Creativity

A Fresh Start

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We are all ready for a fresh start!  Actually, we get to have a fresh start every day. I have noticed this to be especially true for those dealing with loss.  And while we may think we are ready, we actually need to take action to make it happen.

Waking up each day after my husband died was always kind of a shock. I would be all ready to cuddle up next to him, then I couldn’t. That still happens some mornings. I had to adjust to this so I wouldn’t stay stuck in that lonely place. I started by realizing that each day was a fresh start, a new opportunity to experience every moment.

Every morning I would journal. I thought about discovering my purpose. What did I want to do? And I explored listing things that would make me happy, bring me joy. I started small by choosing one thing I could do, then I progressed from there.  I would choose something like making a list of people I would like to reconnect with.  I prioritized my list and started writing an email or text to one person on the list each day. Writing instead of calling helped with the anxiety I had that I might break down if I heard their voices. This simple practice started bringing me much needed human connection.  Most people wrote back, and hearing from them felt so good.  The more I wrote these notes, the better I felt, and the longer the list got!

Reaching out was a small step, and doing it boosted my mood and opened my curiosity as to what to do next.  I realized that I was in control of my ability to move forward, to discover what I wanted or needed out of each moment.  If something didn’t turn out the way I imagined it would, I saw that in the next moment, I could try something different.  I didn’t put pressure on myself, and I was grateful for my new experiences.

When 2021 came, I knew this was a big fresh start, yet the start of the year was a little rocky. So now I am declaring for myself that today, 1 20 21 is my new fresh start.  I am making a list of things to focus on and to experience.  At the top of that list is staying positive. I will smile as I go about my day and always actively practice gratitude. I encourage you to recognize your fresh start too!  What will you focus on?

 

This week is the fresh start for my new book, Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief which launches this week. This book is a demonstration of a huge fresh start for me after Ron died. I started writing a little big each day, and that led to this beautiful book that I know will bring comfort and help to all who read it.

 

If you would like to attend the book launch for Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief, please email me at [email protected] and I will send you a Zoom link.

You can preorder the book by clicking here at Amazon.

I would be happy to put you on the reminder list for or Writing Together Through Grief occurring on Saturdays each week by sending an email to me to [email protected] and giving me your email address.

New Year, New You

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My sister came home from rehearsal at the Barn Theatre for A Christmas Carol frustrated a week before the show was scheduled to open.  The little boy playing the part of Tim Tim’s big brother had dropped out of the show. Always one to come to the rescue, she suggested to the director that I could play the part.  I was about the same size as the little boy, so the costume would fit, and she could bring me to the theatre every night. So, I was cast in my first play when I was in third grade.  Little did I know at the time that this was the beginning of my love for theatre and the arts for my lifetime.  I felt at home on the stage and was fascinated by all aspects of the production.

Fast forward fifty something years, and I was standing in my theatre and school of arts that I had created in a beautiful 100-year-old building in downtown Bakersfield.  I had a lifetime of experience in every aspect of theatre and was ready to use it all. Our first show was of our summer children’s workshop production of Annie. The packed house and the thrilled children pouring their hearts out on the stage showed me that dreams can come true. But Spotlight Theatre was more than a dream; it was an intention I set before I even knew what setting intentions was all about.

Looking back on my life now, I see that I have been setting intentions all along and seeing them come in to being.  Once I committed to something in my heart, it would eventually come into being, sometimes many years later. And whatever I dreamed always turned out to be so much more than I had imagined.  When my husband Ron taught me about the principle of setting intentions, I realized that I was a master at it already, but discovering how it worked, I was thrilled to set my intentions now intentionally.

I had heard the adage, be careful what you wish for. I turned that around for me to carefully intend what I desired.  In writing my book Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief, I started out with the intention of helping my friend Lori deal with the sudden death of her husband Chappy.  Helping her was my intention not knowing where that would lead me.  I started by writing her a letter, then I decided to write her a note every week for the first year. When I had written the content for all the notes I would send, I realized that the notes made an outline for a book. Though I had written college textbooks before, I was in new territory now and knew I needed help. That’s when I discovered my amazing agent and coach Meriflor who held my hand through the process to write the book and find the perfect publisher. And now my book launches January 19, 2021.

As this new year starts, what is it that you would love to do or be? There are no limits. Take some time to write a list of what you crave, what you would love to do, what you are ready to have. Out of all you write down, what do you desire the most? Write it as clearly as you imagine it, then know that it is already happening. Put what you write where you can see it every day and believe that it is true. Then watch what happens. Intentionally intend your best life.

When did my writing career actually start? Many years ago I sat in a college writing class listening to the instructor share about how his editor had taken him to the best restaurant in town to celebrate the signing of the contract for his new book.  At that moment, I said that I would do that one day too. And I did.  Though my first book came many years later, a fond memory I have was my editor from Prentice Hall taking me out to eat at the Oak Room in the Plaza Hotel in Manhattan overlooking Central Park.  Sitting the I reflected on that day in my writing class years before that I knew I was going to be an author.

 

Pre-order my book Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.

Sign up for my free Zoom class: Writing Together Through Grief by clicking here.

Paint Your Blues Away

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Sometimes I can get a bit overwhelmed with all that is happening and then dealing with grief on top of that. When I had a piano or my flute and these feelings came up, I would sit down and practice. I could easily get lost in the music, sometimes for hours, and when I had played long enough, I found myself so refreshed. Listening to music that you deeply enjoy can provide similar results.

Since I don’t have my piano or flute now, I have turned to art.  There is something about creating something artistic, especially when you can get your hands dirty, that takes over your full concentration.  Thrifty person that I am, I used to think I had to have a specific purpose for anything I created, but I have realized now that art takes practice, especially when you are learning something new, and I can take as long as I want to in finding the perfect way to paint a flower, a landscape, or a person. The same thing goes for learning how to best use a medium, like water colors, acrylic paint, ceramic clay, colored pencils, or any other medium that sounds fun.

Start small, practicing how to do things, and develop a tentative plan for what you want to accomplish. I have found some great free classes on YouTube, and other wonderful classes that I have paid for.  I have created art with people from around the world which is like going on an adventure!  There are even specific art classes for people dealing with grief.  I discovered Danica Thurber’s Project grief where she offers a variety of art classes to deal with grieving.  She is a delightful, friendly young woman who exudes energy, talent, and compassion. And her classes are fun even for beginners in art. Check out her web site.  Project Grief Art

Try doing a search on YouTube or Google for free classes for any art medium you are interested in.  You’ll be amazed at what you find. Check out art classes for children because they include great, simple instructions for beginners. I would love for you to share with me good classes you find. Also, you can paste them with a brief description in the comments below so anyone who reads this blog can share.

The picture for this blog is of heirloom carrots that I painted while taking a free online class today with Let’s Make Art

Have fun with this.  Do something just to play. Creating something fun or beautiful is a great way to relieve stress.

Come on Over to the Bright Side!

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When Jacques died, I didn’t see anything as positive.  My world was dark.  Most of those who I thought were my friends were no place to be found. I didn’t have anyone to talk to. And I became really good at feeling sorry for myself. I was not happy living this way.

I had not been working at a paying job for over two years as I stayed home to care for Jacques. I was contemplating what I was supposed to be doing then when someone I used to work with called me and offered me a job. My knee jerk reaction was to decline because I had left the job I had working with her because the workplace environment had become impossible, filled with negativity.  I knew that I never wanted to be surrounded by all that again.  Then she explained to me that there had been a major change essentially dividing the department in two.  She was in the new department, and all those with the negativity were in the old department. She said the new department was a wonderful place to work and invited me to “Come on over to the bright side.”  I did, and I am grateful.

This experience taught me that I could choose where I wanted to be, and I wanted to be surrounded by positive, happy, creative people. It also taught me the importance of me focusing on being positive, happy, and creative, no matter what I was dealing with.  This changed my life.  I worked to lift myself up from the depression of grief I had been dealing with and to find a way in each situation to find what was good and stay positive.

I saw an interview this week of the uncle of Jacob Blake, the man who had been shot in the back seven times by a police officer. Jacob’s uncle said his family was “on top of the world.” He said they we so happy because they weren’t going to a funeral. Then I heard a reporter who had a phone interview with Jacob who was in his hospital bed. Jacob said he was grateful to be alive and that he wouldn’t let this incident bring him down. I was struck by the positivity of this family.  I felt that no matter how challenging things became for them, they would get through it together focusing on what is good and positive.

This reminded me of seeing a video of George Floyd’s little daughter sitting on his shoulders, both of them smiling and laughing. George was killed by the police which started enormous demonstrations across our country which are still going on focusing on the reform of law enforcement. And what George’s little daughter said was “My Daddy changed the world.”

Each of us can change the world starting with focusing on the positive.  There is so much good in our lives. I start every day with writing a list of what I am grateful for in my journal. I have filled several journals since I started doing this, and I am amazed at all the things I am grateful for, and I never run out of positive things to say. I also write in my journal every day, and I focus there on making everything positive.  Can you imagine how wonderful our country could be if everyone started focusing on what is good about it? Focusing on the love we all can share?

 

I am focusing on finding what is positive about every situation, spreading love and joy. I invite you to join me in this campaign. Come on over to the bright side!

Growing From Your Loss

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When someone you love dies, everything changes. Initially you have deep yearning for things to go to how they were when you both were healthy and living the life you dreamed of. Now you know that not possible, and you may be struggling to know what to do now. That happened for me. I set my intention to be inspired with what my next steps were supposed to be. 

My inspiration didn’t come all at once. Instead I moved forward one step at a time. I always loved writing, so that was my natural place to start. I wrote in my journal today. I didn’t worry about thinking of something to write about. I made lots of things that brought joy to my life in spite of my sorrow, and there was lots to write about. I still write things that bring me joy every day.  

I also write gratitude lists which also have never ending inspiration. People grieving can easily fall into the hole of negativity, of poor me. When you focus on joy and gratitude, that leaves less space for sorrow. And I do still write my gratitude lists everyday.

At the times I really wanted to talk to Ron, to have his guidance or his opinion about something, I wrote him a letter. I would pour my heart out just like I was talking to him. Those letters could get long! When I finished, I often wrote a letter from him back to me. I choose to think he’s inspiring my words, but even if this words come from deep in my heart or from the resources of the deep knowledge in my mind, I do find answers and inspiration in these letters. 

When Ron’s good friend Chappy died, I started writing his wife every week for the first year, a process that helped both of us.  And these letters inspired the book I wrote, Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief which is being published by Mango Press. 

The growth through loss that I am experiencing is through writing. You growth can come through what you most love. The key is to focus on what is positive, what brings joy to your life. There’s no need to rush here, Baby steps can lead your way.  What do you love? What brings you joy? Do everything related to that.

Say you loved to cook, but you stopped when you just had you to cook for. That can be changed to I deserve beautiful healthy foods to nourish me, then find recipes for one, or create them. Save each new recipe you try to use again, and maybe that will even lead to a cookbook. I might just create one I can just print from my computer and share with my friends when they start cooking for one.

Maybe your refuge is your garden or your art or craft supplies. See how this ca inspire you. Any of these can keep you busy. Or maybe it’s time to change jobs, or take classes, or join an organization that interests you. A friend sent me a card long ago that said Bloom Where You’re Planted.  Take care of yourself now. Learn, grow, bloom!

 

For a sneak peak of my new book, click here!

What Would You Do?

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Do you have times when you drift into thinking that you want to go back to the way it was when you were with your loved one? You think of conversations, of things you loved to do together? I know I do this sometimes, but I always come back to knowing that I can’t go back, that things will never be the same. And at times that brings tears or longing, yet I know I can’t stay there.  It doesn’t serve me to dwell on what was or what might have been, so I have found a way to help me through.

We did lots together and talked about other things we would do together some day. I decided to honor him by honoring those things.  I started by making a list of things we loved to do together that I want to keep a part of my life. Then I added things I would do on my own that he would have supported me in and loved to see me do. Here’s my list.

Things we did together that I continue to do now:

  • We had a daily spiritual practice. We would meditate, write in our journals, read to each other, say our intentions and affirmations, and share a joy we each had the day before. I don’t let a day go by without continuing to do this, most often joined now by my dear neighbor Robin.
  • We loved taking good care of our hone and garden. I continue this by planting and harvesting vegetables, tending to my flowers and fruit trees, and being sure my home is clean and well maintained.
  • We loved to be surrounded by art, so I am continuing to support artists by purchasing works that inspire me. And I create artwork of my own in the studio that Ron had built for me. I do drawings, painting, and sculptures. I even made new pillows for my couch yesterday.
  • Ron was so thrilled when I first started going to Soul Sisters Retreats. And I am so glad. I have made lifelong friends, met so many people who inspired me, and deepened my spirituality.
  • Ron loved mentoring people through their projects and dreams, so I do this too. I’ve been having deep conversations with people about what to do with their lives no that things are so different. I love to brainstorm, like we used to, to come up with ideas and get to watch them develop.

I have also created new things to do that honor him.  I have written a book to help others through the grieving process called Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief which is in the process of being published, and I have created support groups to write together through our grief and to set intentions.

As I look at all of these things, I see that I am honoring Ron and inspired by him.  Try making a list of the things you would like to do that are inspired by your loved one that will keep their memory with you while allowing you to blossom on your own. I would love to read you list or hear about what you do!

Stay well!

 

The picture is one of my drawings.

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief