Loneliness

It’s The End of the World as We Know It

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This is a guest post.  My friend Sophia Leva-Marie wrote this post and it so resonated with me that I asked her if I could share it with you.  I would love to hear your thoughts on this.

 

It’s the End of the World As We Know It 

 

That chorus was definitely running through my mind as my call rang through to my client from Seattle.  From empty streets to bare cupboards, children at home ALL of the time, travel bans, and sequestered Italians singing from their balconies, it is a new world.

Though I’ve never watched it, Survivor has been a popular tv show for years.  The question of, if you were marooned on a desert island, what would be important.  Frankly, I never got past my first answer – conditioner.  Now, here I am.  Living on the island of Maui, watching a global shutdown, days away from being told to stay in our homes, and conditioner – still a thing!

However, I’ve come up with another MUST HAVE – the understanding of Universal Law.  Because Universal Law is not susceptible to the Coronavirus.

This is not about burying your head in the sand, Maui or otherwise.  Coronavirus is a real 3-D thing happening.  Go to the market and/or Amazon Prime and stock up – check.  Cancel upcoming travel – check.  Get clear on finances – check.  Ask our bodies what other supplements or nutrition they need – check.

It’s not the time to panic though.  What it is time for is to KNOW that what you see is NOT all there is!

There are Universal Laws that are operating – no matter what is happening!

Here are a few…

Just because you perceive it, doesn’t mean it’s yours…  We are super aware beings… of people globally, of what’s happening with the Earth, of the asteroids… all the things.  Just because you can feel it in your body, doesn’t mean it’s yours.  Return to sender, baby!

What you focus on, expands…  Has your eyesight dimmed and your head exploded from all of the Facebook, Instagram, and news posts?  You can ask to receive any energy or news you require, instead taking our global “time-out” to be with your loved ones, to write or paint or play?  We get to add to the frequency of fear or of love.  It’s always a choice.  What channel are you tuning into?

There is unlimited abundance… Your clients are not your source.  Your job is not your source.  Your investments are not your source.  Your bank account is not your source.  They are just channels – and they can change in a moment.  However, true abundance is unlimited.  It’s not dependent on or affected by a human, an event, a program, or a virus.  There are infinite channels of abundance from SOURCE – even, and especially now – desiring to come play with you.  Are you open to receiving them?

EVERYTHING is energy… We are the space between the molecules.  We are energy in motion.  Our physical bodies are comprised mostly of water.  And, your “diet” includes your food, your environment, your reading & watching material, the people you surround yourself with, etc.  Your diet feeds your cells.  Your cells vibrate.  Your vibration creates your reality.  What are you feeding your energy?

Ask AND receive… We get to ask AND receive.  One of the most powerful asks is “SHOW ME“.  Show me the abundance I am.  Universe, I ask that you surprise and delight me all day long.  Show me how this can turn out to be even better than I imagined.  Show me how I can thrive.  Show me how I can serve even more.  Show me how I can BE and receive more love.  There is also no difference in the size of what we ask.  Abraham Hicks says that it makes no difference to the Universe if we ask for a button or a castle.  What are you asking for?

We are limitless… Yes, we are having a human experience.  Yet, we are SO much more than that.  It’s been proven that we are, depending on which scientist you tap, more than 80-90% dark matter.  That is unknown, unlimited Universal potential.  We are made up of the same material as stars.  We also have Trillions of cells, each of them having power to fuel a city for months at a time.  We are SOOOOOOOO much more than we think we are.  What % of you are you actually BEing?

EVERYTHING happens for a reason…  Everything happens for us.  No matter how it looks, life always happens FOR us, not to us.  This virus is here to serve humanity.  I wonder how.

These are just a few of the Universal Laws that are present.  It is a balancing act, living in this time.  We get to be present with what we are experiencing, we get to choose how we react & what we focus on AND we get to know that this is not all that is happening.

Now is THE time.  Now is YOUR time.  It is time to EXPAND even more…  It is time to listen to our INTUITION even more… It is time to RECEIVE even more…  It is time to DEEPEN INTO JOY even more…  It is time to ACCESS YOUR DIVINITY even more… It is time for GRATITUDE even more…  It is time to BE LOVE even more…  It is time to OWN YOUR POWER even more…  Now that’s a virus worth catching!

 

Sofia Leva-Marie

Moments of Grief

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I have a wonderful studio that Ron had built for me when we moved to Maui. He knew I would miss the studio I had on the mainland, so he arranged for a bigger studio to be built here. As wonderful as my studio is, by the time it was completed, I needed to be with Ron most of the time, and even though the studio is on our property, it’s  far enough away from the house so that when time was of the essence when he had medical emergencies, I couldn’t get back up to the house fast enough. So, I didn’t spend much time there.

After Ron’s transition, I just couldn’t bring myself to go to the studio. Now, two years later, I am feeling creative again and have been appreciating what a wonderful gift studio is to me.  I was there a couple of days ago and was suddenly overcome by tears. I realized that it was a profound moment of missing him. When the tears slowed, I was able to complete what I was doing before I came back up to the house, though still a little shaken.

Ron used to spend much time on our lanai, Hawaiian for patio, where he would enjoy the beauty, the birds, the rainbows, and the butterflies that would actually come up and land on him. He told me that there would come a time that when I saw a butterfly or heard the birds or saw a rainbow, that I would know he was right there with me. Also, we got married on 1/1/11, so whenever I see 1111, I feel his presence also.

Since my episode at the studio, I have been a little fragile. I have moments of grief when I see something about someone dying on TV or someone mentions a loved one they are grieving for. But each time something comes up, the birds, the rainbows, or the butterflies or show up. And so does 1111. Yesterday I was talking on the phone with someone from a company who is helping with a big fundraising project I am working on. I am very excited about this project to raise funds for the Jazz Camp Maui my granddaughter has created. When I hung up, I looked at my phone and it was 11:11. Ron loved the idea of this camp, so I knew he is right here supporting my efforts. Think of what special things remind you of your loved one and notice when you see or experience them.

As the holidays are coming, we all are more prone to moments of grief which is perfectly natural as we go through this experience. The key is to stay in the moment and not get lost in the sorrow.  Think of how our loved one would want us to feel. Remember the joy of our love for them. Find little ways to celebrate that joy from writing or calling someone who is alone for the holidays, to volunteering someplace that could really use your help. Discover how wonderful life still is, and how much better it is because of the love you got to share.

 

Sign up for my free class to help you through the holidays.

The Music of Your Heart

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When dealing with loss, we often find ourselves sitting alone. In this space, it is easy to start slipping down into sadness, missing the one we lost.

If I start to arrive at that spot, there are a couple of things I may do. First, in the silence of sitting alone, meditation can bring you peace. In this instance, I become still, close my eyes, and focus on my breath. Really concentrate on your breathing both in and out. Try slowing it down as you focus until you reach a place where you are still and your mind is clear. Maintain this clearness by that focus on your breath. This can bring a great sense of calm.

People have told me that their challenge in meditating comes from that voice in their head trying to convince them that they can’t meditate. Their minds are too busy. If this happens to you, find music that you can focus on to eliminate the space for that annoying voice to bother you. Many apps are available for your phone, or you can search on something like Pandora, Spotify, or Apple Music for music for meditation. I especially like crystal bowls and gongs, and I also love particular Baroque music like Bach’s Air in a G String.

I find such peace and beauty in music that it can calm me down and allow me to rest. I listen when a beautiful, peaceful song is played around me or finds its way into my mind. I feel it as a signal that I need to slow down, focus, and pay attention to what it is trying to tell me.  If it’s Bach, I feel close to Jacques. If it’s a beautiful, slow jazz number, I think of Ron.

I encourage you to put on the music that suits you best, sit, relax, clear your mind, and just experience that blissful peace for a while. You’ll be so glad you did.

 

Check of the meditation music on my YouTube Channel. I can listen to it all day!

What do you see in your mirror?

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I have a strong memory from years ago when I bumped into a colleague at the University. She had recently returned to teaching after her husband died suddenly in the classroom while lecturing. She had a far-away slight smile and few words. I understood her reluctance for casual conversation, but I noticed spots of moisturizer that hadn’t been rubbed into her face. She was grateful that I pointed them out and left for the rest room to attend to them. I thought at that time that she was having trouble looking at herself in the mirror.

In dealing with loss, we have a tendency to lose ourselves. Our self-identity fades away as personal things lose their importance. This is a slippery slope that can lead to depression and blockages to moving forward. After I met Ron, I still had times when I would drift into contemplation, considering who I was and what I should be doing, feeling kind of blank. Ron would notice when this would happen and encourage me to spend time in front of the mirror. I resisted because I couldn’t imagine how this would help. I did start noticing, though, when I would pass a mirror or see myself in a picture, that who I saw when I felt like that was not who I wanted to be. Sometimes I would look sad or haggard or old, and I thought I wouldn’t want to hang around with someone who looked that that. I realized then that my look reflected how I was feeling inside that I wasn’t expressing out loud.

It wasn’t easy, but I started paying attention when I noticed these looks instead of just looking away, and I made it a practice to smile and make me look like the person I wanted to feel like. I took a while and I had to be diligent, but it worked. The age and pain on my face faded away and I started feeling better. The more I genuinely smiled, the better I felt. I found positive things to focus on and to do. When I caught a glimpse of that sad lady, I would smile and remember that I wasn’t her anymore. I practiced by smiling at babies because they love to smile back!

I sometimes catch a look that doesn’t reflect the real me when I go to take a selfy or record a video for my class. When I do, I just delete the look and the feeling and do it again with a smile!

What does your mirror tell you? Do you really look at yourself or just check to see that your hair is combed the way you want it and your make-up is where you want it to be? Take time each day to look into your mirror, smile big, and say “I love you.” Then notice how your beauty shines through!

 

https://www.reclaimingyourjoywithemily.com

Are you afraid?

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When I asked my group what they would like for me to write in a blog, Brandy mentioned the fear of going it alone after being with someone for so many years. I can understand that, and I did experience fear after Jacques died. I was afraid of a violent neighbor. I was afraid of being alone. I was afraid of not knowing what to do. And I kept finding things to be afraid of. When Ron and got together, he taught me about fear. He told me that there are only two real emotions: love and fear. I could choose to be in love, or I could choose to be in fear. At that point, I had fallen in love with Ron, but I still had things I was afraid about. I started researching this idea to see what others thought. I discovered that this concept dated back to ancient times.

What I discovered is that fear is not real. For instance, most of my life I had a deathly fear of heights. I assumed it was because when I was very young, I had fallen out of a two-story window and landed on the concrete fracturing my skull. Now that would be a good reason. I would feel terror whenever I had to be in a situation where I was up high. I would shake, feel sick to my stomach, and become short of breath. I had always worn glasses, and as an adult I discovered I could have Lasik surgery to correct my vision. The surgery was quick and simple, and as I got off of the operating table, I suddenly discovered why I had been afraid of heights. With my astigmatism corrected, the floor was now where it belonged. It no longer appeared to me that each step I took felt like stepping off a cliff. In that instant, my fear of heights disappeared.

The dictionary says that fear is an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous or will cause you pain. If fear is simply an emotion, you can choose not to feel it. If something is dangerous, you can rationally figure out a way to deal with it so as not to experience the danger. For instance, it is dangerous to walk across a busy street without looking both ways. When you look both ways, you will only cross that street when there aren’t vehicles headed your direction thus eliminating the need for fear.

Not experiencing things that will cause you pain is not so simple. You may fear being alone because of the pain of your loved one’s death. That is a cause that you cannot change, but you can look at the situation differently. Consider how that fear serves you. What do you get out of being afraid? Chances are, you don’t get anything positive. If you aren’t getting something positive, why have it?

Recently I had an issue with my kidneys. My friend who is a homeopathic doctor asked me what I was afraid of because in Chinese medicine, fear is the emotion of the kidneys and bladder. I thought about this and realized that at this point in my life I don’t really have any fear. It did cross my mind that both of my husbands died of complications from renal dialysis, but in examining my feelings about that, I realized that I am not afraid of death. I have had a wonderful life full of rich experiences and love, so if I would die right now, it would be with a smile. And it seemed to me that death is the biggest thing that people fear, and if I didn’t fear that, I really am fearless.

When you do discover things that you fear, figure out why you are afraid and fix that. If you fear your financial situation, get help to figure out how to best live within your means and pay off your debts. If you are afraid of being alone, call a friend, take a class, join an organization, or find another way to get out and be with people. If you fear the future, focus right now on loving yourself. Put your energy into that love and how it can serve you. When you bring joy into your life right now, the future won’t be as scary because all you really have is this moment, so make this moment great and full of love, especially self-love.

I recently had a wonderful conversation with Justin Kauflin, a gifted jazz pianist who became totally blind when he was eleven years old. He had become a semi-finalist in the prestigious Thelonious Monk competition, and he was frightened about playing in front of the judges. His fear caused him to not play his best. He didn’t move on in the competition. As he reflected on this experience, he realized that instead of being afraid of performing in front of judges like Herbie Handcock who he greatly admired, he could have felt, “Wow! I get to perform in front of Herbie Handcock!” This experience allowed him to release the stage fright which had plagued him.

As you examine your life and your fears, what do you need to do to release those fears? Think of it as Justin does. I get to live my life! I get to enjoy my moments. I get to love myself and everyone else. How wonderful is that! Start enjoying your moments in this one, right now.

Stuck

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Do you feel stuck in your grief? Do you sometimes feel like things will never be better than they are right now? Do you long for the way things were before your loss? Do you think you will never feel whole again or even feel better? Did you know that usually all these thoughts come from your monkey mind, what Eckhart Tolle calls “the voice in your head”? And I hear you say, “But I don’t want to feel this way! Why would I do this to myself?” And the answer is, you are letting that monkey mind run amuck.

That voice in our head is frequently like background music that is constantly running. And you can do something about it. First, recognize that it is there and that basically it’s just trying to help. So I invite you to take a moment right now to listen to what it is telling you. You may be having a bad day and feel alone. Your monkey mind may be saying something like “Oh, poor me. I am so alone and being alone makes me feel so bad.  All I want to do is cry even though I know that doesn’t help.” So let’s take a look at what she said from the perspective of this very moment. First, are you “poor”? Probably not. You have a home to live in, food to eat, and some friends and family. Next, right now do you have to be alone? In this moment, can you decide to take some flowers from your yard to a neighbor? Or you could email a friend. Or you could send a note of support to someone. So right there are 3 different people you can be in contact with so that you are not alone. And next, do you really feel bad? If you do feel bad, make a list of 10 things that make you feel good, then start doing them. You will be too busy to feel bad. And the last thing she said was about crying. If you do feel like crying, cry, right now. If you can’t just cry at this moment, maybe you don’t really need to. And if you do cry at this moment, cry it out. The tears can wash away what has been building up, and when you are done, you can have a fresh start in this moment.

Now it’s time to make friends with that monkey mind. Decide to work together toward your good. Thank your monkey mind and give it some love. As with any relationship, nurturing it will make it stronger and allow more joy in your life.

When you get those stuck feelings, pay attention. Write the feelings down and examine if they are true. If they aren’t true, let them go. If they are true, now you can go about healing or fixing, or whatever you need to do to make things better. The key is to live only in truth and to take good care of yourself. Fully embrace yourself with love.