Joy

My Gift to You

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Holidays can be a challenge when dealing with loss, so I have a little “pick me up” for you! As I was considering what I would do to make the holiday season the best for me, I came up with so many things that I decided to put them into a little class for you.  The class has 12 sessions, one day at a time, to do in December.  The class is totally free, and you can share it if you like. It also provides a way for us to stay in touch as you are participating. It doesn’t take much time and is designed to bring you smiles.

To sign up, just go to Find Your Holiday Joy!   https://www.reclaimingyourjoywithemily.com/offers/M72VdL8y

You can start anytime you like, and a new class will open each day for 12 days.

Be sure to take time to take care of yourself during this season. Know that certain memories are likely to trigger tears, and if they do, remember to smile and remember the love you shared.

 

I am also thrilled to announce that I am a featured presenter in @AfterChloe & Friends: Living After Loss #OnlineSummit. I would personally love to invite you. Click here for free access to this powerful Summit. Link to Summit

https://after-chloe.teachable.com/a/aff_68dbk736/external?affcode=129902_u_o28_cl

 

And I am being interviewed on The Beautiful Network of Women radio blog show on December 12 at 12:30 CST. The show will be recorded and available on the website after that date if you don’t catch it live. We’ll be talking about how to find your joy during the holidays.

https://www.blogtalkradio.com/b-now

 

And, to network with friends, please join out private Facebook group, Reclaiming Your Joy After Loss. This is a great place to share feelings and get support from others on this journey.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/ReclaimingYourJoyAfterLoss/

 

And, if you live on Maui or are visiting, email me to get the dates for our upcoming Writing Through Grief and Death Café meetings. [email protected]

 

I look forward to hearing from you and helping you to have happier holidays!

 

Love,

Emily

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ThanksGIVING

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I woke up this morning just overflowing with gratitude, grateful for a day to celebrate all that thanks! Then I started to think about the giving that goes along with that thanks. I realized that giving can make me just as happy (if not more happy) than receiving.  

What can you give today? Probably lots! I just drove by a school crossing guard who smiled and threw me a Shaka sign, an Hawaiian greeting where the thumb and little finger are extended from a closed fist. I couldn’t help but smile and throw him one back! Generally, when you smile at someone, that person will smile back as kind of a natural reaction, and that smile might be the only one that person has that day. So smile at people you see whether you know them or not. Spread that joy! And while you are at it, smile at yourself in the mirror!

You can also give little love and support with an email, a text, or a little handwritten note. This costs nothing but the moment it takes to do it, and it can make someone’s day.

Friday is Black Friday for all the big sales, and Monday is Cyber Monday for all things electronic. But the great day coming up is Giving Tuesday where the world is encouraged to donate to what they love and support. Millions of dollars are given this day, and it’s a wonderful way to start the holiday season. Facebook even matches the first seven million dollars donated through Facebook! If you are on Facebook, I’m sure you’ll see lots of opportunities to give. Anyone can create a fundraiser for anything they want to support. When you even give a dollar, or five dollars, that adds up fast when lots of people are doing it and can make a giant difference to your cause.

I created a Giving Tuesday Fundraiser for Jazz Camp Maui which my granddaughter Katie Thiroux created to teach jazz and Hawaiian culture to students and jazz teachers from all over the world right here on Maui each June. I love seeing the donations add up to support this fun cause. Jazz Camp Maui donation

Whatever your favorite cause is, now is the time to celebrate the season with your support.

And most of all, give a gift to you of some self love. Do something that makes you feel good whether it be curling up by the fire with a good book, going for a walk in a beautiful place, soaking in a bubble bath, or calling a good friend. Pick something special that will leave you smiling and feeling good inside. Then pass that good feeling on. Pay it forward to spend some joy thoughout the world!

Moments of Grief

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I have a wonderful studio that Ron had built for me when we moved to Maui. He knew I would miss the studio I had on the mainland, so he arranged for a bigger studio to be built here. As wonderful as my studio is, by the time it was completed, I needed to be with Ron most of the time, and even though the studio is on our property, it’s  far enough away from the house so that when time was of the essence when he had medical emergencies, I couldn’t get back up to the house fast enough. So, I didn’t spend much time there.

After Ron’s transition, I just couldn’t bring myself to go to the studio. Now, two years later, I am feeling creative again and have been appreciating what a wonderful gift studio is to me.  I was there a couple of days ago and was suddenly overcome by tears. I realized that it was a profound moment of missing him. When the tears slowed, I was able to complete what I was doing before I came back up to the house, though still a little shaken.

Ron used to spend much time on our lanai, Hawaiian for patio, where he would enjoy the beauty, the birds, the rainbows, and the butterflies that would actually come up and land on him. He told me that there would come a time that when I saw a butterfly or heard the birds or saw a rainbow, that I would know he was right there with me. Also, we got married on 1/1/11, so whenever I see 1111, I feel his presence also.

Since my episode at the studio, I have been a little fragile. I have moments of grief when I see something about someone dying on TV or someone mentions a loved one they are grieving for. But each time something comes up, the birds, the rainbows, or the butterflies or show up. And so does 1111. Yesterday I was talking on the phone with someone from a company who is helping with a big fundraising project I am working on. I am very excited about this project to raise funds for the Jazz Camp Maui my granddaughter has created. When I hung up, I looked at my phone and it was 11:11. Ron loved the idea of this camp, so I knew he is right here supporting my efforts. Think of what special things remind you of your loved one and notice when you see or experience them.

As the holidays are coming, we all are more prone to moments of grief which is perfectly natural as we go through this experience. The key is to stay in the moment and not get lost in the sorrow.  Think of how our loved one would want us to feel. Remember the joy of our love for them. Find little ways to celebrate that joy from writing or calling someone who is alone for the holidays, to volunteering someplace that could really use your help. Discover how wonderful life still is, and how much better it is because of the love you got to share.

 

Sign up for my free class to help you through the holidays.

Who Do You Touch?

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I went to listen to music and watch the sunset sitting outside last night not far from the beach. I invited my friend Sharon to go with me and we had a great time people watching. I was talking with people sitting near by when someone mentioned how much she likes my Facebook Group Reclaiming Your Joy After Loss for its positivity and support. I was tickled to hear that someone appreciates what I do when I realized I was sitting with three of my group members. What a treat. 

I spend lots of time writing my blog, posting on social media, and working to get my book published, but I don’t always hear that people are actually seeing what I do and are affected by what I say. I realized last night the power of my positivity. I love to help and support people and see that my reach is further than I had imagined.

When you speak or write, who hears you? Is the message you send out who you really are? Will people find comfort in what you say? Or will their heart break a little because they felt judged or like they are not enough? 

The words you speak or write have power. Choose what you say wisely, and infuse your words with positivity and love. I am grateful you read this. My intention is to support you on your journey with love. 

 

If you would like to join our Facebook group, go to Reclaiming Your Joy After Loss and ask to join. I hope to see you there!

Finding My Smile

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Right when I returned from an inspiring ceramics workshop in Bali, Jacques’s cousins came to visit me for a week to celebrate Natalie’s 89thbirthday. During these weeks, I took lots of pictures, and as I was looking through them this morning, I was kind of surprised at all my smiles in pictures of me which caused me to reflect.

When Ron and I first got together, I remember that he frequently reminded me to smile telling me how beautiful I was when I did. I would smile when he asked, but at that time I felt stressed by all I was doing, and smiles faded as I was absorbed into working and all the other things I felt I had to do. The longer I was with Ron, though, the easier the smiles came, and I discovered how good I felt when I smiled.

After Ron’s transition, I felt like I was in a kind of void. The emotions that did come up related to loss and usually brought tears. As I started writing about how I was feeling, I discovered that what I was writing could help others dealing with loss. I became immersed in writing and helping others use writing to deal with their loss. The more I did this, the happier I became. I host regular Writing Through Grief and Death Café meeting which have brought me many new friends, and without thinking about it, my smiles gradually returned.

Then I went to Bali and enjoyed the visit from my cousins Toni and Natalie when I returned. In Bali, I actually felt the smiles often, and when I spent time with my cousins, I not only smiled, but I found myself laughing. Those frequent laughs and giggles felt so good like my heart was breaking open ready to allow more love and more joy in as I shared more love and joy with others.

After a loss, becoming isolated is more common than not, and smiling is a social reaction. If you aren’t ready to go out and experience joy with others, trying watching funny movies or YouTube videos that make you smile and laugh. The more you practice, the easier it will be to smile. Then try inviting someone to do something with you just for fun. I just went to the Maui Aquarium for the first time when my cousins came. The aquarium has been there all along, but I finally decided to experience it, and it was so much fun especially since I had such good company.

However you feel right now, you can feel better. You can always have more joy and more laughter in your life. The key is to make that a priority. You will be so glad you did!

 

Take a class with me and find your smile!

Everything is Temporary

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In Bali, there are temples everywhere.  Most families live in compounds with every element located in the ideal place. And every compound has a temple. The temple or family shrine is always placed at the northeast corner of the compound. These shrines are made out of soft stones that are intricately carved to honor ancestors and Gods. When a Balinese man gets married, he builds a shrine for that. These carvings are expensive to have done, so many families construct the temples and shrines with flat stones and have them cared as they can afford to. What fascinates me is that these carvings only last three to six years as they disintegrate in the elements. This makes the maintaining of all these shrines and temples on Bali an ongoing process. And all the carving is done by hand, no power tools!

The Balinese also pray every day and make offerings to the Gods. Small decorative baskets are woven from coconut palm fronds and inside are placed four different kinds of flowers representing the colors of the four directions. And food is always included as well as lit incense. You see these everywhere in Bali, thousands of them fresh every day. They are beautiful, then they get tossed in the trash.

The calendar is different in Bali. A new year starts every 210 days. Along with this calendar, there are many celebrations in the Bali year along with blessings and celebrations for weddings and for lots of other things. Whole communities participate in the celebrations and streets are always lined with festive Penjor. These are tall, up to 31 feet, decorated bamboo poles that bend gracefully over the roads they line. The decorations are all created by hand, and at the end of the celebrations, they are taken down and burned.

All these beautiful things have short lives, but the communities continue to create them to constantly celebrate, honor, and be surrounded by beauty.

 

We traveled to the water temple at Tirtha Empul on our last day together. Erected over a natural spring, the temple was created as a place of cleansing. Our wonderful guide was a friend of Gaya Ceramics who owns a vegan restaurant and sustainable garden near Gaya. He explained that we all take showers or baths to wash away what we can see on the outside, but the Balinese believe it is also important to wash away what doesn’t show symbolically. This allows us to release what we no longer need and make space for what we aspire to. To do this, we enter the springs fully clothed including a sarong. Then we walk up to the spout of crystal- clear flowing water to cleanse however we want to. The source of the water for all the spouts and all the people is the same, as is the source of everything.

Experiencing this beautiful ritual was refreshing and restoring. I used the opportunity to focus on what is the most important to me. This was a fitting end of this Bali journey which demonstrated the impermanence and fragility of the material aspects of life as well that the strength and importance of love which lasts forever.

I am grateful I said yes to this journey.