losing a loved one

The Journey

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As we navigate through grief, we deal with a plethora of challenges.Many changes are beyond what we could have imagined. We may experience uncertainty and fear as we start to move forward. Yet with all this, much of what happens is not negative. The key to having the best outcome is to focus on what’s good.

Something that can pile up is all the paper work from sorting medical bills to contacting life insurance companies. There may be memberships to cancel and more. And there will be people to notify like family, friends, employers, and more. As all these things and more pile up, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed. 

As the to-do pile on the desk seems to grow on its own, instead of ignoring it, start working on it a bit at a time. Set a goal to work on it for a certain time, and when you reach the goal, reward yourself so you have something to look forward to. Try working for 15 minutes, then go for a walk or call a friend. Or sort your piles into priority levels, and anything that is a low priority for now, put away in a drawer so the pile won’t seem so big for now.

If you’ve been spending time in bed or just sitting in front of tv, set goals for yourself to get up and move. Call a neighbor to go for a walk with you. Or go window shopping at a new mall. Or go to a favorite bakery or food truck fora treat. Or you may get lost in a great book you have always wanted to read.

What all these things have in common is you are rewarding yourself for completing something you need to by celebrating.  What you do to celebrate isn’t as important as noticing that you are doing positive things that enhance your happiness.

What can you celebrate today?

 

 

Excuses

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When anyone asks me what the most important thing to do while grieving is, I always respond “Self-care.” Generally, taking good care of ourselves while we are focused on the barrage of things that hit us during grief is the last thing we have on our minds. And if we do think of it, excuses on why not to pay attention to our personal needs often block our way. We turn to excuses like “I am too tired,” “I don’t have the energy,” or even “I just don’t care.” All these responses don’t serve us and just make the situation worse. The good news is by eliminating excuses for not doing what would help you feel better, you can start feeling better.

If you are saying “I’m too tired,” ask yourself if you really are tired. If you really are tired, take a nap or cuddle up in a cozy chair and read a good book. Grieving takes lots of energy, and resting may be just what you need.

If you are saying “I don’t have the energy,” ask yourself why you don’t have the energy. Ironically, the less you do, the more out of energy you can feel. When you feel your energy drain, try going for a walk, or doing some laundry, or clean out a drawer you’ve been meaning to.  Doing things like this may inspire you to do other things you might enjoy like picking some flowers, baking some cookies, or watching a movie you’ve wanted to see. Doing what you love to do can generate more energy.

If you are saying “I just don’t care,” pay attention to that. Caring for yourself is so important, and that’s something only you can do. What would you love to do that could help you shift your focus? If you really don’t care, you may be slipping into depression.  If that is the case, make an appointment with your doctor or a counselor. Help is available.

Pay attention to what you say. Excuses never serve you. If you find yourself trying to justify  what you are saying and what you aren’t doing, try restating your thoughts to take them in a more positive direction.

Eliminating excuses from your life can make room for more happiness. Enjoy!

 

Grief and Happiness Alliance

[email protected]

You can listen to my Grief and Happiness podcast here or anyplace you listen to podcasts.

Will You?

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Will you?

August was Make a Will month. If you don’t already have a Will, this is a perfect time to make one. If you do have a Will, now is a good time to check it and see if it needs any updates. And be sure that who you have chosen as an executor knows where your Will is and how grateful you are for their kindness in giving you the peace of mind that comes with knowing your affairs will be taken care of.

While having a Will is essential, there is so much more to end of life planning. Looking ahead to all you would like to accomplish in your lifetime can help you plan and live your very best life. Waiting till the last minute and thinking, “Oh, I so wish I would have . . .”  can be disappointing, so I have a solution for you! Sherry Richert Belul has written a great new book, The Love List of a Lifetime, which comes out this November.

The Love List of a Lifetime includes everything that would be wonderful to have completed in your lifetime.  Just to show you how complete this book is, I am including the Table of contents:

The Love List of a Lifetime

Section 1: These Actions Are Your Legacy of Love

Love Will Guide the Way

Medical and Financial Must-Have Forms

It’s Time to Bring Others into Your Legacy Plan

Celebrate All of Your Hard Work

Section 2: Care and Comforts During Illness

We Just Keep Doing Our Best, No Matter What

Loving Yourself As You Navigate Illness

Preparing Comforts in Advance, Just in Case

Loving Others As You Navigate Illness

Setting Intentions Now for Who You Want to Be

Section 3: When I’m Gone: First Things First

This Is Where Your Hard Work Eases the Path

A Loving Note to Friends or Family Who Are Reading This After You’ve Passed

Taking Time to Plan Out These Three Things Will Make All the Difference for    Your Loved Ones

Celebrate These Loving Decisions

Section 4: Matters of Money, Household, and Your Family’s Future

You Are a Family Superhero for Tackling All of This

These Four Steps Will Offer a Sigh of Relief for You and Your Loved Ones

Section 5: The Art of Decluttering and Memory Keeping Before You’re Gone

I’m on This Journey, Too!

Memory Keeping

Decluttering to Lighten Your Life—and Make It Easy on Your Loved Ones

Celebrate All of Your Hard Work

Section 6: Life Lessons and Wisdom I’d Like to Pass On to My Loved Ones

You Have Already Left a Beautiful Footprint on This Planet

Sharing Your Life Story

Relishing Your Memories and Experiences Is a Gift

Celebrate Your Life

Section 7: True Legacy: Last Love Lists

The Love You Leave Behind

One of the Most Meaningful Practices You Can Do

Time for You to Celebrate Yourself!

Section 8: There’s Still Time

As Long as We Are Alive, We Can Connect, Grow, and Change

  1. There’s Still Time to Be Grateful and to Feel Fulfilled
  2. There’s Still Time for Deeper, More Loving Relationships
  3. There’s Still Time for Our Health and Well-Being
  4. There’s Still Time to Connect to the Great Sumpthin’ Sumpthin’
  5. There’s Still Time for Discovery and Adventure
  6. There’s Still Time to Tie Up Loose Ends
  7. There’s Still Time to Leave a Loving Legacy—in Each and Every Moment You Have
  8. There’s Still Time to Experience Countless Moments of Simple Joy

Celebration

Conclusion

Resource Directory

Going through this book together would be a great family activity or to do with a friend. Reading and considering the subject matter and answering the questions is a life affirming experience. I plan on getting several copies for Christmas presents because everyone should have a copy. I hope you do too!

You can pre-order your copies of The Love List of a Lifetime: YOUR ESSENTIAL END-OF-LIFE PLANNER with Practical Notes and Instructions for the Loved Ones You Leave Behind now at this link: https://a.co/d/8oIO8A0

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

Emily Thiroux Threatt email is [email protected]

Let me know if you’d like to receive my newsletters which have lots of good things!

You can listen to my Grief and Happiness podcast here or anyplace you listen to podcasts.

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance Gatherings which meet weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.

Dear Love

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While grieving, often what we miss the most is the physical presence of a loved one. When that happens, we also deal with what we perceive as the absence of love. Though this may be a feeling you have, know that love always remains. To deal with this, the first thing we can do is to remember the love we have for ourselves. Practice self-love.

Self-love is a vital part of our lives. I remember holding my newborn baby in the middle of the night, just the two of us, and feeling the deepest, most profound love I had ever experienced. That is the same love that we hold inside for ourselves but often don’t pay attention to.  To serve yourself the best, pay attention to that love.

Writing letters is a great way to find the answers you are seeking. Try writing a letter to love and see where that takes you. Start your letter by writing “Dear Love,” then write the letter asking the questions that the love inside you will know the answer to. Tell your love how you are feeling and what you would like guidance on. Pour your heart out. Say the things that you hesitate to ask anyone about. Write until you can’t think of anything else to say.

After you write your letter, take a breath and relax. Then, on another piece of paper, write another letter, this time from love to you. Write freely not analyzing what you are writing or thinking about what you think you should write. Just write. Discover what your love wants to say. When you complete the second letter, sign it “With love, from Love.”

You will be amazed. Pay attention and follow the suggestions that your love gives you.

 

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

My email is [email protected]

Let me know if you’d like to receive my newsletters which have lots of good things!

You can listen to my Grief and Happiness podcast here or anyplace you listen to podcasts.

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance Gatherings which meet weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.

Hanging On

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I admit it. I procrastinate. Do you? I have discovered the more time I procrastinate, the less time I have in my life to enjoy and really live. I keep a to-do list mostly because I think if I don’t write it down, I won’t remember to do it. However, the more I write on that list, the less likely I am to complete all the things I think I must do! And I am realizing as I have more to put on that list, the less I get done.

Do you do this? Writing the list or just keeping all you must do in mind is a thief of time, yet I haven’t been able to give up that list, yet. Now I am examining that list and wondering how everything on it got there. In this process, I see that I am hanging on to things that I don’t need to. One of the things that has taken up permanent residence on my list is to file. In early grief, I found the mail arriving every day was overwhelming, so I left it on a pile on my desk. The bigger the pile got, the heaver the burden of it became.

I realized that I had to address that pile. I sat with the pile and a trash can and tossed all that didn’t matter: advertisements, coupons, offers of things that did not concern me, and invitations to events I was not interested in. That got rid of about 80% of that pile. That eye opener made me wonder why I had been allowing that pile of mail to intimidate me. I resolved to sort my mail on the way from the house and dump all I do not need in the trash can outside before it even enters the house. Then I was easily able to deal with anything important, and the huge pile of mail ceased to exist.

Now when I look at my list, I no longer see the words mail and file on the list. In wondering why this had become such a big deal to me, I remembered that my husbands loved to pick up the mail and go through it each day. I miss them doing that. I miss the agreements we had to support each other by taking on the tasks we did. I missed seeing their names on the envelopes that arrived reminding me that we lived and loved in this home.  Keeping all that mail served no good purpose, and I have plenty of things that are constant reminders of them.  Releasing felt good.

I’ve continued examining my list, and it gets shorter as I see no reason to hang on to things that don’t serve me. Now I am able to eliminate the clutter in my home and my life as I no longer keep his favorite food on hand that I am never going to eat. I no longer watch sports on tv that I used to watch with him because he enjoyed it so much. I still feel his presence and love, I still enjoy my memories. And I have opened so much space in order to live my best life now enjoying every moment along the way.

What can you release?

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

My email is [email protected]

Let me know if you’d like to receive my newsletters which have lots of good things!

You can listen to my Grief and Happiness podcast here or anyplace you listen to podcasts.

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance Gatherings which meet weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.

Caring for Yourself

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You have probably discovered by now that grief isn’t something you get over. When someone you love dies, that love stays with you at least for the rest of your life. And that is good. I often hear people say that they lost a loved one, but they aren’t lost. Their essence remains in your heart as long as it is beating.

Try this. When you are missing your loved one, find someplace quiet to sit. I love to sit outside in nature with the fragrance of the flowers and the whisper of the breeze on my cheek. Close your eyes. Put both hands on your heart and take in a slow deep breath, then blow it out though your mouth like you are blowing through a straw. Breathing this way gives you a re-set. Mary Morrissy taught me that breathing technique. It’s a quick way to feel at peace. I do it often. You can too.

While you are enjoying this peaceful experience, allow your thoughts to drift to beautiful times you shared with your loved one. Where were you? What were you saying. What were you doing. How did you feel? Paint a picture in your mind of what you were experiencing at the time. You can create this experience any time you want to and allow it to bring you comfort.

When you notice someone you care about is struggling with grief, invite them to come sit with you quietly. You may choose to share with them the process I described, or you can just listen to their thoughts, or just sit in silence. Just being with someone grieving can be the greatest gift to them. And it can bring peace to you also.

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

My email is [email protected]

Let me know if you’d like to receive my newsletters which have lots of good things!

You can listen to my Grief and Happiness podcast here or anyplace you listen to podcasts.

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance Gatherings which meet weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.