Happiness

All I Need

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Holidays can hit hard for those dealing with losing a loved one. This year seems to be even more challenging with all that’s happening with the pandemic.  I woke up thinking this morning about what I can do to keep my spirits up.

There is a commercial on TV right now that uses the old song by Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terrill song “You’re All I Need to Get By,” and it’s got that song sticking in my head.  Not the whole song, just the words “All I Need.” The words have me thinking, what do I need?

Need defined means something essential. As I look at my life right now, I already have all I need. Yet life can always be better.  We can always take steps to brighten our way.

I have healthy coping mechanisms.  I spend time outside each day. I eat good food to nourish me as much as I can from my garden. And I do occasionally indulge in a little treat just to enjoy.

I have regular exercise just by walking around where I live. My property is on the side of a dormant volcano, so just walking around the property, up and down the hills, gives me good exercise.  And I also walk around the neighborhood and on the beach early in the morning when no one else is around.

I have loving friends.  In Hawaii the word for family is Ohana, and I have an Ohana of choice filled with dear friends.  We love and support each other, even from a distance, caring for keeping each other safe during the pandemic.

I have my book and all the new relationships that is bringing.  I have met many new friends online, and I provide support however I can through my classes, groups, talks, and writing. I have grown close to people who live far away and know I am helping to make a difference in their lives.

I have my spiritual practice. Every day I write in my journal, meditate, write my gratitude, write my intentions, write my affirmations, and write what brought me joy the day before.  Starting each day this way reminds me that I truly do have all I need.

I have the memories of two wonderful men with relationships filled with love and marvelous experiences. They each brought so much to my life that I am grateful for. I cherish those memories and keep them alive by writing about them.

 

Pre-order my book Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.

Sign up for my free Zoom class: Writing Together Through Grief by clicking here.

Christmas Songs

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I watched a little television special with holiday songs last night, and it brought back many memories.  I started putting specific memories with songs, and it wove a lovely tapestry for me of Christmas throughout my life.

My first memory of a Christmas song was of Daddy singing “All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth” to me.  Now, he wasn’t a singer, but I was missing those teeth, and he would get so tickled singing the song that we laughed a lot. Daddy also loved to sing “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus,” and he’d steal a kiss every time he sang it.

“Away in a Manger” was the song I remembered from church. Not knowing my eventual affinity for theatre, what I remember is how much I wanted to play the part of Mary, what my costume would look like, how long I would have to sit perfectly still because that was what all the Mary’s in the nativity scenes did, who would play the part of the baby, and where did baby’s come from anyway?

I loved to go caroling and sing “Joy to the World,” “Deck the Halls,” and “Jingle Bells.”  And I swooned when I heard Elvis sing “Blue Christmas” on the radio. I also liked (at that time) “The Chipmunk Song” (Christmas Don’t be Late,) because we actually had a chipmunk living is a cage at our house, a gift that soon went to my aunt for her elementary school classroom. And in high school we loved to dance to “Jingle Bell Rock” at our winter formal.

When I went away to college, the holidays were lonely and I’d listen to “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas,” and “I’ll Be Home for Christmas” and cry a little. I knew that the big family gatherings would never be the same as all my older cousins were moving away and getting married. I dreamed about what my upcoming holidays would hold.

When my babies were little, all the lyrics of all the Christmas songs I had learned over the years came back to me, and I was singing to them all the time. I loved to hold them tight and see the joy on their faces.

My husband Jacques was a fabulous singer, and he’d sing Christmas songs every chance he got.  One of his favorites was “Baby it’s Cold Outside.” I know that song is out of favor now, but my memory of it was the joy he showed when he sang it with someone and how playful they made it.  I always wished my voice was good enough to sing it with him. He also loved playing Santa in the plush costume I made for him. He was even Santa in the advertisements for the big mall. We was so cute in that suit with his real salt and pepper hair and beard. I always think of him when I hear “Here Comes Santa Claus.”

My husband Ron introduced me to “Love Actually,” a romantic movie he watched at least once every year. And, of course, I love the song they sang in that movie, especially when he sang it to me: “All I Want for Christmas is You!”  Last night I heard his favorite Christmas song, “Mary Did You Know,” and it brought tears.

And now that I live in Hawaii, I love “Mele Kalikimaka.”

What are your special holiday songs?  How do they make you feel? What memories come up when you hear them? Holidays can be lonely when you are dealing with loss, but they also can be happy when you fill them with memories. You can find your favorite songs on YouTube and other places online. Put them on, crank them up, and sing along with tears, or joy, or both!  Happy Holidays!

 

Pre-order my book Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.

Sign up for my free Zoom class: Writing Together Through Grief by clicking here.

Service

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What do you think of when you hear the word service?  In the small town I lived in growing up, Veterans day was the biggest holiday of the year and was celebrated with different events all week long. This was all done to honor and respect people in “the service,” those who served our country in the military.  At that time, whenever I heard the word service, I thought of those people and what they did for all of us, offering their lives for people they didn’t even know. This kind of selfless service was my example of what service meant.  My Dad served in World War 2 and went on to serve veterans the rest of his life.  I knew that was the kind of person I wanted to be, one who serves others.

Throughout my life I have chosen careers and activities that were all service based, not military service, rather service to others who I didn’t necessarily know. Theatre became a place of service for me.  In all the different roles I played in production of shows, including acting, directing, designing, and producing, I was working to entertain the audience, to allow an escape for them, make them laugh or cry.  Working as a nurse, I served to save lives, provide comfort, support healing, provide end of life care, and help babies come into families. Teaching writing at the university, I provided skills for students to enhance their careers and their lives. My ambulance company provides service to our whole community in the most difficult of circumstances whether they can pay or not. And in all the community service I have done, I sought opportunities to make the community and the world a better place.

When grieving, I have found comfort in serving others who are also grieving. Having discovered the value of writing to help me deal with the experience I was having; I saw that I could help others to discover how writing through their grief can help immeasurably.  I have taught these writing classes in my home, but when the pandemic came, I started teaching online, and I discovered other ways to use my writing online to provide inspiration and comfort.  The more I serve, the better I feel.

What are you doing to serve?  It doesn’t have to be something big. Doing things like sharing vegetables from your garden with your neighbors, calling friends or writing letters to people who would love to hear from you, or even taking good care of your cat or dog are all service. Of course, you can also do bigger things.  In this case, size really doesn’t matter.  Each act of service counts.

What can you do today to serve? I would love to hear what you do.

 

Pre-order my book Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.

Sign up for my free Zoom class: Writing Together Through Grief by clicking here.

Refreshing Gratitude

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I was grieving when someone told me about the importance of gratitude. My reaction was, “Ya, right. What do I have to be thankful for since my husband died, and I am all alone?” I did think about it though.  Maybe there was something there?  I admit I had been pretty self-centered, feeling sorry for myself and my sorry life.  Yet the more I thought about it, I realized that attitude was not serving me.  I didn’t want to always live in the dark. I really did want to feel better.

I decided to figure out what I had to be grateful for. Initially, this was a difficult task.  I had no problem letting lots of negativity flow in. Since it was right there in front of me, I started looking at things I wasn’t grateful for, and there were lots. By looking at each thing that was bothering me, I realized that I had created many of them, like I was frustrated because friends weren’t calling me or asking me to do things. As I thought about that, I realized that my friends probably didn’t know what to do or say to me.

I was the first of everyone I knew to lose a spouse, so they didn’t have any experience dealing with that kind of loss. I decided to help them. When I wanted to go someplace, like to a lecture at the university or a concert, I would call someone who I thought would enjoy the same experience and ask for a ride.  My idea worked. I had just been sitting at home by myself, and then I started going out to places I enjoyed with friends I missed.

With the success of my first venture, I started figuring out what else I could do. I asked a few friends over to dinner, and it became something we decided to do together every month going to each other’s homes. And I signed up for a pottery class with a friend and a Native American Arts class with another friend. The more I reached out, the more positive experiences came my way.

Realizing how much I had to be grateful for, I got in the habit of starting my day by writing at least three things in my journal that I am grateful for.  I have continued that practice now for years. Occasionally, I may start feeling a little sad or lonely, so I will get out my journal and review things I am grateful for. My list is very long, and I always smile and feel better as I read parts of it.

When things start to seem all wrong in your world, switch that up by paying attention to what is right! Always be grateful for all the wonderful people, experiences, and things in your life. This attitude brings much joy!

Pre-order my book Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.

Sign up for my free Zoom class: Writing Together Through Grief by clicking here.

How is Your Day?

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I woke up this morning feeling so good, and It made me think.  We all notice when we don’t feel good, and then we spend time and energy dealing with that. But I was thinking instead this morning of how wonderful it is to just feel good. I started looking at what was different in my life right now that is contributing to this elation.

Sunday my friend invited me to her house for dinner with a couple of other friends.  (We did social distance) After dinner, we played a card game named Uno Flip.  I had played Uno years ago, but I never played Flip.  We had so much fun that we all laughed for an hour.  I realized then that though I am happy, I hadn’t laughed that much in years.  My whole body felt good. Though that was 4 days go, I still feel great.  I am sure that was the start of this good feeling.

In addition to that, I have committed to going on a walk every day.  I have been listening to a book as I walk, but this morning, I decided to just enjoy the silence, the birds, and the breeze. I reflected as I walked on how much I love where I live.  I can see both sides of the island as I walk, and there is such a wide variety of tropical flowers that I took time to observe and enjoy.

I also have been writing every day. Although I am an author and I teach writing, I’ve been taking a couple of online writing classes to just explore ideas and writing techniques.  I am discovering more about me and am having some powerful inspiration which is fun to pursue. I even decided to teach a Zoom writing class on Saturdays to explore writing through grief. There is no charge and no pressure with this class. I’d love to have you join if you are interested.

I’ve also been gardening, cooking, reading, and painting, so much fun!  I hear people say they are so bored with the shutdown and restrictions because of the pandemic, but I haven’t felt that at all.  I fill my time with what I enjoy, and I never run out of things to do even if it is sitting in my comfy chair in my back yard, listening to all the birds sing, and sipping some refreshing iced water.

One of my favorite songs is Lovely Day by Bill Withers. As I walked by a picture of Ron and I today, I blew him a kiss and thought of this song. Look at a picture of your loved one, smile, and listen to this song. Lovely Day

I wish for you a lovely day.

 

Sign up for my Writing Together Through Grief Zoom Class here

These Times are Not Normal

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What unusual times we are living in right now.  I never dreamed that our country would experience the type of hate, disrespect, and violence we are now. Some days I feel overwhelmed by yet one more outlandish act that has occurred. But as soon as I start to think that direction, I remember the commitment that I made to myself that I live my life based on love, fully and completely.

Getting absorbed into the sensationalism that comes along with unimaginable things that have occurred this year is an easy trap to fall into, so it is imperative for us to keep our eyes open and write our own script. Instead of worrying and crying about the results of the pandemic, what can we do with our love to bring comfort and support to those affected? Instead of rioting in rage at the senseless shootings and violence, what can we do with our love to peacefully demonstrate and make positive changes? Instead of complaining about the political situation going on, what can we do with love to help get people out to vote and work on positive goals to help everyone?

Michelle Norris said, “Hate is fear in a different octave.” A truth I have learned in my life is that there are only two true emotions, love and fear. Essentially, then, hate is an element of fear. Since I have chosen to lead my life in love, I no longer can dwell on fear or hate. Looking at life that way, I am choosing for my actions to be based in love.

Those of us who are dealing with grief and loss often drift into despair. When we do that, we are forgetting to love ourselves. When we get lost in the anger that came from the doctor not making the diagnosis sooner, or fury with the driver who caused the accident, or the disappointment in our own body that didn’t hang on to a pregnancy, or our loved one who wouldn’t quit smoking, drinking, or overeating, that doesn’t serve us. Those things all happened in the past, and the only time we can do anything is in this moment right now. This is the moment when you can choose to focus on love, the love you feel about your loved one, and the love you are now nurturing yourself with.

Look at how you feel right now.  Are you serving yourself, loving yourself?  If not, spend some time exploring that idea through meditation, journaling, or prayer.  You can feel much better when you choose to.

Sending you so much love.