In Barry Hoffman’s book, belonging to the World, he writes a poignant memoir of how he dealt with his grief caused by the death of his wife who was killed by an elephant in Africa. He wrote “Grief doesn’t vanish; it shifts. Eventually, it no longer dominates your thoughts, creating space for something new. That shift feels like losing something, but it’s not a loss of love, just the beginning of distance. And when the vast place my grief had taken up started to recede, it gave space, both emotional and mental, for new things to enter.”
I love how Barry expressed the process of moving through grief. Often, I hear people say they are healing their grief or getting over it, and I just don’t believe that’s how it happens. The deeper you love, the deeper you grieve, and there is no limit on how much time it takes to deal with your feelings. Barry set a goal to visit every nation in the world to have something to focus on where he could be learning about the many differences in how and where people live and the many ways he, and others, can serve people.
Not many of us are in the position to travel all over the world, yet we can discover our own dreams and purposes of our lives as we move forward. What would you really love? Maybe you would like to travel, but not all over the whole world! Maybe you’d like to visit where your parents were born or where your best friend has moved to. Or maybe you’d like to travel somewhere you can be of service like to help bring clean water to remote areas. Or maybe you would like to go to Paris to study painting, or Tuscany to study cooking, or to a remote cabin in the mountains to write your book. You are only limited by your imagination.
Instead of traveling, maybe you would like to create something; again the sky is the limit on what you can do. Maybe you’d like to run for office or to work on someone else’s campaign. Maybe you’d like to learn to knit, or sew, or create ceramics. Maybe you’d like to create a garden or volunteer to work in a garden to help feed your neighbors or unserved families in your community. Maybe you’d like to learn to dance, or meditate, or do Yoga.
Make a list of things that thrill you, fascinate you, or make you feel proud. What activities come to mind when you consider what’s on your list?
Each of us, in our own way, can contribute to making our lives, our community, or our world a better, more kind, place to live, a place filed with beauty and love. What are you going to do? Whatever you decide can be in memory of your loved one. What a beautiful way to live.
