Whenever I watch a movie or read a book, it seems like one of the themes is grief. We all deal with loss at times throughout our lives, so having grief show up in books and movies is logical. Since dealing with and teaching about grief is a major part of my life, it’s also logical that I see it everywhere.
Recently on a long flight I was looking for a movie to watch, and I chose Eleanor the Great. I didn’t know what it was about, and of course it turned out to be about grief. Eleanor was a 94-year-old woman who was sharing an apartment with another woman who she had known for many years. Both women were widows. Her roommate was troubled with nightmares and Eleanor had been trying to comfort her. Before her roommate died, she told Eleanor about an experience that because she and her brother were Jewish, they had been sent via train to a death comp. On the trip, her brother jumped off to get away, so she jumped too. After the train was out of site, she started searching for her brother. When she finally found him, he was riddled with 14 bullet holes. In her nightmares, she had been dreaming about finding him over again every night.
Because her roommate died, Eleanor daughter insisted that she come from Florida to live with her in New York. She was not happy as she didn’t have any friends there, so her daughter signed her up for a singing class at a local Jewish community center. She wasn’t Jewish and didn’t like the class she signed up for, so she wandered into a story telling class where holocaust survivors told their stories. The group leader called on her to tell her story, and since she didn’t have one, she told her roommate’s.
Eleanor started mentoring a student who was observing the writing class and they became friends. The girl was dealing with the recent sudden death of her mother in an accident, so Eleanor was teaching her the importance of writing about grief. Ultimately the truth was discovered that Eleanor told her roommate’s experience instead of her own. All the people involved realized that their stories needed to be told and they needed to be true.
As I watched this story unfold, I could understand how avoiding communication concerning grief was hurtful. Most of the misunderstanding wouldn’t have occurred if people didn’t fear expressing their truth and if they took time to listen to the stories of others instead of focusing of hiding their own pain.
I suggest that people write about their grieving experiences. Have you written your grief story? Who are you grieving now? Who do you know who is grieving now? How can you communicate better or listen better? You are likely to discover that the more you write about or speak about your grief, the less often you will feel a need to. Then you will be able to carry your love safely in your heart where is can comfort you the rest of your life.
Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief
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