Joy

Doodling Your Grief

by

I can just hear you say, what does doodling have to do with grief? Think about it, what have you doodled in your life? I remember in junior high school the days seemed interminable. In my class notes, you could find a countdown for the number of minutes left in class, or you’d find my first named followed by the last name of whichever boy I had a crush on in the moment.  I would try out all the different styles of writing of what I dreamed my name would be.  So, again, what does that have to do with grief.

When I did my countdowns or my possible names, that was all I was focusing on.  I escaped into my doodles and away from the drone of the teacher I couldn’t bear to continue listing to.  Doodling when grieving can have the same effect. You can clear your thoughts and focus on the colors and shapes you choose as well as focusing on the movement of your hand.  Even if you think you can’t draw, everyone can doodle. I took a ceramics class from the wonderful ceramic artist Patricia Griffin, and she showed us how we could doodle on clay.  The picture at the top of this page is a ceramic bowl I made and doodled on.  And here is a picture of a cheese board I created in Patricia’s Iclass. You can look up on Google and see the beautiful work she does.

I like to start by drawing shapes on a piece of paper and then dividing up the shapes. Then I fill them in with more shapes and then colors.  The first picture here shows how I first sketch what I am going to doodle around with a pencil. Then I cover the pencil marks with a very fine rolling ball black pen; then I erase the pencil marks. I fill in what I outlined with colored pencils.  Of course, with doodling, you can do it any way you want to! You can also Google Zentangle and see all the images there. There are so many!

The key here is not how you do it. Rather, the key is to do it.  Get lost in your colors and lines. Relax, have fun, and totally forget about anything else as you do it.  Make it a form of meditation for you. Doodling has also been used for helping people deal with cancer and helping children deal with health issues.

I would love for you to find as many different ways as you can to deal with the different aspects of grieving. If you have found other creative ways to deal with grief, please share them with us in the comments below. We are all in this together, and we can all help each other out!

I would be happy to put you on the reminder list for or Writing Together Through Grief occurring on Saturdays each week by sending an email to me to [email protected] and giving me your email address.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief  by clicking here at Amazon.

 

Who Do You Listen To?

by

After Ron died, I was drifting, not knowing what I was supposed to do next since I had spent so long tending to his needs and doing all I could to cherish the valuable moments we had left. Only after a close friend of ours died suddenly did I realize that I could help his wife, and in so doing, I helped myself start rising up from the fog I had been slogging through. Helping her helped me find ways to help others in grief. And the more I helped others, the easier I could breathe.

I have worked now for three years to find ways to support people through the private Facebook groups I  lead, the classes I teach on writing through grief, the interviews I do online, the social media I post all of which offer positive support, and the book I have written.  I am not saying this for praise. I do all this out of a commitment I have to help others. While I appreciate when people express gratitude to me, that doesn’t drive me. I feel my life’s work is to support those dealing with loss, something that is needed more every day with all that is going on in our country.

Lately, I have been having people on social media criticizing me for the work that I am doing saying that I should be ashamed of writing what I have online to shamelessly promote my book. I have to say that it has shocked me.  And it didn’t just happen once.  In what I post in my blog and on social media posts, I occasionally mention my book.  I do this so that people who would appreciate what I can say to help them. I read many books when Ron died.  I learned much from them, but what I was looking for was positive ways to deal with what I was experiencing, so that’s what I wrote.

When criticized for something I have been selflessly doing, it hit me hard, and I found myself questioning if I was doing the right thing. In questioning my actions, I realized how important it is for me to stay positive and do the right things for the right reasons. I don’t know why someone would choose to say what they said.  What I do know is that I am here to help. I am here to share my love with you. I am here to offer you support. I am here to brighten your day and your life. I am here for you, and I will continue to do all I can in a variety of ways to help you find each moment the best it can be at that moment.

Thank you so much for reading my words.

ThanksGIVING

by

I woke up this morning just overflowing with gratitude, grateful for a day to celebrate all that thanks! Then I started to think about the giving that goes along with that thanks. I realized that giving can make me just as happy (if not more happy) than receiving.  

What can you give today? Probably lots! I just drove by a school crossing guard who smiled and threw me a Shaka sign, an Hawaiian greeting where the thumb and little finger are extended from a closed fist. I couldn’t help but smile and throw him one back! Generally, when you smile at someone, that person will smile back as kind of a natural reaction, and that smile might be the only one that person has that day. So smile at people you see whether you know them or not. Spread that joy! And while you are at it, smile at yourself in the mirror!

You can also give little love and support with an email, a text, or a little handwritten note. This costs nothing but the moment it takes to do it, and it can make someone’s day.

Friday is Black Friday for all the big sales, and Monday is Cyber Monday for all things electronic. But the great day coming up is Giving Tuesday where the world is encouraged to donate to what they love and support. Millions of dollars are given this day, and it’s a wonderful way to start the holiday season. Facebook even matches the first seven million dollars donated through Facebook! If you are on Facebook, I’m sure you’ll see lots of opportunities to give. Anyone can create a fundraiser for anything they want to support. When you even give a dollar, or five dollars, that adds up fast when lots of people are doing it and can make a giant difference to your cause.

I created a Giving Tuesday Fundraiser for Jazz Camp Maui which my granddaughter Katie Thiroux created to teach jazz and Hawaiian culture to students and jazz teachers from all over the world right here on Maui each June. I love seeing the donations add up to support this fun cause. Jazz Camp Maui donation

Whatever your favorite cause is, now is the time to celebrate the season with your support.

And most of all, give a gift to you of some self love. Do something that makes you feel good whether it be curling up by the fire with a good book, going for a walk in a beautiful place, soaking in a bubble bath, or calling a good friend. Pick something special that will leave you smiling and feeling good inside. Then pass that good feeling on. Pay it forward to spend some joy thoughout the world!

Who cares who is watching?

by

When I was growing up, I was always doing things to impress my parents, to see if they were watching. Most times they didn’t. After I left home, I would do things to impress my husband to see if he was watching, but generally he wasn’t impressed. Then I started doing things that I could share to impress people at my class reunions, but they didn’t care much either. When I married Jacques, he did notice what I did and shared with me how much he appreciated me. I knew he was watching, and that was a much more positive inspiration to do good things.

After Jacques died, I began to feel like everybody was watching me, wondering what I would do next, afraid to get too close for fear of dealing with the subject of death. I felt like everyone was judging me, waiting to see if I was being a good widow. I know how absurd that sounds, but in grief, we aren’t always rational. I recall one time when a gentleman friend offered to accompany me to an event I didn’t want to attend alone, not as a date but as a friend. I actually heard people say that it was much too soon for me to be dating. I guess widows are just supposed to stay home and grieve forever.

As I reflected on all this, I realized that what I did or said was no one else’s business, just as what they said or did was not my business. I realized I was judging them, and they were judging me. That hit me hard. As I journaled and meditated about that, I realized that the most important thing for me to do at that time was to release all judgment, my judgment of anyone as well as my judgment of myself. And I did. And it felt like a miracle happened. Every time I felt myself start to slip, I would smile and recognize that I didn’t need to judge, and I didn’t need to pay attention to judgement, so I just focused on what was positive instead. I would forgive myself and move forward. It took a little time, but the more I released, the lighter I felt.

I now live in a judgement free zone. I focus on what is beautiful and good, on what is positive and filled with joy. I only pay attention to what I love about others, about me, and whatever happens. And my life is pretty fabulous. I encourage you to examine your thinking. Do you spend your time on the negative or the positive? I guarantee, the more positive you are, the more wonder and joy will discover.

 

Take a class with me!

What Are We Doing?

by

When I was talking to Saundy the other day, she was expressing her distress about the children being held at the border. She wants to do something, but she feels helpless. I thought about her comments when I heard about the shootings this weekend. What can we do? Are we actually helpless?

In situations like these, many of us grieve, piling experiences up until we either become overwhelmed by them or become numb by them. Either of these reactions don’t serve us, so what does?

The answer can come from us focusing together on love. The people who are committing these atrocities are generally working in isolation. When we read about them, we usually discover that they are loners seeking attention. They get inspired by people who espouse hate and gain much recognition from negativity. In an attempt to become idolized and recognized, they step on to a lonely stage not realizing that there are no positive outcomes once they cross that negative line of abomination.

So how can love change this? I have written before about how there are only two emotions: love and fear. Everything stems from these two. In order to make positive changes, releasing fear and focusing on love is essential. Studies have been done that show that when many people focus on love when dealing with a situation at the same time world wide, positive change happens not only in relation to acts of violence, but also in things like accidents and health emergencies. While this might seem unrealistic to you, try putting it I to action in your life.

Upon reflection, I can see how negatively and fear of death severely affected Jacques’ last couple of years. People stopped coming around, and loneliness and pain was heart breaking. Everything was different when Ron transitioned. We spent our time focusing on the joy in each moment. We were surrounded by love with laughter, friends, and music.

When we all decide to focus our lives on love, we will witness change. Instead of focusing the negativity of what’s happening in our government and society, try focusing on sending love and forgiveness to those who we see as the enemy or the problem. Instead of focusing on complaining about what politicians are doing, focus on finding something they do that is positive. For instance, instead of writing a letter complaining of the treatment of families and children at the border, write about how wonderful it will be for families to be reunited when the problems are solved that created the situation.

While this may sound naive, actually, this is the behavior that can create the change we are desiring. I encourage you to remember the words to John Lennon’s song Imagine.

“… Imagine all the people …. living for today…nothing to kill or die for … living life in peace….
I hope someday you’ll join us and the world will be as one.”

Let’s commit right now to focusing on peace and love. We can do this. Together we can change the world!

 

Take a class from Emily!

70

by

 

Earlier in life, I thought 70 was pretty old. Now that I am 70, I’ve changed my mind on that. The older I get, the younger I feel. When my mother was 70, she looked and acted like my former perception of 70, so I thought that was what was in store for me. I’ve since drastically changed my perception. Now I know that I can have and do anything I want, and I can release everything I know longer need. What does that look like?

When I have faced a few health challenges, I pay attention to them and reflect on what the challenges are trying to teach me. For instance, when I started getting dehydrated, I realized that I needed to drink more water. I know that sounds simple, but I just hadn’t been paying attention to what I was drinking, so when I drank less, I also ate less and started to feel lousy. I saw that there was a simple fix to that, and as I drank more, I started to eat more, and my energy came back, and I feel so much better! This made me remember that taking good care of my self is my priority. Like they say when we fly, put the oxygen mask on yourself first. That’s the only way I will be able to live the life of service that I desire.

Another example was that I was getting so low on energy. I just sat and read or worked on the computer. The longer I sat, the less energy I had. Again, there was an easy cure. I got up! I went to a retreat in the mountains where there was lots of walking in a beautiful space. I visited family who walk everywhere, and I went on beautiful walks with them.  I even went to an Aeriel yoga class. Floating in silk doing Vipassana was a transforming experience! Now I am looking forward to the joy of movement, of walking, of feeling wonderful!

My Ohana, Hawaiian for family, gave me a wonderful celebration in honor of my birthday. I danced all night and loved every moment! That felt so great! I realize the age is just a number. I can choose to feel old. I can choose to feel young. I choose to feel great in every moment and to release any thought or stuff that no longer serve me! My intention in this new decade is to focus on life, on living, on service, and on love! And I encourage you to join me on this journey.

 

Check out my web site for more help.