Do You Need Help?

I love to help people. I always have ideas I like to share with people when the express something I know I have just what they need. But I am realizing that sometimes they need me to just shut up and listen really paying attention. 

Have you ever been in a situation where there was something heavy on your heart and you just needed to express it? You finally get the perfect opportunity and right when you get to the important part of your story, someone says “Oh, I know how you feel. That happened to me.” Then someone else says, “Me too! This is what you need to do about that.” Then the two of them get into a discussion and there you sit, in limbo. You didn’t get to finish your story, and you feel worse than you did before you started to share.

That happened to me yesterday, only I was the one getting into a discussion with a third person about what the story teller could do about her situation even though we hadn’t heard the whole story. Fortunately, our story teller let us talk a little, and then told us that she didn’t finish and that she wanted to complete expressing herself, and that she wasn’t looking for advice. She just needed to be heard. 

That took my breath away. Here I was trying to help yet did more damage than good. So we became silent and really paid attention while she finished what she needed to say. She took a big breath, and sat in silence. Then she thanked us explaining she just needed to be heard. And we offered no advice. 

I’ve been thinking of this experience. It caused me to ponder what I say and when I say it. I realize that instead of thinking about what I can say in response to what someone is saying, I just need to sit in silence, gently observing the speaker and holding support for her journey. Realizing this has been humbling. I commit to paying more attention now, listening, and allowing someone the opportunity to be heard. 

Of course I am still full of advice, but now I will always think before I speak.