Fear

Healing My Heart

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When my husband Jacques died, I had many different physical symptoms like a flair of inflammation and insomnia. I spent too much time with doctors trying to find relief, but I eventually did feel better.

Then when Ron’s heart started to fail, I was challenged too.  My blood pressure was way too high which was especially strange to me because I had always had low blood pressure, and I developed an arrythmia in my heartbeat.  While I was concerned, I was mostly focused on Ron and caring for him.

After Ron transitioned, my blood pressure stayed high, and I could even feel my rapid pulse and get light headed. Back to the doctor I went, and my cardiologist told me I had PTSD.  Instead of giving me more medicine, he advised me to stop taking several of the drugs I had been taking. I started feeling physical better when I did this. I had an echocardiogram at this time which showed that the wall of my heart had thickened because my high blood pressure was causing it to work so hard.

My blood pressure was still high and would elevate to dangerous levels. I decided to do whatever I could to start helping myself.  I started being mindful of what I was eating. I took daily walks. I meditated and wrote in my journal every day. And what seems to help me most was helping others by teaching them how to write to deal with their grief. I also became a Happy For No Reason Certified Trainer and started infusing happiness with my teaching and everything else I did.

I started feeling much better and didn’t notice my racing pulse anymore. My blood pressure gradually went down to a normal range consistently.  This all happened when I realized that by doing when I am doing, I am happier now than I ever have been.

This week I had an appointment with my cardiologist after I had a new echocardiogram done, and she was delighted that the thickening of the wall of my heart was no longer there. I asked her how that could be, and she explained that since my heart didn’t have to work so hard because of the hypertension, it was able to heal and she said that now my heart looks perfect.

I recalled hearing how our whole body replaces itself every seven years, so I decided to discover what I could about that.  I found this fascinating article: https://www.discovery.com/science/Body-Really-Replace-Itself-Every-7-Years

I found out that our body is constantly changing in different ways so it made perfect sense that my heart could heal.  What made even more sense was that all I had been doing to take good care of myself actually did make a huge difference in my life. I am now more motivated than ever to keep up all those good self-care habits I started, and I am encouraging others about how important self-care is.

I suggest you eat well, go for a walk, write in your journal, read a good book, weed your garden, visit with friends, and maybe even dance.

Find happiness in your beautiful self, and you will feel so much better!

 

 

Get your Awaken Your Happiness Journaling Guide at no charge by clicking here: https://www.griefandhappiness.com/pl/2147595767

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here: https://www.griefandhappiness.com/offers/ytK7eLBa

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here at Amazon.

https://www.amazon.com/Loving-Living-Your-Though-Grief/dp/1642504823/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1658356016&sr=8-1

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, here. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/loving-and-living-your-way-through-grief-with/id1509589686?i=1000535381763

Say It Now!

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I feel so fortunate now that for all my loved ones who have transitioned, I was able to say whatever I wanted them to know before they died. That is such a good feeling.

Feeling like I had no more I had to say freed me to have wonderful conversations with these people. We were able to talk about anything we wanted to because we weren’t holding anything back. My mother had an inoperable brain tumor which interfered with her ability to communicate in the present, but her past memories were crystal clear, so I was able to hear about my family’s history I wouldn’t have known otherwise.

I have a dear friend who I lost touch with for many years, and when we reconnected, it felt like we had never been apart. We didn’t need to spend time on the past though because the present was real and happening now. This gave a different slant to our relationship than we used to have. And I love her even more.

My husband Ron and I had lived full lives before we met. Our experiences were wide and varied, but we didn’t dwell there.  We got to know each other as we were in that moment. That was freeing. I was able to let go of past experiences which no longer served me because they really didn’t matter to me anymore.  This made our conversations relevant and interesting. By the time he died, we were complete and whole.

On the other hand, Ron hadn’t had much of a relationship with his son for years. His son came to me with questions about his dad after he died, and I couldn’t answer. I could see that he wished he would have asked sooner. The realization that he could no longer find the answers he longed for was difficult for him. Something like this can be devastating.

Are you holding back an important conversation with someone you love? How would you feel if suddenly you would never have the conversation or make amends, or tell the truth?

Now is your opportunity to speak up. What question do you want or feel the need to have an answer about? What deep feelings do you want to express yet never found the right moment?

Instead of just thinking about these things that are important to you, do something now.

Make a phone call, write a letter, or send a text to make arrangements to see someone face to face, even if it is on a screen, then say what you need to say. Say it now. You will be so glad you did!

 

 

Get your Awaken Your Happiness Journaling Guide at no charge by clicking here: https://www.griefandhappiness.com/pl/2147595767

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here: https://www.griefandhappiness.com/offers/ytK7eLBa

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here at Amazon.

https://www.amazon.com/Loving-Living-Your-Though-Grief/dp/1642504823/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1658356016&sr=8-1

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, here. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/loving-and-living-your-way-through-grief-with/id1509589686?i=1000535381763

Your Beautiful Mind

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Everyone has a mind which acts like our closest friend.  Our mind talks to us more than anyone else we know, and it doesn’t always seem to be on our side. Offering advice is one of its favorite things to do. I know sometimes I will say something I don’t mean, and I can just see my mind in the background laughing and saying “See, I made you say that!”  When this happens, I realize that I have to be mindful of each word I speak.

In that early time alone after my husband died, my mind was especially active. Reflecting my feeling of being lost and not knowing what to do, my mind seemed especially agitated saying things like “You’re always going to be alone,” “You’re too sad to do anything,” “Or you don’t need to eat now. It’s too much trouble.”  Trying to consciously think about anything seemed too hard, so my mind would jump in to fill up all the emptiness.

Now when I hear people who are dealing with loss saying things like my mind was saying to me, I realize that those negative words aren’t coming from their hearts, and I see how their mind would love to take over and make them even more confused about what they are dealing with.

What can you do about this?  First, recognize what is happening.  When you are mindful, you can take control of your life.  To be mindful means to be conscious and aware. You focus on the present moment and communicate from there from your heart.  Do you remember times your mind took over and wasn’t acting in your best interests, and maybe you didn’t have the energy to disagree with it?  I remember my mind telling me I didn’t need to get out of bed, I didn’t need to talk to anyone, and I didn’t need to eat healthily.  Giving in to what it was telling me was easier than using my energy to talk back.

When you realize that your mind is keeping you confused, it’s time to take action. The first step is to realize that you are in control. You can make decisions about what is best for you. And your mind isn’t your enemy. It’s just doing what it knows how to do. The very best way to deal with this is to make friends with your mind.  I know this may sound silly, but most of what your mind is doing is trying to get your attention. Your attention is a precious gift. What you pay attention to guides all you do in life.

Let’s start with meditation. I hear people say they can’t just sit still and have their mind clear. Most people say this, and do you know who is telling them that?  You’re right, it’s their minds. Try sitting up straight in a chair with your feet on the floor. I like to meditate barefooted. Close your eyes and take a slow, deep breath. Is your mind talking to you? Reminding you that you don’t have time to sit around, or reminding you about that yummy chocolate cake calling to you from the kitchen?  When this happens, thank your mind. Tell your mind how much you appreciate how hard it is trying to help you. Tell your mind that it’s time for it to relax and take a break. Wish it well, then go back to your meditation.

This isn’t easy to do when you first get started, but the more you do it, the easier it becomes, and your mind can get some rest so that it is not so frenetic trying to guide your every move.

Try this.  Commit to living in each moment. The more you do this, the more your mind calms down.  You will gain a sense of peace and happiness. This is vital when you are dealing with loss.  When your mind starts to wander and tell you sad stories, say “Thanks for your input, but I’ve got this.” The more you do this, the more it becomes part of your life, and it’s so worth it!

People ask me how I can grieve and be happy at the same time, and I just smile and tell them that right now, right in this moment, my life is good, and I am grateful.  You can find this happiness, too.

Take a deep breath and smile.  You are on your way to that happiness that you can always tap in to, and it feels so good!

 

 

 

Get your Awaken Your Happiness Journaling Guide at no charge by clicking here: https://www.griefandhappiness.com/pl/2147595767

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here: https://www.griefandhappiness.com/offers/ytK7eLBa

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here at Amazon.

https://www.amazon.com/Loving-Living-Your-Though-Grief/dp/1642504823/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1658356016&sr=8-1

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, here. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/loving-and-living-your-way-through-grief-with/id1509589686?i=1000535381763

Are You Running?

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As Kelly Grote was in the process of dying, she wrote “Are you running towards life or running away from death?” This quote gave me pause as I considered her question.  I realized that I am not running at all. This thought was comforting to me.

When my husband Jacques suffered from so many different issues and hospitalizations while he dealt with congestive heart failure, two open heart surgeries, renal failure, and dialysis, I see now that he was always running away from death.  Jacques was raised in the Catholic church and was very active in church as an adult until he started to question his faith as he studied philosophy when he was working on his Master’s degree.  He came to realize that the more he learned, the less he could support the tenets of his church. He left the church before I met him. He was comfortable with the idea that there wasn’t a higher power.  While that brought him comfort at the time, it also led him to denial of the fact that he was dying.  I see now that he endured so many hospitalizations and treatments in the hope that he would get well and not die. As a brilliant man, I am sure he knew this wasn’t true, but it did give him hope that he would get well and live longer. He was running away from death which led to anxiety and unhappiness.

Everything was different with my husband Ron. His belief was centered in his relationship with God and the belief that he was whole, complete, and perfect no matter what was happening to his body.  Since he died from congestive heart failure and renal failure just has Jacques did, he accepted what was happening to him as experiences he was having while he was alive.  When he was frequently in the hospital, he made friends with everyone who came into the room from nurses to housekeepers.  He was always listening to them and helping them when he could. I remember a prolonged conversation he had with a hospitalist, a doctor who just worked with patients admitted to the hospital. This doctor was so stressed from the expectations of his employer and the terrible hours he had to work that he was on the brink of walking away from his profession. Ron listened to him and reflected to him what he was saying. By the time the conversation ended, the doctor had an awakening, he was smiling, he thanked Ron, and left the room with a new, clear perspective. Ron was moving toward making the best of each moment remaining in his life.

While all of us will die at some point, we can make our lives miserable or make them the best they can be, or somewhere in between, on our way.  While I am not running either direction, I am focusing on the awareness that my life is what I make it.  I love what I am doing now. I am helping people, I am teaching, I am writing, and I am living my best life. This way of life came to me gradually months after Ron’s death after I had spent much time writing in my journal examining where I was and where I wanted to be. All this writing helped me much as I decided that every day, I would lead life the life I desired. The best part now is that after much writing, meditating, and examining, I am clearly focused and am now happier than I ever have been.

Are you running through your life? If you are, learn from my experience that you can slow down and decide to live your best life now.

 

 

Get your Awaken Your Happiness Journaling Guide at no charge by clicking here: https://www.griefandhappiness.com/pl/2147595767

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here: https://www.griefandhappiness.com/offers/ytK7eLBa

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here at Amazon.

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, here. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/loving-and-living-your-way-through-grief-with/id1509589686?i=1000535381763

Tender Tears

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We, individually, as a country, as our world, have so much to grieve right now. Every new tragedy seems to the compound the last one.  We all have a tendency to pay the most attention to what happens closest to us, but the reasons to grieve right now are piling up and are widespread throughout the world. And it’s not just grief. We are also angry, disappointed, frustrated, and even broken.

What can we do? Here are a few things to consider:

  • First, take care of yourself. I live a happy life in a beautiful place surrounded my wonderful people. I focus on the joy that comes from living this way. This helps, yet I still find that I shed tears when I hear about the horrific things going on. Tears are good and necessary to help in processing our feelings.
  • Many people are experiencing challenges. When your friends are affected, the first thing to do is love them and demonstrate that love by the actions that you do. What is one thing you can do right now to make a difference for a friend facing challenges? Start by doing whatever that one thing is.
  • Recognize what won’t work, then don’t spend your time worried about that. If you realize that you can’t change gun laws on your own, instead of bemoaning that, try taking active steps like contacting the people who represent you in the government encouraging them to take action by making new laws.
  • Talk to people you know. Chances are that people you care about are being affected by similar things like their children being afraid to go to school, or maybe there is a family in your neighborhood with political views opposite to most of the neighbors. Whatever the situation is, honest communication with no blaming is a great place to start.

While I continue to be affected by the unconscionable occurrences that are happening, I am also committed to living the best life I can and loving and supporting my friends, the people in my community, my country, and the world.

 

 

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here: https://www.griefandhappiness.com/offers/ytK7eLBa

Download your copy of Awakening Your Happiness journaling guide here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here at Amazon.

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, here. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/loving-and-living-your-way-through-grief-with/id1509589686?i=1000535381763

Your Relationship With Money

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When dealing with the transition of a loved one, especially someone you had money in common with, finances can be a challenge.  For me this came up with both of my husbands, and also my Mother and my Aunt who I had conservatorship of. With my husbands there was much I had to do with bank accounts, credit cards, investments, medical expenses, taxes, and funeral expenses.

Fortunately, I had shared all of our financial matters with my husbands. Unfortunately, I didn’t have the opportunity to know about my mother’s or my aunt’s finances. My mother and my aunt both were diagnosed with inoperable brain tumors. I didn’t see this coming in either case, so I didn’t get to ask them what they wanted me to do with their finances before it was too late.

What helped me the most was my relationship with money. Much of my life money caused anxiety for me for a variety of reasons. I knew I could do better.  A friend recommended the Book The Soul of Money by Lynn Twist to me.  Reading that book allowed me to change my whole perspective on money so that I haven’t stressed about it since, and I have more money and donate more money than I ever thought possible. I highly recommend you read this book too.

Lynn Twist was the fund-raiser for the World Hunger Project and is the co-founder for the Pachamama Alliance which empowers indigenous people of the Amazon rainforest to preserves their land and culture. She has a rich background in service to others and working internationally with people from Mother Teresa to corporate executives. She developed her own philosophy on what money is and believes it is a gift she has been given to pass on to others, and she does just that.

This is Lynn’s description of her Book: “This book is about living consciously, fully, and joyfully in our relationship with money, and learning to understand and embrace its flow. This is your opportunity to embark on a rare journey, one that aligns money and soul, to transform your life.”

I feel so strongly about this book and the invaluable lessons I learned which totally changed my relationship with money. I now love money, I love what it can facilitate, I love being generous and philanthropic, and I have no financial worries anymore.  Of course, I had to do much more than just read the book, but the book helped me transform my thinking about money forever.

And I feel so strongly about this that I will send the book to the first five people who email to tell me they would like a copy. I love to pay it forward by sharing this book.

And if you have read it, please let me know and tell me how it affected you!

 

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here: https://www.griefandhappiness.com/offers/ytK7eLBa

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here at Amazon.

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, here. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/loving-and-living-your-way-through-grief-with/id1509589686?i=1000535381763

I would be happy to put you on the reminder list for or Writing Together Through Grief occurring on Saturdays each week by sending an email to me to [email protected] and giving me your email address.

Join my Facebook group here.