Gratitude

Honoring Our Veterans

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Originally known as Armistice Day, November 11 is the day that was chosen to honor veterans because it is the day that is considered the end of World War One, The Great War.  This occurred in 1918 on the eleventh day of the eleventh month at 11 AM.  Where I grew up, Veterans Day was the biggest celebration of the year, even bigger than Christmas and the 4th of July. During the huge Veterans Day Parade, at 11 AM, the air raid sirens would go off and everything ceased. In the silence, everyone either saluted or held their hands over their hearts in recognition of all our veterans and their families.

How times have changed. Now many businesses go on as usual not recognizing the holiday. Parades and celebrations are few. When we think of serving veterans now, what comes to mind are the Veterans Stand Downs that are held around the country as a one-to-four-day event to give a break to veterans who are homeless or poor. They gather to receive food, haircuts, clothes, showers, counseling, and guidance on how to find services they may be entitled to. I found myself in tears writing this blog thinking how incredibly sad it is that we need to do this.  With all these citizens have done for us including sacrificing their own lives, why aren’t they all honored and revered always instead of given handouts once a year?

I was born and raised in a small town in California who had the highest per capita loss of those fighting in the Vietnam War. My girlfriends married their boyfriends when they were drafted because the chances were so high that they wouldn’t return from the war. And if they did, they often had significant losses related to the unimaginable experiences they had while witnessing man’s inhumanity to man.

Today as we celebrate the bravery of these selfless servants, take the opportunity to serve them back.  If you know someone who is serving now, reach out to thank them and their families for the sacrifices they make. If you know someone or have a family member who served in the past, write them a letter whether they are still in this earthly realm or not. I was just thinking about my uncle who had his leg blown off in World War Two.  I am sure I never thanked him while he was still alive. I just never thought to do this. But I am going to today, to write that letter I should have sent long ago. Doing this helps us get in touch with the significance of what our military has done for us.

There is a saying that those who don’t learn from the experiences they had in the past are doomed to repeat them. Let’s learn. Let’s reach out to people who serve or have served us and do what we can to brighten their lives. And above all, let’s not repeat the mistakes of our past.

Thank you, Daddy. Thank you, Uncle Jim. Thank you, Jacques. Thank you, Aunt Mona, Thank you, Ariel.  Thank you, Roy. Thank you, Uncle Glen. Thank you, Steve. Thank you, Jason.  And my deepest gratitude to all my other friends and relatives who have served us all.

 

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which will meet weekly starting November 14 by clicking here: https://www.griefandhappiness.com/offers/ytK7eLBa

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here at Amazon.

I would be happy to put you on the reminder list for or Writing Together Through Grief occurring on Saturdays each week by sending an email to me to [email protected] and giving me your email address.

Join my Facebook group here.

Sacred Conversations

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We almost never know when we have a conversation with someone that it will be for the last time.  In the case of someone dying from a terminal illness, you may know it is your last conversation, yet so often people die without warning, and we don’t get to have that last talk with each other. This can be devastating. You can, however, make sure this won’t happen to you, or maybe happen to you again.  The key is to always speak with your heart.

My last conversation with my husband Jacques was about an hour before he died when he asked me if he was going to get better. He was a brilliant man who had health issued for years with his final two years being the most challenging. He even taught the course nursing students were required to take at the college: The Ethics of Living and Dying. Shortly before he died, he asked me if he was going to get better.  I was shocked.  At this moment, I realized that he had been submitting to painful treatments and eating a diet he hated because somehow, he had decided that doing these things would heal him and he could go back to his wonderful life before the dressing changes, the constant lab work, the dialysis, the insulin shots, and the frequent hospitalizations.

I felt like a major failure. I was so sure that he realized that all he was going through was to keep him as comfortable as he could be in his decline. I was feeling that I had failed him by not helping him see what the reality of his situation was. As I reflect on that time now, this was probably for the best because he lived with hope. He never saw himself as dying.

Everything was different with my husband Ron. He knew exactly what was happening, and we talked about everything openly.  He focused his last week on having a final conversation with everyone he loved. So much love was exchanged that week and so much positivity. We left nothing unsaid.

Now I focus on love in every aspect of my life.  With this focus, I always tell the truth and don’t dwell in sorrow.  By being able to treat each conversation as if it is my last one with whomever I am talking to, I focus on smiling, being kind, and being truthful.  I recently had a friend die, and as I reflected on the last time we spoke, I remember the love and the smiles. I can live easily with that.

 

 

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which will meet weekly starting November 14 by clicking here: https://www.griefandhappiness.com/offers/ytK7eLBa

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here at Amazon.

I would be happy to put you on the reminder list for or Writing Together Through Grief occurring on Saturdays each week by sending an email to me to [email protected] and giving me your email address.

Join my Facebook group here.

My Friend’s Departure

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I just received an email telling me that a friend I dearly love has “graduated from earth school.”  She had been dealing with health issues for a while. I knew they were serious, and I had been praying for her. I still feel shocked.

I met Rev. Dr. Joanna Thompson Gabriel when she found my online presence and joined my Writing Through Grief with Emily Facebook group.  I post a writing prompt in that group every Sunday, and she took this seriously.  She wrote beautiful long responses that she shared with the group. Her writing was always deep and inspiring. I even created a file on my computer where I could treasure her words and read them again when I am inspired to.

In September of 2020, we both were asked to present in a virtual women’s conference hosted by Unity Church in Lynnwood, Washington. We were surprised to see each other, and once we connected there, our relationship grew deeper. I was inspired to contact her many times, and each time she told me how important my support was to her and that I had reached her at a time she was most appreciative.

When I started my Writing Together Through Grief on Zoom group, she was one of the first to join us. In that group, every Saturday we write on a prompt that I share with the group, then we talk about what we wrote. She brought life to that group and inspired us all even surprising us sometimes

When I was inspired to create The Grief and Happiness Alliance, I set up a pilot group to try the program out and offer suggestions to make it a powerful program where people dealing with grief and loss could come together virtually every week to write about what they were going through, talk with peers in the group to support each other, and to learn a new happiness practice to help them discover how they could be happy and grieve at the same time. She was the first to agree to participate in the pilot.

Last Sunday was the last meeting of the pilot. The participants shared their support of what we created and were so enthused saying how they knew the program would provide so much comfort with those who would join us. Then spontaneously at the end of the meeting, Rev. Joanna spoke a most beautiful, powerful prayer proclaiming that the Alliance was already successful bringing tears to me.

Now as I have just learned of her transition, I have tears again thinking about how close we had become and how grateful I am for her love and support. And I am grateful for the opportunity to know her and be there for her as she was for me. She will always be a guardian angel for me.

My lesson here is to always reach out when you are inspired to. Don’t wait. Love and share all you can every opportunity you get.

I miss you already Rev. Joanna—

 

 

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief  by clicking here at Amazon.

I would be happy to put you on the reminder list for or Writing Together Through Grief occurring on Saturdays each week by sending an email to me to [email protected] and giving me your email address.

Join my Facebook group here.

Untold Stories

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I had the most wonderful experience this last week. My husband Jacques’s son and his wife delivered triplets almost 21 years ago, and though we met them the day they were born, and we have been in contact with them throughout the years, I hadn’t had a chance to know them individually.  One of the triplets, Sydney, graduated from college this spring, so I invited her to come to Maui for a week and stay with me to celebrate. I am so grateful I had the inspiration to do this because our week was magical.

She had never been to Hawaii before, so we did some of the usual things people do when they come to visit like go snorkeling, walk on the beach, go to a luau, and go to Mama’s Fish House for a delicious meal. And the rest of the time we spent visiting and getting to know each other. She attended my Writing Together Through Grief Zoom meeting and my Intention Setting Group on Zoom with me. She also got to attend my Produce Share that I do once a week so share the bounty of our gardens with neighbors. We went to Farmer’s Market together and bought some plants that we planted when we got home. We helped my friend Sharon feed her ten new puppies supplemental feedings. She is very creative, so I taught her how to weave including setting up my loom, measuring yarn, all the way to a finished project she could take home.  And because her Grandpa was half Italian and we had a tradition of making pasta from scratch for holidays, I taught her how to make pasta.

All these adventures were great, but what I enjoyed most was telling her stories of her Grandpa’s life. She was very young when he died, so she didn’t really get to know him. I told her everything I could think of starting with driving from San Francisco, where we were for my son’s wedding, to Los Angles on the day they were born. Her Grandpa was so excited! I shared how well respected her Grandpa was in the field of Ethics and Philosophy, what a talented singer and actor he was, how happy he was, and how he loved his life.

One evening she asked if I had pictures I could show her, so as we went through a big box, every picture inspired another story for me to tell her. One of my favorite stories was from a picture of her Grandpa standing with Mung, the man who had translated Jacques’s Ethics book into Chinese. Mung was visiting us from China because he wanted to meet the man who wrote the book that was used at the Institute of Philosophy in Beijing to help establish China’s ethical system after the Chinese Cultural Revolution. Jacques was holding his book in Chinese, and Mung was holding the book in English. Sydney had learned Chinese in high school, so I had given her the Chinese book when she graduated. She went on to graduate from college with a double major in Chinese and World Cultural Studies.

We went through the pictures for hours with each picture bringing more memories.  I told her to take any of the pictures she wanted home with her, and she was thrilled. We also noticed Jacques’ sparkling smile in almost every picture. We were so happy together! I am grateful that I got to share all these memories with her, so her Grandpa now became a loving memory in her heart too.

Be sure to share your memories with your loved ones while you can.

 

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief  by clicking here at Amazon.

I would be happy to put you on the reminder list for or Writing Together Through Grief occurring on Saturdays each week by sending an email to me to [email protected] and giving me your email address.

Join my Facebook group here.

What Brings You Comfort? 

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I’ve been thinking about comfort a lot lately. About ten years ago, I was having difficulty sleeping because of pain I had in my shoulder and hip. We had a relatively new mattress, but I could not get comfortable. My doctor suggested a specific type of mattress topper, and it brought tremendous relief.

Now, all these years later, I realized that the top was deteriorating, and I was sinking deeper and deeper into the bed. I have been putting off doing anything about it because this is the bed I shared with Ron. That was a special, sacred place we shared every night. As my sleep has been more and more difficult, I finally decided to buy a new mattress just for me.

Shopping was a little challenging for me. I finally asked myself how it served me to stay in my old bed, and I realized it was time for me to move forward. In the store, I felt like Goldilocks. My salesperson did an assessment to determine which mattress would serve me best. As I tried one mattress after another, there was an issue with each one: too hard, too soft, too hot.  Finally, I reached the mattress that was considered the perfect one for me, and it was. And I happily bought it.

I realized that my salesperson was building me up toward this mattress as she moved me from one mattress to the next. And when I peacefully relaxed into the mattress especially determined for me, I realized that the process was worth the effort. This got me thinking about the process of finding comfort while grieving.  Each experience I have while grieving leads me to the next one. Some things that felt so painful at the beginning of my loss are things I barely notice now. And I am grateful for that.

I made a list of things that bring me comfort that contains things like visiting with a friend, enjoying nature, going for a walk, reading, and listening to music I enjoy.  I see that I don’t rely on someone else to bring me comfort, and that I can find comfort in most situations.  The more I accept the responsibility for living my best life, the happier I am.

Now when I start to feel uncomfortable, I look at why I am feeling that way and turn it around to focus on why I do feel comfortable right now.  Sometimes I turn to writing to help with this challenge. I can tell you one thing I know for sure; I can’t wait for the comfort I will experience tonight after my mattress is delivered this afternoon!

I encourage you to look for and then appreciate the comfort you experience, no matter what direction it comes from!

 

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief  by clicking here at Amazon.

I would be happy to put you on the reminder list for or Writing Together Through Grief occurring on Saturdays each week by sending an email to me to [email protected] and giving me your email address.

Join my Facebook group here.

How Improving Your Morning Routine Can Change Your Life

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I have a confession to make. After my husband died, I found it harder and harder to get out of bed in the morning. I just didn’t feel ready to face the world.  First, I would try to convince myself that there was no need to rush, and that led to more sleep. Then I started bad habits like checking my email and social media accounts. That led to checking the news on my phone, which most often wasn’t good news. Then I would play just one game, which often let to more. I would try to talk myself into getting out of bed, but I wouldn’t listen.

Finally, I came to the point that I realized I was missing the part of my day when I am fresh and most creative, and I decided I needed to change. Your morning routine is likely different than mine was, but whatever it is, you can make it better.  Here are some hints that really work.

  1. The number one thing that will help is to get up earlier. If you automatically get up at 5 or 6, you can skip this step.  If you don’t, try getting up one hour earlier than you have been. This will give you a fresh new start on your day. If you have been having trouble sleeping, this may help. Often that trouble sleeping can be the result of staying in bed too long. If you need to set an alarm to get started on this new time, try that. You will discover that you can wake yourself up at the time you want to if your set your intention to do that. I didn’t think I would ever be able to do that because I used an alarm every day, but my husband convinced me to try, and it worked. Now I am no longer jolted out of my sleep and away from my dreams by an annoying alarm.
  2. Stretch in bed taking a few deep breaths. This is a loving way to gently get your body started for the day. Stretch out your arms. Pull you knees up to your chest. Roll your body back and forth. Take a few more deep breaths. This all feels so good!
  3. Now do your self-care. I just can’t do anything else before I brush my teeth. Be sure to floss your teeth, wash you face, and comb your hair. You don’t need to put on make-up or style your hair at this point. Then put on some comfortable, morning clothes.
  4. Next is your soul time. In your journal, start by writing at least five things you are grateful for. I am always amazed how good it feels to realize the wonderful things in my life. There are so many things to be grateful for! Then write a goal to accomplish today. Instead of writing a list, write just one thing. After you do that, you can decide what to do next. Then write one thing that brought you joy the day before. Be sure to smile while you write this along with why this thing made you happy. And take some time to meditate, if only for a few minutes.
  5. Eat something nourishing and healthy. Be sure you have food on hand that is easy to fix and enjoyable to eat. Be sure what you eat is fresh and natural avoiding processed foods. Your body will appreciate this loving care.

Changing my habit of seeing how long I could convince myself to stay in bed was a bit of a challenge. When I recognized how much better I felt when I did this new routine, I was happy to keep it up.  Now I feel energized as I start my day. My days are more fulfilling, and I am so much happier. Making a commitment to a positive change like this can make all the difference in how you feel. Try it, and enjoy the results!

 

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief  by clicking here at Amazon.

I would be happy to put you on the reminder list for or Writing Together Through Grief occurring on Saturdays each week by sending an email to me to [email protected] and giving me your email address.