Writing

Letters to My Mother

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My parents we married 80 years ago today. They were married on Mother’s Day. So this week, my thoughts keep drifting toward them. I lead a Writing Through Grief group here on Maui, and one of our favorite exercises is to write letters, so I’m going to write a letter to my mother this week. The problem is, I haven’t done this before, and there are so many things I could say. I’ve been thinking of ideas to focus on. Here are a few:

  • I could pick out a few of my favorite memories and reminisce with her, like the time we found her mother’s love letters to her first husband when we were cleaning out her garage together. Or how when I was writing my book she would sit in a chair behind me so she could watch me write over my shoulder. She was fascinated by my computer which at that time was a new thing. Or I could write about how we shopped together to buy material for my bridesmaids’ dresses, then we shopped together again to buy material for my daughter’s wedding dress.
  • I could write to her about how I discovered how much she must have loved me when I was rocking my baby in the middle of the night and feeling overwhelmed by my love for him. She wasn’t one to express her emotions, but at that moment, I knew how she must have felt when she held me.
  • I could thank her for what she did for me throughout my life remembering how hard she worked to help me get to college, and how hard it must have been to let her 18 year old daughter move so far away. And how she let my best friend move into my bedroom when her new husband was sent off to Vietnam..
  • I could tell her how grateful I am that she chose to come live with us during her last year and all the amazing adventures we had during that precious time.

I could write a whole book about her. I only wish I would have talked to her about so many things while I still could. We didn’t communicate well, and I am sure that’s one of the reasons I became a writer because I want nothing left unsaid.

In our writing group, after we write a letter, we take a breath, then write another letter that is from who we just wrote to back to us. So when I write my Mom, I would write from her back to me. These letters aren’t planned. We just let whatever comes to us flow out on to the page. We have received beautiful, meaningful answers. I’m sure we could debate on where these answers come from, but what matters to me is the peace and joy they can bring.

So I encourage you today to write a letter to your mother. You may want to write it in your journal or find a special place to save it so you can go back and read it when you could use some mom time. And if your mom is still here, be sure to put it in the mail.

Happy Mother’s Day!

The Power of Your Words

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I’m sure you’ve heard someone say, “Be careful what you wish for!” Have you thought about what that means? When we wish for something, the universe grants that wish, whatever it is; however, how it is granted may not be what you thought you were asking for.

When you say, I know I will never be happy again since the love of my life died. When you say that, you never will be happy again. When you say I can’t afford a new home, or new car, or a trip, or even groceries, then that’s what happens. You can’t afford any of that. Now is any of that what you really want? I hear you yell NO! So why do you ask for it? I doubt that you think that’s what you are doing, but it is.

When I felt so alone after Jacques died, I thought about what I really wanted. I made a conscious decision to not ask for something specific, but actually to say, “I love and I am loved.” Notice what I didn’t say. I didn’t say “I want to,” rather I made the statement knowing that it was true right then, not some vague place in the future. And sure enough, I started noticing love in my life, love that was already there on so many levels, from friends and from family and love for things like my job teaching writing, that I had created a theatre, a school of arts, a gallery, a café. The more I thought about love, the more love I saw, and this prepared be to be fully ready for Ron when I met him. I recognized him right away as the romantic and deep spiritual love that I knew was waiting for me to see.

So how can you go about having what would make your life the best it can be? An easy way to start is to journal. Journal every day. Put journaling on your calendar or in your to do list and make no excuses to avoid writing. Start by writing what you need to do to unclutter your mind. You probably have thoughts floating around of not being worthy of what you want, thinking you can’t afford what you want, thinking you can’t have what you want. Instead of carrying thoughts like this around which get in the way of your true desires, write all that stuff down. When you read what you have written, you’ll see that it isn’t your truth. When you actually see it in writing, you then can release it. You can say “I am so much more than that! I do deserve what I want. I am worthy.” So, write all that down, how wonderful you are, how deserving.

Now, every day write the truth of what you want. If you are lonely, write “I am loved and I love unconditionally.” If you are wanting your ideal job, say “I am grateful for my skills, inspiration, and talent which insure the perfect job for me where I can make a beautiful difference in the world!” When you start saying that instead of that old story that you just can’t get a job, be ready for what comes to you. Recognize opportunities, and enjoy where they take you.

When you slip into the sadness that can come in grieving, instead of saying, “I am so sad,” or “I just can’t handle this,” get out your journal and write all about a beautiful memory of a time you spent with your loved one, or write about something you can do right now that brings you joy, whatever that is. When you write from a positive perspective, that’s what comes in your life. If you find yourself using negative language, notice that. Stop saying whatever it was. Consciously say to yourself, “I take that back,” and then restate your words with a positive focus. Eliminate words like can’t, won’t, don’t, and should from what you speak.

So I offer you this. Keep that appointment with yourself each day to write in your journal. Allow your journal to show you the beauty and joy of your life, and focus on that. When you do, when you look in the mirror, all you’ll see is beauty and joy!