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Writing My Book

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After Ron died, I was in a fog for a while.  As I was emerging from that hollow space, I considered what to do.  I searched for guidance on the Internet, and I found lots of groups for those dealing with loss, especially widows.  I joined several and discovered tragic stories of loss that broke my heart. I reached out to these people, offering words of comfort.  I realized that the comments I shared were overshadowed by the large quantity of comments from others also offering their opinions. Reading all these posts left me awash in sadness, and that is not where I wanted to be.

I turned to reading books on dealing with grief. I read many, and most of them focused on loss and sadness, many with their personal efforts to recover, and that didn’t resonate with me.  I see grief as something that lasts a lifetime, while the acuity of that grief diminishes as we gradually move forward keeping the loved ones we have lost in a special place in our hearts. By viewing the social media I did and reading the books I did, I discovered that whatever I did needed to be positive. I saw that I would focus on supporting each other in a positive way while emphasizing love.

I also spent much time in meditation and in writing in my journal.  I wrote about the lessons I was learning and what my new priorities were.  I also wrote about what I thought Jacques and Ron would love to see me do at this time. I saw that my writing was my comfort, and the more I wrote, the better I was able to deal with what I was experiencing. This led me to invite people dealing with loss to my home to write together exploring our individual experiences.  This group became close and asked to meet twice a month instead of one, and we did that until the pandemic. Then I started a private Facebook group to explore writing through grief, and I have started a Zoom writing meeting weekly to come together to write about our grief.

In the process of doing all this, my book evolved. I had a list of many things I saw as issues that I was writing about that I knew I could help others with. I included with each chapter something specific the readers can do to help them deal with their experiences. I contracted with Mango Publishing to get my book out to those who can use it.  I am thrilled that it launches on January 19 and that we are celebrating the launch with a big celebration on Zoom on January 23. I see Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief as a loving support of those dealing with loss, and the perfect gifts for those you know who are dealing with loss and grief.

In the meantime, the pandemic arrived. So many of us are now dealing not only with the loss of loved ones, but with the loss of jobs, income, homes, and just living our lives in the manner we would love to.  The lessons and suggestions for activities can help anyone who is dealing with loss.  By supporting each other with love, we all can make a difference in us all moving forward together live our best lives.

I look forward to helping you.

 

If you would like to attend the book launch for Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief, please email me at [email protected] and I will send you a Zoom link.

 

You can preorder the book by clicking here at Amazon.

 

I would be happy to put you on the reminder list for or Writing Together Through Grief occurring on Saturdays each week by sending an email to me to [email protected] and giving me your email address.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Busy-ness

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Do you go to bed with your mind sorting out all the things you have to do, then wake up with more things on your list? That’s been me lately.  I have been doing well for a long time with keeping things balanced and prioritizing but have found myself being somewhat overwhelmed and with getting ready to launch my book, Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief, on January 23. I am even starting to feel a bit stressed.

For most of my life I did so much that when I was asked if I was stressed, I would say “Stress is my life.” Now I know that doesn’t serve me, and I have been feeling great with my well-balanced life, but this incredible opportunity of getting my book out there is something I plan to do my very best at, so I am busy.  Realizing that January 23rd is coming soon is a blessing.  This high level of activity won’t last forever, so I am figuring out how to make the best use of my time while taking care of myself. These are a couple of things you can do too when you get busy or stressed.

First, I am my priority. Like what the flight attendants used to tell us back when we could fly, “Put the oxygen mask on yourself first.”  When I get busy or stressed, I easily forget to eat wisely and drink water.  Now, I set good nutrition and hydration as a number one priority.  If I don’t have the fuel, I can get anything done.

Second, I start each say with my spiritual practice where I meditate, write in my journal, write what I am grateful for, write my affirmations, write my intention, and write something that brought me joy the day before. This may seem like a lot, but it doesn’t take long and brings focus into my life.  This also allows me to prioritize what is most important.

When I do each of these things intentionally each day, everything just falls into place.  My breathing slows, I smile, and the day is beautiful.

I am so glad I wrote this today! I feel much better now!

 

Send me an email if you would like to receive an invitation to my book launch on Zoom January 23 at 11 AM PST. [email protected]

Pre-order my book Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.

Sign up for my free Zoom class: Writing Together Through Grief by clicking here.

New Year, New You

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My sister came home from rehearsal at the Barn Theatre for A Christmas Carol frustrated a week before the show was scheduled to open.  The little boy playing the part of Tim Tim’s big brother had dropped out of the show. Always one to come to the rescue, she suggested to the director that I could play the part.  I was about the same size as the little boy, so the costume would fit, and she could bring me to the theatre every night. So, I was cast in my first play when I was in third grade.  Little did I know at the time that this was the beginning of my love for theatre and the arts for my lifetime.  I felt at home on the stage and was fascinated by all aspects of the production.

Fast forward fifty something years, and I was standing in my theatre and school of arts that I had created in a beautiful 100-year-old building in downtown Bakersfield.  I had a lifetime of experience in every aspect of theatre and was ready to use it all. Our first show was of our summer children’s workshop production of Annie. The packed house and the thrilled children pouring their hearts out on the stage showed me that dreams can come true. But Spotlight Theatre was more than a dream; it was an intention I set before I even knew what setting intentions was all about.

Looking back on my life now, I see that I have been setting intentions all along and seeing them come in to being.  Once I committed to something in my heart, it would eventually come into being, sometimes many years later. And whatever I dreamed always turned out to be so much more than I had imagined.  When my husband Ron taught me about the principle of setting intentions, I realized that I was a master at it already, but discovering how it worked, I was thrilled to set my intentions now intentionally.

I had heard the adage, be careful what you wish for. I turned that around for me to carefully intend what I desired.  In writing my book Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief, I started out with the intention of helping my friend Lori deal with the sudden death of her husband Chappy.  Helping her was my intention not knowing where that would lead me.  I started by writing her a letter, then I decided to write her a note every week for the first year. When I had written the content for all the notes I would send, I realized that the notes made an outline for a book. Though I had written college textbooks before, I was in new territory now and knew I needed help. That’s when I discovered my amazing agent and coach Meriflor who held my hand through the process to write the book and find the perfect publisher. And now my book launches January 19, 2021.

As this new year starts, what is it that you would love to do or be? There are no limits. Take some time to write a list of what you crave, what you would love to do, what you are ready to have. Out of all you write down, what do you desire the most? Write it as clearly as you imagine it, then know that it is already happening. Put what you write where you can see it every day and believe that it is true. Then watch what happens. Intentionally intend your best life.

When did my writing career actually start? Many years ago I sat in a college writing class listening to the instructor share about how his editor had taken him to the best restaurant in town to celebrate the signing of the contract for his new book.  At that moment, I said that I would do that one day too. And I did.  Though my first book came many years later, a fond memory I have was my editor from Prentice Hall taking me out to eat at the Oak Room in the Plaza Hotel in Manhattan overlooking Central Park.  Sitting the I reflected on that day in my writing class years before that I knew I was going to be an author.

 

Pre-order my book Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.

Sign up for my free Zoom class: Writing Together Through Grief by clicking here.

Self Care Through Lots of Loss

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When I heard my sister was in an ambulance again, I knew that she was dying. Even though she had health challenges for years, I didn’t want to be without her. And my knowing was true. She passed Monday.

Then more grief piled on through the rest of Thanksgiving week: a family member died in an accident, another family member is dealing with Covid, and I am supporting close friends dealing with the suicide and loss of their friends. And it isn’t just me. So many of us are being affected by Covid. We have to pay attention to this.

So what can we do? First, share your love and support of those you love and those you know are grieving. I wish we could hug each other, but instead we can make a phone call, send an email or text, or send a letter.

If you are the one grieving, take special care of yourself. I have been walking on the beach early before anyone is there. I been soaking in bubble baths and reading good books. I’ve also been having lovely discussions with friends on Zoom.

I will not be able to attend my sister‘s small graveside service, so I created my own personal memorial for her by scattering flowers from my yard in the ocean and quietly watching sparkling golden fish swimming in the crystal clear waves. As I stood in the sunshine, I remembered experiences we had over the years.

Take stock of where you are right now. Have you done everything you can to take care of yourself and support your loved ones? Are you prepared for your own departure? I have been through the pain and stress of having to search for wills and legal documents my loved ones had not made easy to find.  The very best gift you can give to those you love is to have your affairs in order. Write your will. Execute your Durable Power of Attorney for Health Care and for your financial matters. Don’t make people guess what you might have wanted.

You can find great peace for the rest of your life by taking good care of your loved ones now. And take very good care of yourself.  Embrace how precious you are.

Grief This Time is Different

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Monday morning my niece called to tell me that an ambulance was taking my sister to the hospital.  I knew immediately that this was it for her. She’s had health challenges over the years, but up until Monday Morning, I hadn’t felt it was her time yet. Now it was.  I wasn’t surprised when my niece called me to say that she died at the hospital.

I work with grief and grieving people every day, I write about it in all my social media, and I even wrote my book about it which launches January 19. And I thought I had a handle on it, that I could keep everything in perspective, but I fell apart yesterday.

I was thinking about when a week ago someone told me her friend just died. I found myself struggling for the right thing to say. Immediately “I am sorry for your loss” popped into my head, but I stopped myself from saying that. The phrase seems empty to me, something I advise others not to say. It feels like the “Have a nice day” in the world of loss. In that moment, I realized that people say it out of compassion not knowing what to say to truly offer comfort.  And yesterday, there was no comfort to be found for me.

I always seem to be the one to do what I can for others and have a difficult time asking for help myself, but yesterday, I reached out. My dear friend Rose has been a chosen sister to me for years. She called, and I cried, and I could feel her support from way across the ocean on the mainland.  She said for me to sit where I could put my feet stretched out in front of me, then that I should see her sitting across from me and putting the soles of her feet against mine. She said, “feel that energy,” and I did feel the energy in my feet that spread a warmth and comfort up my body. I had never done anything like that before. The uniqueness of the experience made it powerful, and I was able to inhale without tears.

Rose also sent me a link to beautiful music that was so comforting. You can listen to it on YouTube: “In Dreams” by Jai Jagdeesh. Music is so healing.

Then I heard from another dear chosen sister, Saundy, who said, “My heart goes out to you. I pray comfort of fond memories swell to far outweigh the pain of the loss.” Those words were powerful, healing words that brought comfort. I realized that I don’t ever need to think of saying “I am sorry for your loss” again, but that I can say beautiful things than can demonstrate love and support.

This morning I had to get out of the house. I picked lots of flowers from my garden: roses, hibiscus, lavender, crown flowers, and more. My friend Vic drove me to a lava beach called La Perouse. The weather was perfect, and the water was so clear that you could see right to the floor of the ocean.  I scattered the flowers in the water and stood still just sending love out to my sister. After a while, Vic gently tapped my shoulder and motioned for me to look down, and there was a butterfly sitting on my slipper with its wings together. I carefully got my phone in position to catch a picture and stood there until it opened its wings to fly away. I felt that Linda had come to pay me a visit, and I knew all is well.

Service

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What do you think of when you hear the word service?  In the small town I lived in growing up, Veterans day was the biggest holiday of the year and was celebrated with different events all week long. This was all done to honor and respect people in “the service,” those who served our country in the military.  At that time, whenever I heard the word service, I thought of those people and what they did for all of us, offering their lives for people they didn’t even know. This kind of selfless service was my example of what service meant.  My Dad served in World War 2 and went on to serve veterans the rest of his life.  I knew that was the kind of person I wanted to be, one who serves others.

Throughout my life I have chosen careers and activities that were all service based, not military service, rather service to others who I didn’t necessarily know. Theatre became a place of service for me.  In all the different roles I played in production of shows, including acting, directing, designing, and producing, I was working to entertain the audience, to allow an escape for them, make them laugh or cry.  Working as a nurse, I served to save lives, provide comfort, support healing, provide end of life care, and help babies come into families. Teaching writing at the university, I provided skills for students to enhance their careers and their lives. My ambulance company provides service to our whole community in the most difficult of circumstances whether they can pay or not. And in all the community service I have done, I sought opportunities to make the community and the world a better place.

When grieving, I have found comfort in serving others who are also grieving. Having discovered the value of writing to help me deal with the experience I was having; I saw that I could help others to discover how writing through their grief can help immeasurably.  I have taught these writing classes in my home, but when the pandemic came, I started teaching online, and I discovered other ways to use my writing online to provide inspiration and comfort.  The more I serve, the better I feel.

What are you doing to serve?  It doesn’t have to be something big. Doing things like sharing vegetables from your garden with your neighbors, calling friends or writing letters to people who would love to hear from you, or even taking good care of your cat or dog are all service. Of course, you can also do bigger things.  In this case, size really doesn’t matter.  Each act of service counts.

What can you do today to serve? I would love to hear what you do.

 

Pre-order my book Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.

Sign up for my free Zoom class: Writing Together Through Grief by clicking here.