Grief affects our perspective. I have a beautiful view from the lanai at the back of my house. I looked across the island of Maui to the West Maui Mountains crowned by pure white clouds. I looked at the valley that bisects the island. I gazed at my glorious garden of tropical plants and bananas. Yet what I saw was the empty chair next to mine where my husband used to sit. Everything else felt abstract and superficial. That empty comfortable yard chair is where he spent so many hours communicating, helping others, reading, meditating, smoking a cigar, or gazing at me as I looked back with love. That chair brought me longing, loneliness, and change.
As time has gone by, I still imagine him sitting there, sharing wise words, bringing forth my smile and wonder. And I also reflect on the strength that I have grown into. When he first died, I didn’t recognize myself in the mirror. And I didn’t remember what my smile looked like. Gradually, I have come to see the woman I am becoming. As I have learned the importance of focusing on positivity, joy, gratitude, self-care, and self-love, I am happier now than I ever have been.
When I look at his chair now, I see memories of a beautiful relationship and deep love. When I look in the mirror now, I see peace, contentment, and love.
Henry David Thoreau said, “It’s not what you look at, but what you see.” And I say what you see is who you are becoming.
Who are you becoming?
The Grief and Happiness Alliance
Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief
Emily Thiroux Threatt email is [email protected]
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