would like for me to deal with my life now. In the process of writing, I felt my husbands smiling at me, so I started to smile while I was writing. When that happened, I realized that my husbands would want me to be happy. I remembered how when we first got together, Ron was always telling me to smile.  I was so serious then. As I looked in the mirror, I could see how much better I looked when I was smiling, and that smiling actually was making me feel better, lighter, and happy.

All of us people grieving will experience periods of yearning or sadness.  The key is to recognize these feelings, experience them, thank them, then release them and smile even if smiling is a challenge.  When we stay stuck in these feelings, that is all we are concentrating on.  Time goes on, and we aren’t moving forward with it because all we can think about is our loved one. When you find yourself falling into this abyss, take a few slow, deep breaths to center yourself, and commit to yourself to release those feelings.  And when they come back, do this again.  The more you recognize what you are doing, the easier it will be to deal with your feelings.

Make your journal your friend.  When you start feeling that sadness, anxiety, or yearning, write about what you are feeling. Include why you are feeling the way you are right now. What triggered this feeling?  For instance, if whenever you eat apple pie, you remember how much your loved one loved apple pie and always had to have two servings each time you made it. You find yourself feeling blue when you remember this.  Take some time to explore this feeling. My main memory of apple pie was how much I enjoyed making apple pie because Ron loved it so much, and it made him smile. Instead of staying stuck in that sadness you I was feeling, I could smile at the happiness of the memory.  You will be amazed how you can shift your reaction to your memories in a positive way so that you can release the sadness and replace it with the good memory.

I challenge you to pick up your journal each time you start feeling the negative emotions and find the joy in the experience you remember. Focus on that joy, and in the process, release that sadness.  The more you do this, the happier you will become until you find yourself naturally feeling the happiness while releasing the negativity.

You can do this.  You can be happy.  Your loved one would want you to be happy.

 

 

Get your Awaken Your Happiness Journaling Guide at no charge by clicking here: https://www.griefandhappiness.com/pl/2147595767

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here: https://www.griefandhappiness.com/offers/ytK7eLBa

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here at Amazon:

https://www.amazon.com/Loving-Living-Your-Though-Grief/dp/1642504823/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1658356016&sr=8-1

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, here: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/loving-and-living-your-way-through-grief-with/id1509589686?i=1000535381763

You can order the International Best Selling book in 9 countries that I wrote a chapter in, Ignite Forgiveness, here:

https://smile.amazon.com/Ignite-Forgiveness-Journey-Peace-Harmony-ebook/dp/B0BLFCYYD6/ref=sr_1_1?crid=9C6VAFE42H5C&keywords=ignite+forgiveness+book&qid=1669836040&sprefix=Ignite+forg%2Caps%2C284&sr=8-1

 

Appreciation

by

I love Marci Shimoff. She wrote Happy For No Reason, a book that changed my life. After Jacques died, I was miserable. I hadn’t smiled in months and could barely take care of myself. I had several significant health issues, and I just didn’t know where to turn.  I came across Marci’s book and thought, “I have no reason to be happy, so this book must be for me.” I read the book with a chip on my shoulder challenging myself to see if there really was anything I could do to raise my spirits. Marci’s examples of people who had problems that seemed so much worse than mine who still could find happiness helped me decide I could be happy too.

After Ron transitioned, I was so much better prepared and actively looked for what I could do for not only me to be happy, but how I could bring happiness to other people who were grieving too.  I wrote a book, Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief, and that was a start, but I was hungry for more.  That’s when I discovered Marci’s Happy For No Reason Certified Trainer Program.  This was it! I just knew that taking the course would at least bring me more happiness, but it helped me fulfill my purpose of helping others to be happy too.

I learned so much from Marci, her course, and her book, and I found ways to incorporate happiness into everything I do including creating the Grief and Happiness podcast and the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Zoom where people with the commonality of grieving come together to make friends, write, and learn ways to incorporate so much more happiness in their lives.  I know I am fulfilling my purpose in life now with all I am doing.

Marci shared how her family celebrated Thanksgiving.  In the past, everyone at the table has expressed something they are grateful for.  I love this, but Marci takes it a step further. Each person at the table tells every other person what they appreciate about that person.  How wonderful is that?  Everyone present gets to be showered with love and kindness, and they also get to reflect that appreciation back to their loved ones at the table.  I plan to do this now. And I plan to take it a step further by expressing my appreciation for the special people in my life who no longer sit at the table with us.

Appreciation and happiness go hand it hand. We don’t have to wait for Thanksgiving to celebrate the wonders of each other. Celebrating that appreciation with the people we chose to spend our time with magnifies the joy in all our lives.

Thank you, Marci, for your inspiration!

Who do you appreciate today?

 

 

Get your Awaken Your Happiness Journaling Guide at no charge by clicking here: https://www.griefandhappiness.com/pl/2147595767

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here: https://www.griefandhappiness.com/offers/ytK7eLBa

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here at Amazon.

https://www.amazon.com/Loving-Living-Your-Though-Grief/dp/1642504823/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1658356016&sr=8-1

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, here. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/loving-and-living-your-way-through-grief-with/id1509589686?i=1000535381763

Why Am I Happy?

by

When I mention the name of my podcast, Grief and Happiness, to someone, I generally get comments of how those two words don’t go together, but I know in my heart that they do.

People generally think of grief being negative reminding them of great sorrow. I understand that, and I also know that grief is the natural reaction to the loss of a loved one or other kind of traumatic loss.  Yet we can’t stay I that dark place for too long without starting to lose grip on the potential of happiness.

Think of a time when you fell in love.  That was the highest natural high I ever experienced.  Everything is beautiful. Your heart races when you see your loved one. You crave that special touch and tingle all over when you get it. And you revel in pure joy. As incredible as this time is, the relationship gradually settles into a secure, comfortable knowingness of the security true love brings.

Just as you can’t stay at the peak of that passion, you can’t stay at the peak of despair. You may feel that your grief will never lighten, but it does usually so slowly that you don’t notice it is happening. This is the natural order of things. As the grief lessens, breathing becomes easier, your heart doesn’t feel so heavy. Your world doesn’t seem as dark.

When you first start to smile a little, this may feel unnatural, yet gradually, smiling is easier to do. You can notice something that reminds you of something positive about your loved one and you smile without realizing you are. The more you allow yourself to smile, the better you will feel, and laughter will trickle in.

Take a moment to remember something that brings a smile to you about your loved one. Remember what it was like to feel that smile returned to you with love. Revel in that feeling. Know that if your loved one was sitting with you right now, that’s what would happen, your smiles reflecting each other. And it feels good, doesn’t it?

I remember my husband tell me that he always wanted me to be happy, to feel joy. When I start to feel in a funk, I’ll recall his smile and my lips just naturally turn up.

Happiness and grief do go hand in hand.  When you love someone, you want them to be happy.  When you love yourself full out, you want yourself to be happy too. Focus on joy. Focus on positivity. Focus on Love.  Be happy because that is the best way to live, and your loved one would want that for you.

 

 

Get your Awaken Your Happiness Journaling Guide at no charge by clicking here: https://www.griefandhappiness.com/pl/2147595767

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here: https://www.griefandhappiness.com/offers/ytK7eLBa

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here at Amazon.

https://www.amazon.com/Loving-Living-Your-Though-Grief/dp/1642504823/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1658356016&sr=8-1

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, here. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/loving-and-living-your-way-through-grief-with/id1509589686?i=1000535381763

Making the Internet World Smile

by

I woke up the morning with some of the lyrics of the Beatles song A Day in Life running through my head. “I read the news today, oh boy . . . .” only I had read the news last night on Instagram.  Leslie Jordan died in a single car accident after apparently having a medical event.

I met Leslie in 1983 just after he arrived in California with dreams of being a movie star. We worked together at The Great American Melodrama in Bakersfield, California, he as an actor, singer, dancer, and me, a theatre major in college, being in charge of costume maintenance. Leslie was 4’ 11” tall and I am 6’ tall, so we made quite a pair.

Leslie constantly kept us all laughing with his raunchy sense of humor, and the audiences just loved him. One night he was standing next to me looking up and he said in his adorable lilting Tennessee accent, “I just want to thank you for keeping our costumes mended and clean so we can look and smell good for our fans. I really appreciate what you do for us.” He was the only person to ever thank me for doing that work.

Leslie went on to Hollywood and ultimately became the star he wanted to be earning an Emmy for his role in Will and Grace, but most people will remember him for his kind heart. He was a volunteer during the AIDS crisis bringing comfort to so many people.

During the pandemic, wanting to cheer people up, Leslie became a mega star on Instagram having 5.8 million followers and almost a thousand posts. With everyone being on lockdown, Leslie started posting as “thelesliejordan” at least twice a day doing whatever he could think of to cheer us all up.

With his “Make them laugh” personality,  Leslie brought so much joy into the lives of so many. I miss you already Leslie, and I, and all your fans, will forever.

In Leslie’s honor, let’s all make someone smile today.

 

 

Get your Awaken Your Happiness Journaling Guide at no charge by clicking here: https://www.griefandhappiness.com/pl/2147595767

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here: https://www.griefandhappiness.com/offers/ytK7eLBa

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here at Amazon.

https://www.amazon.com/Loving-Living-Your-Though-Grief/dp/1642504823/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1658356016&sr=8-1

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, here. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/loving-and-living-your-way-through-grief-with/id1509589686?i=1000535381763